The Office: I call it an orange-vod-juice-ka

Raise your hand if you think Meredith’s an alcoholic?

Yeah, that’s what I thought.

We’re four and a half seasons into this show now. We’re no longer learning awesome new tidbits about people’s lives, like we did in earlier seasons, when one of the biggest laughs of an episode might have been finding out that Kevin was in a band called Scrantonicity or that Michael and Phyllis were in the same high school class.

Now, we know everyone by heart, no matter how minor the character. Phyllis? Oh, you mean Phyllis Vance, formerly Phyllis Lapin, who ships Jim/Pam and used to have a sad crush on Michael and is now married to Bob Vance of Vance Refrigeration, and who spent years being humiliated by Angela as a peon on the Party Planning Committee, only to recently emerge as the committee’s new leader and humiliate Angela right back? That Phyllis?

The British version of The Office ended after thirteen episodes. We barely even got to know most of the minor characters there. But this is an American show. It has to keep going, and going, and going.

So, instead of spending time getting to know people, in this season of The Office, the drama is dialed up. Jim and Pam are engaged. Michael is slowly growing a spine. Dwight and Angela are stuck in a love triangle that’s becoming more sad than funny. Meredith’s hair caught on fire.

This season, Michael had the first hint of romance with someone who might have actually gotten him – only to have it dashed by David Wallace after a piddling five episodes. He also hooked up with a concierge in Winnipeg in a sequence that was almost heartbreaking.

And Jim and Pam are finally engaged (but with no wedding date in sight – déjà vu much, Pam?), and are happily turning into their parents. Jim even bought a house for them – albeit without telling Pam, for which I think Jim is a douche. Yes, Pam was okay with it, which I guess means we should all be okay with it, but, I mean, of course Pam was okay with it. Her last fiancé wouldn’t even buy her a real iPod. Plus, it would indeed be nice to be a homeowner without having to shell out any of your own cash. (Although I wonder how much savings Pam could possibly have left anyway. Those Pratt classes weren’t cheap, and ever since she broke up with Roy she’s been paying rent by herself, and car payments by herself, and gas by herself, and then there’s all those new clothes she bought in season 4. I know, via Joe Biden, that Scranton is a hellhole, and so presumably all those things are fairly cheap there, but all Pam’s got is her Dunder Mifflin salary and that $100 she got for winning that art contest in season 3.) So maybe I should take back that thing about Jim being a douche. But I’ve just never gotten past my general irritation with him. Jim’s high point came with his unabashed declaration of love for Pam in the season 2 finale, and ever since then he’s been on a rapid downward spiral in the likeability department.

But then, while I’m complaining about Jim, Pam isn’t much better. Her decision to come back to Scranton without finishing her graphic design course, and announcing to Jim that she hadn’t liked it anyway, made me very uncomfortable. I guess it should’ve been acceptable, given that it neatly parallels Jim withdrawing his application for that corporate job and coming back to Scranton at the end of season 3. But… Jim never really seemed like he wanted that corporate job, in the end, whereas Pam’s been talking about her dreams of a career in art since season 2. And when Harry from Mad Men was trying to convince her to stay in New York and pursue her dream, she did seem like she was genuinely thinking about it. (And by the way, why didn’t Pam hook up with that guy? Why bother casting Harry from Mad Men if you’re only going to give him two scenes?)

But the real drama has been reserved for the Dwight/Angela/Andy triangle. Poor Andy has spent this first half of season 5 desperately trying to plan a wedding while being, in Dwight’s words, “cuckolded by a stronger, smarter male.” It was funny, at first. But now that Phyllis has outed Angela and Dwight to the entire office (except Andy), it just seems really sad. For the first time, it was like Andy was an actual human being. This is, after all, a guy who taught himself how to play “Deck the Halls” on the sitar in just a few minutes. If he weren’t such an all-around loser, that would be genuinely impressive. But Dwight and Angela, after appearing to genuinely care about each other back in season 3, now just seem to be using each other for various things, as proven by Dwight’s complete lack of caring about Angela’s obvious (and very real) distress after Phyllis let the secret out. And now we’re heading into 2009 with Andy still blissfully unaware and Dwight and Angela still, as far as we know, legally married.

But the most awesome character so far in season 5 has been Ryan. The Office has always straddled a line between the typical (an HR workshop on sexual harassment generates lots of sexual harassment) and the surreal (Michael hits Meredith with his car and cracks her pelvis, and then she gets rabies). Sometimes it’s problematic when the show leans too far toward the latter. The Ryan character is a great example of this. He started out as arguably the most believable character on the show back in season 1, and now that we’re midway through season 5 he has become completely over-the-top. His very presence in the office defies realism. (Surely David Wallace wouldn’t allow Ryan anywhere near Dunder Mifflin property. Corporate’s PR department would explode.)

And now Ryan’s off the show, possibly for good. Which is fine – he’s become such a caricature that he’s barely recognizable as human now. Much like Jan. She’s a ludicrous parody of a woman who was once a genuinely interesting character. (Again, not that I’m knocking that – the baby shower episode was hysterical – but, remember when we used to feel sorry for Jan?)

My predictions for the rest of the season:

1. Michael and Jan will get back together.
2. Michael will find himself babysitting, and crying, a lot.
3. We will not see a Pam/Jim wedding.
4. We will not see an Andy/Angela wedding.
5. Dwight and Angela will still be married in the season finale.
6. John Krasinski will finally get that much-deserved Emmy nomination.

And… that’s all I can come up with. Hmm. Why is this so hard? (… That’s what she said.)

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Thursdays, 9/8C on NBC

Photographs courtesy of NBC