Celebrity Apprentice: The Drinking Problem

We start as Brian McKnight delivers his winnings to Victor and Saundra Brooks, founders of Youthville, USA. In case you’ve forgotten, these thirty seconds of an extended two hour broadcast is what it’s all about.

But now on to all the other good stuff, which is the task at hand! The challenge: the Teams will run a Loews Regency hotel for five sets of guests during a one night stay, providing the best customer service and hotel experience. The guests will review and provide feedback on the teams, thereby leading to a winner. $20,000 to the winning Project Manager, and one loser goes home! Melissa commands T-boz to step up, and the men “encourage” Dennis to lead.

The teams separate to brainstorm customer service strategies, and then to learn the art of running a hotel.  T-boz delegates the ladies into their various roles, with Joan most notably at concierge, which is the smartest thing to do. Wait, actually that was Melissa’s idea. The rest of the women brainstorm ideas for amenities and perks, while mastering their individual tasks, which include housekeeping and room service.

As for the men … well, let’s just get to it, shall we? No one’s watching this week to find out how the teams really did. We were promised a meltdown, and a meltdown we shall have!

Or not. Basically, Dennis starts out as an effective team leader, generating ideas and executing plans, amazing his team and reluctantly impressing some of us at home (ahem). Then, on a roll with everything working out, he orders two cranberry and vodkas, and Effective Dennis becomes Crazy Dennis. He ruins Brian’s amenity cookies, stops making smart decisions, and curses a blue streak in front of his guests. No one seems to take offense to his language, but if I were a guest and someone dropped some f-bombs and colorful language at me, I’d be very put off. Granted, I occasionally share colorful words with you folks, but we’re like family, right? Yeah, mofos!

Anyway, things become unbelievable when a pair of guests run into problems with Brian at concierge. Brian’s having trouble delivering the right wine to the room, and can’t find a table at The Waverly Inn, a restaurant that was overbooked months ago. I hate guests like this too. I’ve worked for some of them. Enter Dennis with the wine, because who knows alcoholic beverages better than Dennis? He then grabs the two guests, hops in the Ferrari with his new best friends, and takes them to dinner wherever they want to go, forcing his presence on them for the entire evening.

Now, if you’re the type that likes that kind of thing, then you’ve just hit the jackpot. But if Dennis Rodman intruded on my night and joined me and my father for dinner, I’d have been pissed. Lucky for Dennis, his guests fall in the former category.

Meanwhile, some of Kotu’s other guests are kept waiting for rooms, but the team rallies to complete all of the concierge requests, and to keep Vinny Pastore, aka Big Pussy, happy. I’m not being inappropriate, that’s his name, I swear. I mean, the name of his character. On that show. Vinny is a nightmare guest, and possibly a nightmare of a person, if my memory from Season 1 of CelebApprentice is correct. Either way, he deliberately drives the men crazy. Kotu offers no free gifts, relying entirely on charm and how well they look in poorly fitting uniforms.

On the opposite side of the room, the women deal with a gaggle of gay men in room 702, who require a little more indulgence than Natalie is willing to provide. Annie, however, has no problem putting on a smile and doing whatever it takes to win, so she picks up Natalie’s slack. I have to say, I’d probably roll my eyes as much as Natalie does. The women also have to deal with Joan’s forgetting that not everyone is as rich as she is, and that people occasionally like to know when the services they request cost more than the advertised price. The women receive very special guest Stevie B as the celebrity annoyance for Athena, and good lord, what a joke this guy is. Stevie B plays the obnoxious part to the hilt, starting with how he doesn’t like the view in his room. It makes me want to go back in time to ComicCon and pull this clown aside and say, Really? Really, Stevie B? This is what you’re doing now? You used to be so hot!

Setting my issues aside for the moment, the editing skews in favor of showing that the women seemed to have had a harder time of it than the men, making more mistakes with their clients on all levels. Free breakfast makes up for a lot, but it also gave the women a lot more work to do. So while the ladies pull an early morning room service run, Dennis Rodman strolls into the hotel some time after the rest of his team, sits on the couch in the makeshift lobby, and proceeds to fall asleep. Stay classy, Rodman. Stay classy.

To the boardroom! So here we are, with a barely sober Rodman, both teams lined up, and it seems easy as pie to say that the men lost and Dennis should go home. You know it’s coming, right? But then I start to worry that Trump thinks keeping Dennis around is good for ratings, and I fear that either the men will win, or they’ll lose and somehow Trump will end up firing Brian for being an R&B singer. Or something equally silly that bears no weight in this task, just so he can keep Dennis around.

But we start off with the ladies, and Melissa takes credit for T-boz’s win, by claiming that she was the one who suggested T-boz lead, and isn’t Melissa just a frikkin’ genius? Room 702 complained about Natalie, but her team comes to her defense.

The craziness of Dennis starts when he admits that he doesn’t think his team won. He didn’t like working with Kotu, and no one listened to him. Trump feigns surprise. When he asks Jesse what Dennis means, Jesse doesn’t know, but he does think that Dennis has a drinking problem. Most of the men and some of the women agree with him. Dennis takes a shot at Jesse, since Jesse once had a drinking problem himself, and Jesse admits that he hasn’t had a drink in nine years. So now Rodman looks like an insensitive jerk on top of everything else. Jesse goes back and forth, at one moment looking like he’s going to cry, the next looking like he’s going to flip the table over. But always cool and professional.

