Project Runway: Rock ‘n’ Runway

Now, this season could be a lot better, but I think all my ladies will agree, Season 5 just shot up a notch with this week’s guest judge: LL mother-f’in Cool J.  Who even cares about our Top 5 now?

Eleven episodes, and finally this choose-your-model thing pays off!  The ladies line up, eight models to five designers.  Jerell stays with his model, but Leanne does the unthinkable and picks Suede’s!  Drama!  No, not really.  Suede is annoyed, but he simply promises to win the next challenge so he can get Tia back.

In the workroom, Tim provides the challenge: Design an outfit for a fellow designer – and at first, I’m excited because this was one of the better challenges in the series – but then Tim adds, “inspired by a specific musical genre.”  I, like Korto, am disgusted.  Suede will design for Jerell (rock ‘n’ roll); Kenley for Leanne (hip hop); Korto for Suede (punk); Jerell for Kenley (pop); and Leanne for Korto (country).  Jerell thinks that Suede is “probably going to make me something pretty cool,” proving that Jerell has never really looked at any of Suede’s designs.

The designers have an hour to consult.  Korto tells Suede to voice his opinions before Tim critiques, because she “don’t want to have to snap on [him] in front of Tim.”  Which would be awesome.  Leanne’s willing to go gangster, but Kenley doesn’t want to do that.  Instead, get ready for hip hop, high-waisted jeans.  Jerell will make Kenley, “Kenley Spears.”  Her eyes go wide with fear.  Leanne pitches her country outfit to Korto.  When Kenley interrupts to borrow Leanne, Korto awesomely tells her to step off, her time is up.  “I’m going to get hip hop on you in a minute.”  If only!

At Mood, Kenley chooses a floral print like other floral prints she’s chosen, because it’s “graffiti.”  Later, Korto interviews Kenley’s floral blouse is not hip hop; it’s country.  But she and Jerell won’t correct her on that (sabotage!).  Jerell thinks Kenley’s in trouble.

Tim Time.  Tim says Jerell’s dress, with its glittering bra cups, has a beautiful silhouette.  Tim asks if Leanne’s outfit is too nuanced for country – is that even possible?  Korto’s trying to avoid clichés, but Tim warns against appearing simple.  At Suede’s station, Tim says nothing and claims he’s “taking it all in.”  He thinks Suede can ramp it up beyond a tank and basic vest.  Kenley alienates fans everywhere: Tim asks for her definition of hip hop, to which she replies leather jackets and dark denim.  I send her a postcard that suggests she watch MTV or even VH1, and why not swing by Poptimal.com, so she can catch up on all things relevant.  Tim thought hip hop tended towards oversized clothing, but she insists oversized is ’80s hip hop, much like graffiti is, Kenley.  She snits that she won’t make Leanne look silly, and Tim, irritated, says he’s there to support her, not disrespect her, and apparently to Kenley, saying oversized translates to disrespect.  Tim tells her she needs to listen, “it will benefit you tremendously as a designer.”  She talks over him.  He’s trying to help, and she laughs.  Finally Tim says, “Thank you, Kenley,” and departs.  She interviews that she “can’t really listen to Tim at this point, and what does Tim know about hip hop anyway?”  Well, for one thing, he knows high-waisted jeans ain’t hip hop.

Now I don’t mind if Kenley disappears and ruins my picks for Top 4.  As Korto states, you don’t have to agree with Tim – but there’s no reason to disrespect him.  Korto interviews, “So Kenley’s a hip hop designer … Yeah.  I can’t wait for tomorrow.”  Her expression says it all.

Korto bleaches jeans, and Leanne jokes that Korto is sabotaging them with the fumes.  The next morning, Jerell says it’s occurred to him to sabotage Suede, and he’s sure everyone’s had similar thoughts.  At Parsons, Kenley fits Leanne, who looks ridiculous.  Kenley’s aware of the unflattering, bunching crotch in the jeans, but she doesn’t think the judges will notice.  After she watches some MTV, she should watch a few episodes of this show.  The judges always notice!  Jerell interviews that “Kenley’s ass is ridiculous.  She is trying to force Leanne into this children’s size hip hop suit.  I’ll let Kenley destroy herself.”

Runway!  Guest Judge: LL mother-f’in Cool J!

Leanne’s Country-fied Korto: Country Wonder Woman.  Jerell’s Kenley Spears: Trashy.  Kenley’s Hip Hopped Leanne: Kenley voice-overs that “Leanne is not selling [her] look,” so it’s Leanne’s fault nothing matches and she looks ridiculous.  Korto’s Punk Suede: Cliché, disappointing.  Suede’s Rocker Jerell: Cool vest.

LL thinks Korto’s outfit for Suede has energy, and Nina thinks he looks like Marilyn Manson.  She likes the fit of the pants, and Kors agrees it’s a good silhouette.  Kors says Suede’s vest for Jerell is very cool, but stretch pants are “expected.”  Nina says it’s missing drama, and she’d know.  Heidi nails it when she says Jerell looks like Jerell (except for a weird hat).  Nina loves Jerell’s pop look, and that Kenley’s exposed but not naked.  Heidi wishes the diamond cups were a little more supportive.  At her turn, Kenley finally seems nervous.  Heidi asks what happened to the pants, and you know Heidi’s been waiting for this moment for a while.  Kenley’s all, “Huh?  What?”  Heidi calls them the most unflattering pants she’s ever seen, then asks LL if the overall look is hip hop.  He says no.  The high-waisted jeans are a problem.  Kenley whines that she didn’t want to put oversized jeans on Leanne with a backward cap, she wanted Leanne to look stylish and fashion forward.  LL looks surprised, and now I hate Kenley more for upsetting the Cool J.  He clarifies, too politely, that he just doesn’t see Leanne fitting into that culture.  Please note, LL is not wearing oversized pants or a backward hat.  Nina says, “it doesn’t make the point as readily as the other outfits.”  Kenley’s so over being critiqued.  When Nina points out that everybody’s was difficult, Kenley rolls her eyes, all “as if.”  Nina is not pleased.

As for Leanne, Nina thinks the color choice is fantastic, but she would have liked to see more glamour and sophistication.  LL says it’s subtle, because without the boots, he might not know it was country.  The weird, gold cut outs and belt remind me of Wonder Woman.  Heidi loves the skirt.

Deliberation.  Bottom line: it’s between Korto and Jerell for the win, and Kenley and Suede for the loss.  Somehow, no one complains about Kenley’s backtalk like they did last week.  Is it no longer an issue?  All the outfits were boring and safe, so it almost doesn’t matter.  Except Korto must stay.

Back on the runway, and Korto wins for cliché punk!  Between Kenley and Suede, Suede goes home!  About eleven episodes too late, I say.  But even though Kenley had the worst outfit, she’s staying for Good Television!  I can’t wait for the final challenge, when…

Next week: Korto cries!  Jerell cries!  Kenley cries!  Where’s Ricky?

Tonight’s episode has been brought to you by the letters, B., S., and the word “Sabotage!”  Bye, kids!

For another opinion on this episode, check out Mama Said Knock You Out by J.B. Perlow.

Wednesdays, at 9pm EST, Bravo

Photographs courtesy of BRAVO