The Amazing Race: Bad Cab v. Just Stupid
So you know what’s worse than having a case of bad cab? Just being stupid.
As Dan put it, a compilation reel could be put together of all of Dandrew’s mistakes on this race. Hell, a compilation reel can be made of all Dandrew’s mistakes just on this leg. Let’s start with their feet. As mentioned before, Dandrew left their shoes behind at a detour on the last leg. Apparently they were unable to retrieve them post pit stop, so the team started off to Moscow, Russia, wearing their hotel slippers (which I’m assuming were complimentary). At the airport, they spot a shoe store where they cough up about $160 of their $470+ dollars for two pairs of sneakers. Apparently there’s no Payless in Almaty.
Then, during a detour called Boots or Borscht where the clue directs the teams to put on Russian military uniforms and either march in sync with a few dozen soldiers, or serve 75 soldiers soup, Dandrew picks Boots. And Borscht. And Boots again. And Borscht again.
You see, first Andrew couldn’t properly put on the uniform to do Boots, which required the teams to wrap their feet in a cloth just right before putting on the boots. So they take off to do Borscht. But wait!! Remember how I just said “the clue directs the teams to put on Russian military uniforms and either. . .”? Yeah, Dandrew missed that too and took off the uniforms to go to the soup task, then realized that they still needed to wear the uniforms. So they go back to the tent and Andrew figures out how to wrap his feet, so they decide to do Boots.
Except there’s one small problem and here, I’ll just quote Dan: “My motor skills and coordination are definitely some of my poorer attributes.” Seriously, words cannot do his attempted marching justice. He looked like Lurch, crossed with a little Frankenstein, with some Elaine Benes thrown in. He literally could not swing his arms and lift his knee at the same time. It was frightening. I was kinda scared. . .when I wasn’t laughing.
So Dan realizes that the marching just isn’t going to work out well for them, so they end up doing the soup after all, which works out fine. Now, if only all tasks allowed this frat boy team to play to their strengths, principally shouting out names of hot Russian women while high-fiving 75 guys in the 18-24 demographic.
The chief competitors of Team Dandrew for last place was Team Nick and Starr, the siblings who have been riding a winning streak the past four legs. The show wanted us to believe that Starr and Dallas’ ongoing flirtation would be what leads to Nick and Starr’s downfall, but sadly it was just a case of garden-variety bad cab syndrome. Nick and Starr’s cabdriver did not speak English, they did not speak Russian, and this did not work well towards a compatible driver and passenger relationship. They apparently got lost on the way to the Detour, and ended up ditching the cab at the Roadblock, leading to much tears and frustration in finding a new cab and then trusting the new cab driver to get them to the pit stop as fast as possible. Nick remained fairly calm, as though he knew from past experience that Starr would get anxious enough for the both of them, which she pretty much did.
Was she afraid that they would lose a million dollars? Or just that her courtship with Dallas would come to an abrupt end? My hunch is the former, although Dallas is getting hotter every week. This week he hauled 50 55lb bags over his shoulder during a detour while his mother pleaded with him to take it slow and not to wear himself out too quickly in the heat (just like a mom!). The two of them have been quite adorable over the last few legs, and I’m rooting for them to finish on top. Plus, I owe Dallas one; the casual romance of his hand on Starr’s knee at the Almaty airport almost made up for the god awful “romantic” Izzie-Ghost intercourse Shonda Rhimes forced on me Thursday night. (Inisia and Tanya, I am soooo feeling you on that.)
So, Toni and Dallas came in first (their first first!), Ken and Tina came in second (and that’s the only thing noteworthy they did this week), Nick and Starr finished third, and Dan and Andrew were saved from elimination by a non-elimination leg. We’re down to the home stretch. . . .
Season 13, Episode 9: That is Studly (originally aired November 23, 2008)
For another take on this episode, check out To Russia with Lust by Paul Secrest.
For more on The Amazing Race, click here.
Sundays at 8pm ET/PT on CBS
Photographs courtesy of CBS