Project Runway: “Good Queen Fun”
August 24, 2008 by J.B. Perlow
Filed under Feature
So this week we see the embodiment of Christian Siriano’s “hot tranny mess” in the form of, er, a hot tranny mess. And no, I’m not talking about Stella opening the episode in her pink nightie. At Parsons, Heidi introduced Chris “Brunhilda” March (Season 4) in drag, who in turn calls out his chorus of dancing drag queens. The contestants then pick their queen for the day. Of note, Terri, who loves drag queens, picks self-described “big tittied soul momma” Sweetie; Joe, being a “leg man,” selects Ann Margaret’s worst nightmare Sherry Vine; and “since Suede has a head of ocean, he needs a Hedda Lettuce.” And my hatred reaches new heights.
The challenge? Create a new outfit for each drag queen that is “theatrical” and “over the top.” After Mood, Joe “puts the boobies on” and Daniel and Kenley reach a momentary détente when he asks to wear her bra. In what may be foreshadowing (or a psych out) wrapped around an anvil, Keith regrets that he does not have immunity this week. And then I regret that Blayne was cast on the show as we have to hear more about his sucki-licious suffocating suffixing. All of this makes Leanne want to “barflicious.” During the melee-icious, Suede hallucinates about his dead grandfather putting his seed all over Suede’s dress, or something like Johnny Appleseed and Ruth in the barley fields. I’d try to explain it but, frankly, it’s above my pay grade.
Tim orders up a team of drag queens, hold the drag, and the contestants seem shocked that these are not actually women. As we saw last week, Suede responds well when his work is questioned, so to help him along Hedda accuses him of being lazy for using gloves instead of sleeves. Suede steps out of himself and confesses that Hedda is “soggy lettuce.” Poor Suede. (They later make up.)
Tim and Chris go on a rainbow tour. First they see “a pterodactyl out of a gay Jurassic Park,” which Blayne takes as a compliment. Then Tim has a very special moment with Suede about Hedda’s comments, suggesting he tell Hedda that “you’ve been to a different rodeo and don’t you know what with me, sister.” Is that the hyper-gay rodeo? Chris describes Keith’s toilet paper redux as “different,” but his voice goes up at the end so you know he was just being nice. And poor Daniel, who’s understudying the role of Pollyanna at the community center, is “not worried at all about Tim’s critique.” Hey Daniel, say “hi” to Kevin (Season 4) and his un-hemmed dress on your way out.
Runway time with guest judge RuPaul, who’s seen better days. On the runway Joe’s trans-fabulous “Ann Margret on the Love Boat” introduces us to other Hollywood moments: Suede’s Little Shop of Tweaking Horrors, Daniel’s boring remake of John Leguizamo in To Wong Foo, Terri’s Hugo Weaving-in-Priscilla kimono, Jerell’s nicely popped collar à la Priscilla. But in an unfortunate incident, Keith’s model got toilet papered by the rubes in Boys Don’t Cry (too soon?). Thankfully, though, no Mrs. Doubtfire or Dorothy Michaels.
The good. Ru loved Terri’s Mahogany-vibed outfit and Kors, ever the shoe fetishist, wants the boots. Nina believes Joe was successful in “showing off her assets” and Ru thinks he was good at “hiding the candy.” The judges thought Korto’s outfit did wonders at minimizing her model’s largess.
The bad. Keith tries to explain his dress and Ru launches into a dingo-eating-baby-with-an-accent thing, ultimately saying Keith’s “got a lot of excuses.” Kors calls it a “sad chicken . . . a molting, grey chicken.” They rag on Jerell for not matching the model’s body type, with Kors calling it a “Thoroughly Modern Millie-Under the Sea moment” with his aunt at his bar mitzvah. (Huh?) Finally we get to Pollyanna, I mean Daniel. Nina, smelling blood in the water, asks him “why did you decide not to do [anything]?” Daniel talks about not liking sequins, and Ru goes off her rocker (and meds) over that insult, explaining that “you got to make the coin you don’t want these girls up in Harlem selling hormones!” No, I guess we don’t.
The results. But first, a majority of viewers want to see Tim, not Kors, in drag. Tim in drag reminds me of Mayor Giuliani in drag and where’s the joy in that? Anyway, surprise, surprise, Joe wins with Terri, Korto, and Jerell safe. Heidi opines that Daniel “played it safe and gave us nothing but excuses,” while Keith was “random, unpolished, and we’ve seen it before . . . wonder[ing] if you have anything else to show.” (Note: If you’ve seen it before, how is it random?) Daniel is out and sorry for “letting people down.” Actually . . . you let yourself down, but you got Wesley as a nice parting gift so win-win.
As a special feature, the other Runway writer and the tit to my tat, Jaimie, and I are offering our predictions for the final four. I’m thinking Terri, Korto, Kenley, and Joe, with Terri for the win. I disagree with Jaimie’s use of a wild card but since I don’t like him anyway, there’s no harm in Suede being my pick for that as well. Our disagreement is over which J will make it: Joe or Jerell. I think Jerell will fold like Andre (Season 2) before him, plus Jaimie went to see The Dark Knight three times so her opinion on everything is suspect. And so, from the city where drag queens go to retire, I remind you guys to never take candy from strangers and always check for an Adam’s apple.
