Grey’s Anatomy: Five Second Rule

This episode covers the day that Seattle Grace is supposed to put itself back on the map. From the moment the Chief mentions not jinxing the day, I know it’ll definitely be a day to remember although not exactly in the way he intends.

While Bailey’s been working off-screen, she’s put together a monster surgery that involves paired matching kidney donations. Six people get new kidneys, and six people donate kidneys simultaneously. As Bailey quotes, “Twelve people walk away happy.” I don’t think these twelve people have been admitted to Seattle Grace before because clearly they are unaware that a day in Settle Grace means a life turned upside down before they’re discharged.

From the start, these patients could start dropping like flies any minute. One parent is paying his son to donate a kidney but really wants to spend time with the cranky kid. Another man has both his wife and his mistress donating kidneys. Sadly, the affair’s unearthed pre-op and, unfortunately for everyone, once anyone bows out, the whole deck of cards tumbles down.

Without patients, Callie and Hahn have taken the next step and had “the sex.” But while Hahn wants a repeat performance, Callie wants to bury her head. With all the residents on one big surgery, the rest of our doctors have a lot more time to sit around yapping, and Callie enlist Mark’s expert help with her female-pleasuring technique.

Meredith and Derek spend the day trying to avoid each other because he’s been published for the successful trial that they worked on together last season. She isn’t happy not to be credited and it doesn’t help that her boyfriend McDreamy calls her a baby. In my book, that’s the last thing you say to a woman when she’s pissed, but wise and sage Bailey tells him that sometimes a “thank you” goes a long way.

Izzie and Alex are paired again and get closer to figuring out what the hell is going on between them. With these two, opposites DEFINITELY attract. Alex is trying not to get emotional, and Izzie can’t help but be emotional. Their personal storyline mirrors the storyline of the father and son patient to which they’re assigned. About the same time the son realizes that he has to treat his dying father better or he’ll regret it when he’s gone, Izzie realizes it’s time to make Alex confront his feelings for her. They passionately kiss, and I pause to swoon.

Okay, back to the story. George is officially no longer an intern, and the rest of his friends have to donate some of their own interns to him. The intern swap provides good fodder, with the docs giving their pros and cons to each intern while they stand like they’re in front of a firing squad. At least a firing squad would be quick and less painful. George doesn’t end up with Lexi on his team, and she’s baffled that after everything she’s done for him he didn’t even ask for her.

And lonely Christina is feeling the itch since Burke’s been gone almost a full season. She entertains an intern-resident hookup but realizes she needs a real man.

Of course it wouldn’t be Grey’s Anatomy if Mrs. Cheated On Kidney Donor didn’t change her mind so the 12 surgeries could be performed. Finally, I get some tears this season because of it. She comes to terms with the fact that though she didn’t want to complete the surgery to spite her husband, her kidney will go to a person with a family that truly appreciates her sacrifice.

And it is on that happy note that our patients and doctors end their long surgical day. Derek thanks Meredith for her help by giving her a beloved kidney in a jar. Alex and Izzie are on, at least for another night. Christina gets a look at one of the last real men in Seattle. Can we say, McYummy?! And Callie and Hahn give it a one more try. The only two left out are poor George and poor Lexi, who wouldn’t be true to their characters if “poor” didn’t precede their names anyway.

The funniest part of the episode is when Meredith drops a kidney and Bailey uses the five-second rule. I laugh because it’s sheer madness and that’s what Grey’s Anatomy does best, but please don’t tell me the five-second rule applies to real dropped organs.

Quotables:

“No one is taking home a kidney in a jar. Diseased kidneys are not chotchkies for your coffee table.” – Bailey

“George they don’t respect you because they’re not scared of you. Just decimate one every few days. It’s not rocket science.” – Christina

Season 5, Episode 5: There’s no “I” in Team (originally aired October 23, 2008)

For another take on this episode, check out Tanya Lane’s review here.

For more on Grey’s Anatomy, click here.

Thursdays 9/8c on ABC

Photographs courtesy of ABC