Damages: Double Crossed

This week I’m going to continue to try to simplify the rapid plot twisting and double crossing on Damages – which is sort of like explaining what the heck is going on with Joaquin Phoenix lately. It’s impossible for any sane person to do. But I’m sure gonna try.

Claire Maddox gets around: This week we get a little dirt on rival female lawyer extraordinaire, Claire Maddox. Turns out girl gets around. Getting dressed in a hotel room, she dumps Daniel Purcell because it’s gotten too complicated. Guess it wasn’t quite the torrid, secret love affair it first seemed to be. Later it’s revealed that Claire and Kendrick were probably once getting it on – if they’re not still – but they’re at least close enough that Kendrick thinks he can pimp her out to his lonely friends. (Nice.) Claire, however, has other objectives and leaves the restaurant with the young, tattooed waiter, not the sorry buddy. And amazingly, between all this bed jumping, Claire even found time to sue Patty Hewes.

Patty gets sued: Usually at the other end of the table, Patty gets sued for defamation after asserting on national television that Walter Kendrick, CEO of UNR, commissioned the murder of Daniel Purcell’s wife. Patty has no proof of this, but I think it’s safe to say he was at least covering it up. As a result of the accusations, UNR stock plummets and it won’t go back up until they can settle this thing with Patty and shut her up. Tom and Claire argue out a settlement and Patty agrees to $5 million for Kendrick’s environmental charity of choice.

But Patty moves quicker than Kendrick and his loose lawyer, Claire Maddox, and finds a client to sue UNR for poor management leading to the stock drop. That client is none other than Arthur Frobisher. (Whoa! What?!) There’s no way Ellen’s going to be okay with that, especially considering all that’s happened this week.

Ellen, David, Katie, and everyone they know: Katie Connor (Ellen’s dead fiancé’s sister) gets robbed (so far no reason to believe this is anything but a simple mugging, but you never know) and as she’s making her report she recognizes a cop as the man who stalked her the previous year for Arthur Frobisher. She sneaks a picture of him, but the cop sees. He goes off to Detective Messer – who killed David – and tells him Katie spotted him and that Ellen’s been talking to the FBI.

Katie tells Ellen about the Stalker cop, and Ellen goes off to use the firm as Patty promised to track down who the guy is. Before she gets to tell Katie what she found out, Katie filed a report with the Internal Affairs Bureau. Ellen reprimands Katie for doing that and they have a fight, where Katie tells Ellen to go to hell. Meanwhile, Stalker Cop goes back to Detective Killer who repeats his pattern for solving problems: two bullets to Stalker Cop’s chest. Not sure how he didn’t see that one coming.

But something did take Ellen by surprise this week. The lease on the apartment she used to share with David is up, and she goes by the apartment to see it one last time. A neighbor gives her a package that was delivered after David’s death – it’s a wedding gift from David. Ellen cries and is unable to open it. (Sad!) Ellen does call Katie back to apologize, but before she can open the mysterious present, Patty calls. She lets her know that she’ll help Ellen trace the dirty cop back to Frobisher – but doesn’t reveal he’s also her new client. Conflict of interest much?

The Big Bang? Bad Detective Killer wasn’t done yet. Earlier he had told Frobisher that David’s murder couldn’t be tracked back to him. Stalker Cop was already taken care of, now it was Ellen’s turn. Flash to 4 months in the future (close to Ellen’s shoot-out moment), and Detective Killer enters Ellen’s apartment with a gun. She’s singing in the shower and calls out for Wes. Detective Killer screws a silencer onto his weapon and approaches a defenseless Ellen. Yikes! Ellen, how do you escape damage on this one?

Season 2, Episode 6: A Pretty Girl in a Leotard (originally aired February 11, 2009)

For another take on this episode, check out “You know what I’m in the mood for?  A fight.” by Alana D.

For more on Damages, click here.

Wednesdays at 10pm E/P on FX

Photograph courtesy of FX and IMDbPro

30 Rock: The Feast of the Martyrdom of St. Valentine

It’s Valentine’s Day at 30 Rock, and you know what that means. Time to mock the disabled, the religious, and the dying!

Jack’s mother has gone back to Florida, so he and Salma Hayek are free to celebrate the holiday unencumbered by the elderly (I guess Mr. Templeton‘s son hired a new nurse after that unfortunate Monopoly incident). Jack even has a reservation at the most exclusive restaurant in New York, Plunder, which serves a dessert that involves edible 25-carat gold leaf. Salma, however, in yet another demonstration of well-done product placement on this show, believes the McFlurry is the world’s greatest dessert, and has to go to church on Valentine’s Day, since it is after all the feast of the martyrdom of St. Valentine. Jack consents to accompany her, but he whines the whole time, and then he goes to confession and tortures the priest by explaining that he only has faith in things he can see and buy and deregulate, and by going into detail about his sexual encounters with Salma.

Then, while standing in front of the patron saint of judgmental statues, they almost break up, because, according to Salma, Jack’s problem is that he intellectualizes everything with his big head. (He retorts “Well you have big boobs!” and Salma re-retorts “Which you will never touch again!” and this show really does strike the perfect balance between realism and surrealism, doesn’t it; Greg Daniels should take notes). But, while Jack dines alone on his Lover’s Delight (“Is this like a Sixth Sense thing?” the waiter asks him, “Should I bring a place setting for your friend?”), Salma sees a McFlurry coupon that someone left in the church collection plate (awesome) and decides it’s a sign from God that she and Jack are meant to be. Well, I doubt NBC can really afford to pay for that many more guest appearances, sweetie, so you might want to look for divine inspiration elsewhere in the future.

