Top Chef: Sending You Some Love

It’s Restaurant Wars Time!

There’s flirting, accusations, under-the-bus-throwing, laissez-faire, matching outfits, oopsies, and at-ti-tudes! All that, but … eh.  Not that exciting an episode.

And so!  Carla breaks it down: This competition isn’t about cooking, it’s psychological warfare!  Which means, sadly, no blood.  Radhika and Carla interview that Leah and Hosea stuck it unfairly to Ariane, and Fabio politely says so to their faces.  But Leah bitch-terviews, contrary to last week, that this is a competition, so get over it.  I’m definitely over Leah, so I guess she’s right.

Quickfire & Elimination.  Guest judge Stephen Starr, restaurateur.  Padma announces Restaurant Wars, and cheers all around.  I think most are relieved to have made it far enough for this event.  For the Quickfire, the chefs have 30 minutes to cook a signature dish as a tasting to the “prospective investor,” Mr. Starr.  Instead of receiving immunity, the top two chefs will open the two opposing restaurants.

Of note, Jamie doesn’t want to win this challenge, because it’s the leaders in Restaurant Wars who usually take the fall and go home.  As Carla later says, “Man up!”  Instead, Starr picks Radhika and Leah as his two favorites.  Since they’re both such passive personalities (Leah’s only aggressive when it comes to Hosea), this should be interesting.

The two choose teams, with Leah taking Hosea as her first pick, surprising no one.  Since the editors are giving us this ridiculous bullshit, I have to recap it, so listen as Hosea interviews, smiling, that he and Leah “have a little bit of chemistry.  We like each other.  I’m trying to not let that turn into anything.  I can’t let that turn into anything, because I have a girlfriend, Leah has a boyfriend.”  He makes it sound like he’s the greatest guy in the world for being so responsible.  Meanwhile, I want to break up with him based on his relentless flirting, and he and I aren’t dating.  Or have ever met.  And as if.

Stefan correctly points out that Leah’s choosing friends over good business, but please, Stefan.  This isn’t Top Chef, it’s psychological warfare!  Leave the lovers alone.  Stefan is also picked last because no one wants to work with him, but he ends up with Leah, Hosea, and Fabio (Team Sunset).  So in a way, Leah and Hosea get what they deserve, and Stefan laughs it off, because “[he] could give a shit.”

The chefs have six hours to prep and open their restaurants the next day.  Unsurprisingly, Jamie makes this about her.  She knows how hard it is to open a restaurant because she’s had to do it herself, and blah blah blah, martyr, I’m awesome, whatever.  She’s not short on opinions when it comes to controlling Radhika’s decisions, but to be fair, Radhika can’t make any.  Thankfully, she chose a team that wants to work peacefully, she just didn’t choose a team with any special desire to win.

Team Sahana focuses on a global concept.  Chase, Crazy Carla, and Jamie all back away from running the front of the house, so Radhika gives in and agrees to be hostess, even though she’s less animated than a robot.  Not Wall-E though, because he’s really animated, and that’s not a fair comparison.  Remember the dead earth in Wall-E?  Is that too extreme?

Over on Team Sunset Lounge, Hosea manfully stands up for Leah’s honor … in his interview … saying he doesn’t want her to get run over by the Fabio-Stefan show.  Only he seems to do nothing about it in real time.  Fabio insists on running front of the house because he doesn’t cook Asian food well and can’t contribute a great dish.  Stefan, like Jamie, is no stranger to offering his opinions, but Leah’s defense is copping a bitchy attitude, so it all balances out.

Shopping at Pier 1 (product placement never dies on Top Chef) and then home to create menus.  Stefan keeps his desserts a secret, and tells the others what to do.  Later, Hosea and Leah bitch about him … is this Top Chef or Gossip Girl?  Spotted!  Leah and Hosea cuddling on a sofa in matching jeans and white t-shirts.  Nauseating or cute?  Do you think they did that deliberately?  The best part is the chick-a-bow-wow-wow-wow porn music the editors start playing.  Then kissy noises, but no slurping.  So this is what Hosea means when he says, “just friends.”  That’s not how I use the phrase.

