Amazing Race: Next Door to Down Under

I am a firm believer in the fact that pit stops in The Amazing Race are hallowed ground, a magical place where for twelve short hours teams who push themselves to every limit can enjoy freedom from cameras, clue boxes, detours, and drama. But leave it to Kelly & Christy to keep the pot stirring, calling out Nick & Starr for their attempt to get them U-Turned. I am baffled when teams make a point of feeling indignant at the prospect of getting Yielded or U-Turned simply because they are a part of the game! You don’t see Brett Favre getting catty and defensive when someone snags an interception off him. If another team delays you, get over it and realize that you have only yourself to blame. If Nick & Starr had sugared their gas tank or put rocks in their bags, there might be grounds for bitching, but never over legit gameplay strategy.

With the offending Pit Stop behind them, teams got equalized on a flight to beautiful Auckland, New Zealand: home to sheep, kiwi fruit, more sheep, and apparently the tallest building in the Southern Hemisphere! A harrowing comedy of errors occurred as teams struggled to cope with driving on the left, and a flat tire for Aja & Ty contributed to a streak of annoyance and frustration brewing between them. In a triumphant continuation of their dominance streak, Ken & Tina found themselves climbing that tallest building in a Fast Forward challenge that looked as thrilling as it did terrifying. Vaulted to a third consecutive 1st place finish, the separated duo continued to marvel at their effective teamwork and unity. They are by far the team to beat at this point, but never underestimate the race’s power to shake up the rankings as the miles add up.

The remaining 7 teams forced to race in Ken & Tina’s dust cloud made their way to a Road Block in the grassy crater of a dormant volcano where a group of Maori warriors performed what looked like a demented tribal production of Bring In da’ Noise/Bring in da’ Funk. Chosen teammates were given the privilege of getting up close & personal with a stomping, grunting, shouting slice of New Zealand history for the sake of matching their famed facial tattoos with a provided example. They didn’t hold a candle to the Cholitas, but it was pretty amusing watching Marisa (or Brooke, I don’t bother trying to tell them apart) get repeatedly spooked just trying to open the clue box.

Advancing to one of the few corporate marketing ploys I tolerate, teams next had to locate Travelocity Roaming Gnomes hidden across Auckland’s skyline which led them to a slice of Kiwi the size of a house. It relieves me that America isn’t the only society goofy enough to embrace the phenomena of “World’s Largest [Blank].”  At the detour, most teams opted to stomp thousands of kiwis into juice (props to Toni for making the necessary I Love Lucy reference) but all aside from Terence & Sara and Kelly & Christy failed.  I suspect a kiwi fruit sympathy for narcissists. The much cooler option of assembling and operating the love child of a street luge and a sailboat went reasonably well for the remaining teams, excepting Starr’s painful wipeout and hopefully incorrect assumption of a broken arm.

Teams fell into place at the Pit Stop, met by none other than Phil’s dad! This casts doubt upon my theory of him being a New Zealand-accented android the PAs crate up and ship from leg to leg. The only true suspense of the week was over whether Marisa & Brooke’s pathetic straggling would be rewarded with a non-elimination reprieve, and thankfully it did not.  Belles, thou shalt not be missed.

Season 13, Episode 4: I Wonder If They Like Blondes in New Zealand? (originally aired October 19, 2008)

For another take on this episode, check out Greetings from Big Poppa by Alana D.

For more on The Amazing Race, click here.

Sundays at 8pm ET/PT on CBS

Photographs courtesy of CBS