Grey’s Anatomy: All About George. Kidding!

Did you make it or was it too much to bear? Fans were close to rioting when Denny was reintroduced to Grey’s Anatomy, and I don’t blame them. Yet it seems the Izzie-Denny crazy saga has come to a close. And with that, Bailey fights to keep her little patient alive, Owen asks Christina for a second chance, and Meredith and Derek’s criminal bites the dust.

It was a busy day at Seattle Grace, as it seemed like everyone was experiencing their own personal hell. I knew it would be an interesting episode when I heard Denny’s voice as the narrator. We all know that Izzie has chosen Alex, so why doesn’t Denny, um, disappear? It’s clearly more than just Izzie’s inner demons battling to let go of her dead fiancé. On the other hand, this is a medical drama, and the answer can’t simply be that he’s a ghost. Every time Shonda introduces something like this, it’s always been accompanied by a coma or being under during surgery. Low and behold, Izzie realizes that Denny’s insistence that he’s “here for her,” has really meant that he is here to take her as death personified. Things get a little murky in the explanation of why him? and why he didn’t he tell her?  Is this his heaven her hell? I have no idea about all that, but at least now we know all this insanity has to do with a serious medical condition.

Meredith faced an extremely tough decision when she got sucked into Prisoner William’s mind games. After following her subtle hint that he basically break his skull, Meredith chose not only to let Bailey know that there was a potential donor for Jackson, but she also decided to ignore the fact that to save William’s life she should probably be calling in her brain surgeon boyfriend. Instead she chose to hold the phone which almost brought William the control over his passing he so desired. Or so we thought. When Christina pushed Meredith aside to actually use medecine on the man, he seems to have a change of heart when he asks her to help him because he doesn’t want to die.

When Bailey realizes that Jackson won’t be able to hold on for very much longer and that Derek is going to save a man who only has five days left to live, she holds the OR hostage, begging Derek to stop the surgery. When he points his scalpel at Bailey and asks her to choose if he’s an executioner or a doctor, Bailey snaps back to reality, realizing her feelings for the young patient has clouded her judgment so much that she was willing to throw the most important oath that she ever made out the window.

Luckily, Bailey didn’t need to compromise her heart or her head when the Chief convinces a grieving wife to become a widow since her brain dead husband is a perfect match for Jackson’s much needed transplant. He’s saved just in the nick of time. So often Chandra Wilson puts in Emmy and Globe worthy performances, and this week’s episode can’t be doubted. She’s vulnerable and grieving yet thankful and  all at the same time, and she doesn’t have to speak a word in her final scene by Jackson’s bedside.

If the most emotional scene goes to Bailey, the most heart warming scene goes to Meredith and Derek. With mama’s ring in tow, he presses Christina to make-up with Meredith because she’s going to need a friend when he proposes to her. Christina’s not quite ready to make that step yet. However when Meredith goes to William’s execution because William asks for a friendly face in the crowd, Derek is ill equip to handle Meredith’s endless leaky eye faucets. She  knows he doesn’t get her, but just the fact that he was there waiting outside the prison for her when we know how he felt about William proves how much he cares for her, and when he goes to Christina’s because he can’t console Meredith, it’s obviously that she cares for Meredith too. Have the friends made up? We’ll have to see next episode, but they’ve definitely taken a step in the right direction.

For some comic relief, Little Grey, who no longer allows Mark to call her that (Listen men, her name is Lexie, and she’s a woman. W-O-M-A-N!), gets a little too frisky and breaks his you know what down you know where. Now I always knew some dangerous things could happen when you weren’t too careful, but I couldn’t even imagine what an awful horror it must have been to see it all go down in real time. (I am sort of intrigued as to what it could have possible looked like. My imagination is struggling with that one too.) When all the interns find out a mysteriously flexible woman injured Mark’s manhood, Lexie can’t hide her discomfort at all of their speculation. Sweetly, Sadie comes to her rescue and claims herself to be the human pretzel so that Lexie can breath a little easier. I guess they are friends after all, and with the pressure of being off her back, she can be the woman Mark needs even if he’s too humiliated to look at her. She hops into that big ole hospital bed, cuddles and strokes his hair to make him feel all better.

This episode had every emotion known to man. There was happiness, sadness, laughter, reconciliation, death, mourning and rejoicing. And that’s everything you except from a Grey’s Anatomy episode. Now I want to know when and how Derek will propose.  And will Owen and Christina finally make something out of their obvious connection? What’s really wrong with Izzie, and will Alex be able to handle it now that Denny’s gone for (what seems like) good? George has about another three minutes of screen time, so why don’t they just write him off already? I guess we’ll have to wait to find out.

Season 5, Episode 13: Stairway to Heaven (originally aired January 22, 2009)

Wanna know more about this episode of Grey’s?  Check out Tanya Lane’s review, Hospital or House of Horrors? here.

For more Grey’s Anatomy reviews, click here.

Thursdays 9/8c on ABC
Photographs courtesy of ABC

American Idol: More Good, More Horrendous, More Strange

We kick off Week Two of the auditions in San Francisco, CA and Louisville, KY. How would the land of the trolley cars and the land o’ race horses perform?

THE GOOD

Jesus Valenzuela, 29, gets laughed at by Simon and Randy for his singing, but somehow gets through because he has two cute kids. I’m glad to see the bar has been set high guys. Can I get a free pointless trip to Hollywood too?

Kai Kalama, 26, is a musician who takes care of his mother.  Awwwwwwww! He’s a little blech, but sings with ease and strength, and for a nerve-racking audition, seems comfortable.

Allison Iraheta, 16, sings “Natural Woman,” and the girl looks more like a real woman than a 16-year old. She’s got a raspy, cool voice and flaming red hair to match.

Raquel Houghton, 28, is a tall, skinny, pretty girl who can sing. The way Simon made eyes at her, she may be one of his early faves.

Adam Lambert, 26, has been singing show tunes since he left the womb, has a great voice and has been in Wicked for over a year. He may have been a little over the top, but what Broadway baby isn’t.

Joanna Pacitti, 23, moved to LA at 16 to pursue her career. She begins crying before the auditions so you know the city of angels put this one through the ringer. Kara remembers her from her earlier, signed days, which is a good sign.

