Dancing with the Stars: Slow Week

This week on Dancing with the Stars, the dances sped up, but the contestants slowed down.  With the exception of Warren Sapp and the final two jitterbugs, the night was a giant yawn as the contestants struggled to keep pace with the new dances.  Overall, everyone fell flat.

Starting off the night were Lance Bass and Lacey Schwimmer, whom I incorrectly predicted would kill on the West Coast Swing.  They got the dance I was hoping for but did not live up to expectations.  The judges were spot on when they reprimanded Lacey for doing too much showing off of her own skills and not enough of Lance’s.  Someone needs to remember she’s not the star anymore. (Total: 21)

Also doing the West Coast Swing were Toni Braxton and partner Alec, but they too failed to impress and rather than feeling energetic and hip, the dance felt lazy.  It seemed like she was just coasting rather than swinging.  The judges agreed and thought that she needed to rethink her approach because she just wasn’t improving. (Total: 22)

Next up were Susan Lucci and Tony, and again Susan danced The Hustle like she was a china doll.  She had fractured two bones in her foot and kept dancing on it, but she tiptoed through what should have been an up-beat dance.  For someone who once Hustled at Studio 64, she’d really lost her groove. (Total: 22)

Warren Sapp and Kym were up next with their Hustle and for the first time, I sat up and noticed the dancing.  They were energetic, quick, and fun.  The couple received a standing ovation from the audience (were they as bored as I was by the previous dancers?), and the judges agreed that they were a breath of fresh air. (Total: 25)

Cloris Leachman and Corky attempted to salsa next.  Cloris channeled her inner “skanky ho” and they worked an entertaining, if lacking in movement, salsa.  The judges did more dancing trying to get around insulting her moves.  I know she’s 82, so it’s impressive that she can do these dances at all, but do I really need to watch more of this? (Total: 21)

Maurice Green and Cheryl also danced the salsa.  It was upbeat and there was an impressive backbend, but the judged seemed over-enthused if you ask me.  It’s the same old thing, and again Maurice seemed to just be coasting through.  But Len, Carrie, and Bruno loved it.  Did I miss something? (Total: 27)

Finally it was time for the Hough siblings to teach their dance partners the Jitterbug – which neither of them had done before.  But competition brought out the best in Julianne and Derek and the best in their partners too.

Derek taught Brooke the Jitterbug first, using instructions he found on the internet.  But their dork meets the hot girl cartoonish jitterbug was super, super quick, super snappy, and super-duper fun.  It was keen all around, and the judges soaked it up quicker than a milkshake at The Max. (Total: 29!)

A nearly perfect score was a lot to live up to, but Julianne and young Cody attacked their jitterbug in their Ricky and Lucy garb.  And boy, was Cody made to jitter.  His long, lanky limbs, as Carrie Ann pointed out, were perfect for the jangly dance.  And their lifts and throws were impressive.  It was also flipping funny.  But the judges still just slightly preferred Brooke and gave the final couple a 28.

Tuesday night was the moment of truth for another star. (Cloris, please be Cloris!) It began after a long re-run show of Monday’s episode and then Len insulted the only good dances of the night by saying he couldn’t give a 10 to a jitterbug because it would be like giving an Oscar to Mickey Mouse. (Have they not done that yet?) What a snob!

The encore performance, however, was by Julianne and Cody doing a – what? – jitterbug.  It was still awesome.  Take that Len.

Then Brian Setzer (who?) performed “Rock this Town” and then host Tom Bergeron announced the first two couples safe: Warren and Kym (yay!) and Cloris and Corky (shoot me now).

The dancing ballroom kids returned again with west coast big mouths Alisa and Anthony doing the West Coast Swing and Mitchell and Maria performing an impressive paso doble.  Mitchell and Maria moved on to the next round, but Alisa showed a lot of star power by graciously hugging a deranged Cloris in the red room.

The big performance of the night was the Macy’s “Stars of Dance” which was a dance “through the decades.”  The producers went to great lengths to show us just how impressive it was to create – 20,000 man hours!  For all that, it really should have been better.  The 1930s tap dance was entertaining and time appropriate, the 60s was rockin’, and the 80s really broke it down (in a good way).  But what was with the “dance of the future?”  I’m pretty sure I’ve seen that in an 80s music video.  Shiny arm bands, gas masks, and shiny black garb with robotic moves?  I half expected Janet Jackson to pop up somewhere.  What were they thinking?

But then it was time for the big reveal of the bottom two couples.  And they were Toni & Alec and Susan & Tony.  So which Toni(y) and partner were going home?  Toni and Alec.  Guess she’ll just have to stick with being a multi-platinum artist instead.  That’s gotta be rough.

Season 7, Round 5: Episodes 10 and 11 (originally aired October 20 and 21, 2008)

For more on Dancing with the Stars, click here.

Competition Mondays at 8/7C, ABC

Elimination Tuesdays at 9/8C, ABC

Photographs courtesy of ABC