Gossip Girl: New Haven is a Place on Earth

The roller coaster of relationships continue this week as the gang heads north to New Haven, Connecticut – Yale University, specifically.  It’s college visitation weekend and the kids of St. Jude’s ship off to either Yale, Harvard, or Brown (sorry, Princeton).  But first, Blair dreams that she is Eliza Doolittle, with the rain in Spain and so on, but in her dream Serena woos the dean of Yale and takes Blair’s spot on the admit list.  Unfortunately, in reality Blair gives “good interview” and won’t let her dreams get the best of, er, her dreams.

At Yale, Serena’s interview goes well but she figures out the dean is only interested in her because of her coming out at Fashion Week.  She and Blair spar back and forth for the dean’s attention, with both getting invitations to a reception at the dean’s house-Serena’s through merit and Blair through extortion.  Blair tries to impress a professor by talking about canonizing St. Thomas More but she names the wrong pope.  Serena corrects her and, when the professor is gone, explains she knew the answer by watching The Tudors, notably Henry Cavill.  During the dean’s home version of La Questionnaire, inspired by Bernard Pivot and James Lipton, Blair shares that Serena “killed” a guy.  As we know from last season’s non-drama, the guy accidentally overdosed on cocaine in front of Serena and if that’s a crime . . . Anyway, the ladies take it outside and have a catfight that some would say rivals the infamous melee between Joan Collins and Linda Evans.  I am not one of those people.

At the end of the weekend B and S, BS about visiting Yale as fetuses and agree to continue their friendship when they’re both attending Hunter College in the fall (because they assume Yale is now out of the question).  Of course any embarrassment and alleged negligent homicide is not enough to stop the dean from still actively recruiting Serena due to her newfound star status.  But our S has been to a different rodeo and doesn’t fall for the dean’s attempt at free publicity . . . because we all know how Yale has trouble recruiting students and getting favorable press attention.

In other, far more boring tales at Yale, the dean questions Dan on his lack of recommendation letters discussing his writing prowess.  And because, like the dean, no one at the university has anything else to do except ass kiss prospectives, the dean advises Dan to get someone in the English department to read Dan’s work and vouch for its fabulousness.  Seriously?

Nate, a legacy at Yale, does not want to go there but visits anyway, wherein he learns that everyone there hates his family because of his father’s felonious ways (and the impact it had on certain trust funds).  So Nate, being Nate, tries to score with a co-ed by saying he’s Dan.  During Nate’s fraud-in-the-inducement make out session, Dan interrupts to ask the co-ed if she can help him get a recommendation from a professor; in the process he reveals Nate’s true identity and the kissing stops.  (Note to self: Dan is an awful wingman.)  Nate vents his sexual frustration at Dan by saying that he now knows why Serena dumped Dan.  Dan is sad.  Nicely played, Mr. Archibald.

Chuck, who first wants “horny Women’s Studies majors to release their aggression” on him [insert stock vegan lesbian joke here], sets a new goal of joining Skull & Bones.  In a needlessly elaborate scheme, Chuck throws a party for the Skull & Boners and takes many pictures of them with prostitutes.  Did Chuck miss the lesson on only buying hookers for members of the admissions committee?  Not quite.  Chuck’s real plan was to get photographs of these guys so at some point in the future he can blackmail them when one of them becomes a famous loser.  Stupid.  He also tricks them into thinking Dan is Nate so they’ll abuse Dan instead of Nate.  The abuse?  They tie an almost-naked Dan to a statue and leave him there overnight.  Nate, as the knight in argyle armor, rescues Dan, Nate gets ticked at Chuck for the stunt with Dan, and Nate and Dan ride the train back to the city.  (Slashers, take note!)

Back in New York, Rufus, continuing his quest to be Most Negligent Parent of the Year, agrees to let Jenny pursue her career path as a high school dropout and apprentice in Eleanor Waldorf’s sweatshop of child labor.  The catch?  She gets to homeschool herself just like Vanessa did – a responsible role model if ever I saw one.  And during a visit with Jenny to the home of Lily van der Woodsen-Bass, Rufus sees some serious “side boob” on Lily.

In the end, this episode was all about dreams, having dreams, pursuing your dreams, making new dreams, and living your dreams through your child.  As for me, well, “my dream . . . is to dream.”

Season 2, Episode 6: New Haven Can Wait (originally aired October 13, 2008)

Mondays at 8/7C, The CW

Photographs courtesy of The CW