Seven Pounds of Frustration

Remember when it used to be exciting and novel that Will Smith could act? Back in the days of Six Degrees of Separation, and Enemy of the State, and, heck, even Men in Black?

Those days are gone. We know now that Will Smith can act. He doesn’t need to keep proving it to us over. And over. And over. Look, Will, sweetie, we know about the Oscar nomination. We remember. I’m okay, you’re okay.

In Seven Pounds, Will Smith acts. A lot. He twists his face around into expression after expression and runs through the rain and yells in his car. He guilts, he grieves, he pleads, he guilts some more. And since we don’t find out why he’s guilting or grieving or yelling until 90 minutes into the movie, there’s plenty of time to savor all his acting, because there’s nothing else to think about. Story? What story? Don’t you see Will Smith acting over there?

I usually like to go into a movie knowing as little about it as possible. I don’t read reviews, and I scold my friends if I overhear them talking about the plot of a movie I haven’t seen. But that’s because I assume the movie is going to tell me what’s going on once I actually start watching it.

Since Seven Pounds doesn’t tell you what’s going on until you’ve already watched two-thirds of it, I am now going to tell you the things I wish I’d known walking into the theater. (Don’t worry, I won’t reveal any of the really big stuff, like what the title means. But if you’re a spoiler purist, stop reading now.)

Vital facts about Seven Pounds:

1. The backstory of the Will Smith character is thus: A few years ago, he caused a car crash that resulted in the deaths of seven people, including his fiancée.
2. He is now trying to atone for these deaths by helping out seven other people. First, though, he has to get to know them to make sure they’re worthy of his help. (So, if you see the movie and you’re perplexed about why he keeps driving up to random hospitals, hockey rinks, etc., it’s usually because he’s working on this project. Much like Earl with his list.)
3. Rosario Dawson’s character, who’s very sick but still has gorgeous teeth, is one of the people Will Smith’s character has chosen to help.
4. A big chunk of the movie is about the romance between the Will Smith and Rosario Dawson characters.
5. A jellyfish plays an integral role in the movie.

One scene toward the end of Seven Pounds, which I will not give away, was indeed amazing, and I suspect it will stay with me for a long time. But it wasn’t amazing because it was so moving and powerful and emotional. It was amazing in the way that that scene in 30 Rock last season, when all the characters randomly started singing “Midnight Train to Georgia,” was amazing. Except, I’m pretty sure the 30 Rock people knew exactly what they were doing when they filmed that scene. And I can’t say the same for Seven Pounds.

It is astonishing to me that this script ever got green-lit. Will Smith was one of the producers, so I’m sure that helped.

But… to be honest… I did actually kind of like the movie, in the end. The last 10 minutes were pretty powerful. They made up for a lot of what came before. Not all of it. But enough.

But after this, and The Day the Earth Stood So Still I Thought It Would Never Ever End, I really need to watch a movie that has some suspense, or some plot, or something. Hey, I hear Confessions of a Shopaholic is coming out soon.