Jesse speechifies about the faults of Dennis Rodman, man and hero to millions of fans, and he does it really well. You can’t argue with Jesse at all – he’s so making the Final Two. But Dennis calmly does, finally shooting back with “is this about Dennis Rodman’s issues, or is this about the damn game?” and that’s true too. Except that his issues prevented his team from winning this round of the game. And if you cost your team the win, then technically, you should go home.

Dennis attacks the team in general, saying that the men abandoned him from Day One. Clint politely refutes that by saying that the team wanted to win as much for the win as for the opportunity to bring Dennis into the team and let him shine. Which is so not like previous contestants on this show, who let their PM fail so he can get the boot. I might have done that myself if Dennis were my PM.

But before you count Dennis out, it’s time for the NBA defense! He says “If I’m such a bad integral part of anything that I do, how did I win five championships?” But Herschel Walker says that Dennis isn’t the only one who can pull the athlete card, and tells Dennis to live in the present, that was the past. A better answer would have been, “This isn’t basketball, and you didn’t win a championship today. You lost.” Trump debates possibly sending Dennis home even if the women have won. Before anyone can comment on that, Trump finally calls for the results, and … the women win! So the point is moot, isn’t it?

Trump thinks so, because he doesn’t even send the women out. Instead, he gives Dennis a chance for last words. Dennis declares that his teammates are intimidated by him, and that he can “kick anybody’s ass” at anything. Or at any time. Or something. He mumbles, so who knows? Nevertheless, Jesse responds, “Why doesn’t he kick our ass at being a good person?” Oh, snap!

And so, despite the great respect that Trump has for Dennis, he let Trump down, himself down, and the team down, and with that, Dennis Rodman is finally fired!

As Dennis leaves, Joan calls the Boardroom emotional, intervention-like. Dennis interviews not to count him out, because he’s going to be okay. Sure, sure – we wish you the best, Dennis – just stay off my television, okay?

T-boz’s charity: Sickle Cell Foundation of Georgia.

Next week: Donald Trump mixes things up, and the Celebs don’t like it!

Season 2, Episode 5 (originally aired March 29, 2009)

For more on The Celebrity Apprentice, click here.

Sundays at 9/8C on NBC

Photographs courtesy of NBC Universal and Ali Goldstein

Chuck vs. The Broken Heart

Hey, it’s another episode of Chuck. Be still my beating heart. And the big conflict this week comes from General Beckman, who swoops in on her nefarious monitor screen and decrees that she is bringing in an agent to ascertain as to whether or not Chuck’s relationship with Sarah is compromising his security and job performance. She calls in Agent Alex Forrest (Tricia Helfer, fresh off her much better stint on Burn Notice), a sultry, cold, no-nonsense efficiency expert. Are the writers aware that Alex Forrest is the name of the psycho Glenn Close played that scared the bejesus out of every man in America in Fatal Attraction? Is that supposed to be funny? I don’t know, but of course, every government agent looks like a supermodel. And of course, this isn’t enough conflict for a whole episode, so there’s also a mission.

And that mission is: confirm that there is a terrorist named Ahmed having a procedure done at a local hospital under the alias Harry Lime (dear god…is Chuck really referencing The Third Man? Really?). Chuck is supposed to use his Intersect flash magic to confirm that Mr. Ahmed is really Mr. Ahmed. And the catch: it’s not just any hospital…it’s the one where Ellie and her nimrod boyfriend work at!! Can Chuck infiltrate the hospital without being seen by his family?

The plan is for Chuck to get in and confirm the bad dude’s true identity so that Casey can put a tracking device in the dude’s pacemaker. Then the team can locate Ahmed’s boss. It’s an especially weak setup, but I’m numb to the “plot” mechanics of this show by now anyway. Chuck completes his mission and confirms the identity, but there’s a problem! Casey needs a special keycard to access the hospital’s most secure area. And guess who has a keycard?! Ellie’s nimrod boyfriend! Are you really telling me that the NSA can do all kinds of hi-tech computer voodoo and break into bank vaults but they can’t get past a card reader at a hospital? This whole thing is just a transparent setup to raise the stakes for Chuck by getting his family involved in a mission. But how will they possibly get the nimrod boyfriend’s keycard?

And the answer is: get him plastered at his bachelor party and take it from him without him knowing. That’s where Morgan-and the B storyline-comes in. Morgan has arranged for the bachelor party to take place at the Buy More after hours. All they have to do is get the nimrod boyfriend there and get him drunk. Easy enough, right? Well no, because then there would be no conflict.

And speaking of conflict, Ms. Forrest quickly reports to Beckman that Sarah is too emotionally involved and should be pulled off the Chuck detail. Cue the tearful goodbyes and pulling of heartstrings…but don’t worry, everything will all work out in the end. Milbarge and Big Mike are not in this week’s episode for no apparent reason. It’s okay, they’re not missed. We also get some post-bachelor party turmoil between Ellie and her nimrod boyfriend…er, ah, fiancé. And Sarah does some illegal computing and tracks down Chuck’s father. We don’t see him this week, but I already know that Quantum Leap‘s Scott Bakula fills the role. Why Scott? Why? Are you really this desperate for work?

Yeah, that’s all I got. How many more episodes of this show are left?

Season 2, Episode 18: Chuck vs. The Broken Heart (originally aired March 30, 2009)

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Mondays at 8/7C on NBC

Photographs courtesy of NBC Universal

Damages: Can you spell vindictive without evil?

We open with Ellen receiving the news of Agent Harrison’s “overdose” from Agent Werner and some other FBI agent who is probably on the take.  Ellen asks Werner some smart questions, (Didn’t he take drug tests? Isn’t this happening in the middle of a case suspicious?) but Werner does an adequate job of deflecting them.  We immediately see a flash forward, with Patty coming out of that room (walking! after being shot from, like, 5 feet away!) and collapse in an elevator.  Agent Werner finds her and makes a phone call: “My informant just shot Patty Hewes.”