Brent Keith Smith, 28, yummy voice and yummy face. One tip: shave. The ladies will come a-flocking!

If Gavin DeGraw had a slight more R&B cousin, it would be Matt Giraud, 23. He’s unique, with a funky tone. He even reminds Simon of Elliot Yamin.

Alexis Grace, 20, is a little girl with a sweet face and a big voice. She’s another definite underdog that I think people will fall in love with.

An original song actually got someone through to Hollywood! I think this is a first. It was relevant and fun and cute, just like Leneshe Young, 18. I can’t wait to see her again.

THE HORRENDOUS
Who walks into an audition and then lists all the songs she could possibly sing but have no idea what she wants to sing? Apparently Annie Murdoch, 28, who goes on to ask the judges if “Summertime” is okay to sing. When she finally sings, she’s sounds like a dog howling at the moon. Next time, Annie, just get on with it! Or better yet, please don’t even start.

Mark Mudd, 25, is one of those southerners who believe that everything sounds better with a twang. Mark had more of an accent singing than he did while speaking. Doesn’t it usually go the other way? Three words: Bad Cowboy Karaoke.

Have you ever heard of a hobby like organizing Chinese characters? I guess someone has to do it. As Ross Palvsic, 26, said, “I noticed that a lot of them have common elements to them called radicals. Two characters while ostensibly complex will share a lot of unique characteristics.” He blamed his bad singing on the dry air and being parched. He, then, sipped water, using Paula’s straw while bragging about making the Dean’s List three times. And this guy was serious. I swear!

THE STRANGE
Dalton Powell, 18, walks in extremely nervous. Luckily someone taught him some breathing exercises to get him through. He then channels the unix inside of him to hit those high Smokey Robinson notes. He’s never sung in front of people, and he should really keep it that way. He can complete a Rubik’s Cube in under 20 seconds. At least, he knows he’s got some talent.

Akilah Askew-Gholston, 26, may have come to the audition over-prepared with a packet of scientific papers on how to properly train a gospel singer, but I can’t say she actually learned very much based on the way she’s talking about things like “accapellaly” or how she sang in her audition. When Ryan see her info, he says, “This is right out of health class.” To which she replies, “No, this is off of the internet.”

Obianuju Omwurah, 19, scared me. And they only devoted about five seconds to her. I’ve never heard anyone do a better Plucky Duck impression.

So there you have it. In case you missed it, there was also an off the chart montage of Kara and Simon bickering. If this is a hint to how sticky it’ll get this season, I’m looking forward to it. When Paula and Simon fight it’s about jabs and low blows that are usually funny. When it comes to Kara and Simon, it truly is war between two similar minds. Simon may have met his match. Now, 12 made it from San Fran and 19 from Louisville. Until next week’s go round!

Season 8, Episode 3: San Francisco and Louisville Auditions (originally aired January 20 & 21, 2009)

For more on American Idol, click here.

Photographs courtesy of Fox

30 Rock: Never badmouth synergy!

I guess Salma Hayek was busy with Ugly Betty this week, because we got an entire 30 Rock episode about Jack, and Liz, and Tracy, and all those other characters who interact with the guest stars from week to week.  Fun!

Jack is giving the keynote address at a corporate retreat, and he makes Liz come with him as his camp buddy.  He’s nervous, you see, because he hasn’t seen this group of conference-goers since he lost the CEO job and hooked up with Dick Cheney.  But upon arrival, Jack immediately makes friends with the head corporate guys, known as the Six Sigmas (they’re dudes!), and doesn’t need his camp buddy anymore.

When Liz helps him win a Lego contest (Lego Utilization for Negating Crisis Hierarchies, or LUNCH), a Sigma notices that Liz’s behavior toward Jack is totally inappropriate, what with the familiarity and nick-namification (she calls him “Haircut”).  And when Liz shows up at Jack’s room the next morning with two omelettes (don’t worry, they’re both for her), Jack reprimands her and sends her back to the lake with the fat kids to make bracelets.  Liz declares their friendship over, but she can’t open the door with her two omelettes (instead of helping her, Jack barks “like a waitress!”, which does the trick.)

But when the time comes for Jack’s big keynote speech, he has a hot-mic incident that results in his private psyching-himself-up speech being broadcasted to the whole room.  Everyone laughs and gloats, but Liz runs to help him, even though it’s way too late to stop him from making a fool of himself.  So Liz goes on stage and pretends she’s the stand-up act and was doing a Jack impression, but no one buys it.  So then she distracts the crowd by stripping.  Because that’s what friends do, Jack.

Meanwhile, free of supervision, the crew back at 30 Rock is busy with their usual madcap problems: Jenna is trying to method-act her way into her role as “a Janis Joplin type character,” and Dr. Spaceman (yay!) informs Tracy that he’s at risk for diabetes.

Frank convinces Jenna to do all her Janis research on Wikipedia, then, predictably, edits the entry to say that Janis speed-walked everywhere, was afraid of toilets, and drank a signature cocktail made up of cherry juice, buttermilk and tequila and called the Frank Schlong. (Regretfully, said Wikipedia article http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Janis_Joplin is back to normal now, but the history page is amusing).  Jenna happily goes along with all this, but Frank fesses up when she starts to eat a cat (that was ALF, he explains).  Then, fueled by tequila, they make out in the most disgusting possible way.  The next day, Frank begs Jenna to “be cool” and not tell anyone what happened.  Jenna, offended, proclaims, “You the one who cool should be,” and tells everyone.  Then she has to face the wrath of her hairstylists and various other women from around the set, all of whom are apparently sleeping with Frank.  Well, who wouldn’t, with those coke-bottle glasses, that hairy flesh, that elegant wit.

Tracy, meanwhile, isn’t concerned about the threat of diabetes (he’s always wanted a wheel for a foot, like Rosie on The Jetsons).  But Kenneth, who’s seen too many people back home die of diabetes and goat cart accidents, tries to scare Tracy into eating vegetables by dressing up as the Hill Witch, and it’s actually not that funny for a Tracy/Kenneth storyline.  They couldn’t have brought Dr. Spaceman in for another scene?