Romance is in the air for Liz, too, since Jon Hamm is still around, wearing his funny pediatrician ties and looking like Jon Hamm.  They still haven’t had their first official date, so Liz suggests Saturday, realizing too late that Saturday is Valentine’s Day. Whoops! Not to fear, though, Jon Hamm is okay with taking things fast. Even after Liz accidentally flashes him and experiences gastrointestinal distress due to her homemade cheese stew, he’s smitten. And when his ex-wife Mandy calls (no, it’s not Mandy Patinkin)  and announces that she’s dropping off their teenage daughter, Bethany, and also keying his car, Jon Hamm still wants to continue the date with Liz, figuring that if they still like each other at the end of the night, it’s the real thing.

Liz is clearly thinking this is a bad idea, but Jon Hamm still looks like Jon Hamm, so she goes along with it. She babysits Bethany, who downs wine and sets fire to things and engages in inappropriate school bus behavior. And then, when Jon Hamm’s “sister” Gloria calls and says that their sick mother has taken a turn for the worse, they all rush off to the hospital together. Liz winds up stuck alone in the room when Jon Hamm’s mother dies, and so is the sole witness to her deathbed confession: She’s actually Jon Hamm’s grandmother. Gloria is in fact his mother. And Liz has to tell Jon Hamm this, or his grandmother won’t get into heaven. It’s unclear whether Liz does in fact tell him, but my suspicion is that she did not, and that next week we’ll get to see her try to find a way to get out of it.

And then, as always, there’s a Tracy/Kenneth subplot. Is it just me or is the show all Tracy/Kenneth subplots now? Or maybe it’s always been like this and I just never noticed until I started writing about every episode. Anyway, there’s a new young blind woman named Jennifer working at TGS, and Kenneth falls in love with her immediately (something about her makes him carsick inside). However, he can’t bring himself to speak to her, so Tracy follows him around all episode, doing his best Kenneth voice. On Valentine’s Day, they pretend to take her to a restaurant, except for some reason they just get Grizz and Dot Com to serve them food on the TGS set instead. There, Jenna makes her sole appearance of the episode, doing an impersonation of “the best singer in the world,” Michael McDonald.  Finally, Kenneth can no longer bear the deceit, and speaks to Jennifer himself. She’s immediately put off – “Kenneth, why do you suddenly sound white?” – but she’s warming up to the real Mr. Parcell. But then she touches his face, and turns him down because his chin feels too narrow. I’m not sure I totally followed that last part.

Other things we learned this week:

• GE makes an effort to hire the disabled.
• Dot Com has a thing for Grizz’s fiancée
• Kenneth has a mouth on his back
• This new show Kings looks like it has potential. Hmm.

Season 3, Episode 11: St. Valentine’s Day (originally aired February 12, 2009)

For more on 30 Rock, click here.

Thursdays at 9:30/8:30C on NBC

Photographs courtesy of NBC

Top Chef: The Tortoise and the Italian Stallion

It’s time to determine the Top Four, America!

And so, the chefs kind-of-but not really mourn the loss of Jamie. Mostly, they’re just happy to be in the Top 5. Leah has something to prove, and feels cooking is the only thing she does well. I’m sure the judges would disagree. Carla tells us she used to model and wants to be an inspiration for women who decide to try something new in life. I mean, okay. Sure. She’s also on a “I’m the underdog / I’m the tortoise” kick, so just pretend after every paragraph, Carla says, “I’m the tortoise” so you can get an idea of how often we hear that while watching. She’s lucky I like her.

Quickfire. Guest Judge: Molecular Gastronomist Wylie Dufresne. The challenge: to cook eggs! The chefs go over the top, making duos and trios, as opposed to a single dish. Except Carla, who goes for the fun by making green eggs and ham.

Leah prattles on about being disappointed in herself if she doesn’t win, because molecular gastronomy is the new “thing.” She says that about everything, so … she’s starting to remind me of Boring Melissa. Crazy music plays as Carla describes her Dr. Seuss dish. Hosea slams Carla’s creation as being unimpressive and too simple, and predicts that Dufresne will be disappointed. The problem with Hosea, among plenty of other issues the guy has, is that he judges everyone else, but then can’t back up his own dish and score a win. I remind Hosea of last episode and his dogging of Stefan for choosing lobster, but I’m pretty sure he doesn’t pay attention to me because he’s off judging someone else.

Dufresne’s bottom picks are Fabio, Leah, and Hosea, while enjoying Stefan’s and Carla’s creations. And Carla wins! Simplicity wins out over complexity, which is something we see on this show time and time again, especially this season. Just ask Ariane. Can you imagine if Dr. Chase were still here? He’d have made a four course meal and been eliminated after the Quickfire. Then he would have blamed renowned Chef Dufresne for not being as pretty as his own dish. Or something. Anyway, Carla wins an advantage in the …

Elimination Challenge. The chefs draw knives, labeled with names, and must “cook ‘the last meal’ for a culinary master.” After Padma announces each “meal,” Carla has the option of trading with anyone. But since Jacques Pepin loves peas, and Carla loves peas, they are now a match made in culinary heaven, where heaven = peas. There’s no way she’s giving him up.

