Dancing with the Stars Dwindles Down

The stars of Dancing with the Stars are dwindling down, but with six contestants left, the stakes are sky-high.  With each couple performing a solo number and a group dance, who would be able to keep their star shining?  Read on …

The Monday night show began with Warren Sapp and Kym dancing a lackluster foxtrot, and it was the first time in the competition I found the big man boring.  The judges were equally unenthused, and even Warren’s biggest fan Carrie Ann asked him what was up.  Warren blamed it on the fact that he was wearing contestant Cody Linley’s shoes.  I have a hard time believing Warren fit in scrawny Cody’s shoes.  The judges weren’t buying the excuse either. (Total: 21)

Susan Lucci came out stomping with a paso doble – and again I was left wondering if I was watching the same dance as the judges.  They all seem to like the tiny dancer, but she always looks awkward and stiff to me, and Monday night was no different.  I just don’t find her very musical.  But Carrie Ann loved it and told Susan Lucci to tell the audience, “I’m doing good.”  Whatever you say, Carrie Ann. (Total: 24)

Maurice Green and Cheryl delivered a snappy cha cha which surprised me with its sharpness.  It wasn’t perfect in form, but it had style and sparkle.  Len declared it was Maurice’s best dance yet, and I agree. (Total: 25)

Cody (and his apparently big feet) danced next with his substitute partner Edyta, who’s filling in while Julianne recovers from her appendectomy.  Their Viennese Waltz felt a little too fast and sharp for a waltz, instead of smooth and delicate.  But then again, Cody’s 18 – I doubt smooth and delicate are his forte.  However, the judges were overly harsh with their scores.  In what world was his dance worse than Susan’s?  The answer is worlds beyond me. (Total: 22)

Wiz kids Lance Bass and Lacey were up next with a rumba which they danced barefoot with a park bench (like they were barefoot in the park – aww!).  After some initial frustration between Lance and Lacey during rehearsal, the two fell into the groove on the stage and I found myself smirking at just how good a dancer Lance has become.  He stood out for me that night with his smooth rhythms and easy lines.  The audience loved it too including Lance fans Kathy Griffin and Topanga (Danielle Fishel, for those of you without childhoods who missed out on Boy Meets World).  Carrie Ann and Bruno loved the barefoot risk, calling it “fantastic,” but then Len had to speak again and thought it was all too much of a distraction.  Poo poo on you Len – the routine was creative and mesmerizing.  Lance and Lacey, don’t let Len put you in a box.  You go! (Total: 25 – thanks to a much-booed 7 from Len)

Finally, to end the couple dances were Brooke Burke and Derek.  And, well, wow.  The white hot couple performed a pitch-perfect foxtrot (which is not an easy feat).  Brooke had every arm movement, every line, every little skip and dip down pat.  And, my goodness, her leg extension is crazy.  She was completely flawless in a dance worthy of a professional.  Her score was equally flawless, and she received the first perfect 30 of the season.

Then it was time for the group dances. Team “Cha Cha” – made up of Cody & Edyta, Susan & Tony, and Lance & Lacey – was up first.  How do I put this kindly?  It was not good.  As Carrie Ann pointed out, they were not in sync (sorry Lance).  Their moves and hips and arms were all over the place, and the only ones to save them were Lance & Lacey who delivered a fierce and powerful solo.  Too bad no one else was able to keep up with them.  For their group number, which would be added to their total scores, each couple received a 20 (pitiful).

Team “Paso Doble” then finished the night off on a high note.  Made up of the remaining couples – Maurice & Cheryl, Warren & Kym, and Brooke & Derek – “Paso Doble” came out hard to the tune of “Get Your Rocks On.”  And, boys and girls, rock on!  Their paso doble was hard-hitting, sharp, together, and the solos were kickin’.  It was a great end to the night, and they received a nearly-flawless 29.

Since we had results of a far more historic kind to get on Tuesday night, Dancing‘s results had to wait until Wednesday – though as with Tuesday night, any betting man could have predicted the outcome.

The night kicked off with a repeat performance by Team Paso Doble, which was less spectacular on Wednesday.  Then Lionel Richie performed a few songs I’ve never heard before.  There were also a series of bizarre “DanceCenter” clips, in which Jerry Rice (with bedazzled eyebrows and an afro), Kenny Mayne (who is this guy?), and Len Goodman spoofed Sports Center and critiqued the contestants.  It was wildly unfunny with the exception of the Brooke Burke assessment.  She was lapping in the waves in a tiny bikini and Kenny pointed out, “These are just family photos, they’re not even a commercial,” as one of her strengths flashed below on the screen as “She’s fertile!”  That one got a small chuckle.

After some more truly atrocious attempts at laughs – including the whole Len and the “bony knob” incident – the Macy’s “Stars of Dance” returned for a magic-themed routine.  It was fine, but I’d rather watch Harry Potter.  Maybe they didn’t hear about how Criss Angel’s new Las Vegas magic/dance show tanked?

Either way, it was on to the results.  The three members of Team Cha Cha were left in peril, and then – quite obviously – Susan Lucci was told that she was out.  Best of luck on All My Children, Susan, but it seems your star power ’round these parts has run out.

Season 7, Round 7: Episodes 14 and 15 (originally aired November 3 and 5, 2008)

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Competition Mondays at 8/7C, ABC

Elimination Tuesdays at 9/8C, ABC

Photographs courtesy of ABC