Next Top Model: The Fiercee Awards

How much fun is this season so far?  Great photos, self-absorbed models (not including Tyra), Hot Nigel in a pool and who needs a villain?  All the girls take turns stirring the pot and sharing the crazy.  I can’t believe I almost gave up after Cycle 10!

The girls hang at the house, where Elina reminds us she’s a control freak because of her crazy, hateful mother, who ruled her every move growing up.  Then, we get some good, old fashioned smack talk courtesy of interviews.  Lauren Brie starts us off by recognizing she runs the risk of elimination for being “empty” and nothing more than a pretty face.  Sheena thinks LB is bland – smart, but not exciting.  LB and Elina think Analeigh doesn’t look like a model enough to make it far in the competition.

The girls show up at a studio space, where Tyra Mail is delivered and read in person by none other than Tyra herself.  “Read.”  Why she couldn’t memorize her little poem, I can’t say, but maybe she doesn’t have enough time, what with making up fake award shows.  Sorry!  No jumping ahead!  Anyway, the girls change into black dresses and head into the next room, where Post Office Tyra has morphed into Black Leotard Tyra for a photo shoot.

Tyra welcomes them and says that she will be coaching the girls, one-on-one, through twenty frames to find their signature poses.  Naturally, the girls can’t believe their luck at such a valuable lesson with Her Highness.  Tyra gives examples of her own signature look, which apparently is her eyes, complete with a demonstration and finger pointing at herself.  And seriously, as she explains the magic of her eyes, it’s times like this that I can’t believe I watch this show.

But onwards!  The girls step up one by one for Tyra’s ministrations.  Analeigh, LB and Elina do the worst, and poor Lauren Brie is obviously being set up for the bottom two, which is a shame, because I only just declared her my dark horse.  Sorry for jinxing you!  But the Interview Smack Talk continues, as LB says Analeigh is “an average girl just trying to force something.”  Elina says Sam has a good face but it’s not strong enough.  Sam thinks LB “is pretty boring.”  When Samantha thinks of Sheena, she thinks of “boobs, butt, everything just flying around everywhere…”

Finished, Tyra reveals this was actually a challenge.  The winner is Marjorie (damnit!) who Tyra helped to find her inner Hunchback of Notre Dame (when from France, all references must be French, I guess).  By playing up her weakness, Marjorie has a new strength.  And all hopes I had that Marjorie was close to elimination are dashed forever.  Marjorie chooses Analeigh to share in her prize, which is free diamonds from Rafinity.

Photo Shoot!  The girls arrive at the Orpheum Theatre.  Mr. Jay greets the ladies to introduce the shoot and plug Tyra’s fake award ceremony, The Fiercees (sic), as today’s theme is embarrassing moments at awards shows.  Glamorous hair and make up, and first up is Marjorie.  Just to piss me off, she Hunchbacks her way through “Peeing in Gown” and rocks Jay’s world.  She’ll be called first, I’m sure.

Sam (Can’t read cue cards) loses points for being overdramatic.  And speaking of overdramatic, enter Elina, who has “Over-emotional Winner.”  Like a robot, she says, “This is the shoot where you need to lose control.  This might be my last shoot.”  She’d be disappointed if she were eliminated … I guess?  Because she’s never emotional, remember (see control issue, paragraph two).  Jay coaches Elina through some self-reflection and genuine tears, and what I’m sure will move Tyra to a lecture later.  LB (Trips on stairs) struggles with movement and concept.  McKey (Believes she’ll win but loses) bores.  I still don’t get McKey.  I don’t understand the fascination the judges have, or how they see model potential in her.  She’s totally coasting to the end.  Sheena and Marjorie check out Marjorie’s boobs before Sheena (Starlet steps on gown) reins her energy in way too much to avoid hooch and produces a lackluster photo.  Joslyn (Another starlet in same gown) bounces back after two disappointing shoots, and Analeigh (Interviewer with an attitude) produces another string of strong photos.

Everyone worries about Panel, and LB admits the shoots are getting conceptually harder.  If Tripping on the Stairs is conceptually difficult, I fear for LB outside of this competition.

Judging.  Guest judge is photographer Mike Rosenthal, and I certainly enjoy his work as more eye candy on the Panel.  Paulina calls McKey’s photo beautiful; Nigel loves it, but Tyra says it could be better.  Sheena receives critiques for improvement.  Analeigh finally wows the judges.  Sam disappoints compared to her previous shoots.  Tyra declares that Joslyn’s picture is the most beautiful she’s looked so far.  Joslyn cries a bit about compliments over her profile, because she’s always been insecure about her nose.  Well, okay.  Marjorie can do no wrong, and Tyra takes credit for her posing.  LB doesn’t “ugly up enough” and Paulina says she’s sliding backwards in the competition.  The camera loves Elina, but the shot’s not over-emotional at all.  Elina starts crying at the critiques that she didn’t reveal enough, saying she can’t do much better than the real emotion she gave.  Tyra asks us to remember Halle Berry’s speech as the first Black woman to win a Lead Actress Oscar.  It was “this outpouring of emotion, but still fierce” [insert finger snap].  That’s what Elina needed.

Deliberation.  Suddenly, Sheena’s honeymoon is over.  When did they all start hating on her?  Even Nigel is no longer impressed.  Also on the bottom are McKey, Sam, Elina, and LB.  High marks for Joslyn, Marjorie, and Analeigh.

Called first: Marjorie.  Ugh.  Bottom two: Sheena and LB.  LB is gorgeous, interesting, high fashion beauty, but lacking personality.  Sheena has personality, but doesn’t have the right look.  Sheena is safe.  LB says she kind of gave up, and it’s hard to take a hit at your personality.  Let’s blame it on that and not my jinxing her last week.

Next week: Commercial time already?  And Hoochie-Mama goes toe to toe with the Ice Queen!

Season 11, Episode 7: The Fiercee Awards (originally aired October 8, 2008)

Wednesdays at 8/7C, The CW

Photographs courtesy of The CW at http://www.cwtv.com/shows/americas-next-top-model11