Top Chef: This Season’s Top Chef Is… Eric Ripert!

Not really.  But it might have made the ending of this episode a little more satisfying.

Once again, let’s not get ahead of ourselves.  Stefan is grateful for surviving elimination, and Fabio pimps the T-Mobile Sidekick while talking to his wife.  He’s very charming, so we shall continue to root for him.  Hosea points out that he is the last remaining American male chef.  That shouldn’t be your concern, Hosea.  Not sucking right now should concern you.  Carla thinks she’s underestimated, and making the top 6 makes her want to “gun for it.”  Finally.  Have the past several weeks just been a warm up or something?  You know I love Carla, but I hate when people say, “it’s time to turn it up and get real.”  I haven’t been watching you all this time just to watch you “practice” or something.  Come on, folks!

Quickfire.  Guest Judge Eric Ripert, owner of “the best seafood restaurant in New York, Le Bernardin.”  Thank you, Padma.  I think she has a crush on him.  Wait for it.  The chefs participate in a three round fish filleting tournament.  Round 1: fillet sardines.  Jamie and Carla embarrass themselves, and are eliminated first.  Carla knows she did horribly, but something about her self-deprecating nature amuses Ripert, and truly, for the whole episode, everything she says and does makes him laugh.  So even though she’s not creating the most professional first impression, she’s charming the socks off him.  Just like us!

To note: Fabio calls Ripert “a God,” and Hosea calls him legendary.  Remember later how highly regarded he is.

All we hear about is how Hosea owns a seafood restaurant, and seafood is his thing, and blah blah blah, I can’t disappoint, higher bar, boring, blah.  Just remember this too, because we hear it all night long.  During the second round of filleting an Arctic Char, most notably, Leah doesn’t know what she’s doing (much like the first round) and literally gives up.  Rounds 1 and 2 are repeats of her complaining that she’s befuddled, and hands are thrown up in confusion and whine whine whine.  Honestly, way to represent New York.  During Ripert’s examination, she actually cops to having given up, and Hosea points out in his interview that Leah didn’t give a good first impression on Ripert about “what kind of chef she is.”

Wow, now that he and Leah have broken up, he’s all bitch-tastic, isn’t he?

Fabio and Leah are eliminated, and it’s down to a death match between Stefan and Hosea.  This time, it’s shrieking eels!  Anyway, Stefan’s German, and apparently, “skinning eel is like riding a bike” to Germans, so he kicks the crap out of Hosea, and wins the Quickfire!  No immunity, but an advantage for the…

Elimination Challenge.  The chefs are invited to dine at Ripert’s restaurant for a six course meal.  They all think it’s a benign meal, proving that no one’s watched this show before, because you never get to relax on this show.  Once the courses are finished, Colicchio announces that they will each need to recreate one of the dishes in the Le Bernardin kitchen, to be served to the judges.  The person who is furthest off the mark of the recreation, goes home.

At lunch, everyone appreciates the opportunity to dine with Chef Ripert, and heaps compliments on the moment and the food.  Except … for Jamie.  She says, “it’s delicious.  But to be honest, I’m actually bored with this kind of food.  So, it’s not something I’m inspired by.”  Now she sounds like Dr. Chase, all this negativity this week!

As Quickfire winner, Stefan can choose his dish, while the others drawn knives.  Stefan chooses the lobster, his favorite, and Hosea interviews that Stefan chose the easiest dish, on purpose.  Hosea’s really turning into a bitch.  He says Stefan should “go big or go home.”  Well, Hosea, another saying is, “put up or shut up,” so excuse the foreshadowing, but Stefan wins and you…don’t, so trash talk works better when you can back it up.

Most of the chefs are out of their comfort zones, either because they’re unfamiliar with fish or because they can’t decipher the exact components and measurements to the ingredients of the original dish.  Ripert’s signature is the simplicity of his dish though subtle with flavor.  And if there’s one thing we know about these chefs, it’s that subtlety isn’t a word they know.  Ripert comes by to offer suggestions, with varying levels of success.

To the meal!  Fabio’s red snapper is slightly overcooked, and described as “someone forging a painting.”  Close, but not perfect!  Leah preps her food complaining about how she’s screwed up the miso sauce of her mahi-mahi.  Toby Young calls Leah’s dull fish something he remembers eating in the Caribbean, but says that Ripert’s version “tastes like some wonderful, new discovery that I’ve never eaten before.”  Ripert is obviously flattered, because Young has about five words of praise per episode, and he just wasted several of them on someone not competing, but Padma congratulates Ripert for being the Top Chef anyway.  And rightly so, because if you can keep Young happy, you deserve an award.  Or your own restaurant!  So Ripert’s already won!

Stefan’s lobster is perfect, and his Hollandaise sauce is only slightly thicker, and therefore “practically perfect in every way.”  Padma flirts with Ripert a bit while complimenting Stefan.  Carla’s escolar  wins over the judges, whereas Hosea’s monkfish disappoints in execution – a misuse of spice and overcooked fish.  Colicchio calls it “the least precise” of the dishes so far.  Jamie’s braised celery finishes too salty, and therefore overpowers the only okay fish.

Judges’ Table.  Fabio, Stefan, and Carla make the Top 3.  Accolades, accolades, accolades.  Stefan wins again (as if that were in doubt) and wins the best prize ever: he will spend a week following Ripert to his three restaurants, and then will fly with him to the Food & Wine Festival in Pebble Beach.  Talk about an opportunity of a lifetime.

Hosea, Jamie, and Leah come out, and they all get beat up for their mistakes.  Let me sum up briefly.  Hosea should have known better how to cook his monkfish, but didn’t.  Leah’s a Negative Nancy who gives up and can’t pay attention long enough to figure out what ingredients were in her lunch.  Jamie can cook fish … adequately, but when she knows she cooks something wrong (the celery), she doesn’t know how to fix it before serving.

Though Leah admits to also not knowing how to fix problems she knows she has, for some reason, Jamie is the one sent home!  Now here’s the issue that I have with this elimination.  You all know I hate Jamie.  Bitchy, whining, snob, I think we’ve covered it all.  But she should not have been eliminated in this challenge.  Leah both didn’t know how to re-create her meal, and didn’t know how to fix her mistakes.  Jamie, on the other hand, can actually cook, she simply ran out of time to make corrections.  Leah “misunderstood the dish,” whereas Jamie got it (as pointed out by Colicchio) but had an execution problem.

I really don’t understand how or why this decision was made, so I’m disappointed really by the decision.  I would have preferred to watch Jamie get hers for actually screwing up.  This was the one elimination I’ve been looking forward to all season, and I find myself, like the judges over Leah’s dish, disappointed.

And don’t get me started as to what this does to my Top 4.  At least the same has happened to Perlow.

Next week: Fabio breaks his pinky, and the Top 4!

Season 5, Episode 11: Le Bernardin (originally aired February 4, 2009)

For another take on this episode, check out Somewhere Over the Rainbow by J.B. Perlow.

Listen to The J Factor with J.B. and Jaimie here or on iTunes.

For more on Top Chef, click here.

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