Eli Stone: Help

Well this week, the plot of Eli Stone revolves around my two least favorite subjects: romance and pregnancy.  Needless to say, this one didn’t blow my skirt up, but the performances remain strong across the board.

The episode begins with Eli out with his acupuncturist/spiritual guru Frank.  They’re off to see an old movie, slightly to Frank’s dismay.  Turns out Eli has been spending a lot of time with Frank…maybe too much time, even though Frank keeps trying to get Eli to go on a blind date with a woman he knows.  “Are you breaking up with me?” Eli asks, only half-jokingly.  But before the bachelors can discuss the nature of their relationship, Eli’s loyal, long-suffering assistant Patti jumps out of the silver screen and starts singing.  Uh oh…it’s crazy vision time.

It becomes apparent rather quickly that Patti desperately needs Eli’s help, though with what he doesn’t know.  He goes to the office to track her down after leaving several voicemails only to find her rushing out and claiming she is taking a personal day.  It doesn’t take Eli long to get to the truth: her daughter Angela has just been arrested on drug charges, this after Eli and Keith fought to get her DUI dropped a couple of episodes back.  Once again, the lawyer duo step up to defend Angela.  Keith has his doubts, but Eli believes Angela is innocent based on the vision he had.  And of course all this is made more complicated by Eli’s connection to Patti and the romantic tension/tiff-fests between Keith and Angela.

Meanwhile, we have to endure more woes between Matt and Taylor.  The two go to Taylor’s sonogram session thing, and when the technician comes in, Matt introduces himself as Taylor’s boyfriend while she simultaneously introduces him as her “friend.”  Uh oh…conflicting relationship definitions.  Never a good sign.  Don’t you just hate it when people fail to standardize the terminology they use to define their ties to each other?  Then the technician globs that disturbing goo on Taylor’s belly, the stuff that looks like rancid Jello from another planet.  Gag me.

As if that wasn’t enough romance crap for forty minutes, the episode takes time for Maggie and Matt to have a little consult at work.  Turns out Matt does love Taylor but has just never expressed those three magical words to her.  The relentlessly perky Maggie (am I the only one that wants to smash her in the skull with a cast-iron skillet just to see if she’ll stop smiling?) convinces Matt that he should tell her how he feels.  But of course, Matt can’t just tell Taylor that he loves her.  No, he has to do it in some insane, epic way, because hey, that’s romance!

Turns out Taylor’s favorite singer is Seal.  And he’s in town.  But Matt can’t get tickets because they’re sold out.  Except Maggie’s new client, a rich heiress played by Bridget Moynahan (she’s barely in this episode, and she’s had meaty roles in mainstream movies, what’s going on with her career?), knows Seal’s wife Heidi Klum.  Matt gets to take Taylor to the concert and tells her the magic words, but of course it doesn’t quite work out.  All this really made me realize that I don’t find Taylor or Matt remotely sympathetic or really interesting for that matter.  Why should I feel bad for Taylor that Eli broke off their engagement?  After all, she dumped him first when she found out he had the tumor in the pilot.  Real nice.  And Matt is a shallow tool who probably only thinks he’s in love because he saw it in a movie.

The real focus of the episode is of course Angela, who turns out not to be the angel her name implies.  She’s damaged goods and frankly, if you ask me, an incessant, whiny pain.  The strength of the episode comes from the scenes between Eli and Patti, because the actors really succeed in making you believe that they are very close and share an almost spiritual connection.  We also get some revelations about Patti’s past which are interesting, if not vital to the show’s future.  Though come to think of it, nothing is vital to the show’s future.  Because it has no future.  Because ABC would rather air Desperate Gigolos and reality shows where marriage is used as a stunt prize.  I think for the series finale of Eli Stone, Eli should have a vision telling him to take out ABC because they are bringing on the End of Days due to their complete lack of taste and commitment to airing soulless programming.

Season 2, Episode 7: Help (originally aired December 9, 2008)

For another take on this episode, check out In Need of Help by Kaitlyn Edsall.

For more on Eli Stone, click here.

Tuesdays at 10/9C on ABC

Photographs courtesy of ABC