Dancing with the Stars: A Champion is Named

It’s been a long road here, but on Tuesday night a champion was named.  But before they were judged one last time, the finalists on Dancing with the Stars had to dance.

After a half-hour of replaying the finalists’ favorite past dances (yawn), the three couples – Lance Bass & Lacey Schwimmer, Brooke Burke & Derek Hough, and Warren Sapp & Kym Johnson – finally hit the dance floor with a group “samba smackdown.”  Len was so excited he said he needed to nip to the bathroom, and I was stuck between disgust and amusement.  But the samba soon brought me back to alert happiness again.

All three couples performed their solo sections admirably.  Lance & Lacey – mostly Lacey – were best.  The judges applauded them all and Len noted that Brooke was the one to beat in the first week and was still the one to beat in the tenth.  Scores: B&D 28, L&L 26 and W&K 25.

Then it was time for the much-hyped freestyle.  Brooke & Derek were up first with an off-the-charts spectacular routine to “You’re the One that I Want” from Grease.  It was filled with death-defying lifts, tons of energy, some costume stripping from Brooke, and perfectly pointed toes.  It was a perfect freestyle and the judges went wild.  Bruno even said that Brooke was the one that he wanted, and most memorably, that she got herself into positions he’d only seen in the Kama Sutra.  Disturbing.  But it was a great performance from Brooke – possibly one of the show’s best – and it was rewarded with a perfect 30.

Next up was Lance & Lacey – in their “Lancey” tees – who jumped about the stage to a lively hip-hop routine set to Run-DMC’s “It’s Tricky.”  The dance was high-energy and had loads of jokes and attitude – including Lance tossing his shoe at the end.  But the dance just didn’t compare with Brooke & Derek.  It just seemed a little too easy, though they did make Len admit to liking hip-hop.  Total: 27.

Finally, Warren freestyled his way across the dance floor, flinging Kym around after him.  Their lift-heavy routine entertained the crowd – and Carrie Ann – and scored well among the judges.  Len called Warren a star, and Bruno finally gave up trying to critique Warren’s technique.  He decided to just sit back and enjoy the Warren ride.  It was a wild show.  Total: 28.

So Tuesday came around with another bunch of surprises in the wings, more dances to judge, singing starlets, and more Cloris.  All of the dismissed stars returned to dance one more time together.  The eliminated couples performed admirably – minus Kim Kardashian who was cringe-inducing horrible, Misty May-Treanor who is still injured, and Toni Braxton who was recovering from a recent surgery.

After a superb Ricky/Lucy-inspired jitterbug from Cody and Julianne, Jeffrey Ross – who did surprisingly well in his earlier quickstep – returned again to the stage in order to roast Brooke, Lance, and Warren.  He began with some digs at ancient Cloris, and then turned to the remaining stars.  Highlights included a dig at Brooke for delivering her fifteenth child.  It was Lance’s and might come out of the womb and the closet on the same day. (Guffaw!) And then he dug into Warren by saying he was the only person who could dance 8 hours a day for 8 weeks and still be in horrible shape.  All the stars laughed amiably – though Lance looked a little annoyed at times and Brooke looked relieved when it was over.

Then it was time for the stars to put their dancing shoes back on.  Warren – the charming hustler – returned with his Hustle from earlier in the season.  It was still fun, flirty, and full of lifts.  Carrie Ann applauded Warren for showing men of all sizes and shapes that they can dance too.  Total: 27.

Next, Lance was up with Lacey, and they performed their lively sailor jitterbug from last week.  Somehow it just wasn’t as special with both shoes securely on Lance’s feet, but it was still darn-tootin’ good.  All the judges still loved the routine and praised Lancey for never taking the easy road and rebelling all the way.  Total: 28.

Then it was time for the lovely Miss Brooke.  She and Derek performed their Viennese Waltz to John Mayer’s “Daughters,” and it was still perfection.  The emotional, flowing, and gorgeous waltz ended with Brooke giving her gorgeous little girls a celebratory kiss and sent the audience into raptures.  The judges gushed and gushed, Carrie Ann furiously blinked back tears, and Brooke’s fiancé bawled in the front row.  Total: another perfect 30.

Then it was time to reveal the couple in third place.  It was Lance & Lacey.  After a lackluster freestyle, there was no surprise there, but Lance couldn’t help but comment that Joey (Fatone) would never let him live it down.  Joey landed in second place when he danced on that same stage.

Finally, after 10 weeks and what felt like a 10-hour season finale (oh yeah, Alicia Keys crooned and Miley Cyrus gyrated inappropriately somewhere in there), the winner was at last announced.

And the shiny, shiny disco ball trophy went to: Brooke and Derek.  The good-looking pair hugged and exuded happiness before Derek’s sister Julianne and roommate Mark Ballas rushed the stage and lifted them into the air.

Well, that’s all for the dancing semi-celebrities for now.  But never fear, a new season of lifts, falls, tears, laughs, corny jokes, attention-starved B-listers, and, of course, Dancing will be back in March.

Season 7, Round 10: Episodes 20 and 21 (originally aired November 24 and 25, 2008)

For more on Dancing with the Stars, click here.

Dancing with the Stars returns to ABC on March 9, 2009

Photographs courtesy of ABC