Rescue Me: Jimmy

Tommy and Lou are roommates now, Tommy having been kicked out of Valerie’s place last week after his night on the town with Genevieve, the French journalist interviewing the guys of 62 Truck for her book on the tenth anniversary of 9/11. Lou’s place looks like a Burmese war zone. While getting settled, Tommy sees a box of 9/11 newsreel footage from Genevieve. She wants Lou to watch the footage and write down his responses to it. Lou explains that he could only bring himself to watch three seconds of it.

Tommy looks straight at Lou and says: “Let me get this straight. You’re taking the biggest tragedy in the history of this city, perhaps the country, and you’re taking your feelings about it…which I know are real and genuine because you were there and you lived through it…but you are now reconstituting them so that you can get laid by a French broad. Is that right?” Lou: “Yeah pretty much.” Moments like these are what make Rescue Me unforgettable. Five seasons in and the writing and performances are as sharp and on the money as ever.

We also get one of the most intense action sequences the show has ever done when the guys get to a scene and are told there was a big explosion. Lou knows that it wasn’t a bomb but steam pouring out from the city’s underground infrastructure. Manhole covers start shooting into the sky and Lou goes after a guy stuck in his truck with a giant sinkhole filled with boiling water right in front. Lou climbs in to get him out and the truck starts sinking rapidly. The truck dips more and more until Lou gets the driver out right before they both become human tempura. It’s a hair-raising, amazingly-staged sequence, and it’s great to see Lou get to be a hero. One of the things I’m continually impressed by in the show is how believable and authentic they manage to make all of the rescue scenes. This stuff is pretty much better than any disaster or fire sequences I’ve seen in any movie, and I’m sure they had a fraction of the budget that would exist on features.

Meanwhile, Sheila continues to meet with her bogus psychodramaturgist, who tells her that her real problem is that she has transferred all of her anger over her son Damian wanting to be a firefighter and losing Jimmy to Tommy, and she’s keeping Tommy around so she can blame him. Sheila is the hardest character to take on the show (though come to think of it, I hate Janet too) because she’s so high-strung and emotionally insane. But she really had nothing to do last season, and so far she hasn’t had much to do this season. I wonder if Denis Leary and Peter Tolan have anything cooked up for her. Otherwise, they should just get rid of her altogether.

Mike is 0 for 2 on the bar. The lumberjack motif failed, as did the let’s-have-everything-inside-be-black-but-call-the-bar-White thing. The guys are all trying to scrub out the black paint when Black Shawn mentions that the theme of the bar doesn’t matter as much as the word of mouth and hype. He says that the hottest bars he ever went to were at places people didn’t even know about. Franco looks at him and reads his mind: let’s make the bar underground. They pay guys to stand outside the door while Franco blocks them from getting in. Soon, their crummy little bar is doing a bang-up business. Tommy even gets Derek, the loser he’s sponsoring in AA a job there. It’s hilarious to watch this recovering alcoholic be surrounded by temptation.

But the real juice in the episode comes courtesy of Tommy and Lou. Even though Lou has churned out 46 pages for Genevieve, he hasn’t watched any of the footage she gave him. Tommy keeps ragging Lou for this, until Lou loses it and starts shouting at Tommy. He asks him if he really thinks that he has to watch footage to remind him of what it was like on that day: “You know Tom, you weren’t the only one down there that day. And sometimes you forget that. And sometimes, I have to remind you. I just did.” If John Scurti doesn’t get an Emmy for that one scene, I’m going to have a psychotic meltdown.

Tommy however, does watch the footage, and what he sees haunts him even more. He sees Jimmy on the dvds. After the first tower came down. The catch? Jimmy died in the first tower, so how could he be on tape afterward? Tommy hasn’t had a visit from Jimmy in a long time, after Jimmy told him he was turning his back on him. Rescue Me fans have all been awaiting Jimmy’s return, but I sure didn’t think it would be like this. This isn’t funny, it’s disturbing, it’s scary, it’s haunting. Those are emotional responses very few television shows can cause.

It looks like there will indeed be a love triangle between Lou, Tommy and Genevieve. Sean and Franco don’t have a whole lot to do this episode, but hopefully that will change.

Season 5, Episode 4: Jimmy (originally aired April 28, 2009)

For more on Rescue Me, click here.

