Project Runway: Bright Lights, Big City

So after the lackluster of the past two episodes, I was hoping tonight’s show would shift out of first gear.  And did it ever… right in to second gear.  What’s the deal, folks?  This season is dragging and it’s only week three.  Even one of the designers comments how this week they were now free to design something on their own.  Oh, brother.  Anyway, we open with another sepia-toned shot of that Elle Magazine cover with Mary Kate Olsen and I’m still confused.  Suede, as the winner of last week gets to dump his model but “Suede loves Tia.  He could never change.”  And J.B. is tired of Suede’s trying too hard to get screen time.  Between that and Blayne’s “licious,” I’m-sorry, J.B.’s rolling his eyes.

So the challenge… take a photo and use it to create an evening look inspired by the New York City night.  (Paging Season 2.)  Our designers are divided into groups, each going to Columbus Circle, Times Square, the New York Public Library, and Greenwich Village.  We see that Stella Laverne DeFazio, does not know how to work anything not made of leather, including her camera, and that the other kids are still picking on Keith.  (Ok, we get it, you grew up in a conservative community and are gay but you’re overdoing it with the tattoo, rat tail, AND Crips-inspired wardrobe.)

Back at Parsons Tim is “still a little wet” and Stella is hammering on, what else, leather, thereby pissing everyone off and shouting, “if you don’t like it, get the f— outta here.”  You stay classy there, baby.  When Tim goes to do whatever it is he does outside of the workroom, Blayne, deciding that “licious” isn’t going to get him a Bravotv.com t-shirt award, says “Hollah atcha boy.”  Tim, responding exactly as I would, says “Holler at your boy.  What does that mean?”  Blayne replies by reusing the phrase, thereby violating the rule about not using the same word in the definition.  Anyway, it’s a cute exchange and shows that Tim is a very white, good sport, saying “Make it work, carry on, holler atcha boy” on his way out.  (Our Bravo query asks if “Holla at cha boy” should replace “Make it work” as Tim’s new catch phrase.  87% of the four people who voted do not believe that this is the change we can believe in.)

Runway time.  Our guest judge is Sandra Bernhard, who looked like she had the Austin Scarlett Syndrome of Week 1.  (Where’s Collier?)  But it’s good to see her again after Roseanne and one of the greatest, most underrated comedies ever…Hudson Hawk (I don’t watch The L Word).  Anyway, the models do their thing and I’m feeling like Goldilocks: too literal (Joe), too boring (Jennifer), or just plain awful (Blayne).  My favorites-Jerrell’s classic olive colored gown and Kelli’s homage to Aunty Entity-score enough to advance but not enough to be the top three [fist to the sky].

I don’t think I’ve ever disagreed more than with this week’s top three: Kenley’s pouffy bottom (hem, hem) and Terri’s bleh, which according to Ms. Bernhard says “fierce, sexy, and in control . . . . I have a knife and I will cut you up.”  And this, according to Kors, “is a girl you want to know.”  Depends on your social circle, I guess.  The bottom half of Leanne’s, though, I liked.

The stinkers?  Keith’s “toilet paper caught in a wind storm,” Emily’s “Carmen Miranda moment,” and Jennifer’s “matronly” salute to clocks.  So who goes home?  Emily!  I was shocked.  Seriously, I thought it was Jennifer.  But as we learned from Wendy Pepper, you too can skate by with a matronly outfit if someone else does something really stupid and leaves Nina speechless.  But at least Emily considers this only “a drop in my overflowing bucket of experience.”  Speaking of bucket, has this show kicked it yet?  Tune in next week!

P.S. Kenley won.

Episode Cheat Sheet (Season 5: Episode 3)

• In: Kenley’s outfit, camouflaging the bottoms of our big and beautiful gals since 2008.

• Out: “No comment.”

• Michael Kors Quote of the Week: “[Terri's dress is a] very 80s, Joan Collins, power bitch dress.”

• Tim Gunn Make-It-Work-O-Meter: 4, including the quiz and Keith’s vent (cumulative 7).

• Rating: 2 out of 5 Ninas based on the third week of uninspiring dresses leaving “something to be desired in the execution” and me longing for Rami’s drapery.