Life: Betty Crocker Meets La Femme Nikita

While pondering the exotic nationality of his phone tech rep, June, who is trying to help him with his hands free phone issues, Crews enters this week’s victim’s apartment to find him pinned to the wall with a broom stick while a cover of “Hit Me Baby” plays in the background.  Enter Dani Reese who says the neighbors called after hearing the same CD playing for 18 hours.  The victim was Jerome Rafts, a financial advisor who deals with derivatives, the definition of which no one really knows.  Crews and Reese suspect his wine was poisoned with anti-freeze, and also find bleach and ammonia in Rafts’ apartment.

Pictures of Rafts with several girlfriends reveal he was a chronic dater and further investigations reveal that his dates were escorts.  Perhaps strangest of all was the fact that he was a pigeon fancier, aka a person who raises pigeon for show.  Never mind the question “Who does that?,”  during the investigation of Rafts’ apartment, Tidwell approaches Reese to let her know the FBI has taken an interest in her and requests that she be “loaned out to them” for one of their cases.  Tidwell and Crews give Reese the verbal equivalent of a huge pat on the back and encourage her to take the opportunity.  Meanwhile, Bobby fills in as a very mediocre replacement for Reese as Crews’ sidekick.

Rafts’ eccentric lifestyle reveal a whole medley of suspects, including slighted escorts, a set of twin nerds and pigeon fancying competitors, and lastly, a mysterious escort, Alexa, who had recently become Rafts’ exclusive girlfriend and who also had a healthy interest in the world of pigeon breeding.  Bobby and Crews interview those who could possibly identify Alexa on the surveillance tape of Rafts’ apartment elevator.  But Brenda Trill, Alexa’s madam, and the pigeon expert she had recently visited have a hard time pinpointing the elusive chameleon.  Even more mysterious is the fact that other escorts reported Rafts to be a generous tipper who payed his fees on time, despite the fact that the derivatives bubbles had burst a while ago and it was doubtful Rafts was still paying for his expensive apartment and extracurricular activities as a financial advisor.

At some secret FBI location, Reese answers a set of intense questions, including suspicious questions about her father and Crews.  Things only get more intense as they hook her up to a polygraph machine and continue.  Reese begins to wonder what questions about her father and Crews have to do with her “helping” the FBI with a current case.  Hmmm, looks like she was unsuspectingly recruited to help the FBI with the current case of the missing Rayborn.  And speaking of Rayborn, Amanda Purrier struts into Ted’s classroom, posing as an eager teacher’s pet.  Again, Purrier rolls some tobacco and tries to smoke a cigarette in Ted’s classroom when he tells her she can’t.  She suggests they go somewhere where she can, so he takes her to his place where she sneaks upstairs and takes pictures of Crews’ Conspiracy Theory wall.

Crews and Bobby eventually realize Alexa was possibly a hitwoman and track her pigeon to the cute, little blue beach house where the owner, a pretty blonde, sweeps the porch.  Crews notices she has a broom.  The woman’s name is Claudia, and she is a personal chef.  When they take her downtown for questioning, she brings a huge bag with her because she likes to be prepared, and excitedly tells them she has never been in a police car before.  She has Crews turn on the siren.  The madam, the twins, and the pigeon expert aren’t certain that Claudia is Alexa.  They release Claudia who hands Crews a bag of her homemade cookies and leaves.  Crews pays a little visit to Claudia and notices scratches on the back of her neck while she tries to give him a little lesson on chopping onions.  Later, Crews tries to get a DNA warrant for Claudia while Bobby stakes out her house.  As police cars rush to arrest her, Bobby sneaks inside the house where Claudia spits a pill into his mouth.  The lethal pill, she admits, was made from mushrooms she grew under her sink and first cause paralysis then go to the lungs, heart, and finally the brain.  As Bobby becomes paralyzed, she gives him a speech on how “most underestimate the value of things found in the home” and whips out a broom stick.  But Crews is on the scene, so she throws down the broomstick and flees.  But Crews has a few homeopathic tricks up his sleeve as well.

This week’s episode titled, “Hit Me Baby,” is a perfect example of how the show won over a strong fan base while defying the network executive decision for cancellation.  Refreshing plots, unique characters, and well crafted dialogue were just some of the reasons Life fans were adamant about not seeing the show’s untimely demise.  However, I found myself often wishing the show could have kept momentum as far as exciting plots, yet the plots were choppy and inconsistent at best.  Other inconsistencies included a lineup of revolving and often uninteresting cast members, including Rachel and more recently, Ted’s long lost daughter who has no desire to have any relationship with him whatsoever.  Ah well, hopefully the show will finally be able to give us some concrete answers instead of teasing us along with vague conjectures about the Conspiracy Theory and what happened to Rayborn before going off to the land of inopportunely cancelled TV shows.

Season 2, Episode 16: Hit Me Baby (originally aired February 25, 2009)

For another take on Life, check out For the Birds by Cameron Cubbison.

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Wednesdays at 9/8c, NBC
Photographs courtesy of NBC Universal