30 Rock: A Boozy, Burlesque Travesty
December 13, 2008 by Jaimie Campos
Filed under Television, Uncategorized
Holiday time at 30 Rock! Elaine Stritch is back as Jack’s Mom, Colleen. Two important life lessons, and it’s also time to make racism funny again! After all, the holidays shouldn’t just belong to Nazis, and Nazis, and Nazis, and Nazis, and Nazis, right?
We open with Liz bringing a box of Santa letters to the Writers Room and encouraging her team to pick one, thereby becoming “Santa” to the needy children in the letters. Just like she’s doing. I giggle a little over Frank’s choice of hat (Foley Artist) combined with his Wanted: Dead or Alive t-shirt of Mick Foley. See the connection? No? WWE? Is that no fun anymore for anyone but me and 13-year-old boys?
Back to Liz. The root of Liz’s charity this year comes not from a desire to help the less fortunate, but to create a new family to fill her Christmas void; Mom called and ditched her, tired of hosting their 38-year-old daughter for the holidays, having hoped that by now Liz would have a family of her own. Wicked burn! So Liz bitterly takes the high road, finding a new family and giving them the best Christmas ever, which means high priced electronics. My kind of Christmas.
Down in Florida, Jackie-boy surprised his mother, Colleen, with an early visit, and now he’s hightailing it to Rio for a real Christmas of tanning in the nude and betting on monkey wrestling. He’s so happy to be rid of Mom, he “could fly without a plane.” So he’s not paying attention when he backs up and hits Colleen, who heard nothing because she was listening to her iPod! And that, kids, is a danger of the road no one talks about! iPods can kill you! Or at least require a hip replacement.
Jack explains as much to Liz, saying the doctors are giving Colleen a titanium hip. “Like the Terminator. It’s only going to make her more powerful.” Jack’s near tears, because some idiot doctor recommended she be near family, so she’s back in New York with Jack. Liz offers to visit Colleen to help Jack out.
At her visit, Colleen continues her regular torture of Jack, amplified up by his “attempt” on her life. Jack pulls Liz aside and reveals that he waited eight minutes after he hit her before calling 911. He’s wracked with guilt, no longer sure it was an accident.
It’s December 23rd in the TGS offices, and the writers (and Tracy) wait until the last possible minute to leave in order for NBC to pay for their cabs. Liz explains she’s delivering her toys to her poor kids herself, so she can see their smiling faces. Since she’s going to a terrible neighborhood, Tracy and Dot Com offer an escort. Which is a pretty nice and unselfish thing for Tracy to do. Until he reminds Dot Com that he’s there to protect Tracy, not Liz Lemon.
In an attempt to keep away from his mother, Jack arrives just as the writers pick up their bags to go and announces that they will be putting on a live holiday show tomorrow night! And that is why you always leave the office as soon as possible, free cab ride be damned!
Uptown, Liz arrives with Tracy, Grizz and Dot Com at the apartment of her Letters to Santa kids. Two adult men open the door, grab the presents, and slam the door shut. All signs point to a scam! Or to use the past tense, Liz Lemon just got Scrumped!
On the set, Jack tells Hornberger the story of his mother’s Christmas visitor, a Mr. Schwarz, who would come over and sing Christmas songs with the two of them. They’d ask him to play White Christmas, and it would turn into “some boozy, burlesque travesty.” Now, White Christmas always arouses Jack (ew), and is forever ruined for me.
Liz enters the Post Office, with Tracy lingering to the side. She approaches the had-it-up-to-here clerk, who happens to be Black. Liz complains to Trené (“Irene”), about the scam, but Irene can’t help, and doesn’t really care. Liz finally appeals to Tracy for help. He ruins his line of “Oh? Really? We’re both Black so we must know each other,” by turning to Irene, and they do know each other! Nevertheless, Irene still can’t help.
Back on the set, Liz and Jack further discuss the Colleen situation. Jack subconsciously “attacked” his mother again the night before, and he’s pretty sure he’s trying to kill her. Liz later runs into Kenneth, and explains the scam, and how she’s going to shut this Letters to Santa program down! Naïve Kenneth calls her the C word, i.e., a Cranky Sue. Wicked burn, indeed. She decides to show him the truth, and uptown they go!
Two children answer the door: Liz’s two Dear Santa children! Christmas is for real! Liz tells them the gifts are from her, upsetting the kids because, essentially, she just killed Santa Claus. The two men who initially answered the door appear and remind her the letter said “Dear Santa,” not “Dear Lonely White Lady.” The door slams shut again.
At the Christmas Special, Jack freaks out when he learns that the Mrs. Claus bit has been cut. Did Liz’s mom not do the Mrs. Claus thing, where Mrs. C hangs your stocking, then puts out food for Santa, and then sings songs with you around the piano until she tucks you in? Liz breaks it down for him that Mrs. Claus isn’t a “thing,” so maybe Colleen did that for him to make up for his dad’s absence. Jack denies his mother’s good heart, rehashing his earlier story of Mom’s visits with Frederick August Otto Schwartz the Third. Liz correctly interprets this as Mr. FAO Schwarz. Ha. Nice. Jack realizes the truth: plenty of presents + a poor family = his Mom put out each Christmas for toys!
Tracy invites Liz to join his family for Christmas, and she accepts before realizing she’ll have to cook and host. Jack finds his mother, and tells her he loves her, and doesn’t want her to die. But that’s okay, because “I’m never going to, Jackie.” We close on Colleen and Jack singing the last few bars of “The Christmas Song” together at the piano, warmly and sweetly. Perfectly, actually, until Colleen points out he’s a little flat.
Well, if that doesn’t warm your stone cold hearts, America, nothing will. Happy Holidays!
Season 3, Episode 6: Christmas Special (originally aired December 11, 2008)
For another take on this episode, check out Liz Lemon, I think you just got scrumped by Robin Reed.
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