House: The One Where Cameron Wears That Suit

First, some backstory.

I’ve been known to go to EW.com from time to time.  One feature of that site is something called the Ausiello Files, where one of their writers shares the “inside scoop” on various TV shows – spoilers and casting news and such.

I never read the Ausiello Files, because I am virulently anti-spoiler.  However, EW.com, in its infinite wisdom, doesn’t always care that some of its visitors may be anti-spoiler.  It doesn’t care that these visitors may expect that this mainstream entertainment news website will at least keep spoilers off its homepage, and it does not always require that people who do want to read spoilers should have to CLICK THROUGH to a page that is clearly labeled “SPOILERS HERE!”

Ahem.

So anyway, a few weeks back I went to EW.com to see what movies were doing well at the box office. (Okay, fine, I was checking on the Twilight numbers.  I want it to do well so that they’ll give them more money for the special effects in the sequels.  Which I also plan to see on opening night, just like I did the original.  So sue me, Campos.)  And there, right in the middle of the EW.com homepage, was a huge box that said “Ausiello Files!  Cuddy’s out, Cameron’s in!”

And I read that and went, “Huh.  Well, first of all, I did not want to know that.  And second of all, they couldn’t possibly mean that Cameron’s getting Cuddy’s job, seeing as how she is so dramatically not qualified for it.  So they must mean that, because House and Cuddy are over romantically, House and Cameron will start having romantic tension again.”

Now, I would argue that House and Cameron never really stopped having romantic tension, but that the writers simply decided to stop playing it up.  And, in my opinion, a little House/Cameron action might have actually led to an interesting storyline.  And that it also might, just might, mean Chase could have something to do, like in that one episode where he’s had screen time so far this season. (Which of course was an episode about Cameron.  Because there have been, I think, three episodes about Chase in the entire five seasons of this show.  Which, fine, I know it’s not an ensemble show and you don’t have to utilize the supporting cast members if you don’t want to, and God knows I don’t want to watch an episode about Kutner.  Even though I’ve seen enough episodes about Thirteen to last me another five seasons already.)

But no.  As the end of last week’s episode made clear, there would be no House/Cameron makeout scenes.  There would be no screen time for Chase.  Cameron was given Cuddy’s job, not Cuddy’s ex, and so there would only be cutely written House/Cameron argument scenes, and House playing games with Cameron, and Cuddy regretting this stupid decision. (Because, I mean, really.  She couldn’t have had Wilson take over for her?  He might, in the resume sense at least, be qualified for it.  And he certainly has the time on his hands.)

And actually, that’s fine.  I like Cameron.  I like House.  I like it when the two of them are on screen together.  Whatever her flaws may be, Jennifer Morrison has had fantastic chemistry with Hugh Laurie since the pilot.  And when the writers aren’t using Cameron to live out their what-if-this-was-still-1943-and-sexual-harassment-of-hot-female-subordinates-was-socially-acceptable fantasies, she can be a lot of fun to watch.

Also, with Cameron’s new job, I knew we’d get to see her with her hair combed and dressed in real clothes again.  Yay!  I was starting to think it was part of Olivia Wilde’s contract that Jennifer Morrison must be made to look as unattractive as possible so as not to distract the audience from Ms. Wilde’s freakish prettiness.  (Actually, come to think of it, Olivia Wilde’s contract could also be the underlying cause for Cuddy’s new haircut.  And I wouldn’t put it past her to be the reason behind Chase’s apparently glued-on surgical mask).

Anyway.  As you might’ve guessed by now, it was hard to pay attention to the patient this week, what with all these distractions.

Because the patient, a special-ed teacher with a bunch of random unexplained symptoms and a way-too-generous-personality, is a lot less interesting than the subplots.  There’s Cameron, yes, and her outfit (more on that in a sec), but more than that, there’s Cuddy and baby Rachel.

Because you see, poor Cuddy is suffering from something like postpartum depression, despite not having given birth.  She’s staying home and taking care of the baby, but she’s not happy; she’s waiting to feel an instant maternal connection and it’s not happening.  She even almost lets House talk her into giving Rachel up, and I was ready to get mad at the show again because I was afraid this baby was merely yet another stepping stone on our way to a House/Cuddy relationship, just when I was getting used to the idea that Cuddy was actually going to be allowed to mature as a character.

But finally, after a series of wrenching scenes (this show is wrenching scene after wrenching scene lately; what happened to our wacky Kutner/Taub adventures?), Cuddy and the baby bond, and Cuddy decides to keep her after all.  Then Cuddy gives Rachel to House to hold, and House is cute with her for a second, like he always is with babies, until she throws up on him.  But even that’s okay, because it gives him his eureka moment for the episode.  I’ll give the writers props – lately they’ve been coming up with some pretty creative eureka moments.