Fabio thinks he’s got this one in the bag and will basically stroll into the finals based with his dish of roasted chicken and roasted potatoes. Hosea yet again complains about Stefan: “he’s the one to beat.” I’m as tired of typing about Hosea’s Stefan obsession as you are of reading it. Leah’s cooking Eggs Benedict, which seems simple enough, but she’s going to put her own spin on it, so you know this is going to suck. Carla’s making squab and peas, and all I can think of when I hear squab is Tim Riggins. A shirtless Tim Riggins, no less. So bring on the squab!

In the kitchen, with two hours to prepare, Fabio breaks his pinky finger off screen. A medic wraps it in a splint, and asks Fabio if he wants to go to the hospital. He scoffs. “I’ll chop it off, and sear it on the flat top so it doesn’t bleed anymore and tomorrow I will deal with nine fingers.” He laughs at the very idea of going to the hospital mid-challenge. And as Tyra Banks will tell you, you have to model sick and dying but you never let it show “here” (indicate Tyra’s smiling eyes).

Ahem. Anyway, Fabio struggles to slice potatoes and chop chicken sans pinky, but I have a co-worker who sliced open her thumb over New Year’s and required surgery the next day, and she spent the rest of this episode laughing at Fabio’s poor little pinky. Try going without an opposable thumb. It’s a little funny now that we know she’s okay. Love you, JM!

The Legendary chefs seat themselves at a long table, filmed under the soft lighting made famous in Barbara Walters interviews. I can’t really figure out why, unless its done to make the older folks look less old, but it doesn’t really help.

Leah presents her Eggs Benedict (Wylie Dufresne) to the diners, but they’re all generally disappointed, especially by her decision to include a salad. Only Toby Young likes runny eggs. I can’t wait for this guy to go away. Stefan (Marcus Samuelsson) serves his salmon, confident that he’ll win. Despite excellent spices, his overcooked fish ruins the dish, and his spinach is unimpressive. Hosea (Susan Ungaro) cooks his shrimp scampi perfectly; however, it was generally uninspired.

Fabio’s roasted chicken (Lidia Bastianich) knocks the socks off of everyone. His salad, though, “looks like something you’d get on an airplane.” Lidia is very pleased. Carla’s squab (Pepin) earns mixed reviews, as half the table likes it more rare, and the other half likes it more well done. They all enjoy the squab nevertheless, and peas, apparently, can be something special, as Carla’s dish proves. They all appreciate her choice of simplicity in cooking and presentation.

Judges’ Table. All five chefs step out for the nitpicking. Leah’s Hollandaise sauce competes with her undercooked eggs for being the worst part of her dish. The judges knock Stefan’s overcooked salmon and poor spinach, and Hosea’s dish wasn’t creative enough. Fabio and Carla both receive the only accolades. Notably, Colicchio says he was surprised Carla found fresh peas, because this time of year they’re not very good. So were they essentially trying to set someone up for failure?

Over deliberation, Colicchio comments that Fabio’s dish could serve as a signature dish if he opened a restaurant. Carla’s peas were perfection. Hosea’s dish lacked impact, which cost him the win, but Colicchio says he shouldn’t lose for that. They go back and forth over the worst aspects of Stefan’s and Leah’s dishes, disappointed in those two chefs the most.

Bring them back out, and Fabio wins! His prize is a large bottle of Terlato Angel’s Peak wine, and a trip to the Terlato vineyard in Napa Valley, and now he’s the pride of Italy. He remarks that he’s going to the semi-finals, based on cooking good food, not paying off somebody. Has he done that before? Carla’s also in, and after some minor suspense, Leah finally earns her elimination. Pack your knives, Negative Nancy! She interviews that she’s okay with making it as far as she did. Which just goes to show why she should go home. Hosea condescendingly says, “I’m surprised that Leah’s going home … I think she should be really proud of how far she’s come. Now I have one more person to do this for.” What?

He also warns that the others should see him as a threat. Hosea, nobody cares about you! You’re such a dud. He still thinks Stefan’s his only competition, even though Fabio and Carla have slowly crept up to more than earn their spots. Though I love Carla, no one’s more surprised than me that she’s in the Top Four. I’m pretty sure Perlow may have outdone me this time in his choices. Shhhhh, nobody tell him.

Next time: Carla’s hair is straight, Fabio’s hair is missing, Hootie! Hoo!, and Hosea’s man-crush on Stefan continues! Oh, and the semi-finals!

Season 5, Episode 12: The Last Supper (originally aired February 11, 2009)

For another take on this episode, check out This is Not Top Pussy! by J.B. Perlow.

Listen to The J Factor with J.B. and Jaimie here or on iTunes.

For more on Top Chef, click here.

Wednesdays at 10/9C, Bravo

Photographs courtesy of Bravo

Top Chef: This is Not Top Pussy!

This week we cull it down to the final four.  Who will it be?  My money is that Leah, who should have gone home weeks ago, is out.  Let’s see if I’m correct or if Stefan’s ego gets the better of him.  We start with a long exposition about Leah’s career path, so that means she’s going home.  Carla gives some words of encouragement à la the Swedish Chef–”you can dooo’it!”–and tells us she used to be a model.  For what we do not know.

Quickfire.  Wylie Dufresne tells them he always dreamed of going as Egghead on Halloween so they need to make an egg dish for him.  Carla the Tortoise gets creative and makes green eggs and ham, while everyone else thinks she’s crazy. (Didn’t Sam make a green eggs and ham-type dish in Season Two?  Yes!)  She winds up winning with that recipe so who’s laughing now (me!).  Everyone else did weird duos or trios–why can’t they just make one thing well?  Wylie agrees with my reason.