Tuesdays at 10pm on FX

Photographs courtesy of FX

Dancing With the Stars: Chuck Stripped and Still Got Kicked

What’s a boy gotta do to get some love on Dancing with the Stars? Apparently shaking your bum and stripping down to a black sequined leotard won’t do it for you – as country star Chuck Wicks learned this week – and just when I was starting to like him.

This week on Dancing with the Stars was all about the group dances – which were gosh darn fantastic. (I’m actually serious – they rocked!) But first were the individual dances.

Up first to kick off the night – literally – were Gilles Marini and Cheryl Burke in a high-flying, goofy Lindy Hop. Like the other celebs, Gilles was battling an injury – a separated shoulder – but the doc gave him a cortisone shot (is that safe?), and he was back on the floor. As for the dancin’, Gilles’ mile-high coif was enough to do it for me, but the silly, high-energy hop showed a different side of the usually-sultry couple. It was a blast and the judges loved it. Total: 27

After being reprimanded for toning down her raunchy side last week, Lil’ Kim was back to her old antics with a dangerously wicked paso doble. As Bruno said, “the bitch was back and she means business!” Lil’ Kim was scowling, growling, and kicking her way through the paso, and it was fierce. Grrrr! Total: 28

After breaking out of his shell last week, Chuck Wicks (that’s right, I no longer dub him Ken) was back in fine form – in blue silk this time – for a bum-shaking, flirtatious cha cha. Chuck really let loose and was throwing cutesy faces at Julianne throughout. It was adorable, and the audience was up on their feet in excitement. Even Len had to admit he liked it – though Chuck needs to work on his arms. Total: 26

Shawn Johnson was back smiling and showing a bit more fluidity this week after getting a lesson from Mark’s super-elegant, Latin-dancing mum. And while I hate to do it – I have to agree a bit with Len on this one. While everything was spot on technically and Shawn did loosen up from time to time, she still seems like she’s holding back. You’re a teenager Shawn, go wild, shake those hips, I know you can do it. But she didn’t Monday night. Total: 27

Yet another celeb succumbed to injury this week after Melissa Rycroft suffered a hairline fracture of her rib (yowch!) and was unable to perform. But, as they did earlier this season with Steve-O, they did have a rehearsal tape to show for her jive with a very disappointed Tony. From the rehearsal tape you could tell they were just “marking” – or not going full-out on their steps – and thus the dance was nearly impossible for the judges to evaluate. You could tell they had their steps and their routine on, but it was all done halfway. Too bad we didn’t get to see them go full out. But Tony pleaded the audience to help them through. Total: 21

Ty Murray‘s been all over the place during this competition and usually Latin dances spell trouble for the stiff cowboy, but this week he shocked everyone. Getting a little assistance from pro Dmitry and a spray tan, Ty Murray learned to get his Latin on! He was shaking his knees a bit more than his hips, but at least he was shaking, and it was such a shock to the system to see him go all out like he did, whipping and dipping Chelsie all over the place, that I believe I clapped right from my living room couch. Oh yes I did. Total: 24

After Ty shook up the ballroom, it was time for the team dances which were remarkably good this year. The celebs may be super C-list this year, but their dance moves are definitely worth an A+.

First up was Team Mambo with last week’s scoreboard winners: Shawn & Mark, Chuck & Julianne, and Tony & Lacey (filling in for Melissa). Dancing to Beyonce’s “Single Ladies” the teammates replicated dance moves from the infamous video – very well, I might add – and added in their own bits of flair. And then to really get the crowd going, the boys jumped up on the judges’ table, stripped off their outfits and revealed sparkly black leotards and white tights. It was HI-larious.

As for the individual members, the judges applauded Lacey for picking up the routine at such short notice – but we should all already know by now that Lacey rocks. (Serious girl crush over here!) Chuck really stepped up as well, letting loose, shaking it, and nailing his steps, right in toe with the pros. If anyone was falling behind, it was Shawn whose solo with Mark was sharp, but who was out of step on the synchronized moves with Lacey and Julianne.

