The Amazing Race: Sexytime in Kazakhstan

Before Sasha Baron Cohen unleashed his clueless alter ego Borat into the pop cultural landscape, most Americans had probably never heard of Kazakhstan, much less bothered to find it on a globe.  Shockingly, the place is larger than Mongolia and damn near as big as India so it only makes sense that after plotting out 13 unique global journeys, The Amazing Race‘s producers would lead teams across this vast and mysterious land.

After a mad scramble at the Delhi airport that leaves teams on three very different flights to the Kazakh town of Almaty, the show pulls one of its infamously lame catch up points at which any advantage gained by challenge performance or flight booking skill is erased thanks to a destination’s business hours.  Once dawn breaks, the 5 remaining teams stormed a chicken ranch clue box that contained not only a needle in the haystack Road Block but also the final Fast Forward challenge of the race.  Nick & Starr and Terence & Sarah both took the bait and made their way to a restaurant to consume local delicacy Fat From A Sheep’s Ass Soup.  Nick & Starr easily beat T & S to claim their fourth consecutive 1^st place finish, but a medal for good sportsmanship to vegetarian Terence for at least giving it a shot.

The aforementioned poultry party Road Block consisted of wandering through thousands of chickens in search of a golden egg somewhere on the floor.  Easy enough, but Sarah exacerbated her last place standing when she felt the need to check underneath the chickens individually.  After hitching a ride in an enormous crane truck (why a chicken ranch needs a fleet of crane trucks is beyond me), the Detour offered choosing between learning a simple folk song on local instruments to play for tips, or putting on a 2-person cow costume to wander the streets and hit a few waypoints.  I was profoundly disappointed that no one chose the music option, but you really can’t deny the entertainment value of a high steppin’ cow chanting “moo” at a steady pace.  Thanks for that, Dallas.  Also, Ken & Tina’s inadequate clue reading led to several painfully unnecessary double backs and Andrew & Dan interpreted the phrase “proceed on foot” to mean “hail a taxi,” forcing a backtrack before checking in at the Pit Stop.

The festival of costumed misdirection and ineptitude ended with a remarkably suspenseful race to the finish between Andrew & Dan and Terence & Sarah and I never thought I’d say this, but I’m actually sorry that Terence & Sarah are out of the race.  My regular readers know I’ve had no shortage of disdain for the standoffish and high-strung duo, but with their elimination coming back to back with Kelly & Christy’s, who am I supposed to root against?  Andrew & Dan wore out their welcome three legs ago and have been reduced to trudging around analyzing each other’s shortcomings, but they’re just ill-tempered and boring.  Wicked and bitchy, now there’s a combination that’ll put me on the Teams I Love To Hate bus.  I guess I’ll just focus my energies on rooting for Ken & Tina and maybe if I’m really lucky, Nick & Starr will turn further to the dark side.

Season 13, Episode 8: I’m Like an Angry Cow (originally aired November 16, 2008)

For another take on this episode, check out Moooo-ving Right Along. . . by Alana D.

For more on The Amazing Race, click here.

Sundays at 8pm ET/PT on CBS

Photographs courtesy of CBS