Yeah, I’m still not buying that Ellen shot Patty.

Back in present day, Ellen sees Phil in her hotel lobby.  Before he sees her, a woman passes by Phil, placing her hand in on his shoulder in a (provocative? overly-friendly? whorish?) conspicuous manner. Ellen then greets Phil, and Phil says he’s in the hotel for a meeting. Ellen knows that no one has meetings in hotels with their pants on unless 1) there’s a convention going on or 2) the meeting is with the hotel’s event coordinator.  In other words, Phil is soooooo busted.

In another corner of New York, Claire is planning to oust Kendrick out of his seat at UNR.  Seems the Board just brought in a number two named Mitch McCullen, who is hungry for Kendrick’s job.  So Claire figures she’ll just tell Mitch to go after Kendrick with her support, tell Kendrick to go after Mitch with her support, and then just wait for them to destroy each other.  Problem is, Claire doesn’t quite seem to grasp just how evil Kendrick is.  Kendrick is, like, the kind of evil mastermind that keeps files on other people so he can pull out crap to blackmail you at a moment’s notice.  (Think the late Papa Bass).  So all Kendrick has to do is hint at something seedy that Mitch apparently did at his last job, and Mitch balks and tells Claire he can’t do it – but maybe she should.

So Claire bites.  I mean, what the hell, she’s mad smart, she’s given the company 20 years, and it’ll be fun to pull the carpet right from under Kendrick’s feet.  She thinks she’s got the votes necessary on the Board and on the day of the Board meeting, she swaggers into that room like Sigourney Weaver in Working Girl, right before Sigourney points her crutch at Melanie Griffith and says, “This woman is my secretary!”  Yet didn’t we all know how this was going to turn out?  We’ve got two episodes left; that’s way too early for Kendrick to get his comeuppance.

Predictably, there’s no one in that board room except Kendrick himself, who chuckles in Claire’s face, fires her, and leaves Claire to go home and find a special delivery waiting:  a videotape of she and Daniel Purcell doin’ it.  Seems to me that Claire should have a cause of action against Kendrick on at least two counts: 1) some sort of invasion of privacy/illegal wiretapping claim and 2) exposing the world to William Hurt naked.  Okay, okay, he was never naked, but for a second there was the threat of seeing him naked, and really, that’s wrong enough.

So now, Claire’s on Patty’s side.  Which is like, awesome paired with awesome.  Like, awesome squared, that’s how awesome it is.  Barney needs to come up with a new word for how awesome to describe these women, although if he did they’d probably have to make out to celebrate.

And should Claire and Patty ever make out, they could be the new power lesbian couple to put on the cover of New York Style Magazine.  But, sadly, that won’t happen (yet) because Patty’s two-timing, lying, cheating husband will be on the cover with her for a profile in an upcoming issue.  The reporter who will be writing it is interviewing Tom and Ellen for the story.  Tom sucks up rather predictably, and Ellen gives her best fake smile (which I have a hard time believing any reporter worth her salt would have bought) when she says that Patty is an “inspiration.”  She had a particularly difficult time lying through her teeth this week because Patty pulled the plug on her investigation into Frobisher, and responded with absolutely no regard to Ellen’s feelings when Ellen asked her about it.

So Ellen does a couple of things.  First, she hires a P.I. named Wilcox, who finds out that Calder Securities probably had someone high up in the police force working for Frobisher.  Second, she employs Wilcox to take some pictures of Phil with his chirpy.  Third, she sends those pictures to Patty.  If you’re one of my two diligent readers (Hi Mom and Dad!), you may remember back when I suggested that Patty may know that her husband’s a big ole cheat.   Yup, not so much.

As Ellen’s luck would have it, Patty opens up the pictures right in front of Ellen.  She tries to pass it off as something not so damning, but her reaction is pretty telltale.  Discussing the matter with her new second in command, Malcolm, Malcolm states that whomever sent those pictures must have wanted to hurt her pretty badly.  Patty gives a wry smile, and it’s hard to say that the smile is because she knows exactly who sent the pictures, or because the universe of people who want to hurt her is pretty frackin’ expansive.

Well, the good news for Patty is that Hewes & Associates made pretty significant progress in the UNR litigation.  Malcolm has been watching that car, and when no one touches it for awhile, he steals it.  The car is searched pretty thoroughly, and it’s discovered that some weird latitude numbers have been entered into the navigation system.  Given this and the name Finn Garrity, Patty’s about 70% of the way to nailing Kendrick to the wall.

In the awesome last scene of this episode, Ellen goes to Patty’s apartment after the pictures of Phil and the chirpy are leaked to the press.  Ellen knows that Patty leaked them, and, it turns out, Patty knows that Ellen sent them to her.  But Patty doesn’t know if Ellen was being protective or vindictive; Ellen pretty much confirms it was the latter.

Flash Forward:  Ellen gets arrested for shooting Patty Hewes.  Shyeah, right.

So what did you think?  Wasn’t it awesome when creepy Darryl Hammond couldn’t find the car?  And how much do you think Patty’s head will explode when she finds out Michael never applied to college?  And when Patty said that she wasn’t so much mad at Phil for the cheating, but that he was “sloppy” in getting caught, did you believe her (I did)?  And, lastly, since I’m not even going to pretend that I haven’t seen next week’s episode, isn’t the subsequent scene between Phil and Patty absofrackinlutely awesome?