Other things we learned this week:

• The pillars of the Six Sigma Business Philosophy: Teamwork, Insight, Brutality, Male Enhancement, Hand-Shakefulness, and Play Hard. (Btw, apparently Six Sigma is a real thing.  Ah, the stuff I miss out on working in the non-profit world.)
• There’s no link between diabetes and diet.  That’s a white myth.  Like Larry Bird, and Colorado.
• At some places they get mad when you eat in the sauna.
• When a big one falls, four little ones move up.
• What happens in Croton-on-Hudson, stays in Croton-on-Hudson

Season 3, Episode 9: Retreat to Move Forward (originally aired January 22, 2008)

For another take on this episode, check out Ms. Joplin, If You’re Nasty by Jaimie Campos.

For more on 30 Rock, click here.

Thursdays at 9:30/8:30C on NBC

Photographs courtesy of NBC

30 Rock: Ms. Joplin, If You’re Nasty

Remember when 30 Rock was consistently funny?  I hope we go back to those days soon.

Jack stops by Liz’s office looking for moral support.  He’s been asked to deliver the key note address at the company’s Six Sigma Retreat to Move Forward, and after losing the CEO position this year, he’s afraid he’s fallen out of grace with the Sigmas.  Or as Liz calls it, he’s got the camp jitters.  Reluctantly, she agrees to join him as his one-woman support system.

In the much better subplot, Jenna’s going method in preparation for her role in the Janis Joplin biopic.  Frank suggests she do her research on Wikipedia, since people are learning new things about Ms. Joplin (if you’re nasty) every day.  He then logs onto Wikipedia and begins editing.  “Did you know that Janis Joplin speedwalked everywhere and was afraid of toilets?”  Funny, yes, but that is exactly why it shocks me every time businesses use Wikipedia as reference material.  As a generic tool, sure, but as a research tool that could affect your company’s bottom line and business dealings?  I wish I were making that up.

At the retreat, Liz discovers Jack psyching himself up in front of a mirror.  Jack’s go-to phrases include the timeless motivational mottos: “Just do it!  Is it in you?  I’m loving it!”  Hilarious!  Liz does the same thing, but her convo goes differently: “Stop sweating you idiot.  What is wrong with you, you stupid bitch!”

But lo and behold, our boy Jackie doesn’t need clever catchphrases.  The six Sigmas – the six men who represent the six pillars of good business (teamwork, insight, brutality, male enhancement, hand shakefulness, and play hard) – welcome him back with open arms.  Which leaves Liz on the outs, until Jack feels obligated and invites her to lunch.

Where things go wrong for Jack.  Lunch is a competitive team-building exercise.  Liz’s competitive streak causes her to yell at her teammates and her leader, Jack.  When they win, she hugs him and gloats (“Suck it, nerds!”), forcing the Brutality Sigma to pull Jack aside and question his leadership of a subordinate.  “The old Jack Donaghy would never have stood for that.”

Side note: does anyone else recognize the Sigma Brutality as Mark Dalton, Erica Kane’s drug crazy brother from All My Children?  Ten points to me!  Suck it, nerds!

As a result of his dressing down, Jack asks Liz to behave appropriately while they’re at the conference.  Liz takes his comments personally, reliving painful rejection moments from high school.  Oh, girl, I know.  Jack points out that this is the problem.  He gives her “a simple managerial suggestion in a professional context, and [he] gets back the second half of a Judy Blume novel.”  I used to read those all the time as a kid!  But don’t ask me now what any of them were about.  She leaves, bitterness ruining the taste of her omelets bar breakfast.

Back at 30 Rock, Frank finds Jenna downing tequila before trying to eat a cat.  He comes clean on his fictional data about Janis’s life, and he reminds us all that Alf ate cats, not Janis Joplin.  History is a powerful thing, kids.  Jenna flips out, and suddenly the two are alone in her dressing room.  Jenna’s tirade turns Frank on, because he’s got a thing for damaged goods.  He tells her that if she can get this raw in the film, she’ll win an Oscar.  This turns on Jenna, and next thing you know, they’re having sex!  I told you this plot was better!

The next day, Jenna feels regretful and then relieved when Frank asks her to keep the whole thing to herself.  He’s “got a lot of irons in the fire around here” and doesn’t want anyone to know about it.  It was stupid.  Jenna’s all for it until she realizes he’s embarrassed by the whole thing.  She’s all WTF? until she catches Frank gossiping with the writers … about Grand Theft Auto IV.

Further insulted, Jenna outs him and their dressing room tryst.  “It’s disgusting. I slutted it up on this dirtbag!”  Frank warns her she’s made a mistake.  And does she!  Turns out, Frank’s a hot commodity over at TGS, as proved when Katie the hair stylist attacks Jenna through styling products.  Frank’s a whore!  Jenna runs screaming through the halls holding a broom as a weapon and with hair in disarray, filled with blonde coloring and bleach.  Oh the horror!  And girl, I’ve been there too.

Back at the retreat, Liz sits with the nerds at dinner, refusing Jack’s overture to join him at his table and patch things up.  Jack disappears to have his mic prepped for his speech.  The new guy leaves the mic on, and without realizing it, Jack’s psych up speech is now broadcast live and in living color for everyone to hear.  “Just Do It!  Is it in you?  I’m loving it, you magnificent son of a bitch!”

The nerds think Liz should let Jack fall, but she’s his friend, so she grabs him and clues him in.  He’s devastated, now the laughingstock of the conference.  Not so when our Liz Lemon is on the job!  She grabs the mic and enters the ballroom, trying to play off Jack’s indiscretion as one of her many impressions, which nobody buys, even after poor impressions of Mrs. Cunningham and Sling Blade.  Attempts to entertain the crowd fall flat, so Liz has no choice but to belt out “Everybody Dance Now!”  Then she rips open her shirt and dances poorly for the crowd.

Success!  Jack informs her the next day that everyone’s forgotten about his psych up speech, and naturally, Liz is banned from all further corporate retreats.  He thanks her and calls her a hero.  And all is right again in the world of Jack and Liz.

