American Idol: Turns out, we can say goodbye. . .

Wow!

Ryan’s looking dapper in his suit on that big stage. And the judges just performed, and I do mean PERFORMED, the cheesiest opening entrance ever. Aren’t they usually sitting by the time the show starts? Simon is eating it up up there! The audience is cookoo bananas tonight. They have to be paid to scream like that or brainwashed, which I guess could actually be possible. Well, no matter what, I’m excited to see the best top 13 of the past eight seasons.

It’s Michael Jackson night. I’m a little weary because Michael’s one of those artist that can’t be replicated, but we kick off with Lil Rounds singing “The Way You Make Me Feel” and she puts a new spin on it. Randy thinks this is the way to start the show! Kara thinks Lil has put the fear of God in the other contestants and wants to hear her on the radio. Paula compliments Lil on her softness and the palette of what’s she’s wearing. She shouts out to the Glam Squad. Paula sounds drunk again. Simon thought it was a poor song choice and hates what she’s wearing.

Scott MacIntyre’s next and this week’s video theme is showboating the contestants through their families.  Scott’s the cutest baby ever! He sings “Keep the Faith.” I think he sounded better last week, but he looks great behind the piano. The girls love his energy and passion. Not to mention he learned the song in one week. The boys thought it was old-fashioned and safe. Simon even dissed the song with the writer watching in the audience. Ouch!

Danny Gokey sings “P.Y.T.” While the beginning is shaky, the minute the beat kicks in and he starts dancing around, he kills it more and more and more. None of the judges can deny that this guy can blow. “You’re a white guy with soul,” said Simon. There’s a little tiff over whether the dancing was hideous or not, but it doesn’t really matter, does it? He rips it up . Do I even need to say more? He’s just dope! He makes me happy for the DVR and its replay factor!  And thankfully, he’s toned down the sympathy card.

Michael Sarver is this season’s apple pie guy. With that crooked, sweet grin of his, he sings “You Are Not Alone.” Simon says he’s not the best singer but makes up for it with his passion, which means that Simon must really like this guy. It’s almost creepy when he gives out such nice criticism. Kara thinks tonight really showed us that he can sing, and I agree. I almost forgot with that horrid Gavin DeGraw rendition.

Jasmine Murray sings “I’ll Be There.” The judges love her, but I think she’s SO boring. Yeah, she’s sweet looking and pretty. She’s all soft-spoken and polite too, but it’s almost like a Stepford child. Simon reiterates that she’s still a little like a young girl trying to act old.

Kris Allen is this season’s “Oh yeah, HE’s on the show” guy. By singing “Remember The Time” and playing his guitar, I’m sure he made many girls across the country swoon. The first thing I think is that he has that Jason Mraz vibe, which Randy thinks too.

One of my faves, Alison Iraheta, sings “Give It to Me;” she looks a lot older, and even Simon points out that she’ll have to lighten up a bit (or chance becoming stiff). But that voice, that range, that growl. Come on! This girl is in it for the long haul and the judges know it too. As Randy said, “When you’re born with It, you’re born with it.”

Anoop Desai’s up with “Beat It.” I think Anoop is cute and has a great voice, but he doesn’t know how to make a song his own. I think that’s the problem he’s going to come up against when his personality can’t carry him any longer. Even Paula didn’t like it. Simon went far as to say he looked stupid.

Jorge Nunoz lost a little bit of his charm tonight when he sang “Never Can Say Goodbye“ and when he talked with Ryan post-song. The judges think he lost his connection this week, and I can’t disagree.

Meghan Corkrey sings “Rockin’ Robin,” and I want to vomit a little. She’s so gosh darn pretty, but her voice isn’t that great even if it’s very different, and I hate the way she dances! It’s distracting and off putting.

Adam Lambert makes the judges go gushy. Apparently, he’s relevant but I think he’s like an homage to the 80s hairbands of my early years. Plus while “Satisfaction” was cool, tonight’s “Black and White” was just a lot of flat and sharp notes and a lot of screeching. Simon even thinks he’s in a different league which baffles me.

