Project Runway: “Let’s Start From The Begining”

(Season 5: Episode 1)

At the end of last season, I think the show was turning into a caricature of itself. Whether it was the incessant showing of Tim Gunn saying, “make it work,” or every episode being a product placement, I think the Bravo execs or those crazy Magical Elves were forcing the show in a direction away from the competition and challenges. Disappointing to say the least. Will Season 5-the last before the show switches to Lifetime-prove different? “Watch What Happens!”

And so, with our muslin and day pass to Mood, we begin. This was a whirlwind episode but that’s usual for the first few episodes when there are more designers than the workroom can handle. We meet everyone. Quick, see how many come off (or are presented as) composite characters from previous seasons. Play along at home. It’s fun! Anywho, after some staged champagne toasting, it’s an early morning rise to the first challenge.

We return to Gristedes (of Season 1 fame), where the designers had $75 to buy whatever they wanted to design their outfits. Our guest judge was 1940s glam-film star Austin Scarlett (also from Season 1), who, I think, won the original Gristedes challenge by making a dress out of cornhusks, and who I also think wore too much makeup but was a good guest judge.

So what did our designers do? No so much, it seems. Most were far too literal with the challenge, taking cloth-like materials-namely picnic table tablecloths-and fashioning them into uninspiring dresses. Although they did not win, I thought that Joe’s tomato/pasta-can-inspired dress, and Korto’s kimono-cum-salad bar outfits were interesting in a good way. Daniel should have won for his Solo-cup product placement dress. It was creative even if it did not look terribly comfortable.

The two most, hem hem, different outfits came from Jerry, who must have confused his model for a psych patient, and Blayne, who gave his model a super-absorbent tampon that went in the wrong direction. Or something. And speaking of something…Stella. Oh boy, what was that? I guess someone had to use garbage bags, right? Not really, but if you’re going to do that, you need more than a hole in the bag for the legs and draped bags over the bosom. I could have done that and I can’t even thread a needle.

So in the end, Kelli won because her skirt was made of vacuum bags and she did a fancy pattern on them. It was creative, sure, but the best? I don’t know.

Episode Cheat Sheet

• In: Kelli and her vacuum bag skirt with burnt sand-dollar-like brassiere.

• Out: Jerry and his American Psycho-inspired shower curtain (sans hotness).

• Michael Kors Quote of the Week: Describing Jerry’s outfit as a “bridal nurse/handiwipe gone wrong after a night at the hospital,” or words to that effect.

• Tim Gunn Make-It-Work-O-Meter: 2 (including one impression of my impression of Santino doing his impression of Tim).

• Rating: 4 out of 5 Ninas based on bitchy commentary, over-inflated egos with not enough design work to back it up, and excessive use of paper gingham tablecloths.