Project Runway: Draggin the Bottom of the Barrel

Spandex, rhinestones, one designer who won’t push the envelope. This week we’re dressing the WWE Divas! Oh no wait. They’re Drag Queens. Close enough!

Also recycled: Chris March! Season 4′s contestant descends on the designers, dressed as a Valkyrie with the world’s biggest set of knockers. Naturally, this week’s challenge: design a new Drag Queen look, which must be theatrical and reflect the personality of its Queen. The divas line up for selection by the designers.

At Parsons, the muses enter for consultations, shocking some designers speechless and entertaining us all with their huge … personalities. The divas make their style demands and clearly, many of the designers are out of their element.

In two personality asides, Blayne declares his drag name is “Neon-licious,” reminiscent again of the WWE episode and wrestling nicknames. Are these people getting scripts? Keith pets his dress, and the others take turns knocking his love of fringe.

Later, the Queens drop in for a fitting, sans make-up. Joe’s Queen thinks the weird collar, when popped up, is too Elvis, but if they pop the collar back, she’s more comfortable as a sailor. Go figure?

Suede suits up his Queen, Hedda Lettuce, for her fitting, and she diva-slaps his work. She basically “oh my stars” his ass and questions his judgment, design skills, talent, and Suede-liciousness (I can do it too, Blayne!). She thinks she looks “Godzilla-ish.” Awesomely, everything she says “is out of love.” The kind of love that chokes and kills dreams. Suede threatens us that he’ll stand his ground and not let her dictate his future on PR.

Tim Time. Chris joins Tim for his rounds. Korto reveals a sparkling red dress with constructed flames coming off of one shoulder. Chris likes its sculptural quality. Blayne attaches two “wings” with streamers coming out of the pointed ends. Tim comments it looks like “a pterodactyl out of a gay Jurassic Park.” Blayne bristles at the others’ laughter because he doesn’t understand a Jurassic Park reference any more than he does a Beatles reference. But he takes it as a compliment because his dress isn’t boring.

Chris tells Joe his sparkly pink pantsuit is totally Varla. I’m reminded of Rami’s pink wrestling ensemble. Suede complains about Hedda’s criticisms, and Tim sagely advises him to tell her “you’ve been to a different rodeo, and don’t you-know-what with me, sister.” Tim’s cute when he’s sassy.

Keith’s fringe horrifies Chris, which is impressive considering Chris’s affection for human hair, and Tim advises Daniel to spice up the bodice of his dress. But Daniel’s too sophisticated for flair, and blows off all advice. Bad move, Daniel.

Runway! Guest Judge: RuPaul! (Looking more like a pterodactyl than Blayne’s dress.)

Kenley: Simple, classy, sparkly. Blayne: 80′s color, wing malfunction. Joe: Pink sailor superhero. Stella: Gothic. Suede: Lettuce green. Daniel: Bright cocktail dress. Terri: Awesome samurai. Jerell: Glamorous green sequins. Korto: Hot. Keith: Fringe! Leanne: More couture than drag.

Safe this week: Suede (sadly), Leanne, Kenley, Blayne, and Stella.

Judges. RuPaul loves Terri’s outfit, and so do I. Kors calls it “heaven.” I wonder about his religion. And he wants those samurai boots, and I (reluctantly) wonder about how he dresses privately. Keith says he was going for Tina Turner/sex kitten. Heidi thinks it looks messy and when Keith explains, RuPaul obnoxiously calls him out for making excuses. Kors describes it as a “molting…sad chicken,” and Nina says we shouldn’t need to piece his outfits together like a puzzle.

Joe’s pantsuit “hides the candy” and Nina says she looks fantastic. RuPaul thinks Jerrell’s dress is too long and unflattering. Kors is surprised Jerell designed something so tame, declaring one of his aunts would have worn it to a Bar Mitzvah. I feel like Kors is sharing too much tonight. Korto’s dress brings out RuPaul’s inner drag. Kors says the shape gives her Queen a Heidi Klum body.

Nina nails Daniel for not taking the opportunity to do fantasy, and he says sequins and sparklies would make him throw up. Nina is astonished, and RuPaul looks like she might strike him. The judges attempt to explain “drag.”

Deliberation. Terri scores creating “Gene Simmons and Diana Ross’s love child.” Joe’s was a showstopper. Korto is innovative and hit the mark. Nina says Keith is all over the place and lacks polish. Heidi calls Jerell’s dress a yawn. Nina finally points out that Daniel’s missed the mark more than once and doesn’t listen.

Line ‘em up and Joe is the winner! Terri is robbed once again – she made a frikkin’ samurai! Between Keith and Daniel, Daniel goes home. Audiences everywhere rejoice!

Now, in anticipation/retaliation of J.B.’s top four picks, I’m offering mine as well (suck it, Perlow – it’s been brought’n!): Terri, Korto, Kenley, and Jerell, Suede as the wild card. Not Joe, because he’s just Season 4′s Kevin and Season 3′s Jeffrey, so he has no chance of winning. Jerell has created some dramatic looks, even when not asked for, and Kenley is just bitchy enough to make for better television than the rest. The winner comes down to Terri and Korto. I like them both, but I’m for Team Terri. With my luck, she’s going home next.

Next week: Leanne isn’t innovative, Keith gets a ‘tude, and someone can’t have sex for seven years! Guest Judge is Laura, Season 3. The recycling continues!