Singing “Human Nature,” Matt Giraud is smooth and sexy and almost perfect. I can actually see him recording albums, playing venues and selling posters. The judges don’t go as gaga over him as they do for Adam which is baffling to me. I mean, I understand the kid is the first of his kind on AI, but he’s no Steven Tyler. Matt Giraud is the real, original deal. Randy even says he has the Robin Thicke/Justin Timberlake thing going on. Yum!

Alexis Grace closes out the show, and kills “Dirty Diana” like Freddy Kruger in dreams man! That’s no easy feat for a tiny, pixie-haired girl to pull off. Methinks the judges must have heard wrong because I saw no flaws in her performance; she surprised me and she looked awesome. She also performs like she was born on the stage.

On to the Results…

Wow. 33 Million votes came in which Ryan says “is the highest we’ve ever had at this stage of the competition.”  It’s well deserved because this group kicks ass. Midway through my TV session one of my best friends called me and gushed that she could not gues who would be in the bottom three.

Ryan jumps right into explaining a new rule in the American Idol game.  Flashing faces of Tamyra Gray, Michael Johns, Jennifer Hudson and Chris Daughtry, he says these former contestants have one thing in common: America believed they left too early. So the judges can save one person in any round up to the Top 5. They can use this save only once, and it has to be unanimous. While no one will go home that week, the next week two people will go home. I’m reminded that two people are going home tonight. Eek!

The results shows have improved. They’re still torture is but not AS torturous. We get to see the contestants talk more, play more and just plain get to know them a little better. We also get to see the sweet AI digs again!

Show time! The contestants sing “ABC.” It’s a pretty standard arrangement which means a musical-esque version. The choreographed dancing is horrendous, but it’s cute to see Danny bust a move, especially after saying he wants to learn to dance and sing at the same time.

I fast forward past the Ford music video because…well…they always suck. They suck a lot.

Yes! It’s time for the results. Michael Sarver is saved first. Whoop-ti-doo! Big surprise. Let’s get to the drama and the boos. Allison is saved next. Then, yay! Jasmine is called to the stage. Matt is saved next. And then, Chris is called. He gets cuter every day.  He’s asked to stand while Meghan is called up as well. Turns out they are both safe. Jasmine is the one who’s in the bottom. She’s either out or the judges can save her.

Jasmine gets one more chance to sing while the judges discuss. This is way better than watching tossed contestants sing and cry the show out. I think she performs five times better than last night, but it’s too early to use the save! It’s just too early judges! Phew. They send  her home.

Now it’s time for the big performances Ryan has been talking about since, it feels, like, forever. Kanye West performs “Heartless.” Did you know that Kayne says his biggest regret is not being able to see himself perform? How can I watch him perform without cracking up? No, wait. It’s impossible. But I do want to shake my booty.

American Idol is all about the update, a greater focus on the contestants, and a current, successful artist. It’s funny how it took a dip in ratings to get here. I guess the producers took the motto if ain’t broken don’t fix it to heart.

Scott is up, and I know he’s safe. Next, please. Alexis is up next, and she looks really nervous. Please be safe. Ryan! I don’t know the last time you paused this long. Alexis can’t be in the bottom. And she isn’t, but I almost had a heart attack. We quickly learn that Danny is safe. It’s down to four, and Anoop is called to stand and go to center stage.

Adam Lambert is up, and the audience is squealing. He’s safe. Jorge must be the one to join Anoop because Lil Rounds is the last one left, and she won’t be going home. First it was two girls, and now it’s two guys. We have to wait for the break, and even worse, they have to wait until after Kelly Clarkson sings as well.

But I would rather wait because Kelly is back on American Idol finally! Ryan is singing Kelly to Kelly and jumping up and down. The interview is a little awkward, but then she’s “My Life Would Suck Without You” which is such a fun pop song, and she’s back to being the kickass belter we’ve grown to love.

Now the final results. Anoop is safe. I’m okay with that because I know he has a better voice than that, but Jorge should have gotten another chance. Meghan should have been the one out due to her strangely twisting little butt.

Season 8, Episodes 19 & 20: Top 13: Performances & Top 13: results (originally aired March 10-11, 2009)

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Photographs courtesy of Fox Broadcasting Company