Elimination.  They draw knives with the names of famous chefs on them: Lidia Bastianich, Susan Ungaro, Jacques Pépin, Marcus Samuelsson, and Wylie Dufresne.  They will cook the chefs’ favorite meal as a “last supper” type of thing.  How morbid.  Carla is super psyched she’s cooking peas for Jacques because they are “like this” with peas.  She’s crazy.  I love it.

During the break we see the final five eating at original Top Chef Harold Dieterle’s restaurant, Perilla.  Take note guys, like George Washington, Harold is the standard by which all subsequent winners should be judged.

While the chefs cook, there’s a crash.  Fabio broke his finger but can’t be bothered with a hospital.  He offers to chop it off, sear it on the flat top, and deal with having only nine fingers in the morning.  What a trooper!  Now he’s a top chef.  But Carla’s grunting about Rocky and giving him a run for his money even though he’s busy peeling with one hand and pulling shoes out of his ass.  Meanwhile Stefan is cooking whatever he feels like doing and Leah is M.I.A.–or at least we don’t see what she’s doing.

The judges assemble at a table reminiscent of The Last Supper. (Note that Jacques is sitting in Jesus’ seat, with Tom to his right.  What does Dan Brown have to say about that?)  Leah serves Wylie’s requested Eggs Benedict and adds a salad to cut some of the fat; Wylie is not amused that he got a salad for his last meal.  Stefan serves Marcus’s salmon but it is overcooked, make that “horribly overcooked” (Wylie).  Hosea serves the third course of shrimp scampi for Susan; his tomato looks like it has moss growing on it.  Fabio serves a roasted chicken for Lidia and it looks amazing.  (Remember Elia’s roasted chicken for the deadly sins challenge in Season Two?  If you can cook a roast chicken, you’re home free in this show and in life.)  Carla goes last serving squab and peas for Jacques, and the peas “were perfection” (Susan).  Jacques thinks he could die after this dish.  He means that in a good way.

Judges’ Table.  Leah and Stefan are disappointments and the harshest comments go to Stefan’s awful salmon and excessive use of cream.  They really liked Fabio (minus the airplane-type salad) and Carla.  Jacques explains that a blind person would have no problem with Carla’s squab because it looked overcooked but it was perfect.  He’s also impressed that she used fresh peas.

Results.  Fabio wins the show and a big bottle of  Terlato wine and a trip to the Terlato family vineyard in Napa Valley, California.  He’s excited that he’s in the finals in New Orleans because of his talent and not because he is funny or paid someone.  Well, he is funny.  Carla the Tortoise is joining him in the semi-finals and says, “See ya! See ya!” as she walks out to have some wine with Fabio.  It comes down to Leah and Stefan, and Leah gets sent home because the judges were able to rationalize why Stefan needs to stay on the show.  So Stefan and Hosea will also go on to the finales.

We’ll rejoin our final four in New Orleans after Fabio enjoys a drink in Hell and comes back with a crazy haircut.  Hootie!

Season 5, Episode 12: The Last Supper (originally aired February 11, 2009)

For another take on this episode, check out The Tortoise and the Italian Stallion by Jaimie Campos.

Listen to The J Factor with J.B. and Jaimie here or on iTunes.

For more on Top Chef, click here.

Wednesdays at 10/9C, Bravo

Photographs courtesy of Bravo and IMDbPro

Messy ‘Dollhouse’

After a host of delays and production setbacks, tv auteur Joss Whedon’s Dollhouse-his first show since the boneheads at Fox cancelled his much beloved space Western odyssey Firefly several years ago-finally premiered last night. While it was slick and entertaining and creative, as this guy’s work always is-it felt rather messy. The pilot episode, which is entitled “Ghost,” also bares the ghosts of network interference. Too many chefs stirring the pot or whatever that expression is. This is the second version of the pilot, the first one having been scrapped, as was the case with Firefly. The concept and world of Dollhouse just didn’t come off as being presented in a really lucid, coherent way.

The show is about a shady corporation (is there any other kind?) known as the Dollhouse that services rich clients by essentially programming beautiful women to meet their every need. It’s kind of like that scene in The Matrix where Neo and Trinity are standing on the roof with a helicopter and Neo asks if she can fly and she says not yet, then gets the information downloaded into her brain. So if some rich guy wants a weekend date with no strings attached, bingo. Or, in the case of this pilot, if some rich guy’s kid gets nabbed and he can’t/doesn’t want to go to the police or the FBI, the Dollhouse programs one of their operatives to become the best negotiator possible.

These operatives get programmed for a mission…or an “engagement” as the stern Adelle DeWitt (played by Olivia Williams, who was great in The Sixth Sense and the unfairly maligned The Postman) who runs the Dollhouse likes to call them. They do the job, then they come back to the Dollhouse and get their memories wiped clean by some nerdy-looking tech guy (again, is there any other kind?).

The protagonist is Echo, played by Eliza Dushku, but we know nothing about her yet. We don’t know where the Dollhouse got her, or any of their operatives for that matter. I don’t think they went recruiting people outside of K-Mart, so I’m guessing these operatives were all troubled people. I’m sure that the quest for Echo to remember her past will be part of the core of the show. She’s not unlike Summer Glau’s River character from Firefly, as Whedon’s forte is crafting strong-willed heroines with haunted pasts. Dushku is very appealing in her role, but the pilot chooses not to really give you a sense of any of the other operatives, including a new one hot off the presses named Sierra.