Those little missteps didn’t go beyond the judges’ notice either. Bruno thought it rocked, though he was obviously distracted by the men’s attire; Len thought it was fun; and Carrie Ann thought they got a bit overwhelmed by the music (which I actually don’t agree with). Though I think they should have gotten extra points for Mark’s attempted tough guy nodding while wearing a leotard. Team Score: 25

Thinking there was no way Team Tango could compete with that raucous good time, I was happy to be proved wrong by Gilles & Cheryl, Ty & Chelsie, and Kim & Derek. Dancing to Britney’s “Womanizer”, the routine started off right with shirtless Ty and Gilles being womanized by a sultry, swaying, smoldering Lil’ Kim. Kim had it going on Monday night! While she made a little flub in her solo routine, she more than made it up in charisma. Ty also nailed his solo section with Chelsie, leading her with strength and confidence around the floor. And then there was Gilles. Have I said “Grrr!” already this week? It was smooth, it was sultry, it was hot.

But hotter than their individual moments were their moments as a team. Every kick, every dip, and every turn was so crisp and in synch it was amazing. Their last few steps together were just perfect. The judges could hardly critique it – except for Gilles’ footwork (really Len?). Team Score: 28

After such a strong Monday night I wasn’t at all sure what would happen Tuesday. Would Melissa’s low scores get her the boot? Would Ty’s good old boy charm be able to overcome his lackluster dancing skills? Is anyone else getting bored of Shawn Johnson? Well, these were my guesses, and I was proved oh so wrong – blind sighted completely.

Tuesday started with bang with an encore performance from Team Tango. Then there were a series of not very funny celebrity “infomercials” and two lackluster performances by Robin Thicke – who until this moment I had always confused with Alan Thicke. But it turns out Alan only does Robin Sparkles’ music videos.

However, for those So You Think You Can Dance fans, Anya and Pasha from Season 3 showed up to dance to Thicke’s “Sidestep”. But they ultimately didn’t get much time to dance since Thicke and his back-up dancers were trying to steal the attention with a few of their own sad moves.

The real highlight of Tuesday’s show was the new pro competition, where Genya Mazo, Afton DelGrosso, Anna Demidova, and Mayo Alanen all survived to this week’s round. Genya and Afton danced a cute little quickstep, but it was nothing too special. However, Anna and Mayo stole the show with their lively jive – a difficult feat for such towering dancers – but it looked effortless and they both have great personality. Expect to see both of them and probably Genya back next week to teach some past season celebs how to dance.

And we’re onto the results. It was a slow reveal, but the last two couples in jeopardy were Melissa & Tony and Chuck & Julianne. So who was going home?

Poor Chuck – he got the boot. But at least he gets to keep his partner.

Season 8, Round 7: Episodes 14 and 15 (originally aired April 27 and 28, 2009)

For more on Dancing with the Stars, click here.

Competition Mondays at 8/7C, ABC

Elimination Tuesdays at 9/8C, ABC

Photographs courtesy of ABC

The Amazing Race: Agony of Da’ Feet

After the nightmare fracas that arose last week between Margie & Luke and Kisha & Jen, the question on everyone’s mind was whether or not the offended parties would be able to dial their rage back down from 11 and focus on the business of racing. The ultimate result of their anger management efforts seems TBD, but for now everybody’s avoiding eye contact and keeping their rage just below the surface like a bubbling cauldron with a rattling lid.

In spite of Tammy & Victor’s best Mandarin speaking efforts to snowball the competition with bad seats on the one available flight to Beijing, everyone stayed neck and neck through the Road Block, a deceptively pleasant sounding foot massage that looked less like an afternoon at the spa and more like something that would show up on a CIA memo. I hope Kisha, Tammy, Luke, and Cara all felt great the day after, because even the direct aftermath of the supposed act of relaxation seemed to be more pain than pleasure.

In the first of what will likely be many Olympics-themed challenges, teams took to the pool for the Detour’s choice between a potential quick finish if they master the tricky art of synchronized diving, or an assured slow and steady payoff for swimming a 400-meter freestyle relay. Jamie & Cara breezed through the swim, likewise Margie & Luke. But Tammy & Victor hit the springboard for what would prove to be an ultimately futile attempt at jumping on the count of three. Unable to please the judges, the sibs also wound up on the long haul.

Nearly all of this episode’s drama stemmed from Jen coming to terms with her near-rabid levels of hydrophobia. Crying, shaking, flailing, threatening to quit, classic reality show breakdown stuff. But Kisha does what all big sisters do best and talks a little peace and sense into her wayward kin. They leave resigned to their Eliminated Team Walking status with their heads held high, but there’ll be a sizable shock in store for them at the mat since the episode ends with the moderate shocker that the leg is still in process. I actually felt a little bad for Jamie & Cara being deprived of what would have been their first winning leg, but not that bad. They’re still Jamie & Cara, after all.

