The Amazing Race: Do You Like American Candy?

Let’s begin with the team that finished first on the second leg of the race, Ken and Tina.  At the airport on the way out to Fortaleza, Brazil, Tina managed to single-handedly convince the airline to scrap their plans to fly a little airplane and instead fly a big airplane so that all the teams would be able to get on the same plane.  She’s so generous!  At least, she thinks so.  And she feels her generosity should be rewarded by being the first person in line to board the plane, even though, y’know, she didn’t actually get in line first.  Never mind such details.

Between exchanging snarky remarks with Terence and Sarah, rejecting Ken’s attempts to kiss her during the leg, and just generally being unpleasant, Tina also found some time to opine about how finishing strong on this race just might mean that she and Ken have a future after all.  Because winning a televised race around the world is totally the best way of resolving marital abandonment issues.  Do you think marriage counselors know about the magic powers of the race?  CBS should get on that.

You know what other couple is having some troubles?  Terence and Sarah.  Sarah can’t seem to see the forest for the whiney trees, just as neither she nor Terence seem to be able to find a taxi stand when there’s a sign in front of them that says “Taxi Stand” or when they see other teams in taxis leaving a taxi stand or when people run up a hill in front of them to a taxi stand.  I wondered last week how Sarah was unable to recognize Terence as a self-deluded narcissist, but the picture’s getting clearer.  At least she doesn’t let him kiss her, so . . . point for her?

Last week I suggested that she talk to Kelly and Christy, the divorced team who are in the race to prove that they are strong, independent women, or. . . something to that effect.  As I watched this team bumble its way through the leg to a seventh-team finish, I couldn’t help but hope that their lack of comprehensive reading skills did not extend to the signing of their divorce settlement agreements.  They screwed up twice: First, by blowing a considerable amount of time digging in the sand for non-existent containers because they didn’t realize that the aforementioned containers pertained to the detour they did not pick and not the one that they did.  Then, after saying, “We Have Learned To Read The Clue,” in unison in what they thought would be a self-deprecating clip but instead was just deprecating, they screwed up again by not asking their cab driver to wait for them . . .although that was what the clue said to do.  Luckily for these ladies, they will have another shot at proving that they really can be strong, independent woman or . . . something to that effect next week.

(So I have a confession to make.  I’m a big, fat stereotyper.  My notes had Marissa and Brooke as the team that misread the clue, not the divorcees.  I suspect that the southern belles’ insistence that they could get by on their looks rather than their brains led me to believe that they didn’t intend to use their brains.  And these South Carolina natives didn’t exactly disprove me of that feeling when they accidentally went the wrong way and did the wrong detour.  Still, I apologize to Marissa and Brooke for assuming that because they were blonde, they would be as bad at reading clues as divorced women are.)

Mark and Bill went pretty unnoticed by me the first leg, but if they keep up their good-natured attitudes and general amicability, I will ignore Bill’s mildly disturbing Yoda impressions and pronounce them Alana’s Favorite Team.  Even more importantly, I will ignore how reverently Mark looks at Bill when Bill does his Yoda impressions.  Mark and Bill managed a second-team finish, despite the fact that they looked like they might be goners when they chose the “Docket” detour instead of the more physical “Beach It” detour.  This is a team that appears to be able to tune what other people are doing out and focus on their strengths.  What’s also impressive is that they even look like they’re having a good time.  They got edged out of first place by Ken and Tina after Bill’s inability to lie about his Roadblock strategy to Tina led to Tina finishing the Roadblock just a little bit after Bill did.  After getting out of cabs, former NFL player Ken and his wife managed to outrun the very likeable comic book geeks to the finish line.

Mark and Bill said if Ken and Tina manage to salvage their marriage, then losing the leg’s first placement (and the accompanying off-road vehicle prize) will have been worth it.  Seriously, they actually said that.  I’m telling you, if Ken and Tina don’t work it out, I’m going to have to steal those vehicles from Ken and Tina and sell them on eBay.   I’ll use the proceeds to buy Mark and Bill a first edition autographed Spider-Man comic book.  (That’s valuable, right?  Or is a first-edition “Watchman” what the geeks really want these days?   Batman?  Daredevil?  Seriously, y’all, I’m clueless.)

Andrew & Dan, Aja & Ty, Toni & Dallas, and Nick & Starr have yet to prove that they belong on this race, at least from a noteworthy-personality standpoint.  So I won’t be discussing them.  Let’s do better next week, guys!

Meanwhile, poor Anthony & Stephanie (and I mean poor in both senses of the word) came in last and were eliminated this week.  Now they will never have enough money to get married.

See you next week, where Ken wrestles (and not in a dirty, cheating way) and everyone seems to suffer altitude sickness.

Season 13, Episode 2: Do You Like American Candy? (originally aired October 5, 2008)

For another take on this episode, check out Another Brick in the Wall by Paul Secrest.

Sundays at 8pm ET/PT on CBS

Photographs courtesy of CBS