Season 2, Episode 11: London, Of Course (originally aired March 18, 2009)

For more on Damages, click here.

Wednesdays at 10pm E/P on FX

Photograph courtesy of FX and IMDbPro

The Amazing Race: Ah, Phuket

What a gloriously entertaining hour of TV The Amazing Race provided this week. Phuket, Thailand, made a beautiful backdrop, the racers were brimming with hilarious quotables, and I will never ever forget images like a one armed tiger tamer or an elephant taking a precarious squat over every contestant. But much like the first season of 24, it was a thrill ride building to an unexpectedly depressing ending that somewhat tainted the pleasure of what came before.

All 6 remaining teams found themselves on the same flight from India to Thailand guided to their next destination by nothing other than a picture of a gorilla statue. Everybody more or less clustered together until stumbling upon their target, the Phuket Zoo. Everyone, that is, except for Mike & Mel. Leave it to one stupid wretched vile wicked god-accursed cabbie to pretend to know where he’s going, leaving my favorite team completely in the lurch while the rest of the pack walks on the wild side. A quick glamor pose with a fierce looking kitty warranted this fantastic sound bite from Kisha; “I took a picture with a tiger and I didn’t pee on myself. I’m so pleased.” and an extremely close encounter with a very well trained elephant left everyone verging on speechless. Except for Jamie, who chose this particular leg to really let her xenophobia come out to play. Nice going, cheerleader. I knew you had more bitch in you than you were letting on. Mike even made a specific point of saying he likes everyone in the race other than you. Burn.

Case in point, a quick stop at an herb shop where the most patient herbalist in the world put up with what had to have been an hour of Jamie barking orders at him trying to find a clue in one of 99 drawers that he had to open one by one at the racers’ command. It made me so happy to see most teams edge past the cheerleaders at this point. Detour options this week were a straightforward 2 mile rickshaw pull or helping a fishing boat gear up by filling dozens of barrels with drinking water and tossing dozens more empties from the lower deck to the upper. Margie & Luke, Jamie & Cara, Tammy & Victor, and Mark & Michael (now less than affectionately dubbed “The Tweedles” by Jamie, of course) took the rickshaws, which gave Margie a moment to express a very realistic but previously unseen occasional frustration with Luke’s deafness, gave M&M an attempt to hamper the competition by messing with the available support gear, and gave Victor the chance to make an ever bigger ass of himself by declaring, mid-trip, “I don’t like saying this, but my sister’s a little heavy.” Well I do like saying this, Victor: You’re a little weak.

Mel & Mike managed to push hard and narrow their gap at least to the point of working on the boat challenge at the same time as Kisha & Jen, who made me smile and proved that the dynamic father/son duo really must be as cool as they seem when they declared a secret happiness at seeing them catch up. Like some sort of Industrial Revolution productivity expert, Mel found several ways to burn through the challenge at a faster pace than the sisters, but in the end their persistent efforts just weren’t enough to conquer the cab snafu and they were eliminated. Oh, and Mark & Michael’s little act of tampering, in addition to getting more directional assistance than the rickshaw challenge allowed, bought them an hour delay at the pit stop and a trip from 1^st to 3^rd. You know what they say about how often cheaters prosper.

Allow me to close my column this week with one last priceless exchange from Mike & Mel (who are already making me hope for a 2^nd edition of TAR All Stars).

“Dad, do you know any Thai?”

“I know Mai Tai!”

*crickets*

“That was a pun.”

“I know, dad.”

Season 14, Episode 7: Gorilla? Gorilla? Gorilla? (originally aired March 29, 2009)

For more on The Amazing Race, click here.

Sundays at 8pm ET/PT on CBS

Photographs courtesy of CBS

Friday Night Lights: You Don’t Talk To Me That Way!

And so, my friends, it is the Beginning of the End. All the trouble that’s been a-brewin’ in Dillon, Texas, is about to combust. And what a combustion we are in for.

But first! Let’s get the small, but significant details out of the way. Team Saracen (Captain of the Team = me) suffers a blow this week, in part because Saracen receives about five minutes worth of screen time. But also, a heartbreaking story! Grandma and Shelby are still at odds, which results in Grandma falling out of the car while Shelby’s pulling out of the driveway. Old ladies are crazy! Literally! The doctor says that Grandma’s going to be fine, but it’s Episode Two of Season 3 all over again as the Doctor tells Matt that his grandmother’s mental faculties are going and he needs to look into more permanent, qualified care. Shelby jumps all over this, causing Matt to resent and blame her for the accident. Later, Grandma has a mentally unstable moment with Matt, leaving him feeling helpless, an emotion he conveys effortlessly just by standing over his crying Grandmother. In the end, he makes up with Shelby and asks for her continued help, and she heartwarmingly responds, “I was never going anywhere.”

Over on Team Landry (Captain of the Team = Tyra), our new Man with a Backbone comes to Tyra’s aid as she arranges Mindy’s bridal shower. And Holy Bridezilla, Batman. As Tyra finalizes plans, Mindy decides she wants a tea party. Because it’s classy. The strippers in attendance make it extra classy, natch. Enter Landry, whose mother happens to have a scone recipe. Not only that, but he’s perfectly capable of telling Mindy to shut up, and she listens! Why do we not see more of that? He helps Tyra with preparations, right up until the moment the strippers – er, the guests, arrive – and Tyra plays the part perfectly of the girl who sees the ex-boyfriend in a whole new light. Also, Tyra receives her SAT scores and she’s about 100 points short of being college material. According to the numbers, anyway. But Landry gives her a cute pep talk, and who cares! The shower is a success, strippers, scones and all. But when the throngs clear out and the booze dries up, and Billy Riggins picks up his fiancée and carries her away, Tyra cries to Mom, because why can’t she want that? Why can’t Tyra just be Mindy, instead of having dreams of college and a world outside of Dillon? Tyra and her mother share a nice, genuine, true-to-life mother/daughter moment. For once, her mother isn’t telling her to find a man to solve her problems, and promises Tyra that everything she ever wanted will come true. For the first time, I like Tyra’s mom.