Over in Tracy Jordan-Land, in another subplot funnier than the main one, Dr. Spaceman informs Tracy he has diabetes.  Forever the optimist, Tracy enjoys the diagnosis as an opportunity to lose his foot and replace it with a motorized wheel, a la Rosie from The Jetsons.  Kenneth rains on the parade, however, trying to convince Tracy to change his diet.  Tracy thinks a link between diabetes and diet is about as silly as the idea that leasing a sports car is a bad investment.  When Tracy refuses to eat his veggies, Kenneth tries to scare him into eating them with the story of the Hill Witch.  Predictably, Kenneth fails at tricking Tracy, but only the appearance of Jenna, hair bleached and crazy, dressed in a smock and screaming at the horrors of crazy women who love Frank, can convince both Tracy and Kenneth that the witch is real.  And only then, does Tracy eat his veggies.

And that’s why you should always eat healthy, kids.  It’s not the diabetes that’ll kill you.  It’s the horror of sex with Frank.

Season 3, Episode 9: Retreat to Move Forward (originally aired January 22, 2008)

For another take on this episode, check out Never badmouth synergy! by Robin Reed.

Listen to The J Factor with J.B. and Jaimie here or on iTunes.

For more on 30 Rock, click here.

Thursdays at 9:30/8:30C on NBC

Photographs courtesy of NBC

Paul Blart: Mall Cop – A Big Fat Nothing

I’ve been trying to think of reasons why you should go see Paul Blart: Mall Cop. Nothing comes to mind. Wait!  There was the preview that seemed funny enough, but that you can watch online.  So, nope. I got nothing which is appropriate because this movie is a big fat nothing and a waste of the ticket price.

An interesting story, however.  When I went to purchase my ticket at the automated machine, a woman was trying to purchase tickets for her and her son right next to me. The manager came over when she had a problem and told her that because of technical difficulties, the theater could not show her original choice, Bedtime Stories, this weekend. He was happy to recommend Paul Blart as another family movie.

As the opening credits roll, you realize that Adam Sandler is a producer. Coincidence? Could Adam Sandler have sabotaged his own movie in order to drive the family masses to Paul Blart, thereby making one of the worst movies ever made into a Number One Family Comedy?

How could something so wrong, happen the same week that something so right happens? What is going on here, America?

Let’s be fair. Paul Blart is not the worst movie ever made. That would be Twilight. But it is one of only three movies I’ve ever considered walking out of. The other one is Van Helsing, and only a lack of communication amongst all attendees kept us watching that garbage. They can’t all be winners, can they, Hugh Jackman?

And just like Hugh, I realized that my streak of good movies had to end. Where’s Jason Statham when you need him?

Instead, we have Kevin James. I do like Kevin James. He had the only show on CBS I’d consider ever watching. I enjoy him every other time I see him. I’m also all for movies in malls, especially of a juvenile persuasion. I like seeing guys drink too much and make fools of themselves, and people who bond with their kids and find true love and take down the bad guys. Unfortunately, every other movie you’ve seen with these plot elements does it better.

The movie picks up when Paul Blart turns into Rambo/John McClane, but even that seems like a half-hearted attempt at parody. I’ve been trying to figure out the demographic for this movie, and while I think Officer Blart wants to aim high for the adults, it falls just flat enough for kids to enjoy. Sure, even I laughed a few times, but I was also checking my watch to see how much longer was left in a ninety minute movie.

So, yes, if you have kids and all the other family movies are sold out, go watch Paul Blart. But don’t tell anyone I told you to. Instead, I highly recommend My Bloody Valentine (in 3D!!), but only because it’s funnier. Though you should probably leave the kids at home. Probably.

Photographs courtesy of imdbpro.com.

Top Chef: Sahana’s Choice

And so here we are, another week of superfluous 15-minute bonus footage, another week of mediocrity, and, you guessed it, another week of Top Chef.  Last week they slaughtered American’s favorite cougar and now Leah feels guilty.  Leah’s guilt is a running theme this week.

Quickfire.  Stephen Starr, restaurateur, is this week’s guest judge as Padma unilaterally declares war . . . Restaurant Wars.  To decide our team leaders, Stephen asks for a tasting dish that exemplifies what they would do with their restaurants.  Seems simple, no?  No, indeed.  Jamie phones it in because she doesn’t want the challenge, Fabio cooks an entire lunch, and Leah whines about her snapper smelling like ass and being skanky.  And that joke, my friends, writes itself.

Because everyone’s concept is for seasonal, fresh food (because that’s never what a restaurant wants to serve), Radhika and Leah are designated team leaders because they designed what I’ll lovingly call “ethnic food,” Indian and East Asian, respectively.  At this point of the show I collapsed on the ground out of shock that Radhika would be so bold as to make Indian food.  What a novel concept!  I’m just saying she should never had said she didn’t want to be known only for Indian food and then proceed to only make Indian food.  You know?

Elimination.  They pick teams.  Radhika chooses Jamie, Carla, and Jeff; Leah chooses Hosea, Fabio, and Stefan.  Stefan “could give a sh!t” he was chosen last, and again, I know we’re shocked but Leah picked Hosea first.  But there’s nothing going on there because Hosea reminds us that he has a girlfriend and she has a boyfriend.  They have six hours to prep and open a restaurant for one night only, that’s one night only, of service.  While Leah’s team can only agree that Fabio–the only person with an attractive personality–should work the front of house, Radhika’s team names the restaurant “Sahana” and they all head to Pier One to buy “ethnic things that match [their] theme,” per Radhika.

Back at the apartment, they plan their menus but Stefan can’t deal with decisions by committee; he thinks democracy is BS but he’s trying to go along with it–and that’s spoken like a true European.  On Radhika’s team, they’re “dialoging about it” while Jeff seems upset that Carla wants to make his gimmicky sorbets.   But while no one’s looking, it’s time to cue the softcore music, y’all!

We cut to Leah lying on top of Hosea, who’s lying on a couch.  The lights are on and they’re quasi-making out as our peeping tom camera crew looks on through the window.  I hope they’re both thinking about their respective boy/girlfriend back home when Leah says, “I, like, want to sleep right here.”  The next morning Hosea regrets that he slept on the couch with Leah and that they kissed; he hopes to be back with his girlfriend when he gets back.  Leah is equally delusional.  Fabio notes that they are both “in sh!tty mood.”  I wonder if he knows why.

