30 Rock: A Blaffair to Rememblack

This week’s 30 Rock takes on that eternal question: Can two people fall in love over a benign gonad cyst?

Apparently, the answer – at least when those two people look like Alec Baldwin and Salma Hayek – is a resounding yes.

Meanwhile, Tracy and Angie are desecrating office furniture.  Kenneth is doing raps from Teen Witch.  Jenna is sleepy.  And, after an iffy Christmas episode, 30 Rock is back in its groove.

The episode centers on the dating dilemmas of Liz and Jack.  Hers: How do you maintain a relationship with a little person when your attraction to him is based on the mistaken impression that he’s a second-grader?  His: What do you do when you’re trying to take a Fox News correspondent out to dinner, but she’ll only eat salted ice cubes?

Stuff like this is the reason I watch this show.  The rest is just frosting.  And this week, as always, the frosting was superb.  From Jenna’s copyright-safe impression of Janet Jopler (and her performance of the instant classic “Chunk of My Lung”), to Liz stealing romance tips from the Sex and the City movie, to Kenneth’s reaction to Tracy and his wife having sex on Kenneth’s desk (Kenneth quivers and cries, but doesn’t leave his post), this week we got a solid 24 minutes of comedy gold.

But back to Liz and that little person.  Lately, she’s been stressed about the failure of her adoption efforts, and has resorted to stealing baby shoes. (Look, Liz, just start hanging out in crack dens more.  Odds are some overprivileged teen will give birth there and abandon her baby and it will be adopted by crackhead vagrants, who will then hand the baby over to you if you ask nicely.)

On the street, Liz pats a young boy on the head, only to realize that he’s in fact a grown man.  He mistakes the head pat for a come-on, and informs Liz that he “likes aggressive women with a nerdy vibe.”  He turns out to be perfect for her – he’s smart, he’s funny, and he has a job.  And what a job it is: He works at the UN High Commission on Water Temperature and Food Taint.  Perks include free dating advice from Kofi and a magic car service.  Naturally, Liz manages to screw the relationship up before the close of the episode.

Jack, on the other hand, might wind up getting himself a full three-episode romance arc.  Having hired Salma Hayek (yes, she’s playing a character, but whatever, it’s Salma Hayek) to serve as his mother’s nurse, he proceeds to bond with her over the aforementioned benign gonad cyst.  Then, on Salma’s day off, he goes to see her at her goddaughter’s quinciñera, where everyone is doing the Macarena.  He manages not to leer even though Salma’s showing more cleavage than I would’ve thought permissible on broadcast TV, so it must be true love.

Other things we learned this week:

• Something’s wrong with Jenna’s brother, but no one cares, including Jenna.
• A piragua is exactly like a sno-cone, except they call it a piragua.
• GE throws in a complimentary Heroes DVD with every missile guidance system it sells.
• Authoritative, rapid Spanish subdues white people.

Season 3, Episode 7: Señor Macho Solo (originally aired January 8, 2009)

For another take on this episode, check out Classic Lemon Man-Eater! by Jaimie Campos.

For more on 30 Rock, click here.

Thursdays at 9:30/8:30C on NBC

Photographs courtesy of NBC