Friday Night Lights: How the Other Half Lives

You know what I’m going to do?  I’m going to spend the next week looking for FNL spoilers, because if I’m going to have to put up with this Joe McCoy “Get to know my son!” nonsense much longer, I’m going to invent a drinking game and make it worth my while.

And somebody’s got some explaining to do.  FNL isn’t sad, you all said.  It’s uplifting, you told me.  It makes you feel good.

That’s right, coworkers, I’m talking about you.

Where do I begin with the lies this week?

Let’s start with Principal Taylor, playing the dual role of Coach’s Wife, as we thankfully avoid the PT on school grounds and fighting with VP Truck over strippers on campus.

JD McCoy’s mom cons Mama Taylor, and obviously, you can’t trust a gullible person like this to be principal, unless you’re just looking for a puppet.  Mama McCoy convinces Mama Taylor to have this year’s BBQ over at the McCoy residence, happy to give her son’s principal a break from shopping and cooking and organizing.  The entire audience shouts, “No!” but Tami doesn’t hear us, so she falls prey to Mama McCoy’s attack.  Sucker again, Tami!  Politics!

Coach isn’t thrilled, mainly because he’s receiving a significant amount of pressure from his coaching staff, fans, and the boosters (who I’m convinced, are the Devil’s Posse) to replace sweet, sad Matt Saracen at quarterback with pre-pubescent JD.  Now Coach is indebted to Joe McCoy for hosting the party that Coach was supposed to throw.  Way to go and emasculate your man, Mama Taylor.  All good intentions aside.

Everyone has a grand ol’ time at the party, and is that really the live music people in Texas arrange for their parties?  Because that is awful.  My father almost moved us to Texas when I was in elementary school, and thank the lord that fell through.  Not that there’s anything wrong with Texas.  Y’all.  I have family from Texas, I’m sure its all fine and … er, moving on.

At the party to end all parties (not really), Joe McCoy and his Entourage approach Coach once again pushing a series of plays that JD can execute that, one would guess, Saracen can’t.  All JD, all the time, that’s all we’re getting out of this storyline.  Coach, thankfully, stands by Saracen, and storms away from this plot before I throw something at the television.

But Coach isn’t the only one having a horrible time!  Lyla Garrity, representing the Beautiful People of Dillon (i.e., Lyla and Tim) is left at the party putting up with her father, Buddy, who alternates between rubbing Lyla’s nose in the fact that Tim stood her up, and sticking his own nose up Joe McCoy’s behind.  See, Tim was supposed to meet Lyla there, but Tim was too busy playing thief with his walking punch line of a redneck brother.  Billy’s short on cash, or something, and what with his impending wedding, thinks a life of crime will turn things around.  This is his chance!  So he enlists Tim’s help in stealing some copper wire from a local power plant.  Tim tries to resist the evil pull of his brother’s redneck-ness… but no!  Another sucker!  And more lies, as he misses the party…

And Tim and Lyla break up!

Just kidding!  He apologizes, she buys it, and this sounds just like last week, sans cheeseburger.  “Don’t make a fool out of me, Tim,” she pleads, and he agrees, so Tami Taylor ain’t the only gullible lady in Dillon, Texas.

And speaking of gullible, come on over Mr. Saracen.  Now tell me my heart’s not supposed to break for this kid.  First, there’s the completely annoying JD storyline and threat to Saracen’s position at quarterback.  He’s dealing with all the school gossip, all the boosters hoping he gets benched, the nonsense with his poor grandmother, and now Julie Taylor’s breathing down his neck again!  The two continue to bond and reconnect all through the episode, so that I begin to like Julie more for looking out for Matt.  I’m not convinced she won’t ditch him at the first sign of an ocean emergency, but I hate her a little less.

Especially after the worst part ever!  The Dillon Panthers play arch-nemesis Arnett Mead, whom they have never beaten.  Not even the awesome, amazing, magnificent, fantabulous, superhero Jason Street has beaten this rival.  And so…it’s football time!

And Matt keeps his team in contention the whole game.  Great plays, hard hits, and you know you’re being emotionally manipulated and that Saracen’s going to lose the game, because the writers hate me and think I need to spend more time in touch with my emotions.  Well, suck it, nerds!  Heart of steel!  Until Saracen runs the ball in himself in the last play of the game, gets hammered, and fumbles.  The Panthers lose!  Everybody hates Saracen and Coach for not playing JD instead.  And my heart breaks because, have you seen Matt Saracen?  He’s like a puppy that’s been kicked too many times.

And then it’s back to Coach and Coach’s Wife, letting go of the episode-long, party tension when they come home after the game to some quickly turned-around vandalization.  Kudos for being a productive community, Dillon, but kudos to the Taylors for being there for each other.

And finally, what’s FNL without some Smash?  I didn’t know until this episode that he spoke of himself in the third person.  Unless you’re The Rock, son, let it go.  When Smash learns his mother plans to take a second job to pay for A&M, he decides to skip the tryouts and school altogether, instead opting for the regional manager position with Alamo-Freeze.  But Smash’s Mama don’t play that way.  She sets him straight, telling him she’s the mother, he’s the son, and let her do her job.  Parents take care of their children for as long as they can.  And she isn’t finished yet.

And Smash and I both tear up and screw you, FNL writers!  Someone email me and tell me why I should feel uplifted, when I just feel bad for Matt Saracen and Smash.

This week, I’ll give props to the writers.  Not for the tear-jerking.  That, I don’t need.  This week, let’s honor the dialogue, which flows naturally and casually, giving the actors the opportunity to inflect it with all the teenage boredom that only a brat in high school can affect.  Boy, do I miss those days.

Next week: Mama Saracen comes to town!  And what’s a three letter word to describe Tim Riggins as Gambit?  HOT.

Season 3, Episode 3: How the Other Half Lives (originally aired October 15, 2008 on DIRECTV)

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Photographs courtesy of NBC and IMDbPro