Now to Team Beautiful (Population: 2), and the troubles of Tim Riggins and Lyla Garrity. Lyla deals with her father’s betrayal with beer, video games, and ditching school. I, personally, don’t see the problem, but now that Tim’s going to college, he’s all responsible, I guess. He tries to coerce Lyla into making amends with her father, since it’s obviously eating at her. He starts to make some headway, and then Lyla finds out that she was accepted by Vanderbilt, but how can she afford it? Following Friday night’s game, Tim talks Lyla out of her self-pitying ways, because enough people on this show pout. They share a nice tender moment, and all the girls in the audience sigh as one.

But now on to Team Dillon, made up of Panthers! First, Coach and Principal T are at odds because of re-zoning issues: if the district splits into East and West Dillon, funding will go up and the classroom size will go down. Which sounds like a great deal for the students and teachers. However, half the football team will disappear over to East Dillon. Buddy and the Boosters work to manipulate the zoning lines to most benefit “West” Dillon, and though morally, Coach disagrees, he decides to turn the other cheek. If he doesn’t know, he can’t lie about anything to Mama T, right? That should blow up in his face nicely in the coming weeks.

But none of this compares to television’s newest villain, Papa Joe McCoy. Less and less happy – or more appropriately, more and more angry – over JD’s new girlfriend, he smiles less and frowns more the closer the Panthers come to making State. He goes so far as to call Red’s parents and call her a bad influence on his boy, but nothing deters Red. In terms of chemistry, she and JD have none, but what does chemistry have to do with sex? Although I’m sure JD’s still a virgin; after all, we need a storyline for Season 4.  JD doesn’t hide their relationship, while Papa McCoy does what he can to rein in his temper. Before Friday’s game, played in the rain, Papa McCoy tells JD to run the ball, play smart, do as I say, etc., etc. Coach, however, continues to have JD pass the ball despite several interceptions. Papa McCoy loses it in the stands, embarrassed by JD’s mistakes and furious that he’s stopped listening to the Word of McCoy. Despite the offensive mistakes, the Panthers win (thank you, Riggins!) and everyone heads off to Ruby Tuesday’s to celebrate.

Except for Joe McCoy. His anger reaches its boiling point in the Ruby’s parking lot – he yells at JD for not listening to him, and for hanging out with that tramp, Red. This sparks JD’s anger, and one “Screw you, Dad!” later, Papa McCoy shoves and starts punching JD against the family car.

It’s as crazy as it sounds. Mama McCoy is screaming for Joe to stop, and the only thing that saves JD is the arrival of Coach, who pulls Joe off of his son. He storms off, and the Taylors tend to the remaining McCoys.

We close this storyline with Tami and Coach comforting JD and his mother, and inviting them to spend the night. With someone as vengeful and manipulative as Papa McCoy out there, the Taylors’ taking sides is really going to cause some problems.

Next week: More fallout? And More Tyra and Landry? I hope Devin returns to talk some sense into our boy.

P.S.  A super-fan I like to call “Lady President Hayes” (nickname up for discussion) contributed that “Tyra’s mom stole the show” in her great scene with Tyra. Great job to the writers, and great job to Dana Wheeler-Nicholson.

Season 3, Episode 11: A Hard Rain’s Gonna Fall (originally aired December 17, 2008 on DIRECTV)

Listen to The J Factor with J.B. and Jaimie here or on iTunes.

For more on Friday Night Lights, click here.

Fridays, 9/8C on NBC

Photographs courtesy of Bill Records and NBC Universal

Dancing with the Stars: The Woz is the New Cloris

It seems that on every season of Dancing with the Stars, there’s that one dancer who can’t dance at all – and that everyone loves because of it. Last year it was Cloris Leachman who I was forced to suffer through watching week after horrible week – and again this week when she acted inappropriately with former partner Corky Ballas (why, God, why?). This season, I feel that Steve Wozniak has a bad case of the Cloris Leachmans.

Steve didn’t start off the night, but I’m starting with him anyway. His samba was not at all a samba and contained a very pathetic worm. He is an endearing fella though and was suffering through a hurt hamstring, and more than Cloris Leachman ever did, he made me laugh. However, his judge’s score of 10 – that’s total – was the lowest score handed out in 6 seasons and well deserved. I agree with Carrie Ann, the novelty of geeky man dancing is wearing off.

