Project Runway: Now With 40% More Kenley

After last week’s gratuitous promotion of Kenley and the perennial cop-out by the judges, we enter the first part of the two-part finale with no one knowing who’s going to Bryant Park (except for all of them).  Before they leave Parsons, Heidi tells the designers they need to design a wedding dress as part of their collection; this design will be the basis of the fourth designer’s elimination when they return to New York.  They’re not pleased.  Meanwhile, Kenley thinks she lost the last challenge because the other designers sabotaged her-the delusions continue!  But before we see any designs, Tim travels across the country to catch up with our designers as they prepare their final collections.

First we see Korto in Little Rock, Arkansas.  She’s been working in the woods and is going for “culture and nature…colors…ethnic without being too ethnic.”  Tim is concerned about the “snatch shot,” vaginal-like image on one dress but who cares because she has a great wedding dress.  And she does.  Tim enjoys a “little bit of Arkansas [and] Africa” with Korto’s family and “drumming partner.”  While Tim tries to discover his African roots, we learn that Korto was born in Liberia but her family had to leave during the civil war so her government official father wouldn’t be killed.  (I tried to figure out which Liberian civil war/coup this was but they had a few in the 1980s and I’m not sure when Korto emigrated.)

On the other side of the country Tim meets up with Leanne in Portland, Oregon.  Leanne, her boyfriend, and her apartment walls are all in a drab off-white/grey color.  Make of it what you will.  Her designs feature a strange wave and napkin fold thing.  I don’t care for it.  Then Tim and Leanne go for a Three’s Company-inspired tandem bike ride through the park, but not before Tim checks his life insurance policy (Wocka, wocka!).

Tim heads down the coast to Los Angeles, where Jerell wears a completed shirt.  Jerell’s point of view?  “Like evening.”  Tim and Jerell discuss whether the asymmetry of his wedding dress is going to work.  Tim gives Jerell the kiss of death by suggesting he edit.  We then meet Jerell’s family, “love interest, Dan,” and more of Jerell’s tears, especially since he’s upset that his father “couldn’t be with us” . . . he was working.  (Talk about bad phrasing.)

Finally, Tim meets up with Kenley in New York, well Brooklyn to be specific.  Kenley really hopes Tim likes her line, because now she cares.  Her line is inspired by “painting the roses red” from Alice in Wonderland (and Campos dies a little more on the inside).  Kenley also incorporated a lot of ropes around the neck as a representation of her tugboat captain father.  I think there are some issues there but we don’t need to explore that right now . . . while I’m sober.  Anyway, Tim is concerned about thoughts of strangulation, and she cries.  We don’t meet any friends or family, presumably because Tim crossing the river into Brooklyn is enough of an adventure for one day.

Our designers return to New York City, specifically the presidential suite of the Westin New York at Times Square.  By sheer coincidence (wink), Kenley is the last to arrive but not before Leanne pees on a bed so Kenley won’t sleep there (or something).  It’s awkward with a capital AWK-ward even after Kenley apologizes “for being a bitch.”  As a sign of forgiveness, the trio make Kenley serve them champagne when it arrives from room service.  How kind.

At Parsons, Tim throws another wrench into this car wreck of a season: design a bridesmaid dress to accompany your bridal gown.  By now, it’s obvious that Kenley is going on and Jerell is on the chopping block so let’s cut to the runway, shall we?

Heidi thinks Leanne’s design is fantastic.  Jerell’s, however, is “garish . . . [with] a flower pot growing out of her head” (Kors) and “looks dirty” (Nina).  Kors and Nina all but accuse Kenley of plagiarizing Alexander McQueen but they liked it, and Heidi thinks the bridesmaid’s dress is “crazy good.”  And then there’s Korto and her overworked wedding dress and underworked bridesmaid dress (Kors).  In their deliberations, the judges come down to Korto and Jerell.  Both of them overdid it, and according to Nina, all Jerell does is embellish things.  Whoa, way harsh, Tai.

During the break, 55 percent of you think Kenley should not go to Fashion Week.  I got news for you, rubes; she was going to Bryant Park even if you hadn’t fallen for the producers’ efforts to hype Kenley’s drama.  There, I said it.

So Kenley and Leanne are in and fake hug each other.  Korto is in but Jerell and his “too many jewels” and “too many beads” are out.  Cue the tears.  For whatever reason, Jerell decides he wants to insult Michael Kors and blurts out, “If you want a basic white tee, get one from Michael Kors.”  People, people, people, he wears black tee shirts.  Either way, I guess this means Kors won’t be inviting Jerell to the Met for the retrospective on Kors’s life when he turns 80.  Snap!  Oh and I’ve got other news for you, if you think they weren’t dying to send Jerell home before the final round, explain why they made him re-compete this week even though he won last week.  Yeah, I thought so.

Next week Kenley is “sick and insulting,” or words to that effect, and the models are acting up-get the tasers, y’all.  Plus, I finally get to put this snoozer of a season to rest.

So my final prediction: Kenley for the win, which is based more on personal preference (based only on what I’ve seen of the collections) than what I think will really happen.  Campos is calling it for Leanne and I suspect she’s right . . . again [insert fist shaking to the sky here].

Season 5, Episode 13: Finale Part 1 (originally aired October 8, 2008)

For another take on this episode, check out Jaimie Campos’ review here.

Wednesdays, at 9pm EST, Bravo

Photographs courtesy of BRAVO