America’s Next Top Model: Half Way Home

This week we’re treated to the unnecessary episode which recaps the first half of the season.  As if there were layers or crazy storylines that we couldn’t keep track of, and we need this week to get our stories straight.  Lest we all consider changing the channel, Tyra’s thrown in some never before seen footage.

First, we review the selection of the Notorious Fierce Fourteen.  Then, we learn that when the girls first arrived in LA, what seemed like a pointless roof party was actually a challenge, where everyone selected a grab bag gift (fashionable clutch).  The key to the house is hidden in one, and the girl who finds it can select the bed of her choice.  And guess what?  There’s only thirteen beds!  Tricky Tyra!  Sam loses out, so she “nests” on the floor until the first elimination.

Already feel this “unseen footage” was worth it, don’t you?

At the Magic Castle, more secret footage reveals Joslyn’s selection as the magician’s assistant, followed by a bad illusion.  Wow.  So sorry we missed that.  We recap the beginning of the end for Sharaun during her interviews with the judges.  We also revisit the first photo shoot, which made voting issues sexy.  And this was before Sarah Palin.  Who knew?

What we didn’t see was that after the first panel, Sheena and Elina argued in the van about animal rights.  Elina is an animal activist and aggressive vegetarian.  Sheena is not.  So either vegetarians get an unfair bad reputation again, or it’s just that Elina will kick the crap out of everyone who doesn’t agree with her.  Sheena feels that Elina doesn’t understand the concept of respect.

In the infamous sauna of lesbianism, Nikeysha raps.  Isis and Brittany engage in a pillow fight, which ends with baby powder.  Isn’t that always the way?  Brittany has fun, but returns to her cranky self when we learn that the girls “don’t get” McKey, who especially bothers Brittany.  McKey explains herself, and then Brittany gets mad at her for using labels, and/or, doing as she was asked.  I’m so glad Brittany is gone.  Then McKey goes and cooks for the girls, or “kisses up,” per Clark, which makes sense considering they don’t like her for being herself.

On to the balloon photo shoot, where Lauren Brie rocked and we say goodbye to Nikeysha’s big mouth.

Next is the Fable of Tyra and her Tiara, which revolves around ordering pizza.  Isn’t she amazing?  Afterwards, Tyra teaches the invaluable lessons of how to smile with your eyes and the ugly/pretty face.  How could this have been edited out???  We then revisit makeovers.  Turns out Sheena’s hair reacted to her color, resulting in burnt, broken hair.  Oops!  We learn that Elina named her weave Sherry.  See?  Vegetarians are goofy.

Next, dinner at a Chinese restaurant, where the girls enjoy themselves and Brittany and Isis mock Sheena for dancing like a hooch.  Almost makes you sorry Brittany’s ugly/ugly face goes home next following the swimsuit shoot.

Hannah kept Alaska pixie dust by her bed.  Her mom made it for her.  It keeps the mean girls away and protects her feelings.  I need some of that!  But it turns out that you need to be Alaskan and have a cool mom in order for it to be effective.  I had a kind of cool brother who lived in Alaska once, does that count?

Runway walking with Jeremy Scott and Samantha’s unprofessional modeling, but it’s Hannah’s ungraceful walk that gets her sent home first in this season’s double elimination episode.  Bye, Alaska!  She was fun.

Elina thinks Isis looks like a “possessed hyena…like a dragon.”  Wow.  Elina’s a bitch. Marjorie calls Elina arrogant, essentially trying too hard to be taken seriously.  During the photo shoot in the pool with hot Nigel, we watch Isis freak out because she’s worried about her package, and ultimately, her elimination.

More unseen footage.  Clark ends up in a bubble bath with Lauren Brie and Samantha, which constitutes female bonding now.  The girls represent natural disasters in the next shoot.  Clark’s overconfident ass gets schooled by Mr. Jay and then the judges, and she goes home.  She feels “robbed.”  Said while wearing a tiara.  So make of that what you will.

It turns out Elina took Clark’s elimination pretty badly, because remember that Elina had a crush on Clark.  And speaking of uncomfortable house relationships, there’s Marjorie and Analeigh who hug, bathe together, and are generally supportive.  How trendy of them.

We then laugh at more of McKey’s ridiculous looking “workouts” and finally finish up rehashing the award show photo shoot.  Lauren Brie’s spectacular beauty can’t save her boring personality and she gets kicked to the curb.

So since nothing else happened this week, I guess this is a good time for predictions.  I’d say the top three are Joslyn, Elina, and McKey.  Wild card is Sam.  I almost never guess this show right.  But I’m hoping Joslyn wins it all, as she’s the most photogenic, and the most likable.  I also like Sheena, but I’m sure they’ll eliminate her for being too sexy.  And the fake boobs.  I can’t believe they didn’t bring that up!

Next week: Seven girls remain!  Who’s gonna be on top?

Season 11, Episode 8: Top Model Confidential (originally aired October 15, 2008)

For more on America’s Next Top Model, click here.

Wednesdays at 8/7C, The CW

Photographs courtesy of The CW at http://www.cwtv.com/shows/americas-next-top-model11