Project Runway: It’s A Sign of the Times

After two viewings, I’m still stunned and disappointed with the results of this otherwise creative and fun challenge, and I’m hopeful that with this writing I can let the healing process begin.  We start with Terri saying, “The witch is dead,” in reference to Stella’s much-welcomed departure.  I now realize this was a cruel joke of irony and foreshadowing played on me by the editors.  Listen, I’m sorry I revealed some of your editing techniques last week, but not cool, man, not cool.

Heidi struts out and reveals that this week’s special guests will be the eight eliminated contestants from this season, who will help with this week’s challenge.  Don’t worry, though, they’re not eligible to come back (or as we’d say at my college, “once a loser, always a loser”).  The challenge: Each designer works with a loser to create an avant-garde outfit inspired by the astrological sign of one member of the team.

The models have been pre-assigned based on their dates of birth, but when you look at the list, can you figure out how the pairings are anything by random (or strategic placement by the producers)?  Korto (Aquarius) & Kelly (Cancer), Kenley (Aquarius) & Wesley (Scorpio), Joe (Aries) & Daniel (Sagittarius), Leanne (Libra) & Emily (Scorpio), Terri (Sagittarius) & Keith (Leo), Jerell (Sagittarius) & Jennifer (Taurus), and Suede (Sagittarius) & Jerry (Libra).  If you can figure it out, email me (and cc: Dan Brown, I hear he’s working on another book).  Each team gets a dossier of information about each sign; they sketch and head to Mood, where we learn from Kenley that “Wesley takes direction very well.”  (Good to know!)  Terri and Keith, formerly bosom buddies from the last pairing challenge, are already fighting about a lioness print.

Back in the workshop, our two catty lionesses continue to fight, with Keith asking Terri to be gentle because he’s still scarred from his departure.  Terri interviews that Keith can count the pins she drops because she has no other use for him.  That’s the spirit!  The other designers revert to their behavior from earlier in the show: Kenley is loud and annoying with Daniel (and everyone else) and Leanne and Emily are doing whatever it is they do.

Tim strolls by Blayne’s confusing outfit and thinks Jerell’s “schoolmarm’s old winter coat” is either going to win or lose (foreshadowing with an anvil, those editors are).  Tim tries to help Kenley, explaining that there’s a “fine line between avant-garde and costume” and her outfit looks like “Glinda the Good Witch of the North.”  She laughs in Tim’s face and he replies, as I would have, “Don’t listen to me.  Good luck to you both,” and walks off.  So that moves her to the potential chopping block.  We end with Terri and Tim asking what the synergy is like between her and Keith.  Terri and Keith (and Tim) enjoy a pregnant pause, and Tim knows what that means.

The next day, we are greeted by a gratuitous shot of Wesley getting dressed and a note from Heidi that the designers will present their designs that night at the American Museum of Natural History’s planetarium.  Two contestants will be eliminated.  “F— me, uh yeah,” replies Suede, and “uh no” says the audience.

Fast forward to the planetarium, I mean the Rose Center for Earth and Space, where Heidi’s “favorite New York designers from past seasons” are waiting to determine the winner.  We have Daniel V. (Season 2), Christian (Season 4 winner), Jay (Season 1 winner), Kara Janx (Season 2), Carmen (Season 4), Robert (Season 1), and Alison (Season 3).  I’m shocked that Jay’s allowed back after his trash-talking of the show and why is Carmen there?  Is this Heidi’s apology for the tiff (and by tiff, I mean Carmen’s attitude) at last season’s reunion?  (Note: Why did this planetarium break from tradition and not feature a laser show set to Enya or Pink Floyd?)

Speaking of tiffs, Heidi and Kenley debate the location of their breasts vis-à-vis Kenley’s outfit.  Christian doesn’t like the mane on Terri’s outfit and she gets rid of it.  Heidi thinks Blayne’s outfit looks like “old ladies’ underwear”-where does she come up with these?  Anyway, we head back to Parsons for some last minute touch-ups and naptime for Keith.

Runway time.  Guest judge: Francisco Costa, who had little to contribute that was worthy of airtime.  For all of the ugly that Blayne has already sent down the runway, this week’s cotton candy bondage warrior number is by far the worst.  And Kenley, what was she thinking?  It was very Queen of Hearts but had nothing to do with the zodiac sign of Aquarius.  My favorites were Terri’s lioness, Korto’s flowing water, Joe’s dress of flames, and Leanne’s modern take on Miss Scarlet.  This week Heidi sends only the top designers out: Korto, Joe, Leanne, and Jerell (huh?!?).

Losers row.  Blayne’s clearly going home with his “haphazard . . . one-legged monster” (Nina) “pooping fabric” (Kors) disaster.  Who will join him?  First Terri, recognizing that her outfit originally looked very The Wiz (true), is told by Kors that she and Keith would, based on their signs, work “perfect together.”  Keith then whines about Terri’s mistreatment of him and Kors lectures about the need to work together.  As for the outfit, Kors calls it a “voodoo princess in Hell,” prompting laughter from the model.  (You’re furniture, dear; try not to talk.)

Speaking of princess, Nina informs Kenley that her design had nothing to do with the zodiac and it “almost feels like [she] did whatever [she] wanted to do” with the challenge.  Kenley doesn’t like that and points out that the outfit is purple and Aquariuses (Aquarii?) like purple.  Kors isn’t convinced and tells Kenley nothing about her outfit was avant-garde because he’s seen it all before.  They cut her off before she can ‘tude up the place again, but between her behavior this week and last week, I’m done with Kenley.  Finally, Suede and his design are boring to the judges (and me), and Kors explains that this was “not the I-Need-To-Make-This-And-Put-It-In-The-Department-Store Challenge.”

In private, the judges agree that Blayne is going home and that Kenley needs an attitude adjustment.  Terri’s design got the fatal “cheap” comment from Nina, so that should have been a giveaway.  The highlight of the episode came from Kors commenting on Suede’s use of the third-person, which I repeat in its entirety: “[He's] talking about himself like a grant couturier and [mocking tone] ‘Suede would want . . . ,’ I mean, excuse me, you’re certainly not ready for this third-person kind of lingo.  I think there’s a lot of self-delusion happening tonight.”  Well said, but unfortunately, Suede won’t hear it until Suede watches Suede on Suede’s television.

They bring them all back out and Jerell shocks us all by winning-favorite of the alumni and the judges.  I guess Tim was right as usual.  Leanne, Korto, and Joe are safe.  Kenley is safe, leaving Terri (“poorly made and lacked taste”), Blayne (“what you gave us seemed like a joke”), and Suede (“safe and boring”).  Blayne’s out and only got an air kiss from Heidi – I told you those Germans were strict about that seven years of no sex rule.  This week, no taste trumped safe and boring and Terri is out.  And more importantly, my predictions were wrong.  But, if they can send Nick (Season 2) and Austin (Season 1) home before the finale, then anything is possible.

Next week: Sexy teacher dresses and Kenley’s attitude and ego go higher than the shoulders on her purple dress.

Minor spoiler alert: I heard that the six designers left after this week got to show at Bryant Park.  Anyone else think “going to Bryant Park” loses some meaning when one-third of the contestants get to show?

For another opinion on this episode, check out What’s Your Sign? by Jamie Campos.

 

Wednesdays, at 9pm EST, Bravo

Photographs courtesy of BRAVO