Bond girl Denise Richards was actually the first one to start off the night with another horribly awkward, off-tempo samba. She looked afraid and I was afraid too. It was not good. However, the video montage clips of partner Maks in a pink samba dress were awesome. Total: 16

Barbie and Ken (Julianne and Chuck Wicks as they will henceforth be called) were up next with a light and lovely little foxtrot. They are just so darn cute, and Chuck finally stepped up and did a little dancing, which was nice. It was sweet and Carrie Ann thought that Chuck might be a contender. Total: 23

Holly Madison – in a barely there red thing – let it all hang out with a shimmy-tastic samba with partner Dmitry. However, her feet were just all wrong, and she was never really on the beat. As Len so wonderfully put it, Holly was like a match: hot on top and wooden on the bottom. But the best moment was when Holly stated that she thinks Dmitry wishes he had Jewel back, and he didn’t deny it. Ouch! Hey if an old senile guy like Hef could put up with her, Dmitry should be able to too. Total: 17

Steve-O was back this week, and I alarmingly am finding the former Jackass rather endearing on this show. Sober, he’s a lot less revolting. Anyway, he was still advised to keep off his injured back after not being able to perform last week, but he persevered. However, he messed up on several steps in his routine with Lacey and let it show all over his face. He knew he messed up, and it looked like he hurt himself again when he landed poorly on the stairs. But the judges applauded him anyway for carrying on and continuing to get better despite his mishaps. Total: 15

Lawrence Taylor and partner Edyta stepped it up again this week with a spicy samba where football star Lawrence got into the groove. He was all smiles and having fun, and I was having fun watching him shake it. Plus, he gave up golf for this. Total: 20

Cutie pies Shawn Johnson and Mark Ballas were up next with a feathery, floating waltz. Shawn certainly made it look easy as she slid across the floor, and like a pro, never missed a step. The judges loved it and Bruno bizarrely said she looked like a “graceful, bejeweled hummingbird”. The dude really needs some new catchphrases. Total: 27

Following up Shawn’s imposing score was competition leader, Gilles Marini, who brought his French mother to rehearsal to watch him. Then he spoke French and talked about loving his mom. Even the men had to be a little turned on. And if they weren’t already, then they just had to watch his samba with Cheryl. It was hot, hot, frickin’ hot. Carrie Ann noted that he shook things she didn’t think men could shake, and Bruno said he was like a “throbbing, red-hot poker.” I really don’t see any way to understand that phrase that isn’t incredibly dirty. Total: 27

David Alan Grier was up next with a kicking foxtrot. And I mean kicking – David was like a Rockette out there. Who knew the guy could lift his leg that high? The dance had a lively Broadway feel and fit David’s performance style perfectly. Total: 24

After Steve Wozniak performed – I won’t go into that again – bachelorette Melissa Rycroft and Tony Dovolani were up for a pretty, perfect foxtrot. Bruno said she was “beautiful to look at and easy to love”, which sounds like the tagline for Melissa’s next reality show. And Carrie Ann hit the nail on the head when she pointed out that this was all obviously very easy for her (Dallas Cheerleader!), and suggested she challenge herself more. Total: 27

Lil’ Kim showed she could shake her bon bon in her samba with Derek (who’s not such a bad shaker himself). She lost step a couple of times but her “bionic booty” – as Len called it – definitely saved her. It had oodles of charisma and Lil’ Kim is just a hoot to watch. Best part of the night was when she started to escape her top a bit waiting for judge’s scores, and Derek quickly covered – and covered her up – by throwing his arms around her. I’m sure the sensors were really sweating over that one, though I doubt Lil’ Kim was. After Diana Ross feels you up on the MTV Movie awards, nothing shocks you anymore.  Total: 25

Last up for the evening was cowboy Ty Murray who continued to improve with his suave foxtrot this week. He even rescued his partner, Chelsie, when she slipped and he caught her. It’s not too common for the pros to slip up, but Ty caught her and continued on gracefully. It was definitely a job well done for the shy southern gentleman. Total: 23

So after a week of ups and downs it was on to Tuesday’s results show. First up, Tom and Samantha announced four stars that were safe. Top scorers Melissa, Gilles, and Shawn were all announced and then – brace yourselves – Steve Wozniak. His partner Karina squealed with happiness, and I believe I made a different kind of noise.

He definitely is the Cloris Leachman of this competition – and just to make that clear there was a clip of Cloris and Corky demonstrating next week’s dances: the Lindy hop and the Argentine Tango. At the end of the Tango, Corky and Cloris made out – I hope Corky’s son Mark doesn’t have nightmare for the rest of his life. I might.

However, there were some nice moments in the evening. In a fun and feisty dance number to Hall & Oats “Maneater”, Karina swished and seduced her way around a dance floor of male pros, before choosing her real-life fiancé, Maks, at the end. And British songbird, Adele performed her hit single “Chasing Pavements” while former DWTS pro Alec Mazo and Edyta danced along.

Then it was time for the dance off. The final four couples in jeopardy were: Steve-O & Lacey, Ty & Chelsie, Holly & Dmitry, and Denise & Maks. Steve-O and Ty were safe, and so it would be up a battle of the lightheaded, but not so light-footed, beauties: Holly and Denise. They both danced again and were equally awkward and off-beat. But the judges seemed to think Denise improved – I didn’t see it – and rewarded her with a higher score (20 to Holly’s 18). However, it would still come down to whether that was enough to overcome the low audience votes.

It wasn’t. No surprise. Denise is none too popular. So we say goodbye to Denise and Maks – but hopefully we’ll still be seeing us some Maks in the results show dances.

Season 8, Round 2 : Episodes 4 and 5 (originally aired March 23 and 24, 2009)

For more on Dancing with the Stars, click here.

Competition Mondays at 8/7C, ABC

Elimination Tuesdays at 9/8C, ABC

Photographs courtesy of ABC

I Love You Man

The Office: Something to Get Excited About

The Office redeemed itself this week after a poor couple of showings with an episode that finally had me excited about The Office and where it’s going – and it’s not just because Jim was wearing a tux all episode. (Okay, it’s partially because of that.)

