Dancing with the Stars: Misty May Fall

Forget the dancing, this week on Dancing with the Stars was all about the drama of Misty May-Treanor’s ankle injury.  We’re told by host Tom Bergeron in the opening moments of the show that Olympic volleyball gold medalist, Misty May-Treanor, sustained an ankle injury during practice Friday.  We’re shown a clip of her landing hard on one ankle, and don’t worry if you missed it, they’ll show it at least four more times before the end of the night – each time with more crying, more ambulances, and more bone-popping sounds.  But what’s going to happen to Misty?  Is she out of the competition?  She’ll tell us later.

So on to the dancing.

Susan Lucci was also sporting a bandaged ankle, but it didn’t stop her from bopping her way across the floor with her partner Tony for a jive.  The steps were all there, but again Susan seemed timid.  And perhaps it’s her tiny build, but all her moves looked small.  One thing that wasn’t small was her cleavage, which judge Bruno seemed to really enjoy and reward accordingly. (Total score: 21.)

And stay tuned everyone to find out what happened to Misty.

Up next, Lance Bass and his partner Lacey were determined to please Judge Len Goodman so they took their Viennese Waltzing moves to the local retirement home.  Lacey cracked a poor joke about contestant Cloris Leachman (whoops), and the retirees decided they didn’t like Lance’s spiky hair.  Lance looked fine on the dance floor (spiky hair and all) and the couple had some great lines, but I’m going to agree with Bruno and say they just lacked their normal sparkle.  The dance was a bit of a snore, but Len did reward their traditionalism with his first 7 for the couple. (Total: 22.)

Oh, did you hear, Misty hurt her ankle?

Sprinter Maurice Green conquered the jive next with partner Cheryl.  From his leaping split over her head to his light, energetic kicks to his big, happy smile, Maurice was a pleasure to watch.  He hasn’t been one of my favorites, but this week was good to him.  The judges thought so too and rewarded him with a 24.

Next up was struggling Rocco DiSpirito and his partner Karina.  To practice, Karina blindfolded him, and during his dance I wished she’d blindfolded me.  Despite being set to “What’s New Pussycat” – perhaps the worst song for a Waltz ever – the dance was much too bouncy when it should have been smooth and the supported dips were very, very bad.  Len somehow liked it, and Carrie Ann thought he was the most improved dancer so far, but Bruno finally set the record straight and called it “mush potatoes.”  They waltzed off with a very kind 20.

What is that now?  Someone’s hurt?  Really?!

NFL pro and general lovable big man, Warren Sapp was up next to show the “softer side of Sapp” after a dominating paso doble last week.  And the big boy’s still got all the right moves.  He swayed, sashayed, and confidently led his partner Kym around the floor like a regal gentleman while still managing to sneak in that infectious smile.  Warren’s quickly becoming my favorite – and the judges’ too, who gave him his first 9 of the season. (Total: 25.)

Competition baby, Cody Linley, was fresh off the plane from Disney World where he celebrated the 16^th birthday of his “Hannah Montana” costar Miley Cyrus.  (Is no one else bothered Cyrus’ 30-year-old, heavy-smoker voice?)  Thrilled to bring his youthful energy to the dance floor, Cody exploded with a lively jive with Julianne that fizzled toward the end.  I don’t know what it is with this week, but I’ve got to agree with Bruno again: the leg guitar was cute for a second and then it should have stopped and not been repeated.  Cody could have done better. (Total: 21.)

What’s going to happen with Misty?  I can’t take the suspense anymore.

Toni Braxton, in full Marie Antoinette garb, looked fabulous in her dress but her Viennese Waltz with partner Alec had me feeling like a French Revolutionary.  Off with her head!  The rock and roll remix of Beethoven’s Fur Elise was cool and hip but their dance still felt stiff.  If you’re going to go for it, you better go for it.  Len and Bruno didn’t like the gimmick, but Carrie Ann liked the risk.  However, the judges still gave the lackluster couple a 22 – which is more than I would have.

Oh my, was that an ambulance?

Next Cloris Leachman gaffed up the jive with partner Corky Ballas – who was working very hard, poor man.  Cloris has lost a lot of the spring in her step, which made the technique horrendous, but she sure was a hoot.  Between her wig getting pulled off and her lawnmower moves it was ridiculous to say the least, but there was very little dancing happening at all.  The audience, however, was in stitches and on their feet as Cloris swept around the room (with more movement than she did in her whole routine) to bow to her adoring fans.  The judges were speechless.  And what could they say?  There was no dancing to critique.  She received a 16 and should thank her lucky stars for that.

Finally it was up to dancing queen Brooke Burke and her partner Derek to close the dancing for the evening.  The couple had a bit of a blow up during rehearsals, but seemed to have gotten over it for their truly elegant waltz.  Brooke and Derek floated along to John Mayer’s “Daughters,” and at the conclusion of the cloud-skimming dance, Brooke gave her own beautiful daughter, seated in the audience, a quick kiss.  It was lyrical perfection, and Brooke received the first perfect 10 from Len Goodman for a well-deserved 28.

Then, after much suspense, an additional twenty minutes was dedicated to Misty May-Treanor’s ripped Achilles tendon.  Now don’t get me wrong, I’m sad to see her go too – Misty was one of my favorites – but did we need the memory montage, the play-by-play of the injury, the popping sound, and the x-ray?  Couldn’t we have just hugged it out?  And no, Misty won’t be dancing with that giant cast on her leg, and yes, she’ll be back to volleyball once it’s healed.  OK, now you can hug it out.

So we move on to Tuesday’s results show, which anyone with half a brain knows is going to have no results in it since they’ve already lost Misty this week (and certainly don’t want to lose episodes).  Instead they’re going to stretch out an hour of TV time to tell us who had the lowest scores.

Sad that his partner Misty is gone (and I’m sad sexy Maks is gone), Maksim performed Misty’s jive with pro dancer Edyta.  The stars then reacted to their scores – some happy, Cloris sad – and host Tom Bergeron revealed the first two couples safe: Brooke and Derek (no surprise there) and Cloris and Corky (what the @#*%?!).  Am I underestimating the senior citizen vote in this country?

Kool & the Gang – obviously having fallen upon tough times – stopped by to perform, as did the Rockettes and Jennifer Hudson.  Siblings Julianne and Derek Hough danced to Hudson’s song “Spotlight,” and I realized there’s just something creepy about siblings dancing together after puberty.

Maurice and Cheryl found out they’re safe, there was a super-happy injury montage, and then both Warren & Kym and Toni & Alec were told of their safety.  Then Tom Bergeron revealed the shocking truth, the lowest scoring couple would not be cast off, but would still be revealed – for humiliation’s sake.  Susan, Cody and partners were then told they’re safe, and it was down to Rocco and Karina or Lance and Lacey.

And it was dancing chef Rocco and Karina in the bottom.  AND, although America doesn’t seem to like them, we still get to see them (and Cloris!) next week.

Man, I miss Misty already.

Season 7, Round 3, Episodes 6 and 7 (originally aired October 6 and 7, 2008)

Competition Mondays at 8/7C, ABC

Elimination Tuesdays at 9/8C, ABC

Photographs courtesy of ABC and IMDbPro