Season 14, Episode 10: Having a Baby’s Gotta Be Easier Than This (originally aired April 26, 2009)

For more on The Amazing Race, click here.

Sundays at 8pm ET/PT on CBS

Photographs courtesy of CBS

Heroes: You Can Stop Running

After twenty-five hours of TV, some good, some horrible, never quite great, Heroes Season 3 is no more. The final hour of Fugitives, the season’s second quasi-self contained story arc, played out in a style similar to most of the episodes preceding it: thoughtful, a little bland, not quite enough action, enough plot momentum to give it a pulse, but lots of frustration and definitely not enough of anything for the hour to truly shine. A few audacious last minute twists lay some interesting cards on the table for Volume 5 (for the record, classifying the seasons by on screen volume number and episode title is about as necessary as Mohinder’s claw-out-my-eardrums-annoying voiceovers) but I just can’t see myself getting even a little bit excited for season 4. To say that I’ve been burned too many times before would be both cliché and understatement.

In the first of many acts of senselessness, Danko’s attempt to kill Sylar proves moot since he apparently used his shapeshifting (and maybe a bit of his clockwork knowhow) to move the location of his internal weak spot . A brain stem is a brain stem, people! WTF?!? But Sy cleverly gets retribution by jumping into Danko’s skin, capping a few agents, and morphing once more to arrest Danko himself.

On the road to DC, Noah sacrificially places himself into federal hands so that Claire and Angela might escape. Angela sets out to find Matt who, according to her dreams, is the key to Nathan’s survival; but Claire waltzes straight into Sylar’s arms when he impersonates Nathan and sells the ruse with his power to recall the history of objects and people that Angela so conveniently fed to him sometime last fall. When Claire finally catches on, we get something of a bookend to the creep-nasty faceoff she and Sylar had in the premiere when he forces her to muse on a life of immortality and how their sharing of that power must mean they’re fated to be together. Yikes. Nathan and Peter arrive on scene to break up the love in, but just when the high flying multi-powered showdown is due to begin, we’re forced to use our imaginations as the fight transpires behind closed doors. Chrissakes, if you don’t have the budget to stage a proper fight scene, then don’t tease one at all. Insult to injury.

Hiro fights through the newfound pain of using his powers to put the freeze on Building 26 and cleverly swaps the prisoners with their captors, but there’s no time for rejoicing before Mohinder lays down the law and tells Hiro that if he uses his powers any more, he’s punching his own ticket to the afterlife. Hiro and Ando’s path seems to be leading them back home to Japan where they started the year, to which I again ask why? You know they’ll be needed again stateside, so why not sidestep an upcoming story contrivance by just letting them settle down over here?

After winning the fight that wasn’t, Sylar aims his slicey finger of doom a bit lower than usual on Nathan, cutting open his neck and killing him. You read that right, kids, Nathan Petrelli is no more. Ish. Death kinda comes and kinda doesn’t for both Nathan and his ultimate rival when Peter tricks Sylar with a dose of his own shifty medicine, taking the President’s form and juicing Sy with elephant tranq right at the moment he was assuming would be his greatest victory. Angela and Matt arrive to find Nathan dead, Sylar unconscious, and Noah schemey. He reasons that the only way to bring down Building 26 and any future agencies like it is with Nathan’s help, so Matt attempts to wipe the entire contents of Sylar’s brain and replace them with Nate’s. Very Dollhouse. The entire cast gather to hold hands and sing Kumbaya around a bonfire of what most of them believe to be Sylar’s corpse, but this being a season finale and all, you know there’s no such thing as a happy ending. Six weeks later, we witness the foreshadowed reemergence of Tracy, now able to completely transform into water and murdering former B26 agents with glee. The image we’re left to ponder over the summer (or forever, if you’re among the justified masses who’ve stopped caring) is one of Sythan at work. He just can’t seem to help noticing that the clock in his office is running a bit fast. Tick. Tick. Tick…

Season 3, Episode 25: An Invisible Thread (originally aired April 27, 2009)

For another take on this episode, check out Inisia Lewis‘ review here.

For more on Heroes, click here.