So as we roll our eyes in Hosea and Leah’s shame, we learn that Leah’s restaurant will be called the “Sunset Lounge” (in honor of her boyfriend back home?), where they’ll be serving egg roll, sashimi two ways, short ribs, coconut curry bisque, seared cod, chocolate parfait, and panna cotta.  Over at Sahana, they’re serving curried carrot soup, grilled scallop with chickpea cake, braised lamb shank, seared snapper, baklava, chocolate cake, frozen yogurts.  The incident with Hosea throws her completely off for the rest of the episode; Hosea, while also sweating in his boots, is only slightly more composed. (Set your clocks for the impending fireworks if and when we get a reunion episode this season.)

Back in the kitchen, the freezers don’t work again, which furthers Carla’s frustration for her ineffective leader Radhika, who’s opted to run the front of house instead of the kitchen.  I sense a bus is heading down the road, destination Radhika.  Fabio, looking classy  not assy, interviews in a “Team Fabio” shirt that his front of house skills will earn him the win.  His theory?  “I run the front of the house.  We can serve monkey ass in empty clam shell.  We gonna win this one.”  He really needs his own show.

Sahana.  The judges first complain that their food isn’t coming out fast enough.  She explains the food to them.  They enjoy the first course.  The lamb and couscous was well-cooked per the food folks; Toby thought it tasted like dishwater.  Oh Toby, you card!  But the snapper had too much liquid on the plate.  Carla is not happy with the desserts and makes excuses to the camera for why they all suck.  Of note, she screams to the heavens that “It’s a hot mess . . . a train wreck is a-coming, Lord”  (Gail?!?)   The so-called frozen yogurt is melting when it gets to the table and Tom doesn’t care since he wasn’t given any utensil with which to eat it.  Toby then compares the dessert to Elvis and something about dying on a toilet.  (Boy, WMD and Elvis jokes.  Tell me he writes his own material!)  We cut to a crowd of guests waiting for tables but with Radhika nowhere to be found.  As a joke, the judges decide to leave to see if she’ll say goodbye, but our Padma’s a sprinter and she’s long gone before Radhika even knows what happened.

Sunset Cafe.  Fabio is putting on the Italian charm by asking a woman if he can light her candle.  (Hem. hem.)  The judges like the attention–he’s like their own Sirio Maccioni.  The food, though, is nothing special to start: frozen eggrolls would be better and Leah is not proud of her fish.  (Self-check!)  The judges are also disappointed because one piece of cod is undercooked, but Fabio is quick to apologize and to try to bring out a new piece.  But the mood has passed and they’re not interested.  At this point I’m wondering if Hosea has really been secretly using his Nosferatu-like looks to sabotage Leah’s chances.  But come on, it’s not like she was ever much of a threat.  In the end, though, the team redeems itself by the amazing desserts.  And by “team,” I mean Stefan, who Tom declares safe before they even leave the table.

Judges’ Table.  They call in Sunset Lounge and reveal that they are the winning team thanks to Fabio’s charm and Stefan’s desserts.  Tom shares that but for their contributions, Leah would be going home for her awful fish.  Stefan is the winner and receives a suite of GE appliances, courtesy of Sheinhardt Universal.  Let’s hope they work.

As the Top Chef Gong rings, Sahana walks in to learn they are the losing team.  Padma asks Radhika what went wrong and she replies, revealingly, that she does not know.  We learn that Radhika made no food, only helped with prep, but then she hid in the kitchen when she was supposed to be working the front of house.  Stephen liked the food better at Sahana but thinks their desserts failed miserably.  That’s Carla’s cue to make more excuses about her failures of multitasking.  She thinks she had a good time, but Toby wants to know whether the diners wanted to have a good time.  “I KNOW,” she replies and explains that it’s all good because she sent her food out “with love.”  Tom asks the fatal question to Radhika: should she go home for this.  She gives a non-answer and more indecision.  It’s painful to watch as she self-destructs but these aren’t difficult questions.

In the end it comes down to Carla or Radhika, and while Stephen wanted to fire Carla for saying she knowingly sent out bad food but with love, it is Radhika who is sent to pack her knives and go.  And AGAIN our crazy Carla lives to fight another day!  In hindsight, Radhika thinks Jeff should have been in the front of house.  Of course he should have, he’s a celebrity!

Next week: Puppy Bowl + Bud Bowl = Chef Bowl I and more confusing seasonal jumps on this show as we have a Super Bowl tie-in episode.  On the roster are past season “All-Stars,” including Miguel, Spike, and Andrew, who is Carla’s favorite–presumably because they’re both out of their gourds.

Season 5, Episode 9: Restaurant Wars (originally aired January 21, 2009)

For another take on this episode, check out Sending You Some Love by Jaimie Campos.

Listen to The J Factor with J.B. and Jaimie here or on iTunes.

For more on Top Chef, click here.

Wednesdays at 10/9C, Bravo

Photographs courtesy of Bravo

Top Chef: Sending You Some Love

It’s Restaurant Wars Time!

There’s flirting, accusations, under-the-bus-throwing, laissez-faire, matching outfits, oopsies, and at-ti-tudes! All that, but … eh.  Not that exciting an episode.

And so!  Carla breaks it down: This competition isn’t about cooking, it’s psychological warfare!  Which means, sadly, no blood.  Radhika and Carla interview that Leah and Hosea stuck it unfairly to Ariane, and Fabio politely says so to their faces.  But Leah bitch-terviews, contrary to last week, that this is a competition, so get over it.  I’m definitely over Leah, so I guess she’s right.

Quickfire & Elimination.  Guest judge Stephen Starr, restaurateur.  Padma announces Restaurant Wars, and cheers all around.  I think most are relieved to have made it far enough for this event.  For the Quickfire, the chefs have 30 minutes to cook a signature dish as a tasting to the “prospective investor,” Mr. Starr.  Instead of receiving immunity, the top two chefs will open the two opposing restaurants.

