America’s Next Top Model: Fierce Eyes

The producers knew this week wouldn’t be as good with bitchy Brittany gone, so they went ahead and brought some drama by packing this episode with two eliminations!  And hot Nigel!  But first …

At the house, the girls feign admiration over Elina’s digital photo, the better to hide their jealousy.  Analeigh, Marjorie, and Hannah sit in a bedroom, as Analeigh vents and worries about being in the bottom two, with one foot practically out the door.  Sad music plays until Hannah stops them both and says, “Enough with the pity party…you guys are always wallowing.”  She interviews, exasperated, that they need to focus on the positives: “You pick up your beans, and you keep on rolling.”  Beans?  Marjorie tells her she’s being insensitive, but Hannah doesn’t care.

At Lucky Strike, Miss J appears with high heeled bowling shoes.  Runway Lesson!  The girls strut their stuff down a bowling lane for Miss J’s judgment.  Isis slips, Analeigh’s too sloooooow, and Marjorie, Samantha, and Hannah are varying degrees of awful.  Who knew walking was so difficult?

At home, the girls help Hannah with her walk, because a runway challenge is next.  Lauren Brie and Clark see McKey’s face and Elina’s eyebrows as threats, but Clark is really ready for Isis to go home.  Oh, we’re back to that now that Brittany’s gone?  Great.  In the bathroom, Isis tells the other girls a lot of women are intimidated by her.  We’ll take her word for it.

The challenge takes place at a “vintage” bank, where the girls are cat burglars, as designed by Jeremy Scott.  Samantha walks for Jeremy, and at the turn, feels herself up with the dress.  Horrified, Jeremy tells her to never, ever do that again.

Miss J has news.  First, the girls will walk blindfolded.  Hannah freaks, because she only just learned to walk yesterday!  She’s such a loon.  Next, Miss J introduces Mr. Jay and editor-in-chief of Seventeen magazine, Ann Shoket, as co-judges to the challenge.  The winner will select two friends to model Kira Plastinina in the pages of Seventeen.  But even bigger: An elimination tonight!  The girls and I are shocked.

On the runway, no one falls (What’s the point of the blindfolds?  Disappointing!) but there are disasters.  Samantha swings her arms wildly, and at the turn, hikes up her skirt in exactly the way she was told not to.  Hannah stomps down the runway.  Clark and Marjorie are stiff.  Analeigh, Isis, and Joslyn rock their walks.  After the show, Ann proclaims Joslyn the winner.  Joyful screeching follows.  Then Mr. Jay announces the first elimination: Hannah.  Wow.  I thought Hannah’s brand of crazy was here to stay.  Hannah says that she’s come a long way – did you know she’s from Alaska? – and cries a little in her exit interview.  Pick up your beans, Hannah!

Joslyn chooses Sheena and Isis for her photo shoot.  They have different looks and it’ll be a cute spread.  Well, that’s just … not like the shallowness we’re used to on this show.

The next morning, Mr. Jay shows up in hideous white shorts, and a black tank top with “Mr. J” written in gold.  Because he’s a lifeguard.  And they’re taking photos in the pool.  Get it?  Today’s photo is only about the eyes, and the photographer cares about nothing else.  Then, emerging from the water, in a shower of wet and rainbows, is Nigel Barker, judge and hunk photographer extraordinaire.  Now, that’s a reason to scream.  Isis says she needs to keep her focus and not worry about the bikini bottoms.  The girls get cool eye make up, then head for the pool.

McKey merely gets a “hmmm” from Jay.  Joslyn struggles.  Clark smiles with her eyes.  Nigel asks her what she’s thinking, and she replies, “laying in bed.”  Jay interviews she was straight up flirting with Nigel.  Well, wouldn’t you?  Marjorie is “genius.”  Whatever.  Isis complains again about having to make “adjustments.”  She’s wearing three pairs of underwear in case the tape gives.  I don’t want to think about that too closely.   Her nervousness dooms her photo.

Analeigh surprises and Jay says, “she’s finally a model.”  Sheena brings warrior eyes.  Lauren Brie, the dark horse, doesn’t need her last five shots, she’s so good.  Elina lacks variety.  Samantha impresses Jay by bringing new, strange poses to the shot.

At home, Isis talks on the phone with her godfather, who pep talks her through her insecurities following the shoot.

Judging.  Whoever’s dressing Tyra for these panels should be told that they’re adding another ten pounds to her frame.  Her clothes have looked awful.  Guest judge is Jeremy Scott.  Samantha’s in trouble!

Lame story about Tyra on vacation taking pictures with her friend in the water and blah blah blah, and that inspired this shoot.  Trust me, when Tyra speaks, we’re lucky we don’t get another Snow White interpretation.  Sheena’s “intense” eyes are first.  Nigel enjoyed Sheena because she commits and provides variety.  Joslyn doesn’t smile with her eyes, and she looks terrified.  Jeremy Scott calls Marjorie’s photo “wicked beauty,” and Tyra says high fashion.  The judges love Lauren Brie.  Isis receives negative reviews, while Clark impresses everyone.  Eh.  Tyra loves McKey’s shot.  She calls Elina’s film the weakest, and Nigel expected more.  He loves Analeigh’s photo.  Paulina says her eyes “aren’t to die for,” but the full picture is.  Jeremy loves Samantha’s photo and is surprised, because he thought she did the worst in the fashion show.  Then, he goes on to call her a stripper (surprising Nigel), and points out that she’s not a rock star, HE’S the rock star, it’s his show, not hers.  Tyra’s “glad” he’s so passionate, and she takes a moment to say that this is a business first, and the models need to understand that.

Deliberation.  Favorites this week are Sheena, Analeigh, Marjorie, Lauren Brie, and Clark, while on the bottom are Elina, Isis, and Samantha, only because of Jeremy.  He calls her walk a cross between a trucker and a stripper.  I’d like to point out Jeremy Scott looks like a dirty Jeffrey of Project Runway, which is saying something if you’ve seen Jeffrey lately on Top Design.

When the girls return, Samantha looks visibly ill.  She knows.  Called first: Clark.  Bottom two: Samantha and Isis.  Week to week, Isis is “coasting into nothingness because [she's] afraid to stand out.”  Samantha takes beautiful pictures, but she so insulted Jeremy Scott, he was “disgusted.”  Safe: Samantha.  As it should be.  Tyra talks encouraging nonsense to Isis, who receives a group hug from everyone but Clark.  Isis cries in her exit interview, genuinely grateful to have been here.

Next time: Marjorie gets angry, and the girls model with the Swamp Thing!

Wednesdays at 8/7C, The CW

Photographs courtesy of The CW at http://www.cwtv.com/shows/americas-next-top-model11