Mondays at 9/8C on NBC

Photographs courtesy of NBC Universal, Trae Patton

Heroes: An Invisible Thread

All I can say is, “WHOA!” What the hell just happened?! Sure, I anticipated some of the things that would happen in this off-kilter season’s finale, but you can sort of say lines before they’re actually said when you watch as much TV as I do, but by this episode’s end, everything we had come to understand had been turned upside down. So as the “Fugitives” volume came to a close, our heroes battled (for like the one millionth time) Sylar, and somehow they all had a hand in his (okay I’ll just say it) demise, but there’s a twist that’ll make you think twice about the reality of the baddie (that we all love to hate’s) fate.

We pick up where we left off last week. Sylar has just regenerated after Danko stabbed him in the back, and Noah, Claire and Angela have been pulled over at a set up road block by Building 26 agents. What they didn’t show us last week, was Sylar cluing Danko into the fact that his powers to shape shift has allowed him to move the part of the brain that takes him out of the game. (Did I just rhyme? Am I poet, and I didn’t even know it?!) Though Danko thinks he’s got everything figured out, clearly Sylar is the man with a plan (ALWAYS!). He morphs into Danko, shoots some of his men and then morphs back into Agent Taub so that the team can arrest Danko. (Who’s the boss now, Mister!) Noah, on the other hand, is alone in the car when he’s pulled over because he’s ushered Claire and Angela out of the car and told them to book it to safety. (I love how the only guy without powers always knows what’s going on. Hello, Angela has vision!)

Hiro seems to have recovered slightly from his nosebleed episode, and the whole night I kept thinking, “OMG! Hiro is going to die!” And as useless as his character has become, I think I’ll always love him. But maybe I spoke too soon because Hiro pretty much sacrifices himself to save everyone else. First, he convinces Ando, much to his friend’s dismay, that the only way to get into Building 26 and save everyone is to stop time. Ando knows that the last time resulted in some major Desmond-like nosebleeds, but Hiro never wants to argue with his destiny. And I don’t blame him. Not only do they rescue everyone held captive, putting all the agents under, but when Danko (who’s been taken in to the same cell as Noah) escapes with his old “friend,” Hiro stops time just before Danko is about to put Noah under. (Come on, Noah! Didn’t you see that one coming? He’s usually more on his game. This last time freeze though puts Hiro down, and with the nosebleeds, ear bleeding and petechial hemorrhaging, it looks like Hiro may be powerless for good.

Angela and Claire successfully escape and head to the heart of DC. Angela sends Claire to find Nathan while she goes in search of Matt Parkman. You see, Angela has had a vision of Nathan being in trouble, and he’s the only one who can help. Not to mention someone better do something soon, because at the rate of people Sylar’s touching, he will be close enough to touch the President and assume his identity in no time.

Claire is a little skeptical of her father. Is he the real Slim Shady or Sylar? His power to know the history of objects or people he touches comes in handy, but Claire doesn’t buy it so easily. Looks like Sylar knows he can’t keep up this ruse or he just wants to torture Claire, but he telekinetically holds her captive and lures the real Nathan and Peter to the hotel room he’s occupied. There’s some creepy interaction between the two where he says that eventually she can learn to love him, and she’s all, “Ew…I will always try to kill you.”

When the Petrelli brothers arrive, I’m thinking, what good will two fly boys be against the man with all the sick powers, but then my fiancé goes, “Can’t Peter take all of his powers, and then he’ll have everything too and it’ll be a fight to the death?” He’s a newbie to the Heroes game, so I look at him like, let’s just keep our mouths shut during this intense finale and find out!! But that is a smart idea, you may have something!

We don’t really get to see the fight, which would have been a serious ass whooping on the Petrellis’ part anyway. We get to see Claire’s eye, which sucks. Why does she get to see the fight and we don’t? When she gets back into the hotel room, Peter’s all bruised and Sylar and Nathan are gone. When we see them next, it’s not pretty. Sylar quickly slits Nathan’s throat, and we awfully watch him gurgle to death. (And it’s pretty awful. They didn’t shy away on this one.)

Things quickly begin to unfurl after this. Angela finally convinces Matt, who’d rather run away and be with his family, to help her save Nathan as Nathan is the only one with a connection to the President who can help them, but it’s too late. And she doesn’t understand how things could end up so differently from the vision she saw.

And even worse, Sylar has taken Nathan’s façade to reach the President.  Peter, Claire and Noah realize that this is the only moment they have, and if that means that they have to out themselves then that’s what they’ll do. When they run into Secret Service agents between them and warning the President about Sylar, Claire walks right up to the loaded end of a gun and says that they can listen now or AFTER they shoot her. (AWESOME!)