Of note, Jamie doesn’t want to win this challenge, because it’s the leaders in Restaurant Wars who usually take the fall and go home.  As Carla later says, “Man up!”  Instead, Starr picks Radhika and Leah as his two favorites.  Since they’re both such passive personalities (Leah’s only aggressive when it comes to Hosea), this should be interesting.

The two choose teams, with Leah taking Hosea as her first pick, surprising no one.  Since the editors are giving us this ridiculous bullshit, I have to recap it, so listen as Hosea interviews, smiling, that he and Leah “have a little bit of chemistry.  We like each other.  I’m trying to not let that turn into anything.  I can’t let that turn into anything, because I have a girlfriend, Leah has a boyfriend.”  He makes it sound like he’s the greatest guy in the world for being so responsible.  Meanwhile, I want to break up with him based on his relentless flirting, and he and I aren’t dating.  Or have ever met.  And as if.

Stefan correctly points out that Leah’s choosing friends over good business, but please, Stefan.  This isn’t Top Chef, it’s psychological warfare!  Leave the lovers alone.  Stefan is also picked last because no one wants to work with him, but he ends up with Leah, Hosea, and Fabio (Team Sunset).  So in a way, Leah and Hosea get what they deserve, and Stefan laughs it off, because “[he] could give a shit.”

The chefs have six hours to prep and open their restaurants the next day.  Unsurprisingly, Jamie makes this about her.  She knows how hard it is to open a restaurant because she’s had to do it herself, and blah blah blah, martyr, I’m awesome, whatever.  She’s not short on opinions when it comes to controlling Radhika’s decisions, but to be fair, Radhika can’t make any.  Thankfully, she chose a team that wants to work peacefully, she just didn’t choose a team with any special desire to win.

Team Sahana focuses on a global concept.  Chase, Crazy Carla, and Jamie all back away from running the front of the house, so Radhika gives in and agrees to be hostess, even though she’s less animated than a robot.  Not Wall-E though, because he’s really animated, and that’s not a fair comparison.  Remember the dead earth in Wall-E?  Is that too extreme?

Over on Team Sunset Lounge, Hosea manfully stands up for Leah’s honor … in his interview … saying he doesn’t want her to get run over by the Fabio-Stefan show.  Only he seems to do nothing about it in real time.  Fabio insists on running front of the house because he doesn’t cook Asian food well and can’t contribute a great dish.  Stefan, like Jamie, is no stranger to offering his opinions, but Leah’s defense is copping a bitchy attitude, so it all balances out.

Shopping at Pier 1 (product placement never dies on Top Chef) and then home to create menus.  Stefan keeps his desserts a secret, and tells the others what to do.  Later, Hosea and Leah bitch about him … is this Top Chef or Gossip Girl?  Spotted!  Leah and Hosea cuddling on a sofa in matching jeans and white t-shirts.  Nauseating or cute?  Do you think they did that deliberately?  The best part is the chick-a-bow-wow-wow-wow porn music the editors start playing.  Then kissy noises, but no slurping.  So this is what Hosea means when he says, “just friends.”  That’s not how I use the phrase.

The next morning, they both claim kissing was a mistake, and are not “like, romantically involved, like…” Stefan and Fabio clearly pick up on the tension between the lovebirds and worry, i.e. complain.

Off to the South Street Seaport and Bridgewater Restaurant.  The divided space goes through its makeovers.  In the kitchen prepping, Hosea’s “thrown off [his] game,” because he and Leah “flirted” too much last night.  Uh, if kissing someone, especially when you’re already with someone else, is considered “flirting,” I’m not flirting enough or correctly.  He has to restart his dish because he’s such a mess.  Leah chose the wrong fish to cook (black cod), and the deboning is causing issues.  As is her guilt.

The desserts for both teams run into trouble because the freezer isn’t cold enough to freeze anything.  Crazy Carla doesn’t know what to do, but Stefan takes care of business.  “You don’t get nervous, you fix stuff.”  He creates a makeshift freezer and solves the problem.  Carla’s worried about spices but Radhika says the dessert is fine.  No adjustments are made.

Both teams scramble to finish in time.  Fabio says, “we can serve monkey ass in empty clam shell, we are going to win this one,” because he’s front of house.  I can’t disagree with that.  Radhika again says the leadership position makes her nervous.  Jamie takes charge in the kitchen, and Radhika thinks that was her own idea.

Team Sahana outcooks Team Sunset Lounge, but fortunately for Leah’s raw black cod, Stefan’s perfect desserts save her team.  Fabio’s front of house performance also wows the judges from the moment they enter, whereas Radhika disappears for most of the meal and the judges leave without a farewell.  As a result, Radhika’s Team Sahana actually loses the challenge.  Her lack of leadership and what turned out to be nearly inedible desserts from Carla negate the better food that Chase and Jamie cooked.

Judges’ Table.  Team Sunset Lounge steps out first as the winners (by a small margin).  Stefan wins a full suite of GE appliances for having the best dish.  However, they tell Leah that if her team had lost, she would have gone home based on her cod.

Now for Team Sahana.  Chase and Jamie are safe, so the judges focus on Carla’s atrocious desserts and Radhika’s service.

Now this is why I love Carla.  She admits the desserts weren’t good – in fact, “a hot mess.”  She wasn’t happy with her work, but she had a good time.  She agrees (emphatically!) with Toby Young that the diners should have had a better time than she did.  But, she says, “it really wouldn’t help the diners if I was in a bad mood.  So my thing was, I’m just going to send you out some love with this stuff that I’m giving you.”  And that is her belief, Tom.  Colicchio doesn’t get it, but I love her attitude.  How fun is this woman?  I can’t decide if I love her or Fabio more.

Jamie comes to her defense (wow), saying that Carla was hand-spinning ice cream to try to make it work.  What else was she to do?  Tom answers that she could have communicated this to Radhika, who could have made adjustments to the menu so that people weren’t expecting frozen dessert.

And then there’s Radhika.  Colicchio went after her last week for her lack of productivity in the kitchen, so I’m pretty sure that he has it in for her.  He gives her a very hard time (rightfully so) for not taking control of her kitchen and solving problems.  She felt it wasn’t her responsibility, and cops to not being a leader or good owner.  Tom lays it out that she didn’t follow through on anything, and all of her excuses just infuriate him more.