Echo’s only friend seems to be Boyd Langdon, who is her handler. He stays in the shadows and watches her on missions, and he seems a little uncomfortable in his own skin. We’re told that he hasn’t been at the Dollhouse very long, and it seems like he is having his doubts about the whole thing.

It’s an intriguing premise (though it does suffer from baring a resemblance to NBC’s recently failed My Own Worst Enemy), and I hope that the show finds its footing as it goes along. I’m confident that it will if it is given the chance to, which is a big if. How Whedon could bring himself to work for Fox again after they roasted his last baby and turned it into a fetus kabob I’ll never know, but I hope he has a better experience this time around because he’s clearly very talented and people love working with him. You’d think that would be enough to make a successful hit show.

Season 1, Episode 1:  Ghost (originally aired February 13, 2009)

For more on Dollhouse, click here.

Fridays at 9/8C on Fox

Photographs courtesy of Fox and IMDbPro

Life: I Love Rock N’ Roll

It doesn’t get much better than this week’s episode, the mystery of the murdered lead singer of a Kiss-style, rock cover band.  And the witty banter that gives Life its momentum continues with Crews trying to figure out a proper nickname for his partner, Dani Reese, on their way to the murder scene.  He concludes that Doc Reese is the perfect nickname after realizing her initials are D.R.  Reese, not a nickname person, gives a less than welcoming expression at the thought of being called Doc Reese, as they walk in to the club where the dead body of the lead singer, Mitch Wagner, lies underneath a gigantic mirror ball.  “Love Hurts” plays in the background as Crews and Reese search for a possible cause of death.  But other than the heavy stage make-up on the victim’s face, there is no blood or stab wounds.  What they do find is a piece of plastic stuck to a nearby vent with stage make-up smeared all over it that is eventually confirmed as the murder weapon.

Wagner was lead singer of Hot Lead, a cover band for Heavy Calibre.  Wagner’s voice was eerily similar to Heavy Calibre’s lead singer, Jude Hayes, who became a rock legend after dying mysteriously many years before.  Obsessed fans, a womanizing band member and drug toting dentist, a Hot Lead audition reject, and a welder who claimed he was the next Jude Hayes all compete as possible suspects.

And on the personal front, Crews receives a visit from his father who says Olivia has left him and will not marry him until he resolves his issues with his son.  Ted admits he’s still in love with Olivia, and Crews asks him to tell Olivia instead of constantly telling him.  The conspiracy theory still eats away at Crews.  And while Ted remains in limbo about his love for Olivia, Tidwell and Reese’s relationship heats up as Reese rewards Tidwell for giving up his booze for her.

Meanwhile as they go over the case, Tidwell wishes he had been a rock star, and after Crews asks him what his band name would have been, he and Reese blurt out simultaneously, The Tidwells.  And who could blame Tidwell for wanting to don heavy make-up, a big hair wig, tight pants—hopefully in a leopard skin print—and rock out with the chanting of fans and groupies who wave their flaming lighters from side to side?  This week’s episode ends on a vague, Eddie and the Cruisers style note with Crews and Reese kind of solving their case. And what could be a more appropriate ode to the age of the rock ballad, but having White Snake’s “Here I Go Again” playing during the closing scene, as Wagner’s murderer is taken away in handcuffs while implying he may be the not so deceased Jude Hayes…  I think I’ll go put another dime in the jukebox, baby.

Season 2, Episode 14: Mirror Ball (oriringally aired February 11, 2009)

For another take on this episode, read Hot Lead by Cameron Cubbison.

For more on Life, click here.

Wednesdays at 9/8c, NBC
Photographs courtesy of www.nbc.com

Life: Hot Lead

I’m going to preface this review with a personal message for Robert Bianco, the television critic for USA TODAY. Robert…may I call you Robert? Here’s my message: stop watching Life and better yet, stop writing about it. I’m sure you’re a nice guy, and I’ve enjoyed some of your thoughts in the past, but you clearly have no idea what Life is about. It’s already going to get canceled, so just let people enjoy it while it lasts. Anyone who complains about the conspiracy aspect of the show and advises that the show drop it completely and just become yet another case-of-the-week procedural…how could anybody think that?

The Charlie Crews conspiracy is the hook of the show, and no Life fan would say differently. It is what sets the show apart from every other cop and procedural show on the air…and there are a lot of ‘em. Life is a fantastic show that somehow you have missed the boat on from the beginning. You have offered faint praise at best from time to time, so I wish you would just leave it alone.

As for episode 2.14, it’s fantastic, fun, eccentric, and unpredictable…the very qualities Life almost always captures in spades. Charlie and Reese are called to investigate the death of a guy named Mitch, who was the lead singer for Hot Lead, the cover band for fictional 80s KISS-esque band Heavy Caliber. (The rock star that Mitch spent his life impersonating was Jude Hays).  They arrive at the crime scene—the club the band played at the night before—and examine the body, though Charlie is initially more caught up in thinking of a nickname for Reese, much to her irritation. With a little solid police work, the detective duo discovers that Mitch was suffocated with a big piece of plastic, which now has his face, makeup and all, permanently imprinted on it. Yet again Life’s writers have devised a creative and very visual death scene.