Let’s start with the tux, shall we? So Dwight sent out a memo on the office dress code. Jim retaliated by wearing a tux to work. Of course. Then he got Michael to agree to all of his ideas for Michael’s 15^th anniversary with the company party (more on that later) just by saying the word “classy” over and over – much to Dwight’s chagrin. Michael’s party will definitely be classy – like the opening of a car dealership.

So while Jim’s tux was a big hit with Michael, it did not go over as well with the new VP of East Coast operation for Dunder Mifflin (the new Jan/Ryan), Mr. Charles Minor (Idris Elba). Jim was furious that Michael didn’t tell him about the VP’s visit, but still tried to introduce himself to Charles despite the tux. It didn’t go over too well though since no-nonsense Charles didn’t seem to find Jim’s attempts to prank Dwight very funny. He also didn’t think Jim’s made up position as assistant to the Regional Manager was impressive either. Basically, this guy did not like Jim, and Jim could not deal with that. In a sad little talking head Jim expressed remorse over his career going down the tubes. Now this is the same Jim who in season one was adamant that this job would never become his career – and now he’s worrying about. Oh my gosh, was that just Jim character development?! I love it. Let’s hope we see even more Jim ambition in the coming weeks.

Another plot line rife with giggle potential is Kelly and Angela’s shared crush on new Mr. Boss Man. Kelly thinks he looks like a black George Clooney, and while Angela pretends not to be interested, she later steals his scarf and then tries to return it to him. A hilarious showdown between Kelly and Angela then commences in the rainy parking lot. Though this is not nearly as good as Angela and Dwight (when will those two crazy kids get back together?), I’ll take it for now.

However, the real star of the episode was Michael – who I was hating on last week. This week’s Michael was a child, was stubborn, was awkwardly cutting bagels into “C”s for his new boss’ arrival, and yet he still managed to be endearing. His rivalry with new boss Charles couldn’t have been better. First, Michael wanted him to be his new best friend – like Ryan had been (guffaw!). Then when he realized he’d be micromanaging him, determining his employee’s overtime, and cancelling the party planning committee, Michael had it. The two butted heads time and again, and Michael tried complaining to David Wallace. David, however, stopped answering his phone and had Michael’s calls forwarded to Charles. Well, that was it for Michael. He picked up and went to David Wallace’s office.

Tracking him down outside the bathroom, Michael finally got David to talk to him. Michael told him about his 15^th anniversary party being cancelled and told David that after 15 years of service with the company he deserved more. David couldn’t help but agree with a teary-eyed Michael. He told him they’d put money aside for the party for him, and then Michael stood up and quit.

Seriously, Michael just quit Dunder Mifflin!

It’s a whole new ballgame folks. And I’m so excited.

Season 5, Episode 18: New Boss (originally aired March 19, 2009)

For more on The Office, click here.

Thursdays, 9/8C on NBC

Photographs courtesy of NBC

Dollhouse: Echoes

Echo goes back to school this week in an episode that finally starts to reveal a little about who she used to be and how she came to be at the Dollhouse. The Rossum Corporation has ties to the Dollhouse-they are both somehow part of the same organization-and has a lab named after them at the university that Echo/Caroline attended. In the present day at Rossum, we see two grad student labbies come upon their friend, who is quite literally going insane. He spouts drivel about gravity and flies as he ferociously headbutts a window until he bloodily breaks it and plunges to his death. And I thought my Mondays were bad.

A Rossum head honcho visits the Dollhouse and explains that the crazy dead kid was high out of his mind on some drug that takes control of your mind and breaks down your inhibitions to the point where you’ll do anything. There’s a vial of the stuff missing and the head honcho wants Topher to work his scientist voodoo and come up with an antidote while a team of Actives quarantines the school before the entire student body is exposed to the stuff. Supposedly the Actives wouldn’t be affected by the drug because they are blank slates and have no natural impulses; their only impulses would be the ones that are imprinted for them. Or something like that.

Ms. Dewitt assigns all of the Actives to the quarantine duty except Echo, who is on another assignment. Ms. Dewitt says that Echo can sit this one out (there’s clearly some unusual connection between Echo and Dewitt because Dewitt seems to value Echo more than any other operative). But while she’s out on her engagement-a romantic one-Echo sees a news report about all the pandemonium at the university and pieces of memory start to fire around in her head. She is suddenly consumed by the desire to save “him,” though we have no idea who that person is, and neither does she. It’s an interesting dynamic to have Echo get involved in an engagement not because she was assigned to it but through her own volition-a faculty she is not supposed to have as an Active.

When Echo arrives at the school, she is intercepted by all of the Actives working there, including Victor and Sierra. They assume Echo is just another student who has been affected by the drug. They try to drug her with a sedative but Echo escapes with one of the grad student labbies from the opening. They both want to break into the Rossum building lab, and supposedly for the same reason of finding evidence to use against Rossum. Langton intercepts them, but it becomes clear that he has been infected by the drug as well and so he doesn’t stop them.

Back at the Dollhouse, Millie-Agent Ballard’s neighbor who we learned last week was also an Active-gets injected with the drug because Topher needs to see how it works so that he can figure out the antidote. But while he’s running the tests, he and Ms. Dewitt start going bananas too-it turns out that the drug is spread by touch. Hmm, something tells me that the Actives and Dominic at the university are going to malfunction.