So even though Crazy Carla’s desserts were practically inedible, Radhika’s lack of leadership and poor service send her packing her knives.  Which is almost a shame, because she was a strong chef.  In hindsight, she obviously would have made changes, but she leaves with a smile on her face, so you can’t be too upset for her.  And we get to keep Crazy Carla for another week.  Though yes, the audience loses this round with the dud of an episode that reads more like 90210, but I think we all really win because Carla’s still around.

Next week: Past season all stars!  And something about some football game.

Season 5, Episode 9: Restaurant Wars (originally aired January 21, 2009)

For another take on this episode, check out Sahana’s Choice by J.B. Perlow.

Listen to The J Factor with J.B. and Jaimie here or on iTunes.

For more on Top Chef, click here.

Wednesdays at 10/9C, Bravo

Photographs courtesy of Bravo

InaugurationWrap Up: Poptimal.com’s Top 10 Photos

Poptimal was invited to cover the Inauguration of President Barack Obama.  Check out our pictures from that day.  All images and photographs are copyrighted, all rights reserved. Read more

Lost Season Premiere: Goin’ Rogue and Shirtless

Before we get into the three-hour experience that was Lost‘s season 5 premiere, there are some personal biases to which I ought to admit:

• I enjoy the show.  I have seen every episode of every season.  Back in the season 1 days, I was even the DVD-extras-watching kind of fan.
• However, I find most of the characters on this show deeply annoying most of the time.  This is especially true of the characters who get the most screen time.
• It’s a good thing it’s an ensemble show, because if the whole thing was just about Jack and Kate, I wouldn’t be able to cope.
• Although fortunately, Charlie – the character who annoyed me the most, to the point where I would sometimes fast-forward through his scenes, despite my very-serious-back-around-2004 adoration of Dominic Monaghan – is dead now.
• The only still-alive characters who don’t annoy me, much, are Ben, Claire, Sayid, and Jin.  The one character I genuinely like is Sun.  Also, I kind of love Daniel, but I also hate him.  Much like how I feel about the show as a whole.
• However I may feel about the characters, I think most of the actors are really, really good.

Now that that’s out of the way, let’s get to it.

Our three hours begin with a clip show featuring a few interviews with producers Carlton Cuse and Damon Lindelof.  It’s fun, because we get to see everyone’s terrible hair choices over the course of the series, including Jack’s John Stamos phase and Sawyer’s pilot-episode Teen-Beat ‘do.  Also it’s helpful, because I totally forgot that Jin may or may not have died last season. (Although the producers make a reference to Sun “believing her husband has died,” which I’m interpreting as a confirmation that Jin is, in fact, alive.  Yay!)

Then the actual content begins with two back-to-back episodes in which a ton of stuff happens and people are traveling through time and acting their little hearts out and sometimes even saying well-crafted lines and yeah, this show is good sometimes.

Our premise, stemming from last season’s finale, is that Ben “moved” the island, which sent it into some sort of time warp. Daniel explains all about how this works and tries to make everyone obey the rules he’s made up about the space-time continuum, but none of it makes sense to me, and I’ve spent at least several seconds thinking about it, so I’m sure the obsessives have figured out about seven hundred holes in this storyline by now and detailed them on many websites.  But the resulting episodes were cool, so let’s just go with it.  Anyway, what it means for our heroes is that the people on the island are phasing through time randomly every twenty minutes or so.

Meanwhile, back in the real world (mostly L.A.) the Oceanic 6 and a few buddies are having troubles of their own.  And Ben is trying to manipulate them all into agreeing to go back with him to the island, for reasons that we probably won’t learn until April or so.  Also, Locke’s supposedly dead.  All of this is happening three years after the crew left the island.

Now let’s dig in a bit on the main characters, shall we?

First, the Oceanic 6:

• Jack, distraught by his flash-forwards last season and whatever Locke said to him in a scene that hasn’t happened yet, agrees to go back to the island with Ben.  So Ben forces Jack to shave off his terrible beard and flushes his pills down the toilet (yay Ben!).  Then Jack mostly just wusses around for the next couple of hours.
• Kate is on the run again, after Graham Chase, looking far more menacing than usual, shows up at Kate’s doorstep with a henchman and a court order to test her blood to see if she’s really Aaron’s mother.
• Sun, who is awesome in her rich-lady clothes, is trying to make a deal with Mr. Widmore to help kill Ben.  She also invites Kate to her gorgeous penthouse hotel room and pretends to make nice, although the music gives away her ulterior motives.  It turns out Sun kinda sorta blames Kate for Jin dying (though she says she doesn’t).  I like me some angry Sun.
• Sayid, who is now a ninja, gets shot with a poisonous dart, then impales a guy before passing out.  Then he spends most of the ep in a semi-coma being carted around by Hurley and various members of Hurley’s family.
• Hurley, still kind of crazy, escapes from his mental hospital, gets accused of murdering three people, and finally turns himself over to the cops to avoid being dragged back to the island by Ben.  All of this is supposed to be funny, which we know thanks to the wacky music playing throughout his scenes.  (Also, Ana-Lucia shows up in one of Hurley’s hallucinations, because I guess they finally forgave Michelle Rodriguez for that DUI.)

