America’s Next Top Model: The Ladder of Model Success

And we’re back!  The girls return from judging and Nikeysha admits she talks too much, but she’s going to turn this around and win Tyra over.  The other girls pretend to be happy for Marjorie’s lame, winning digital photo.

The next day, the girls learn extreme posing from Benny Ninja, famous posing instructor to the stars.  Later, into the jacuzzi, and a game of Truth or Dare!  Of note: Clark is dared to kiss Elina, which she does and Elina loves it.  Hannah comes from a small town (with no heat) so she would never hang out with people like Elina, Sheena, and transgender Isis.  Isis steps into the middle of the jacuzzi for her turn and accidentally steps too close to Hannah, who gives her a little shove.  Only egos get bruised, but Hannah leaves the water and the good times are over.  Isis says the claws aren’t out, but it’s close.

Inside, Sheena and Brittany try to understand why Hannah pushed Isis, and Hannah’s only explanation is that she’s just a “stereotypical white girl.”  She doesn’t listen to “that kind” of music, she’s not loud, and doesn’t scream when she walks in a room.  Brittany takes offense instantly.  They suggest that Hannah try to be more aware of how she comes off.  Horrified gossip starts among the “ethnic” girls that Hannah might be a generally offensive person.  Well, at least they’re over the Isis-is-an-unsexy-man thing.  Speaking of Isis, she enlists the help of Analeigh to distract her while she injects herself with hormone shots.

The next day, the girls arrive at a small theatre where they will pose with handbags designed by Tarina Tarantino.  Tarina enters in her pink wig with her creative team to judge the girls’ abilities to sell.  Overall, it appears the girls suck big time, indicated by the posing we’re shown.  Nikeysha walks out and says she might pee herself.  Way to sell!  Sheena throws a leg behind her head and drops a bag in front of her crotch.  Tarina is disgusted.  Benny and Tarina critique, with low marks for Nikeysha, Hannah, Isis and Sheena.  The winner used the product the best and rocked her poses.  Elina!

Tyra Mail threatens the girls with ladders.  Sheena, Brittany, Nikeysha and Joslyn discuss Hannah again.  It suddenly occurs to Sheena that Hannah’s discriminatory.  At a group meeting, Joslyn breaks it down and asks Hannah, “Are you prejudiced?”  Hannah denies the charges, then heads to the kitchen and cries.  Analeigh tries to comfort her.  Oh, these girls are going to fall apart when Analeigh goes home.  And look, if Coral and the Miz can become best friends on the Real World, I think a few would-be models can get past some sheltered Alaskan beliefs (Please note: I am not prejudiced against Alaskans).

The next morning, Hannah talks it out with McKey and compares last night’s accusation to being “gang raped.”  Well…not exactly.  It’s a lot like being ganged up on, but not gang raped.  The girls arrive on location, and there’s Mr. Jay in a hot air balloon.  They’ll be doing photos with the balloon, hanging from a ladder.  The girls get bright eyes in makeup and long flowy dresses.  The balloon refuses to cooperate, so the ladder’s hung from a crane and the balloon will be superimposed later, much to everyone’s relief.

Bland Lauren Brie is up first, and she actually rocks it, with a variety of couture poses.  Jay says Elina looked like Angelina Jolie.  Analeigh’s poses fail to impress.  Sheena unconsciously does hooch.  Isis struggles and “forgets her face.”  Nikeysha is as ungraceful as they come.  Brittany doesn’t know what to do with herself.  Joslyn amazes Jay.  My favorite.  Clark struggles, as does Hannah.  Samantha looks the part, but the dress is unflattering.  McKey changes her poses too quickly.  Marjorie shines, if she’s your thing (Please note: I am not prejudiced against albino Frenchies).

At judging: Paulina says Analeigh thinks too much.  From Samantha’s photo, we get Tyra’s lesson of the week, which is that shiny material is not your friend.  Hannah’s face doesn’t work.  Tyra asks Nikeysha how much she eats.  She’s too thin, the judges think, and it hurts her photo because of how unflattering it is.  Uh, paging Jaslene?  Lauren Brie impresses the hell out of the Judges.  McKey’s photo gets compliments for the pose, not for the face.  Clark’s photo shows a girl who could work in Europe.  Isis presents herself and is critiqued for her outfit of the day, which is, truthfully, bland and boring.  Her balloon picture gets mixed reviews.  Marjorie receives huge compliments again, and I still don’t get it.  She’s a “chameleon.”  I roll my eyes.  Elina impresses the judges with the strength in her photo.  Tyra admonishes Sheena for dressing hooch-ified.  She receives compliments for her photo, and then Paulina asks if her breasts are fake.  Because they’re so perfectly placed.  “No, Ma’am.”  Brittany’s photo is average pretty – good catalogue.  Joslyn screeches forward and gets more compliments.  We’re done, but then Sheena steps forward to reveal that, in fact, her breasts are fake and she didn’t want to leave Judging a liar.  Or something.  No one is surprised, except maybe Nigel?  Sheena is applauded for her honesty.  Even though she just lied.  Anyway, Deliberation!

Top picks are Samantha, Lauren Brie, Marjorie (huh?), Elina, and Joslyn, with Hannah, Nikeysha, Isis, and Brittany on the bottom.  The girls line up, and this week’s digital photo winner is Lauren Brie, and I can’t disagree.  The bottom two are Nikeysha and Isis.  Nikeysha talks too much and takes mediocre pictures.  Isis started at the top last week and slid to the bottom this week, and dresses like a high school girl.  And … Isis gets to stay.  Nikeysha immediately starts talking, and Tyra tells her to hush so Isis can have her moment.  Nikeysha does a final catwalk for Miss J, then cries, and talks her way into next week’s previews.  And get ready…

Next week: MAKEOVERS!!!!!! 

Wednesdays at 8/7C, The CW

Photographs courtesy of The CW  and IMDbPro