Project Runway: Let the River Run

Last week we experienced the biggest tragedy of the season: Suede stayed and my girl Terri got the boot.  And let’s not forget Kenley’s design.  This week she’s still going strong and neither caring nor worrying about what the judges have to say-it’s not like they’re judging anything or…yeah.

Heidi introduces some “special ladies,” in the form of recent college graduates who need a Project Runway makeover to “transition them into professional workers.”  To help the designers (and to spark some faux drama), the young women’s mothers will also advise on the design.  Joe explains that the dynamic between mothers and daughters is the Eighth Wonder of the world; the Ninth Wonder would be me figuring out what that means.  Kenley opts to design another “retro” dress, while Leanne suffers with her future teacher client and her overbearing mother.  At Mood, Korto, in a very Napoleonic manner, anoints herself the new Queen of “Leathah” now that Stella has been dethroned; Suede OMGs that he found purple fabric-and he’s not even an Aquarius.

Back at Parsons we see several photos of the designers as children/young adults and hear about their first jobs.  We see Leanne, Joe, and Kenley, which suggests one of them is going home tonight.  Tim sends in the mothers, who either love or poop all over the designers’ works.  Of note, Jerell hypothesizes that Leanne has the “Hedda Lettuce” client this time (only sans penis) after the mother trashes Leanne’s work.  Leanne scraps her original plan for “one sexy teacher dress”-watch out, teenaged boys in Florida.

After the second fitting, Tim intros Syfo-Dyas, no wait that’s Jeanie Syfu of TRESemmé (ooh la la).  Syfu consults with the designers and young ladies about what hairstyles would be appropriate.  Does anyone else love how whenever the hair or makeup experts come in, the experts dictate what’s going to happen, and the designers mimic back whatever was just said?  Anyway, it’s time for Tim.

Tim points out that Suede doesn’t know how to use a ruler because his pockets and sleeves are askew . . . and sloppy.  Tim explains to Joe that he designed for a lawyer and a banker, not a graphic designer; Joe’s not concerned, but I am.  Jerell’s is “stunning” (I’ll concur), and Tim’s suggestions to Kenley are dismissed by the woman who thinks she knows everything: “Tim doesn’t really understand me as a designer . . . [I'm] not gonna listen to that…[I] never really change anything for Tim.”  Mistake.  (We don’t see Leanne and Korto, so they neither win nor lose this week.)

While the ladies trash Suede’s design (behind his back) and Kenley calls him a “poser,” Joe calls home to his wife and girls.  He’s definitely going home.  (Shut up, Campos!) 

The next day, the runway with guest judge Cynthia Rowley.  Joe and Leanne’s designs look cheap, with Leanne’s model looking way older than her 22 years.  My favorites were Korto, Kenley, and Suede (yes, Suede).  Jerell was neutral.

The judges compliment Kenley on creating a Mini-Me (Heidi) and finding the “right style for the job that you are doing” (Kors).  Joe’s pinstriped number upsets Rowley because it’s sad that a suit has to equal a professional; Nina calls it a “cliché” and Kors, mocking an older person’s voice, says, “It’s like a 60-year-old person’s idea of what she’s gotta look professional so I’m gonna put her in pinstripes and a shirt with a pocket square.”  This prompts the mentally immature Kenley and her physically immature Mini-Me to laugh out loud.

For Leanne, they like the dress but not the jacket (agreed), and they adore Jerell’s outfit and it’s “juxtaposition” (Nina).  No word on his Joan Crawford-like hat.  Finally, we have Suede, who gets the brunt of the judges’ venom: a “gratuitous jacket that doesn’t really work” (Rowley), “in a zillion years I would never guess that you were gonna tell me [she's a] photographer” (Kors), and “a lot of problems . . . I will say no more” (Nina).  And when Nina is speechless, you know you messed up.  Big time.

In private, the judges echo their earlier comments.  The decision comes down to Suede and Joe.  Nina believes Suede’s jacket was “shocking” and makes the woman look “20 years older but from another decade.”  (Older than her 21 years, perhaps?).  Kors call Joe “Full Becky, Home Ecky” (is that about Becky from Full House?) and goes on about how the design is outdated and meant for a Working Girl party.  They have those? 

So in the end, Jerell wins-his second in a row.  Since Korto can’t seem to get a break, I think Jerell had the second best design.  As predicted, it comes down to Joe aging a “beautiful girl . . . 25 years” and Suede’s “dated, overworked, and completely impractical” design.  And Joe is out.

And I’m the real loser of this week because I lost the prediction with Campos . . . talk about a “cherry on the [m-f-ing] cake.” 

Next week: “The most unique show Project Runway has ever seen” (yeah, right) and Tim tells off Kenley like Tess McGill to Katharine Parker, only without the bony ass.

For another opinion on this episode, check out Transformation by Jaimie Campos.

Wednesdays, at 9pm EST, Bravo

Photographs courtesy of BRAVO