America’s Next Top Model: The Final Five

Get out your hankies, fans.  There’s a whole lot of feeling-sorry-for-yourself this week.

The girls rejoice on the bus ride home about making the Top Five.  Analeigh knows the other girls don’t consider her a threat, and … would you, really?

Meanwhile, trouble brews in the Immigration Nation. Elina can’t understand Tyra’s criticisms, but Marjorie interviews that Elina isn’t growing, and calls her attitude “tiring.”  At the house, Sam tries to psych the girls up, because dude, they’re top five. Marjorie can’t understand the reason to celebrate. Because Europeans are sad.

The next day, the girls arrive at Touché Models.  Frederick Koster sends them out on go-sees.  There are five designers total, and the girls can see as many or as few as they like, but must return by 5pm or risk disqualification.

Sam’s personality and knowledge of local customs does her well, but she’s considered too commercial.  The designers go crazy for McKey’s beauty (huh?) and height.  Meanwhile, Marjorie walks in circles and can’t understand the directions, maps, or European streets, with no bystanders willing to help.  You’d think her being European would make her easily relatable to these people, no?  Oh, if she can harp on it, so can I!

Elina arrives at her first go-see sweaty from running.  The designer is not pleased that she will ruin his clothes.  He says he wouldn’t book Elina because she’s not really a model, “she’s playing a model.”  Ouch.  And awesome.  The second designer says thanks, but no thanks after seeing Elina’s tattoos.  Awesome again.

Marjorie whines about being discouraged and lost, both figuratively and literally, and I hope all this attention means elimination, or at least, bottom two.  The designers consider Marjorie too nervous and unsure of herself, and though Analeigh tried too hard, her fresh face, personality and long hair go over surprisingly well in Amsterdam.

Marjorie gives up after two go-sees and returns to Touché.  Analeigh, Elina, and Sam trickle in, while McKey’s enjoyment of a new city and successful go-sees distract her from the clock, and she’s five minutes late.  The other girls cheer their chief rival’s disqualification.  McKey takes it well and avoids a Brittany meltdown.

However, Frederick Koster stares her down worse than my father’s ever done.  McKey would have won the challenge, but instead, Analeigh wins!  Her prize is $18,000 worth of the designers’ clothes.  In Elina’s interview, she admits being jealous, because either she or McKey should have won.

Marjorie cries in the bathroom to Analeigh that she hated today, and interviews to us that she anticipates either the bottom two or elimination.  Well, jeez, I hope so!  Otherwise, why must we listen to all this whining?

The girls arrive at their shoot, where Tyra explains that she is their photographer (expect plenty of self-congratulations during panel) for two photos: one plain, with no makeup, and a second, all glam and fabulous.  Marjorie interviews that this is possibly the worst thing ever.  Because Tyra is an awful diva who uses moments like this to celebrate herself.  No, she doesn’t say that.  She says that Tyra as the photographer scares her because it’s even more pressure than before.  Whatever, Tyra’s got a huge, hunchback of a crush on Marjorie, so she’s safe.

Sam’s up first.  Tyra says Sam comes alive with make-up and theatrics.  Naturally, Tyra must lie on the floor to take a photo, because, come on.  It’s Tyra!  Talk about theatrics.  Marjorie slouches her way in.  Jay asks Tyra in their dual interview if Marjorie inspires her.  Tyra admits Marjorie was a dud.  Marjorie does “a little better” in her glam shot.

Tyra doesn’t love Analeigh in the natural shoot, but she nails her glam photo.  Elina’s looking forward to showing Tyra who she really is, all stiffness and control gone.  Elina then proceeds to give Tyra stiff pose after stiff pose.  Tyra interviews that Elina is still too controlled.  How awesome would a bottom two between Elina and Marjorie be?  I call Elina going home between the two of them.

McKey blows Tyra away, of course, because McKey is the season’s new It Girl.

Elina says she feels good going into panel, and that she can’t show Tyra any more than she has already.  Marjorie can’t understand how Elina doesn’t see room for improvement.

Judging.  Paulina is still wearing too much make-up, but Tyra’s hair is normal again.  Guest judge is Mr. Jay.

Nigel loves loves loves Sam’s natural shot.  Someone calls it “Calvin Klein.”  They also love her glam shot.  Analeigh’s natural photo looks like a “casting for a campaign,” whereas Sam’s looks like an actual campaign.  Her glam shot, however, draws oohs and aaahs.

Marjorie admits she gave up on go-sees.  Her natural photo is boring and blah and “a broken marionette.”  Mr. Jay says the rest of her film showed her defeated and discouraged.  She comes alive, however, in her glam shot, and Tyra wants to see more of that girl in the natural photos and in person.

Elina’s dressed in a blazer for some reason, because blazers are so model in Europe or something, and Miss J has her remove the shirt underneath, and instantly, she’s hot.  Mr. Jay points out that she was loose and relaxed until Tyra picked up the camera, then she became all stiff again.  Elina admits she doesn’t know what else to do when they tell her to go crazy.  Mr. Jay reminds everyone she’s only eighteen, which surprised me too, because honestly, she’s so uptight, I think she might be lying.  They try a little therapy, but Elina’s too hard for that.  Mr. Jay is noticeably unimpressed.

McKey’s natural shot causes Tyra to congratulate herself for showing McKey that signature move of hers.  Her glam shot wows the judges.  Paulina takes this moment to point out how far McKey has come, from having to air- box just to get a photo, to an effortless shot like this.

You know why we need reminding?  Because McKey is boring.  And this reminder might be there for justification for McKey’s win.  Just you wait.

There’s only five left – so let’s get on with it.  Called first: Samantha!

Bottom two: Marjorie and Elina, and the Immigration Nation ends tonight.  Awesome. Elina has an amazing face and beautiful confidence, but, say it with me now, she’s too controlled.  Marjorie is “exquisite” and full of potential, but her nerves are her undoing.  Marjorie stays.  No surprise, but honestly, Marjorie should bow out.  Even if she were to win, she’d last two hours before crumbling mid-job.  Elina interviews that she understands now that she needs to loosen up and let go.  Now she understands?

Next week: Male models, alcohol, and Marjorie’s making out with boys!  Elina’s lesbian influence has been broken!

Season 11, Episode 11: The Final Five (originally aired November 5, 2008)

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Wednesdays at 8/7C, The CW

Photographs courtesy of The CW