We, as the audience, don’t really see everything that goes on, but Sylar does reach the President in his limo, or so we think! In the end, it’s Peter (who’s taken Sylar’s powers) who impersonates the President, and gets close enough with Sylar’s guard down to tranq him and basically take him out.

How did they take him out since Sylar’s so unkillable? Angela convinces Parkman to wipe all of Sylar’s memories of himself and to push the personality of Nathan to the forefront. He shape shifts into Nathan and basically BECOMES him. Yeah, it’s confusing and out of left field, and I don’t know how this will play out at all, but I’ll go with it.

Only Noah, Matt and Angela know what they’ve done, and they decide to take the first shape shifter’s dead body and burn it so that everyone else (especially Nathan) can believe that Sylar is really truly dead. But is he?

I enjoyed recapping this season and watching Heroes evolve back into the show I used to love. Though the end of this season seems more like a series finale than a season finale, I do hope it is renewed so that, at least, they can have one devoted season of being the top show I know they can be and instead of this half-great show.

REDEMPTION

We get a sneak peak of Volume 5. And it seems that the Tracy we saw shatter into a million pieces is now reeking havoc on Building 26 agents. Can she still freeze things because she’s not so much a solid when we see her. She appears out of a pool of water. And all crazy-eyed, she says, “You’re number four.”

Nathan also doesn’t seem to be who he used to be, but we know why, but at least we know what the hell happened! We see Angela visiting her “son” weeks later and realizing he still feels that things are off. Oh and he has an affinity for clocks. Who does that remind you of?!

So are you on board for next season or, like so many of my friends, were there too many up and downs to get back on this rollercoaster? I guess we’ll have to wait and see.

Season 3, Episode 25: An Invisible Thread (originally aired April 27, 2009)

For another take on this episode, check out You Can Stop Running by Paul Secrest.

For more on Heroes, click here.

Mondays at 9/8C on NBC

Photographs courtesy of NBC Universal, Chris Haston, Trae Patton

House: When in Doubt, Bring Back the Cool Dead Chick

So, at first, my thoughts going into this week’s episode were as follows:

“OH MY GOD THIS SEASON IS STILL NOT OVER. Come on, people. Kutner’s dead, Chase and Cameron are getting married, the ghost of last season’s dead best character is walking around, and WE ARE STILL NOT AT THE SEASON FINALE YET. And we won’t be there next week either. Forget all those theories people used to have about Lost, season 5 of House is the real purgatory.”

Then I saw the episode, and I got over all that. Because this week’s episode was really good.

Or maybe it just felt that way, since it was basically custom-designed for complainers like me. I’ve been whining for a while now that I’m sick of seeing House’s various character flaws explored in the same ways over and over for five seasons. And so far, most of this season’s peaks have come from the few times when we got to learn about House in new ways – notably, from the patient who lost his filter, and from the episode we saw from the patient’s point of view, and now from this week, which gave us, in my opinion, the most interesting look into House’s head in the series to date (yes, including the actual episode titled House’s Head, which was very good, and yet still not as cool as this one, on a purely character-based level). This week, for the first time in I can’t even remember how long, I seriously cared about House as a human being. (Well, okay, I take that back, I do remember the last time. It was at the end of the Christmas episode, when he found out Cuddy was going to adopt that baby (who has since become invisible). But that feels like seriously a million years ago.)

Anyway, plot:

Our patient is a 14-year-old Deaf boy who feels like his head is exploding. The doctors do their tests and come up with their inaccurate diagnoses like always, but there are two important points along the way. The first is that the boy is eligible for a cochlear implant, but has chosen not to get one because he prefers to be a part of the Deaf community (he goes to an all-Deaf school, he has a Deaf girlfriend, he’s on a Deaf wrestling team, etc.). House decides he doesn’t care about this and manipulates Chase (who really should know better by now) into giving the kid an implant without his or his mother’s knowledge or consent. The kid is traumatized and outraged, and his mother could and should sue, but she ultimately decides to have him keep the implant, because mama (and House) knows best. The other important point comes at the end of the episode, after House has diagnosed the kid with multiple sclerosis and the kid is responding to treatment, because oops – it turns out House is wrong, even though he was absolutely positive he was right (and more on that in a second). Foreman ultimately diagnoses the kid, correctly, with sarcoidosis.