The next morning, they both claim kissing was a mistake, and are not “like, romantically involved, like…” Stefan and Fabio clearly pick up on the tension between the lovebirds and worry, i.e. complain.

Off to the South Street Seaport and Bridgewater Restaurant.  The divided space goes through its makeovers.  In the kitchen prepping, Hosea’s “thrown off [his] game,” because he and Leah “flirted” too much last night.  Uh, if kissing someone, especially when you’re already with someone else, is considered “flirting,” I’m not flirting enough or correctly.  He has to restart his dish because he’s such a mess.  Leah chose the wrong fish to cook (black cod), and the deboning is causing issues.  As is her guilt.

The desserts for both teams run into trouble because the freezer isn’t cold enough to freeze anything.  Crazy Carla doesn’t know what to do, but Stefan takes care of business.  “You don’t get nervous, you fix stuff.”  He creates a makeshift freezer and solves the problem.  Carla’s worried about spices but Radhika says the dessert is fine.  No adjustments are made.

Both teams scramble to finish in time.  Fabio says, “we can serve monkey ass in empty clam shell, we are going to win this one,” because he’s front of house.  I can’t disagree with that.  Radhika again says the leadership position makes her nervous.  Jamie takes charge in the kitchen, and Radhika thinks that was her own idea.

Team Sahana outcooks Team Sunset Lounge, but fortunately for Leah’s raw black cod, Stefan’s perfect desserts save her team.  Fabio’s front of house performance also wows the judges from the moment they enter, whereas Radhika disappears for most of the meal and the judges leave without a farewell.  As a result, Radhika’s Team Sahana actually loses the challenge.  Her lack of leadership and what turned out to be nearly inedible desserts from Carla negate the better food that Chase and Jamie cooked.

Judges’ Table.  Team Sunset Lounge steps out first as the winners (by a small margin).  Stefan wins a full suite of GE appliances for having the best dish.  However, they tell Leah that if her team had lost, she would have gone home based on her cod.

Now for Team Sahana.  Chase and Jamie are safe, so the judges focus on Carla’s atrocious desserts and Radhika’s service.

Now this is why I love Carla.  She admits the desserts weren’t good – in fact, “a hot mess.”  She wasn’t happy with her work, but she had a good time.  She agrees (emphatically!) with Toby Young that the diners should have had a better time than she did.  But, she says, “it really wouldn’t help the diners if I was in a bad mood.  So my thing was, I’m just going to send you out some love with this stuff that I’m giving you.”  And that is her belief, Tom.  Colicchio doesn’t get it, but I love her attitude.  How fun is this woman?  I can’t decide if I love her or Fabio more.

Jamie comes to her defense (wow), saying that Carla was hand-spinning ice cream to try to make it work.  What else was she to do?  Tom answers that she could have communicated this to Radhika, who could have made adjustments to the menu so that people weren’t expecting frozen dessert.

And then there’s Radhika.  Colicchio went after her last week for her lack of productivity in the kitchen, so I’m pretty sure that he has it in for her.  He gives her a very hard time (rightfully so) for not taking control of her kitchen and solving problems.  She felt it wasn’t her responsibility, and cops to not being a leader or good owner.  Tom lays it out that she didn’t follow through on anything, and all of her excuses just infuriate him more.

So even though Crazy Carla’s desserts were practically inedible, Radhika’s lack of leadership and poor service send her packing her knives.  Which is almost a shame, because she was a strong chef.  In hindsight, she obviously would have made changes, but she leaves with a smile on her face, so you can’t be too upset for her.  And we get to keep Crazy Carla for another week.  Though yes, the audience loses this round with the dud of an episode that reads more like 90210, but I think we all really win because Carla’s still around.

Next week: Past season all stars!  And something about some football game.

Season 5, Episode 9: Restaurant Wars (originally aired January 21, 2009)

For another take on this episode, check out Sahana’s Choice by J.B. Perlow.

Listen to The J Factor with J.B. and Jaimie here or on iTunes.

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