Meanwhile, House enjoys his extra time with Cameron, as do I.  She tries desperately, and hilariously, to act the way she thinks Cuddy acts.  House tries to throw her off her game by propositioning her, but she learned how to deal with that back in season 3, and she flirts right back just as inappropriately.  Then she does silly things like making House do extra tests to prove the necessity of doing all the ultra-dangerous procedures he wants to do (and then she lets him do them all anyway).

But, most amusingly of all, she shows up at the hospital wearing an awesome 80s-style blue suit that she obviously bought just for this gig.  It has enormous shoulder pads, with the collar buttoned way way up (maybe she’s trying to atone on Cuddy’s behalf for all those unprofessional low-cut tops).

Although across the board, clothing-wise, there was a lot happening this week.  Between House and Kutner’s stupid T-shirts, and Foreman’s pimp suits, and Thirteen’s too-casual, too-clingy sweaters, and Cameron’s aforementioned shoulder pads, Taub is the only person on this show who looks like an actual doctor.  Well, he’s also the only one I’d trust to so much as take my temperature, so I guess it fits.

Chase, despite his girlfriend’s new prominence on the show, still only gets one scene, but at least he gets to mostly show his face this time.  Although he still has that unfortunate scruff on it, and I guess Cameron used up all the hair-care products in the house because dude’s got some serious grease happening.  He spends his scene pretending to be friends with Foreman, because neither of them has any other friends.  You know, I love Chase, but I don’t think I’d be friends with him either.  Hey, maybe Chase and Foreman can bond over how it doesn’t bother them at all that House goes around hitting on their respective girlfriends all the time.

Also, Kutner stands up to House a lot in this episode, because Thirteen and Foreman are preoccupied and Taub’s turn to talk was last week.  Kutner doesn’t think Cameron is doing enough to rein in House’s insanity, so he tattles to Cuddy.  Then Cuddy, stressed out about her baby situation, tries to interfere during the most dangerous test of all by yelling at House over speakerphone so that everyone, including the understandably stressed-out patient, can hear.  This seems to trigger a really bad episode for the patient.  Then Kutner is pissed at House and Cameron, even though he’s the one who put Cuddy on speakerphone and caused this mess.

I don’t like Kutner, obviously, but it wasn’t until this episode that I realized Kal Penn is really pretty bad in this role.  His line deliveries are wooden and he only has two facial expressions.  And he already used them both up this week with his PSA for National Mentoring Month.

(By the way, I was trying to find that on YouTube to link to it, and I couldn’t.  But I did find about a million other videos of Kal Penn doing cool activisty stuff.  So now I feel bad for saying he’s not good on this show. But… it’s still true.  Look, I’m sure he was great as Kumar (although I haven’t seen that one myself), but I think TV drama just isn’t a good fit for him.)

In the end, Cameron quits after her first day on the job as the Cuddy-wannabe.  She and Cuddy conclude that Cuddy really is the only person in the world capable of managing House.  And so she has to go back to work, leaving Rachel with a nanny. (Wouldn’t it be easier to just fire House?  I know, I know.  But really.)

Also, Foreman and Thirteen have another subplot, as is their wont.  Last week Foreman figured out that she was getting the placebo instead of the real drug in their clinical trial, and now he’s all conflicted.  He wants to put her on the real drugs, but doing so would mess up the trial and jeopardize his career.  So House talks him out of doing it, but then adds, “Unless you love her,” and that gives Foreman pause.  Really? I know this is Foreman and all, but he’s really not willing to take a risk to help Thirteen live an extra few years unless he’s in love with her?

But no, this is just a storyline shortcut to show us that Foreman loves Thirteen (after all, they’ve been together for, like, three days, they’re totally meant to be).  So he puts her on the real drugs.  Also, Foreman actually calls Thirteen “Thirteen.”  And later “Remy.”  Which is interesting, because Chase and Cameron still call each other by their last names.  I wonder if they’ll ever stop or if their kids will grow up not knowing that that’s weird.

Oh, and right, the patient, Sarah: She has some heart defect that her heart should’ve fixed by itself when she was a baby but didn’t.  House figures this out after a series of ridiculous procedures, all approved by Cameron, that end with them sawing off Sarah’s skull.  But Sarah will be all better now.  They fix her heart. And House is sure that will cure her of her sweet personality, too, but it doesn’t, which makes House grumble.

Anyway, that’s more than enough for this week.  Oh, and hey, congrats to Hugh Laurie for that SAG Award.  Well deserved, my friend, well deserved.  Don’t worry, the Academy is bound to catch on eventually.

Season 5, Episode 13: Big Baby (originally aired January 26, 2009)

For another take on this episode, check out Big Baby by Cameron Cubbison.

For more on House, click here.

House, Tuesdays 8/7c on FOX

Photographs courtesy of FOX Broadcasting Company and IMDbPro