Naturally, Charlie and Reese first suspect the other band members, one of which is a dentist who keeps a tally on the wall of his office detailing how many groupies he has bedded…what an upstanding citizen. It’s logicalthey would suspect the other band members. After all, how many bands—cover or not—get along famously all of the time? Alas, all members seem to have alibis.

Charlie and Reese then go after Tyler, who used to fill Mitch’s spot in the band until he tried to sing one of his own songs on stage and the fans revolted and the band kicked him out. Kind of like Ringo I guess. Tyler spent a few months in the slammer for assaulting Mitch previously, but was released and is nowhere to be found.

So how do you find an M.I.A. rock star impersonator? Simple: you hire every single one in the city to come to your house and play for you. At least that’s what Charlie does, and it’s a perfect excuse to have a classic Life absurdist montage. Fake after fake come to the Casa de Charlie, and while Tyler doesn’t show up, Emma does. Emma tried out for the band years ago but was laughed down because she is a girl. And she works at the club where Mitch was killed. And she has a pet rabbit. And she has a fetish for plastic wrap. She sounds like not all her dogs are barking, but it couldn’t be her. And it couldn’t be Tyler either, because life and Life are rarely that simple.

All I will say is that when the whodunit guy is revealed, it’s stranger than ever. And that’s a good thing. It’s a great murder mystery, and the episode has other plusses too: Charlie has another run-in with his dad, whom he “accidentally” shot in the leg a few episodes back, and hopes for Ted stealing Olivia away from Charlie’s dad improve. Woo hoo! We also get another glimpse at the conspiracy wall and a sweet moment between Reese and Tidwell. And the episode will make you never see Sharpie markers in the same way again. If you need any more reasons to watch an episode of television then you’re s.o.l.

Season 2, Episode 14: Mirror Ball (oriringally aired February 11, 2009)

For another take on this episode, read I Love Rock N’ Roll by Elma Rahman.

For more on Life, click here.

Wednesdays at 9/8c, NBC
Photographs courtesy of www.nbc.com

Lost: Not Without My Jin

I’m sure some folks thought this was an episode of brilliant revelations but I’m reserving judgment.  It was great to see Jin hopping all over the place–especially after I got to meet actor Daniel Dae Kim at NY Comic Con, but it was a slow week on and off the Island.

In Los Angeles, we pick up with Ben and the Oceanic Six (minus Hurley) assembled at the pier as Ben’s explaining they all need to return to the Island.  Sun calls her daughter Ji Yeon and then pulls a gun on Ben.  Ben says he can prove her husband, Jin, is still alive and she goes with him to find the proof.  Sayid and Kate (and Aaron) aren’t having anything to do with going back to the Island and they head off.  Eventually, Ben takes Sun and Jack to a church where he shows her Jin’s wedding ring that Jin gave to Locke after Jin survived the boat explosion.  Just then Desmond conveniently shows up and we confirm what I predicted weeks ago: Daniel Faraday’s mother is Mrs. Hawking.  They go in to meet the strange old lady who thinks that one-third of the Oceanic Six is better than none.  It’s very cryptic, which is the M.O. of this show so no surprise here.  Also no surprise, that Mrs. Hawking’s first name is Eloise, which I bet used to be shortened to “Ellie” when she was young and burying nuclear weapons on the Island.

Back on the Island, Jin is very confused about where he is, or better yet when he is and why he’s seeing a young version of Danielle Rousseau.  He starts leading the Frenchies to the radio tower so they can record an emergency signal over the numbers broadcast, when the black smoke monster kills the other woman.  The monster grabs another guy even as the others rip his arm off to try to save him.  As he shouts for help inside the monster’s underground lair, Jin stops Rousseau from joining the other men in the rescue mission.  Because he’s set things right that once went wrong, Jin quantum leaps a few days into the future where he sees Rousseau shoot the other men with her after they went crazy with “the sickness.”  She tries to shoot him but he jumps and finds the other castaways.

Jin joins Locke and friends on the walk to the Orchid station.  The nosebleeds are getting worse, particularly for Charlotte who warns Jin not to allow Sun to come back to the Island as it is a place of death.  She proves her point by dying after telling Daniel that she lived on the Island as a child (Annie?) but moved away and spent the rest of her life searching for the Island.  Oh and she remembers that a man told her never to return to the Island or else she would die.  That man was Daniel.  Creepy!

At the Orchid station, or where the station should be, they find a well leading down to a white light.  Before Locke goes all Baby Jessica in front of everyone, Jin makes him promise not to bring Sun back to the Island.  Locke says that Sun may seek him out, so Jin gives Locke his wedding ring as something to give to Sun to show he’s dead.  Locke agrees and takes the plunge.

Of course the time warp happens as he’s lowering himself into the well and he jumps back to before the well existed, leaving Sawyer holding a rope coming out of solid ground and Locke in an underground cave.  He’s not alone down there.  It’s Jacob, no wait it’s Dr. Christian Shepard with a fancy lamp.  He can’t help Locke up (because he’s not real?) but scolds Locke for not listening to him when he told Locke, not Ben, to move the Island.  Because Locke didn’t follow the rules of “Christian Says,” it screwed everything up.  But thankfully Christian says Locke can fix it if he just puts the magic wheel back on its axis and turns it.  Locke does and the light flashes into the closing credits.

So in the end, this was a decent episode, for a transition episode. We got some explanations (sort of); a cool scene with the Island’s favorite ghost Christian Shepard; and most importantly, no Hurley.  Win-win-win!  Oh and in case you were wondering, Miles doesn’t speak Korean.  He’s from Encino.

