American Idol: Are we in Hollywood yet?

American Idol? Can you hear me?

I appreciate the fact that you’ve thought about our fragile ears this year and focused less on horrible wannabes and more on talented singers and/or eccentric personalities. I really am grateful, but can we please move on already? Somewhere around city five, I forgot half of the people I even liked (thankfully, I’ve provided you with trusty American Idol recaps to jog our memories) and it’s time to get down to business before my interest wanes.

This week our judges visited Jacksonville, Fl., Salt Lake City, Utah (hometown to Season 7 runner-up David Archuleta), New York City and San Juan, Puerto Rico. And. . .

THE GOOD

Joshua Ulloa, 22, may be a little gimmicky, but with all the sound effects he pulled out, he may be Blake 2.0. My interests are piqued.

Sharon Wilbur, 25, could be Paris Hilton next new BFF. Tinkerbell and her little pup could have play dates. And though Kara thought she sounded a little like Britney, the couldn’t deny that at least she wasn’t lip-syncing.

Julissa Veloz, 19, is a Latin beauty queen with a crazy, kooky personality to boot. She kind of confuses me as a person, but her voice, as she takes on Whitney, is definitely “yellow ticket” worthy.

Jasmine Murray, 16, chose to sing “Big Girls Don’t Cry” and has a voice like the Duchess herself. She looks like the girl next door and has commercial appeal. Look out for this young one.

David Osmond, 28, is my second or third yummy of the season. The judges give him a hard time about his song and vocal choices, but the boy can sing. (Hint: David, shave that soul patch!)

Frankie Jordan, 24, may become famous because she sounds like Amy Winehouse (minus the rehab) or maybe she’s just a copy cat.

Meghan Corkrey, 23, is a young divorced mother with a sweet face and a fully tatted arm. She was memorable for Simon and for me as well. New fave!

Taylor Vaifanua, 16, is 5’ 11”, has a sweet face, big hair and a determined air. Randy thinks she may be the best so far. I don’t know about that, but I see Jordan Sparks-like possibilities.

Jorge Nunoz, 20, could sing in alien gibberjabber and I would still swoon. The judges don’t give him the green light until he sings in English, a far inferior performance (and language in my opinion), but more than enough to seal the deal.

THE HORRENDOUS

Kareswa Finnie, 16, is that typical teenager who’s mom has pampered her for way too long, letting her believe that she can achieve ANY dream. When you don’t have a good voice, I believe your mother should be the first to put you and all your listeners out of their misery.

George Ramirez, 18, is a shy guy who clearly likes his computer and action figures more than normal socialization. How these guys even find American Idol still perplexes me. It’s clear from the start that George will not be making it to Hollywood so let’s ask him some questions. Simon wonders where George would like to be in 11 years. To which he responds, he wants a simple house with floors that are marble maybe. Really?

THE STRANGE

Darin Darnell, 29, is a total ham. He’s a guy who makes a new best friend in every line he stands in whether you like it or not. When said “new best friend” gets cut, it’s too much for Darin to take. He then proceeds to break down, crying prior to his audition. Manic depressive disorders and American Idol don’t mix well, me thinks.

Chris Kirkham, 26, brings an entourage, a friend dressed as a big pink bunny and Simon’s head on his T-shirt and a popsicle stick. Sadly, though he’s not awful, the judges can’t take him too seriously with his buddy bouncing side to side behind him.

Naomi Sykes, 25, doesn’t leave her best friend behind who has a mad crush on the dawg-man himself. She even gets to sit on Randy’s lap. There’s a genius slo-mo montage where the friend and Randy run towards each other, but that’s about the most interesting thing about the audition.

Adeola Adegoke, 19, quit her job for Idol. You know that saying, “Don’t quit your day job.” In these hard economic times, someone should have clued Adeola in on this BEFORE the audition. At least Simon is sweet to her and phones her boss to rip up that resignation.

And so we have it. Sixteen from Jacksonville, twelve from Salt Lake City, nine from Puerto Rico and twenty-six from New York (Yes, we know how to breed them in the Big Apple!) make their way to Hollywood. Hopefully we, too, will get there soon!

Note to Producers: Kudos for attempting to venture off the mainland to Puerto Rico. I understand your hope that another Enrique Iglesias or Mark Anthony could be found in these uncharted water. Do I see success between this new partnership? Not so much, but I genuinely appreciate the effort.

Season 8, Episodes 5-7: Jacksonville, Salt Lake City, Puerto Rico, and New York auditions (originally aired January 27, 28, & 29, 2009)

For more on American Idol, click here.

Photographs courtesy of Fox Broadcasting Company