Now, the islanders:

• Sawyer, who is referred to by the producers in the clip show as “a rogue” and “like Han Solo,” spends the entire first hour shirtless, ostensibly because everyone’s extra clothes went poof in the time-warp but really so that the promos for this episode could win over new viewers by promising them shirtless Josh Holloway.  Also, he’s sad because he thinks Kate and everyone else died when the freighter blew up last season.
• Juliet, who I guess is Sawyer’s love interest this season (whatever), spends the episode blinking a lot and having prominent cleavage.  Then, during a time warp, Sawyer and Juliet get caught by some unfamiliar-looking island inhabitants with British/Australian-ish accents who threaten to cut off Juliet’s hands.  But then Locke kills the Brits/Aussies.  Let’s not tell Daniel about this one; I think Locke probably just ripped the space-continuum a new one.
• Locke, inexplicably separated in the time-warp from his new Other friends, sees a prop plane crash in the past (and dude, between all these planes crashing and that season 3 episode about the evil spiders, this show is determined to mess with me).  It turns out to be the plane that they discovered in season 1 that had all the heroin in it and killed Boone and Eko’s brother, and tempted Charlie with the sweet goodness of Virgin Mary-brand heroin (not that any of those characters got referenced in the clip show).  This is irrelevant except that it leads Locke to get shot by past-Ethan, which is okay, because Richard, who wears eyeliner regardless of what time he’s in, shows up and extricates the bullet with some salad tongs.
• Daniel, who was out on a boat with some extras when the island moved, was apparently “inside the radius” and so time-warped with everyone else (which is a total cop-out on the part of the writers who totally could’ve written a new story just for Daniel and the extras, which I totally would’ve loved).   He gets punched by an unhappy shirtless Sawyer (everyone has issues with poor Daniel) but Charlotte is finally returning his flirty gestures, so all is well.
• Also, there’s a new irritating speaking extra named Neil.  Neil is actually wearing a red shirt, which is awesome.  He seems like he’s going to be really, really, really irritating for the next half-season, à la Nikki and Paulo, but then he gets killed by flaming arrows, which is even more awesome. (I guess someone recently Netflixed Prince of Thieves).

In the end, Daniel goes to the original season 2 hatch and introduces himself to past-Desmond, because the space-time rules don’t apply to Mr. Hume.  Which means that just like last season, Desmond’s time warps are cooler than everyone else’s.  Daniel tells Desmond to go to Oxford and find Daniel’s mother, and Desmond wakes up sometime in the future where he’s living on a boat with Penny and heads off to carry out Daniel’s instructions.  We later see an older woman dressed as a druid doing equations on a chalkboard, and I think we can safely assume she’s Daniel’s mother, except that she also knows Ben and is doing her math in a Catholic church or something, and she just generally seems way cooler than Daniel and pretty much everyone else on this show.  Yay, this storyline will be fun.

Anyway, I thought the time-travel stuff was cool for these two episodes, but I don’t know if I really want to watch an entire season of the islanders bouncing around through time, and of the Oceanic 6 overcoming wacky obstacles trying to get back.  Although I like seeing Evangeline Lilly in her pretty girl makeup, so I hope they keep Kate in L.A. as long as they can.

Join us next week, when I will once again attempt to recap the events of an episode of Lost in 500 words.  Will it be easier when the episodes aren’t three hours long?  Time will tell! (Or will it???)

Season 5, Episodes 0, 1, and 2: Destiny Calls/Because You Left/The Lie (originally aired January 21, 2009)

For another take on this episode, check out Gotta Go Back In Time by J.B. Perlow.

For more on Lost, click here.

Wednesdays, 9/8c on ABC

Photographs courtesy of ABC

House: Painless

House returned from hiatus this week in a new timeslot with this latest episode that begins with a man named Jeff writing a suicide note.  He takes off his wedding ring, grabs shirts from his closet and tries the old carbon monoxide poisoning trick in his garage.  Alas he is thwarted when his wife and son Zack return home unexpectedly because the kid forgot his hockey stick and makes his mother turn the car around, whining about how he’s the worst kid on the team.  So the kid’s a whiner…like father, like son.

House meanwhile enters the episode in excruciating pain, soaking his bad leg in the bathtub.  The difference is, House doesn’t whine.  He gets to work all prepared to string Cuddy along about filing his department’s budget paperwork only to find that Cameron has already done it for him.  Naturally he expects there’s a catch and naturally, he’s right.  Cameron wants him to take Jeff’s case, and Cuddy is more preoccupied with the impending visit from the foster caseworker for the baby she rescued and is trying to adopt.

House thinks Jeff just wanted to be hospitalized to get access to drugs, but Cameron explains that the guy already has enough pills to open a pharmacy.  Jeff has seen seven different specialists over three years without any diagnosis or relief from the pain, but he’s never experienced House’s magic.  The team gets to work, performing the usual battery of tests, though Taub thinks Jeff is a hypochondriac faker.  Jeff even tries to kill himself again in the hospital.  At least the guy is committed.  Personally, I can’t understand why the wife and kid stick with someone who doesn’t care what killing himself would do to them.

Taub interviews the patient and his family, trying to prove that Jeff’s pain is psychological, while Foreman and Thirteen are dispatched to Jeff’s house to look for toxins.  Of course this is really just a setup for the two of them to talk about their romantic issues.  Once again, it seems that every episode of every major network show has to feature an unnecessary romantic subplot.

I’ve never liked Foreman or found him interesting, and the idea of seeing him pursue romance at all makes me nauseous (I really want to dry shave that disgusting patch of hair off his face).  Thirteen has wisely decided to nip the romance in the bud before it really begins, but Foreman won’t have it, so he manipulates the scheduling on his Huntington’s trials to give Thirteen a sense of false hope so that he can make himself into a hero.  Like I said, the guy is a despicable boob.

Speaking of despicable, at one point Jeff even enlists his son in distracting the orderlies so he can try to kill himself again.  The team runs more tests and…you know how it goes.  All seems lost until House has his epiphany moment (which occurs this time after a plumber fixes the broken pipe in his apartment and scratches himself…definitely a unique catalyst for a breakthrough).  House has always unabashedly employed a procedural formula that rarely varies from episode to episode, but it works, because like loyal viewers know, the medical cases, as impressively researched as they are, are really just a vehicle through which we can watch House in action.

Robert Sean Leonard pops up as Wilson for a quick scene, and Hugh Laurie is still in top form.  He succeeds in making the character at once both unpredictable and comfortably familiar.  Unfortunately, the ending of the episode intimates that Cameron will be returning to the show in a major way.  I can’t say I’ve missed her presence…or Chase’s…or basically anyone besides Laurie.

Season 5, Episode 12: Painless (originally aired January 19, 2009)

For another take on this episode, check out Drama, Drama, Drama by Robin Reed.

For more on House, click here.

House, Tuesdays 8/7c on FOX

Photographs courtesy of FOX Broadcasting Company and IMDbPro

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