DR: A Fast and Furious Video Game…Not a Movie

Paul W.S. Anderson’s reworking of Roger Corman’s cult Death Race 2000 (1975) would have made a great video game, but it fails as a movie. That’s probably because Anderson is a frustrated video game designer who makes movies (Resident Evil, Mortal Kombat, Alien vs. Predator, etcetera). I’m not going to dump all over the guy, because people have done that almost exclusively. In fact, I’m not sure he has ever gotten a legitimate good review from critics or fans in his entire career, yet somehow he keeps getting hired for these gigs.

It seems almost absurd to try to write a review for a movie like Death Race, because it’s the kind of movie that isn’t made to be reviewed, and the people that go see it will see it regardless of how negative the general consensus is. That’s an idea that believe it or not, I can get behind. There are certain movies I will watch no matter how much everyone dumps all over them. No force on this earth could have kept me from Rambo back in January. I even seek out all of Jean-Claude Van Damme’s and Steven Seagal’s direct-to-DVD releases, partly out of loyalty and partly because they’re so much fun. (Did anyone else see The Shepherd: Border Patrol, where Van Damme plays a border patrol agent with a pet rabbit who takes on a team of baddies with thick accents who at one point take over a bus dressed as nuns?! Just awesome). So no one can (rightfully) accuse me of being too high-minded about film to not enjoy popcorn movies, because I live for popcorn movies. I’m the biggest, most die-hard (pun intended) action junkie I know.

The reason I didn’t like Death Race is not because I hate action movies but because I love them. I love them too much to appreciate bad ones, and this is indeed the kind of movie that gives action movies a bad reputation and continues to ensure that they will never get the critical acclaim and Oscar attention they deserve (look at The Bourne Ultimatum, which got stellar reviews but was completely snubbed at the Oscars…hope now lies solely with The Dark Knight).

I’m not going to waste time detailing the plot. The movie is called Death Race…it’s a movie about racing…to the death. The film takes place in the near future, where prisons are now owned by private corporations. Terminal-the prison where Jason Statham’s steelworker Jenson Aimes is sent after being set up for the murder of his wife-raises money by staging pay-per-view Internet races where convicts race to the death, an obvious modern day equivalent of gladiator matches. In perhaps the most disconcerting piece of casting ever, the warden Hennessey is played by the regal, classy Joan Allen, who played integral roles in the last two Bourne films and Face/Off, films that are to Death Race what imported caviar is to spam. I don’t know why she’s in this movie, but she’s wasted (though undeniably fun to watch). Also in the movie is Deadwood‘s Ian McShane, who has fun playing the equivalent of Q, hooking up Statham with artillery and metal machines from hell.

And that’s the whole movie. Races that assault the viewers’ senses, carnage, explosions, testosterone-drenched goodness…but that’s it. That’s the whole show. It does nothing that other B-grade action flicks like The Fast and the Furious and The Running Man haven’t already done. It’s a video game you can watch but can’t play. Statham does his best, and I know he’s got a decent stable of fans, but to me, he’s just another bald meathead like Vin Diesel that makes low-rent action flicks that are instantly forgettable. I’ll gladly take an aging Stallone or Eastwood or Willis, because those guys know that the action movies that stand the test of time don’t do so based (solely) on the quality of their explosions and set pieces. No, just like any movie, they hold up through the years because they feature emotionally involving stories and memorable, resonant characters. On those grounds, Death Race finishes dead last.