Gossip Girl: Operation Snowflake

After a two-week hiatus, we are back on the Upper East Side preparing for, what else, another party: the Senior Snowflake Charity Ball.  You have to wonder who comes up with these party names but anyway, we begin with tension between Chuck and Blair over their respective dates for the ball.  Dan and Serena have a similar exchange only it’s over how Serena’s new beau, Aaron, is not going and so she and Dan will hang out together as two dateless friends.  And since no one ever goes to school except for lunch time in front of the Met, she and Dan head off to see Aaron at his gallery, where they are awkward exes interacting with Aaron and his bitchy ex, Lexi.  In short, they four spend the day together, Dan and Lexi flirt, Dan asks Lexi to the ball, and then Aaron decides to go to the ball with Serena.  Serena’s initial jealousy is only compounded when Aaron explains that Lexi loves to sleep with guys on the first date to show that women can be as sexually dominant as men.  (Sidenote: I love when women say this as if it somehow justifies their slutty behavior.  It doesn’t.  If you want to sleep around, own that decision, ladies.)

Back in Brooklyn, Jenny is cleaning the house and talking with Vanessa about Nate never pursuing anything with her after their many kisses.  Vanessa, who’s secretly seeing Nate again, insincerely advises Jenny to move on; Vanessa leaves to meet up with Nate so he can invite her to the ball.  But in walks Penelope who wants Jenny to design a custom dress for her.  Is little Jenny welcomed back into the club?  Looks like it because while she’s fitting Penelope, she gets a Gossip Girl broadcast text showing a picture of Nate giving Vanessa “CPR.”  When Vanessa returns, she’s very nonchalant about her kiss with Nate (like she also didn’t get the message from Gossip Girl), but the wrath of Jenny knows no bounds.  Little J wants revenge.

Lily has her usual uncomfortable banter with Rufus until Bart shows up to ask her back after their Thanksgiving fight.  He wants to change for her and starts by saying he fired his private investigator who snooped on her and her children.  He’s going to Miami and hopes to be back to attend the ball with her, but before Bart leaves for Miami he blames Chuck for ruining his marriage with Lily.  But while Bart is gone, Lily learns, via his secretary Mrs. Landingham, that he’s still meeting with his private investigator.  She’s going to the ball without him.  Rufus, that’s your cue to get your tuxedo (and freak) on.

At the Bass-Van der Woodsen apartment, Chuck plays the piano after “shiatsu” when Blair enters.  Being the gambling types, they agree to select each other’s date to the ball.  If Chuck likes his date, Blair gets his limo for a month; if she likes her date, he gets Dorota for a month.  Dorota’s read the Thirteenth Amendment and is not amused.  But the fear of a month of shining Chuck’s shoes (and more) gets Dorota and Blair searching for appropriate dates; Dorota even went on Facebook and joined a few groups.

While dropping off Penelope’s dress, Penelope & Co. want to get even with Vanessa for going to the ball with Nate.  They, along with Jenny, plot something involving Jenny removing the lining from her dress and publicly exposing her at the ball.  It’s the kind of complicated plot that only happens in teen movies.  But in furtherance of the conspiracy, Jenny gives Vanessa a dress and pretends to make up with her, or something.  I was distracted during this scene by Vanessa’s Clair Huxtable-inspired top.

As a prelude to the ball, Serena confesses to Blair that she’s yet to sleep with Aaron and that she’s jealous that Dan is going to “take a ride on the Lexi-coaster.”  Serena decides she wants to thank Aaron “properly” (i.e., coitus) for going to the ball with him.  (Remember when a simple “thank you” note was enough?)  And speaking of thank yous, Vanessa loves her dress and apologizes to Jenny for earlier; she is about to tell her about stealing Nate’s note when Nate calls.  Jenny gets flustered and leaves.

At the ball, we learn that Chuck and Blair found doppelgangers of themselves as dates for the other.  It’s really creepy, mainly because casting did such a good job at finding people who both look and act like these two.  While Chuck and Blair go off to talk about this psychological nightmare, Chuck and Blair 2.0 hit it off and make out in a corner like the Titanic is going down, minus the nude charcoal sketches.

Speaking of going down, Serena stares at Dan from across the room and Dan stares back at her gratuitous “side-boob.”  They dance and she tells Dan that Lexi is going to seduce him for sex (as opposed to seduction for 9 to 5: The Musical tickets?!?).  Dan already know this because Lexi told him, but Serena’s jealousy comes out and Dan, being Dan, makes a snotty comment.  Serena walks off.  Also on the dance floor: Rufus and Lily; she just told Rufus she’s leaving Bart.

But now the main event.  Vanessa apologizes to Jenny and says she’s calling off things with Nate.  Jenny feels remorse but does not move fast enough, for after Vanessa tells Nate about how she sabotaged his relationship with Jenny, a spotlight falls on Vanessa and everyone sees her goods.  As she stands center room with fake snow falling and everyone pointing and laughing, we can’t help but think the kids in Carrie did a better job.  With Vanessa and her shame running outside, Nate is upset with Jenny for being complicit in the plot.  He hands Jenny his old letter and makes excuses for Vanessa’s inappropriate behavior, noting that Jenny’s not the Jenny he’s known for the past 20 years, or words to that effect.

Meanwhile, Rufus and Lily have finished their dance and discuss her impending divorce.  Rufus admits (finally!) that he let her go on her wedding day out of fear and that he’s regretted this decision every day since.  It’s what we’ve been waiting for Rufus to say since last season, if only Bart were somehow out of the way . . . .  Chuck sees them talking and calls Bart to tell him to get to the ball.  Bart is in his limo talking with his private investigator–it turns out the investigator forced a meeting with Bart after Bart fired him.  But now, learning of Lily’s association with Rufus, Bart wants to know what the investigator has learned.  So Lily was ultimately right to still suspect Bart, right?

As the ball ends, Nate catches Vanessa and says he wants to be with her.  She cries and her tears make her dress even more translucent as they kiss while the cab’s meter is running.  Jenny watches from nearby shadows dressed in black, looking pale and tragic.  Jenny tells off Penelope & Co. and saunters back to Brooklyn.

Because it’s not a Gossip Girl episode if this doesn’t happen, Dan and Serena talk and apologize, recognizing that they can each go do who they want to do while we, the audience, know they either won’t do anything or they’ll be thinking about each other while they do it.  In other tired sexual tension news, Chuck and Blair enjoy a slow dance, and I notice for the first time that Chuck’s jacket is reflective.

But before anyone leaves the ball, Lily gets a phone call: Bart’s been in an accident.  Uh oh!

Season 2, Episode 12: It’s a Wonderful Lie (originally aired December 1, 2008)

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