Top Chef: Here Comes the Gail

We begin this week with unnecessary footage of Jamie talking about the gifts Stefan has been giving her.  It seems Stefan either does not understand the meaning of “lesbian” or he doesn’t care.  Oh and Ariane is still 40 and fabulous and feeling great about her win.  Will she win again this week?

Quickfire.  In the kitchen, Padma tells them it’s time for “Identify that Ingredient,” which is like Name That Tune, only with naming ingredients instead of tunes.  After three rounds, it comes down to Carla, Hosea, and Stefan trying to name what’s in Mexican Mole Sauce.  Carla goes out first by guessing “peanut butter,” and then Hosea wins to Stefan.  Hosea is pleased and earns immunity.

Elimination Challenge: Padma is throwing a bridal shower for a “very dear friend,” Gail.  Our chefs are to prepare a bridal shower for 40 women, and Gail shares that this is not a group of women “who like their salad dressing on the side.”  So they’re fat?  She also doesn’t want veal or black beans, and these gals are largely from her colleagues at Food & Wine.  The chefs draw knives and divide into four teams: Something Old, Something New, Something Borrowed, and Something Blue.  Each team gets one course, in that order and their course should relate to their team name.

Shopping time.  Hootie!

While the chefs begin to cook, we hear about Eugene’s wife not having a shower and we get so distracted he ruins his rice.  He asks if that’s going to be a problem.  If you have to ask . . .  Chef Tom arrives to remind us that there’s no naturally occurring blue food.  But Melissa (gunning for more air time?) corrects him by saying “blueberries.”  (Oh but they’re not really blue.  See?) Tom laughs it off before he smiles politely as Eugene, Daniel, and Carla try to explain their Something New concept of random foods mushed together called “sushi” or something.  Hoo!

Team Old is using heirloom tomatoes to make dishes from the Old World.  Very creative.  Stefan talks about being twice married (and twice divorced).  No word on the third.  I hear Jamie is available . . .   As part of the additional (and unnecessary) 15 minute footage, we see Eugene talk with Daniel that night about having a build-your-own sushi to incorporate all of their ideas.  Eugene reasons that this is a new concept and it “fits with what Gail is about to do with her life.”  (Wrap up meat with rice?  Eww.)  Stefan is unconvinced and says that women don’t want to touch their food; he doesn’t even want to touch their food.  But he wants to touch Jamie. (Ok, I’ll drop it.) In other unnecessary film, Hosea and Leah are still flirting but we learn they both have significant others.

At 24 Fifth Avenue, the guests arrive and Padma toasts the “beautiful women” who showed up for Gail.  Tom isn’t allowed at the girls’ party so he has to hide in the kitchen.  Fabio equates this with the His Holiness the Pope watching a priest work.  Yep, just like it.  Our special guest is Dana Cowin, Editor in Chief of Food & Wine.

Let the service begin.  Something Old present gazpacho with the shaking hands of Hosea.  Something New is a hot tranny mess.  Daniel sneaks mushrooms into the bottom of Carla’s salad and she is not pleased–she also doesn’t object to it or stop him from doing it.  Daniel interviews that they’re going to love it and start taking their clothes off.  No clue.  The women are equally confused about the food.

With Something Borrowed, Ariane serves up lamb, borrowing the flavor profile from Radhika’s Indian culture.  It sounds excellent and the dish made Gail really happy.  Finally, Something Blue serves fish.  Get it?  Fish is in the ocean, the ocean is blue, our theme is blue!  Don’t be ridiculous, Fabio Balki Bartokomous.  So there’s nothing blue about their dish.  In fact, the color palate is the same as the previous dish, but the ladies want Fabio to talk because he’s Italian and charming.  Fabio interviews that every woman needs to hear she looks beautiful so he opens with that line.  The ladies aren’t convinced even with his Myposian charm as the fish had the texture of “old people food.”  Gail is also not amused that they served Chilean Sea Bass, which isn’t “the most politically correct food.”  At least it wasn’t veal . . . or black beans.  But Gail is speechless during her thank you speech about being embarrassed.  Now I’m confused.

Judges’ Table.  They love Something Old and Something Borrowed.  Dana announces Ariane is the winner (two weeks in a row) but Jamie (who made the underlying carrot puree) is surprised and pissed.  Ariane is partially upset that Jamie is upset that she didn’t win, and Jamie said that no one expected anyone but her to win so she’s bummed.  Should have set your expectations lower–that’s how I roll.

The losers.  Eugene and his rice get appropriate ridicule from the judges.  Carla was not pleased with how everything came out but she’s more upset that she let it happen.  Daniel remains obtuse and would change nothing about what they did; he’s very happy.  As Tom puts his head in his hands, I suspect Daniel is going home before we got to see a photo of his family and/or childhood.

While we await the results, Eugene heads back to the Stew Room and asks Jeff to check his back for a second asshole because he got “ripped a new one.”  Where did he learn to talk like that?  Governor Blagojevich?

In the end, the judging was difficult because this challenge was so personal for the judges because it was personal for Gail.  (O-kay.)  Team Blue is dismissed with a warning from Tom.  Tom would like to send all of Something New home but instead Daniel and his delusions are going home.  Even with Stefan’s creepy advances, I bet Jamie is pleased that with Daniel gone the Stew Room floors can once again be clean.  We end with Daniel’s cryptic statement that he could have stayed longer if he threw people under the bus.  Either that footage wasn’t good enough to make it into the extra fifteen minutes or it only exists in his rose-tinted world.  Until next time, may it keep Daniel safe from his trouble and pain.

Next week: Martha Stewart and spoiled food at Christmas.  AT CHRISTMAS!

Season 5, Episode 5: Gail’s Bridal Shower (originally aired December 10, 2008)

For another take on this episode, check out Thank You For Being Strong Women… by Jaimie Campos.

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