Even though he’s temporarily cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs, Topher figures out that the drug affects Actives and manifests as “memory glitches,” which is what Echo has already been experiencing since the show started. He also learns that the drug wears off eventually, which means that the kid who killed himself was overdosed on purpose by somebody; he was murdered. The story takes a few more turns from there, but the key thing we learn is that the person Echo wanted to save was the boyfriend she had back when she was Caroline. The two of them broke into the Rossum building after they graduated because they heard they were testing on animals. Once inside they find that they were also testing on human brains and fetuses. They were caught and the boyfriend was shot. And somehow Echo/Caroline was rounded up and eventually came to be at the Dollhouse. This makes sense because like aforementioned, the Dollhouse and Rossum are closely tied together. But exactly what their connection is and how exactly and why Echo/Caroline came to be at the Dollhouse is still unanswered. It does seem apparent thought that she didn’t just volunteer but was forced into it through circumstances, a notion that is potentially far more satisfying than if she had just volunteered all gung-ho.

There are a lot of questions still left unanswered, but that’s what good tv does; it parcels out fascinating bits and puzzle pieces to the viewers but keeps just enough back so that they have to tune in again to see what happens. This show has grown on me considerably, and I think it deserves to stick around for a while.

Season 1, Episode 7: Echoes (originally aired March 27, 2009)

For more on Dollhouse, click here.

Fridays at 9/8C on Fox

Photographs courtesy of Fox and IMDbPro

Grey’s Anatomy: Love in an Elevator

Things are pretty messed up at Seattle Grace. Owen basically strangles Christina in his sleep. Derek has been pulled back to work because of Izzie’s surgery but still looks like the Grizzly Man. Izzie will be undergoing at least three surgeries and seven outpatient procedures within the next week, and Alex doesn’t know how to cope. How will our docs fair with everything going on?

Izzie has a pretty tough oncologist, Dr. Swinder, assigned to her, and it’s clear she’ll be one of the few docs who don’t treat her differently than any other patient. Plus, because of the radiation she’ll have to undergo, Izzie’s best option for children in the future is to freeze her eggs. And frozen eggs have a better chance of survival when they’re inseminated, so the Chief asks Alex if he’d like to seed those babies. (Alex is all weird and twitchy this episode, but he quickly agrees to do this which makes me think he’s more weird about losing Izzie and not knowing how to comfort her.)

Owen, on the other hand, can’t get anywhere near Christina post-attack since Meredith and roomie Callie are cock blocking. I understand they are worried. (The choking scene was so visceral, at first, I thought it was a dream!) But to butt in on how a friend handles dating someone with severe PTSD may be stepping over the line.

What’s sweet is that Derek is reaching out to Owen, making him feel okay. He tells him that PTSD is a real injury and that he could help him, but it is clear Owen can’t help beating himself over it which clearly stands in the way of him really getting better. He tries to push Christina away, but as she’s said in the past, she knows her limits, and it should be up to her. Yet, when he goes in for a kiss, she recoils and leaves. (Sometimes its easy to forgive, but hard to forget.)

Meredith, on the other hand, gives Alex some support when she lets him vent to her. This was not the way things were supposed to be for him or for Izzie, and it was so heart breaking when he said this was not the way they were supposed to have babies. He still didn’t talk to Izzie about it at all which is weird but some people deal with possible death in their own absurd way.

George isn’t too happy to be the last person to find out about Izzie’s condition. Probably about as happy as T.R. Knight is with his current status on the show. For all the caring these doctors do for each other, Miranda is the only doctor to visit Izzie before her surgeries. Bailey’s the best, acting like a friend even though she’s playing the part of resident on Izzie’s case, and it tears me up to see Izzie all alone, sad and knitting an entire scarf in one day.

It takes the case of a dying old lady who was given one month to live but miraculously is still alive three years later for Karev to understand this. His family is seemingly bitching at every moment, just praying for the old lady to croak, but without fail, they’re there for her every month she goes into the hospital and “almost” dies. For her, having people is what keeps a person going.

Izzie’s death brings a lot to the forefront for our doctors. Callie confronts George because he was the reason that she wished Izzie dead when she wrecked their marriage, but she also knows that Izzie is his best friend, and no matter how angry, he needs to be there for her. Derek proposes (sorta). If that was my proposal, he’d get a slap to the face, but basically he wants to know that Meredith will still be there for him even if he can’t save Izzie. She won’t accept his proposal at the moment, but supports him and says he knows he can do it, even when he doesn’t.

While in the OR, the new oncologist questions Derek’s stability and his abilities, but we see a little bit of the old Derek come out when he snaps at her for questioning him. Of course, Derek’s surgery is a success, but Shonda set this up  very nicely. There are still many surgeries to go, so Izzie’s not even close to being out of the woods.

As if it wasn’t enough happiness for one episode with Izzie’s successful brain surgery, Owen and Christina get it on! Yes! Oh yes! The cutesy final scene that brought me to tears was Derek’s proposal to Meredith by bringing her into an elevator and showing all these surgeries that he’s performed and performed well with her support and love. “You know we’ll survive too…I’m not going to get down on one knee. I’m not going to ask a question. I love you Meredith Grey, and I want to spend the rest of my life with you.”

If you don’t know how this one turns out, we’ll then you’re just crazy.

But a bombshell is dropped at the end just when we thought everything was okay.  After Owen and Christina finally make love, she says she can’t handle it anymore, especially since she’s afraid to fall asleep. He heads to Derek to get an MRI and seek help but is it too late. Looking at the tears Christina is shedding with Meredith laying in her bed, I’d think she’s not over this one.

As Karev says in this week’s VO, “Maybe you have to get a little messed up to step up.” I’ve been there, and I’d have to agree.

Season 5, Episode 19: Elevator Love letter (originally aired March 26, 2009)

For another take on this episode, read Tanya Lane’s review here.

For more Grey’s Anatomy, click here.

Thursdays 9/8c on ABC
Photographs courtesy of ABC

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