Season 5, Episode 5: This Place is Death (originally aired February 11, 2009)

For another take on this episode, check out This island is bad! by Robin Reed.

For more on Lost, click here.

Wednesdays, 9/8c on ABC

Photographs courtesy of ABC

Lost: This island is bad!

Another Wednesday, another awesome episode of Lost.

See, the problem is, we’re five seasons into this show now. And the producers have finally learned from their mistakes. Every single episode now is jam-packed with forward movement, and intriguing dialogue, and new twists to the mythology. Had I been recapping this show in an earlier season, an entire review might have read: “We learn that Jack has daddy issues, and that he wants to make out with Kate but is too scared. Also, Sawyer plays ping pong.” But now, every episode has about nine hundred things happening that will all presumably be relevant come the season finale. It’s cool, albeit exhausting.

Anyway, as for this week…

The basics: We spend most of our time on the island for a Jin-focused episode. Jin hangs out in 1988 with Danielle Rousseau and her crew until they go bonkers. Then he meets up with the rest of his islander friends and they all time-warp together over to the Orchid. (Well, except for Charlotte, who dies on the way, and Daniel, who stops to watch.) When they get to the Orchid, all that remains is a well, and Locke climbs down in and tries to turn the wheel so he can leave the island and save them or whatever. Meanwhile, in L.A., the Oceanic Five (everyone but Hurley) is assembled at the marina, but Kate, Aaron and Sayid take off once they realize what Ben is up to. Ben manipulates Sun and Jack into coming with him to see Mrs. Hawking, but since they made such a big deal about how he needed all of them, I don’t see what this is going to accomplish. Also, Desmond shows up, looking strangely hot. “All right! Let’s get started!” says Mrs. Hawking. (And, indeed, let’s. Is anyone else getting the feeling that this is like that scene two hours into Fellowship of the Ring when Gandalf was all, “Okay! We have a Fellowship now, let’s head off on our journey!” and it was like, “Uh, are you telling me those past two hours I’ve spent sucking down soda in a poorly ventilated multiplex while you guys tramped all over the Shire were just the friggin’ prologue?”)

The good:

• Jin, Jin, Jin. I decided this week that he’s the show’s best-written character. True, most of his development happened back in season 1, but he’s consistently interesting and I don’t think he’s annoyed me once. And there are always a bunch of “Awww” moments in every Jin episode. Also, I mean, it’s Daniel Dae Kim.  What’s not to love?
• In Frenchieland 1988, the smoke monster is at its fiercest, and it manages to rip off one guy’s arm and drive the rest of Danielle’s crew, including her husband, whacko. So she kills them all. It’s pretty darn cool. Apparently this whole story was told in a previous season but I had totally forgotten it.
• The Frenchies have their own version of Daniel – a geeky guy who draws outlines of radio towers in the sand – and I already love him. As does Danielle. He’s her husband, Robert! (The Frenchies also have their own Sawyer, but sadly, he seems to be in charge. Up until he gets his arm ripped off.)
• When Jin meets up with the rest of our time-warping island crew, he and Sawyer share a big, overjoyed hug. I’d forgotten they were friends. It was a cute moment.
• We get to see Sawyer try to explain the time-warp concept to Jin as if Jin speaks English but is simply very stupid. Most of the time Sawyer’s provincialism is irritating but sometimes, like in this scene, it’s funny.
• Charlotte’s death scene is well-done. First, she goes delusional for a while and thinks she’s a little kid, but it’s interesting, not disturbing. Also, she mentions a love for Geronimo Jackson, which is a random bit of continuity that I guess is supposed to appease us season 2 fans. The way she babbles out her origin story makes it obvious pretty early on that she’ll be dead by the end of the episode, but that’s okay. She was always the least interesting, by far, of the Boaties, and Daniel will be much more fun to watch with a dead girlfriend than a live one. We do have to see Jeremy Davies cry, though, which is creepy.
• Juliet is mostly useless, as usual. But when Locke goes down into the Orchid well, she offers up this gem: “John, if whatever you’re attempting to do actually works, thank you.” Y’know, I hate Juliet, but she’s probably the character on this show who’s most like me. Hmm.
• Sun’s daughter, Ji Yeon, phones in an appearance, and is adorable. This does not stop Sun from hanging up on her and charging off to kill Ben, however, which is even cooler.
• So far this season, the writers and Michael Emerson are doing their best to make us forget that Ben is a psychopath. I suspect that this is building up to something cool in the second half of the season.

The bad:

• When Locke goes down the well at the Orchid, he spots someone skulking around. It’s Jack’s dad, Christian Shepard (I always want to call him Christian Slater),  aka Jacob. You know, if this actor had been playing Jacob from the beginning, I think I’d be into it. But because I was forced to endure several flashback episodes with extensive Jack’s-daddy-issues footage, not to mention that awful Ana Lucia ep, all of which prominently featured this guy, I can’t stand him in any incarnation.
• Juliet is still alive.

The stuff that will matter next week:

While dying, Charlotte says she grew up on the island as part of the Dharma Initiative, but left with her mother while she was still young, leaving her father behind. Then, her mother told her the island wasn’t real and that Charlotte had made it up. But sometime during her childhood, Charlotte saw a crazy man who told her to leave the island and never come back. Now she thinks that man was Daniel. So presumably we’ll be seeing a little redheaded English girl in a future time-warp. Wait, didn’t Ben have a little girlfriend when he was a Dharma kid? No, no, I’m not going to predict or analyze, that’s how I got burned back in season 1. Not going to think about that anymore. I’m covering my ears and humming, here.

