30 Rock: Ms. Joplin, If You’re Nasty

Remember when 30 Rock was consistently funny?  I hope we go back to those days soon.

Jack stops by Liz’s office looking for moral support.  He’s been asked to deliver the key note address at the company’s Six Sigma Retreat to Move Forward, and after losing the CEO position this year, he’s afraid he’s fallen out of grace with the Sigmas.  Or as Liz calls it, he’s got the camp jitters.  Reluctantly, she agrees to join him as his one-woman support system.

In the much better subplot, Jenna’s going method in preparation for her role in the Janis Joplin biopic.  Frank suggests she do her research on Wikipedia, since people are learning new things about Ms. Joplin (if you’re nasty) every day.  He then logs onto Wikipedia and begins editing.  “Did you know that Janis Joplin speedwalked everywhere and was afraid of toilets?”  Funny, yes, but that is exactly why it shocks me every time businesses use Wikipedia as reference material.  As a generic tool, sure, but as a research tool that could affect your company’s bottom line and business dealings?  I wish I were making that up.

At the retreat, Liz discovers Jack psyching himself up in front of a mirror.  Jack’s go-to phrases include the timeless motivational mottos: “Just do it!  Is it in you?  I’m loving it!”  Hilarious!  Liz does the same thing, but her convo goes differently: “Stop sweating you idiot.  What is wrong with you, you stupid bitch!”

But lo and behold, our boy Jackie doesn’t need clever catchphrases.  The six Sigmas – the six men who represent the six pillars of good business (teamwork, insight, brutality, male enhancement, hand shakefulness, and play hard) – welcome him back with open arms.  Which leaves Liz on the outs, until Jack feels obligated and invites her to lunch.

Where things go wrong for Jack.  Lunch is a competitive team-building exercise.  Liz’s competitive streak causes her to yell at her teammates and her leader, Jack.  When they win, she hugs him and gloats (“Suck it, nerds!”), forcing the Brutality Sigma to pull Jack aside and question his leadership of a subordinate.  “The old Jack Donaghy would never have stood for that.”

Side note: does anyone else recognize the Sigma Brutality as Mark Dalton, Erica Kane’s drug crazy brother from All My Children?  Ten points to me!  Suck it, nerds!

As a result of his dressing down, Jack asks Liz to behave appropriately while they’re at the conference.  Liz takes his comments personally, reliving painful rejection moments from high school.  Oh, girl, I know.  Jack points out that this is the problem.  He gives her “a simple managerial suggestion in a professional context, and [he] gets back the second half of a Judy Blume novel.”  I used to read those all the time as a kid!  But don’t ask me now what any of them were about.  She leaves, bitterness ruining the taste of her omelets bar breakfast.

Back at 30 Rock, Frank finds Jenna downing tequila before trying to eat a cat.  He comes clean on his fictional data about Janis’s life, and he reminds us all that Alf ate cats, not Janis Joplin.  History is a powerful thing, kids.  Jenna flips out, and suddenly the two are alone in her dressing room.  Jenna’s tirade turns Frank on, because he’s got a thing for damaged goods.  He tells her that if she can get this raw in the film, she’ll win an Oscar.  This turns on Jenna, and next thing you know, they’re having sex!  I told you this plot was better!

The next day, Jenna feels regretful and then relieved when Frank asks her to keep the whole thing to herself.  He’s “got a lot of irons in the fire around here” and doesn’t want anyone to know about it.  It was stupid.  Jenna’s all for it until she realizes he’s embarrassed by the whole thing.  She’s all WTF? until she catches Frank gossiping with the writers … about Grand Theft Auto IV.

Further insulted, Jenna outs him and their dressing room tryst.  “It’s disgusting. I slutted it up on this dirtbag!”  Frank warns her she’s made a mistake.  And does she!  Turns out, Frank’s a hot commodity over at TGS, as proved when Katie the hair stylist attacks Jenna through styling products.  Frank’s a whore!  Jenna runs screaming through the halls holding a broom as a weapon and with hair in disarray, filled with blonde coloring and bleach.  Oh the horror!  And girl, I’ve been there too.

Back at the retreat, Liz sits with the nerds at dinner, refusing Jack’s overture to join him at his table and patch things up.  Jack disappears to have his mic prepped for his speech.  The new guy leaves the mic on, and without realizing it, Jack’s psych up speech is now broadcast live and in living color for everyone to hear.  “Just Do It!  Is it in you?  I’m loving it, you magnificent son of a bitch!”

The nerds think Liz should let Jack fall, but she’s his friend, so she grabs him and clues him in.  He’s devastated, now the laughingstock of the conference.  Not so when our Liz Lemon is on the job!  She grabs the mic and enters the ballroom, trying to play off Jack’s indiscretion as one of her many impressions, which nobody buys, even after poor impressions of Mrs. Cunningham and Sling Blade.  Attempts to entertain the crowd fall flat, so Liz has no choice but to belt out “Everybody Dance Now!”  Then she rips open her shirt and dances poorly for the crowd.

Success!  Jack informs her the next day that everyone’s forgotten about his psych up speech, and naturally, Liz is banned from all further corporate retreats.  He thanks her and calls her a hero.  And all is right again in the world of Jack and Liz.

Over in Tracy Jordan-Land, in another subplot funnier than the main one, Dr. Spaceman informs Tracy he has diabetes.  Forever the optimist, Tracy enjoys the diagnosis as an opportunity to lose his foot and replace it with a motorized wheel, a la Rosie from The Jetsons.  Kenneth rains on the parade, however, trying to convince Tracy to change his diet.  Tracy thinks a link between diabetes and diet is about as silly as the idea that leasing a sports car is a bad investment.  When Tracy refuses to eat his veggies, Kenneth tries to scare him into eating them with the story of the Hill Witch.  Predictably, Kenneth fails at tricking Tracy, but only the appearance of Jenna, hair bleached and crazy, dressed in a smock and screaming at the horrors of crazy women who love Frank, can convince both Tracy and Kenneth that the witch is real.  And only then, does Tracy eat his veggies.

And that’s why you should always eat healthy, kids.  It’s not the diabetes that’ll kill you.  It’s the horror of sex with Frank.

Season 3, Episode 9: Retreat to Move Forward (originally aired January 22, 2008)

For another take on this episode, check out Never badmouth synergy! by Robin Reed.

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