Friday Night Lights: Nobody Wants To Hear About Your Pubic Hair

After an unhappy ending on this week’s Top Chef finale, it’s nice to see some people finally get what they deserve. That’s right: I’m talking about you, Buddy Garrity!

You see, Buddy’s kids come to Dillon to spend some QT with daddy, but clearly, not because they want to be there. The two young teenagers, Buddy Jr. and Tabby, spend most of the time complaining about pubic hair, Buddy liking meat and football (not this football), and the fact that Buddy cheated on their mom. I had forgotten that little trivia, so thank goodness the little brats were there to remind me of Buddy “Infidelity” Garrity’s true name. Buddy takes them camping with Lyla, and I’d love to know why he thought this was a good idea, because I can just imagine trying to convince my teenaged niece that she’d have fun with no cell or internet reception, out in the woods, with no toilets or A/C… I wouldn’t have a niece anymore, is what I’m saying, because she’d disown me. Tabby feels the same way as my niece would, plus the whole affair thing, resulting in a huge blow up which leads Buddy to believe that his two youngest hate him and that he’s lost them forever. I love seeing this man miserable. Lyla talks some sense into him and the two brats, so that the family goes to Friday’s game together, and the Panthers rallying win softens the hearts and stomachs of the two vegetarian children, and the Garrity family is made whole once more.

Over in the land of People Who Graduated from Dillon, But Have Yet to Graduate from This Show, Jason Street decides to raise the price of the completed house by $30,000 and forego a broker, so that Team Street can collect as much money as possible on the return. Herc and Billy object fiercely, culminating in a fistfight between Herc and Jason during the open house. But all settles down, as Jason’s impassioned plea about his son serves yet again to trump everyone else’s baggage, and they end up with an offer on the house by the end of the episode. And thank goodness for that, because I know Jason’s an old favorite of fans everywhere, but he’s a whiner, really. The sooner he leaves, the better. At Friday’s football game, Jason runs into an old teammate visiting with his soon-to-be sports agent. The agent is a former player who turned to this profession after his own football career ended, and Jason’s look of starry-eyed hope can only mean one thing – he’s blowing this popsicle stand! The Panthers rallying win, combined with the agent’s story and Jason producing Tim’s play reel, inspires our boy with big dreams of sports-agenting, and Jason Street’s spirit is nearly whole once more.

In this week’s Landry news, our other favorite footballer (Saracen and Riggins being numbers one and two) breaks things off with Tyra, finally, as a result of his finding a new girlfriend, aka bass player Devin. Unfortunately for Landry, she turns out to be a lesbian. He’s shocked and disappointed, to the point of asking Principal Taylor about his aftershave, otherwise known as “girl repellant.” She feeds him some bullshit about how this is high school and only the beginning, and just wait until he goes to college. He’ll get girls by the bucketloads then! Landry buys it, which just goes to show, Landry won’t be getting them by the bucketloads in college. Of course, what could PT really say? Still, Devin plays a mean bass guitar and knows how to cheer him up, so after the Panthers’ rallying win on Friday, Devin and Landry meet for band practice on Saturday night, with his agreeing to keep her lesbian secret, and their friendship becoming whole once more.

And now it’s Principal Taylor time! Panther fullback Jamarcus Hall falls victim to the three strikes rule, as he’s just set a girl’s hair on fire and now it’s time to call in his parents. This crazy prank ultimately goes ignored, due to the fact that during the parent-teacher conference, Mama and Papa Hall discover their son is on the football team. Whoops! He forged their signatures and has apparently been lying about where he is every day after-school and during away games. Granted, Mama Hall has five other kids to worry about, but I’d think she’d notice her oldest, who could be home babysitting, is missing every day. Silly plot points aside, his parents pull him from the team. Coach flips out on PT, because he lost his fullback. They visit the Halls together, with Coach insisting that PT keep her mouth shut. For once, however, the Voice of Coach does not = God, as Jamarcus’ parents tell Coach that football is stupid. PT steps in, and explains how organized sports are much more than about stats, and how Coach is more than a coach, he’s a leader of men. Or something. She invites them to the game on Friday, and they come, witnessing as their son becomes a superstar on the field. The Panthers rally for the win, and Jamarcus receives permission to stay on the team, and more importantly, receives his father’s approval. And the Panthers are whole once more.

But now, to our main story, which is that JD’s dad is a jerk. He pulls his son off of the field during practice (doesn’t he have a job he should be at, instead of attending all of these practices?) and berates him in front of the team for screwing up his throws. Coach intervenes, but at Friday’s game, JD flounders in the first half, and Papa McCoy provides a repeat performance of Joe McCoy: Stage Dad. His anger and violent yelling attracts the attention even of Mama Taylor from the stands. At halftime, on his way into the locker room, Papa McCoy pulls JD aside again, yelling at him for his mistakes. Coach once again interferes, and tells JD to start playing his game. JD rallies the Panthers to the win (no morose Saracen spotting this week), but unfortunately, Papa McCoy leaves before the end of the game, disappointed and angry at his son’s performance. Despite the win, the McCoys are not quite whole yet. I guess football can’t solve all the world’s problems.

Tim Riggins Time! In a minor storyline, aside from finishing and selling the house, Billy and Jason make nice long enough for Billy to gain Jason’s help in responding to colleges on Tim’s behalf. Throughout the episode, Jason films Tim during practice, and helps piece together interviews and reels of Tim’s game highlights. The end result is a video of Tim strong enough to send to recruiters. Does this mean little Timmy’s going to college? It makes you start to wonder who’s going to stay, and who’s going to go when this season’s over. Can this show survive without a shirtless Tim Riggins?

P.S. – I have a new nominee for most entertaining character on this show: Herc.

Next week: My prayers have been answered: Jason Street leaves Dillon!

Season 3, Episode 7: Keeping up Appearances (originally aired November 12, 2008 on DIRECTV)

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Photographs courtesy of Bill Records and NBC Universal