Also, when Locke goes down the well, he winds up falling and impaling his leg. Then, per Christian Jacob’s instructions, he goes to the wheel Ben turned in last season’s finale,  which has been bumped off its axis, and gives it a little push. So now I guess Locke’s going to L.A. to die, or something.

Next week, Ms. Hawking gives us the history of the island’s physics or something, and it looks like we have an entire episode about the Oceanic Six. Oh, lordy.

Season 5, Episode 5: This Place is Death (originally aired February 11, 2009)

For another take on this episode, check out Not Without My Jin by J.B. Perlow.

For more on Lost, click here.

Wednesdays, 9/8c on ABC

Photographs courtesy of ABC

American Idol: The Gigglemeister made it?

Season 8 provides us with some interesting twists. Producers expanded the semifinalist pool from 24 to 36 and brought back the wild card.  This leaves me with high hopes that hopefuls who got the axe too early will return.  Plus, this weeks’ episode also showcased actual singing! (Praise the anti-cheesiness gods.)

This week’s episodes finally devoted time to contestants who actually have a shot at winning this thing. First, many contestants had to sing their butts off in a last, final shot (or so they thought!) at proving they deserve to be in this competition. With a song of their choice, the chance to bust out an instrument, backup singers, and a live band, we finally got the opportunity to get in the dressing room and try on what we might end up buying.  Some choked under the pressure and other flourished. (Let it be known that most of the ones I believed should make the cut, did, but then again, American Idol is known for its “selective setups.” Most of the time we’re not discovering the great ones; we’re being told that they’re great. I can’t be bitter though, since next week it’s all in our hands. Oh, how these nimble fingers will be texting.)

All of Tuesday night’s singing was the perfect balance for what I thought was going to be a tedious Wednesday night of watching people breathe in and out and bite their nails until their fates were revealed. Low and behold, the producers had yet another surprise under their belts. Ripping a page out of Nigel Lithgoe’s So You Think You Can Dance book, some contestants still on the fence were asked to sing for their lives. (It’s a sing-off, folks! And I’m so in the front row.)

So let me give you a taste of how the night played out. For some added Drama, Cody Sheldon and Alex Wagner-Trugman were pitted against eachother for the first battle. Not only have two become best friends in a week, but they also share the same “that came out of YOUR mouth” quality. I didn’t think either could go the distance, and the judges agreed, but in the end Alex outsang his BFF.

The next faceoff was between Jenn Korbee and Kristen McNamara. The two ladies can both sing well, but Kristen can saaaaaaaang. It’s clear to me who should sing on stage and who should go home, but Jenn is just too damn pretty, so of course Simon and Simon’s wingman Randy had reservations.  Simon makes it clear it wasn’t a unanimous vote, but talent trumps looks.

In the case of Matt Breitzke vs Michael Sarver, I though Matt was way outsang by Michael, but the judges really love Matt’s personality. Would character surpass vocals this time? I think so, not because Michael gets sent home because he doesn’t. They, however, do let Matt through when he should have gone home. (Don’t they realize they actually let some talented people go?) And don’t even get me started on gigglemeister Tatiana Del Toro. Is she supposed to be this years Sanjaya?

Luckily to offset this upset, a few of the ones I was looking out for will live to sing again. Anoop Desai, Von Smith, Stevie Wright, Alexis Grace, Lil Rounds, Danny Gokey, Nick Mitchell a.k.a. Norman and Jackie Tohn either sailed right on into the next round or won their face-offs. Sadly along the way, we lost Jamar Rogers and Frankie Jordan, two of the ones I thought were through without questions.

But you can’t cry over spilled milk, right? So regardless, I can’t wait to see what the top 36 have in store for us these next few episodes. First, six women and six men will perform, that includes: Jackie Tohn, Alexis Grace, Casey Carlson, Ann Marie Boskovich, Stevie Wright and Tatiana Del Toro for the ladies and Danny Gokey, Anoop Desai, Ricky Braddy, Michael Sarver, Brent Keith and Stephen Fowler for the men. Looks pretty stacked. Tatiana and Stephen are the only ones I know for sure that I can do without.  Out of those twelve, only three will make it on to the top 12. This will go on for three full rounds, and then America will have the chance to vote for the three wildcard singers to return to the competition. With such an even playing field, I’m thinking these cuts will be painful. Let’s hope the pressure pushes these guys for the better and not the worse.

The others rounding out the top 36 are Adam Lambert, Taylor Vaifanua, Jasmine Murray, Arianna Asfar, Megan Corkrey, Mishavonna Henson, Kendall Beard, Scott Macintyre, Jesse Langseth, Allison Iraheta, Matt Giraud, Ju’not Joyner, Jorge Nunoz, Nathanial Marshall, Jeanine Vailes, Kai Kalama and Kris Allen, but you’ll have wait a bit to be reminded of what they can do.

On a side note: After some hoopla over the fact that producers felt Joanna Pacitti had way too much professional singing experience to make it a fair fight and reclaimed her gold ticket, Felicia Barton, who I don’t really remember at all, has been added to the top 36.

Season 8, Episodes 8-9: Hollywood: The Sorting Hat & Hollywood: The Chair (originally aired February 10-11, 2009)

For more on American Idol, click here.

Photographs courtesy of Fox Broadcasting Company

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