Also, Chase and Cameron are getting married in two weeks, because that’s when the season finale is, and House takes it upon himself to plan the bachelor party, even though he hates (or maybe at this point is just indifferent to) Chase. Apparently House is quite good at planning bachelor parties, even though Wilson is his only male friend (luckily Wilson has had three weddings). So House, with a little help from his ghost friend (see below), spends much of the episode planning/rehearsing for this party. This includes sending Foreman and Thirteen on a scouting mission to a strip club (Olivia Wilde overplays this scene so much that Thirteen comes off as vaguely serial-killer-esque), as well as having his team test-drive some alcohol-ice-cream concoctions during work hours and setting a corpse on fire. Chase pretends he doesn’t want any part of this, even though he totally does. So he asks House to kidnap him, which House does by hiring actors to pretend to be immigration agents, which was hilarious. We also get another of those rare references to Chase being Australian later on, when he winds up carrying around a giant stuffed kangaroo at the party. That was also hilarious. As was the behavior of pretty much everyone else at the party, especially Taub (and not just because all the strippers were two feet taller than him) and Wilson. Wilson hadn’t even planned on going to the party, so House held it in Wilson’s apartment without telling him (hee!). Robert Sean Leonard as drunk Wilson is AWESOME. So was that whole sequence. I love watching the cast act like they’re having fun and like they like each other. Sadly, though, it turns out that Chase has a severe strawberry allergy, and House has subconsciously arranged to kill him via having him lick a stripper’s strawberry body butter (well, at least it’s more creative than rubbing strawberries on Chase’s mouth radio).

But really, all of this is simply entertaining filler for the real plot of the episode: House v. House’s Subconscious, with the latter role being played by Amber. Since House hasn’t slept through the night since Kutner died, he’s having visions of Amber. But this show has all sorts of rules about hallucinations versus fantasies, and Amber is very much a hallucination. She isn’t even really Amber at all – she’s simply the voice that always lives in House’s head. Except that she’s walking around and talking and wearing those little-girl outfits Amber used to wear and being coy like Amber used to be. But she doesn’t flirt with House like she used to do, and she doesn’t show the slightest interest in Wilson, either. Because she’s not Amber, she’s House. Confused? Yes, it’s weird. But it’s also fantastic. We get to hear House, as Amber, fantasizing about killing Foreman and/or Thirteen, referring to women as “skirts,” getting his insights into the case through visions of bowling pins, tuning out the comments of his team when he ceases to find them useful, and figuring out how to knock over Wilson’s pencil cup in order to steal a file from Cameron. The whole effect is fascinating, and a great new way to see what it’s really like to be House. There’s a scene at the end, for example, when House is hiding out during the bachelor party, lying in Wilson’s bathtub alone (well, with the hallucinated Amber), drinking a bottle of wine and toasting himself for diagnosing the Deaf kid. Because that really is where he prefers to be. And it doesn’t come off as sad or pathetic, like these scenes usually do when they’re showing House alone while everyone else is being social – instead, we’re just seeing House be House, because that’s how he likes it. And then it turns out he was wrong about the diagnosis anyway, which causes him to question the wisdom of his own subconscious, which is freaky for everyone involved, viewers included.

Of course, the actual relationship between Amber and the storyline is tenuous at best – we’re told her presence may or may not be due to House’s guilt over Kutner’s death, which may or may not be reviving his guilt over Amber’s death. So the decision to have Anne Dudek play this role feels an awful lot like a desperate attempt to return to the show’s good old days of a year ago. Which is fine with me. Can’t they just admit they made a mistake with the casting way back when and switch out Thirteen and Amber next season? I won’t even complain about the inherent continuity issues, I swear.

So, as of this week, I’m back on board with season 5. Which works out, since there are now only two episodes left, and one of those will feature a Chase/Cameron wedding, which as we’ve established is in itself enough to make me happy. Sorry to be so fickle, writers. Just keep throwing more giant stuffed kangaroos in every week and I promise not to give up on you again.

Season 5, Episode 22: House Divided (originally aired April 27, 2009)

For another take on this episode, check out Cameron Cubbison’s review here.

For more on House, click here.

House, Tuesdays 8/7c on FOX

Photographs courtesy of NBC Universal, Chris Haston

House: House Divided

House sees dead people. See House see dead people. Specifically, House is hallucinating Amber a.k.a. Cutthroat Bitch because he hasn’t slept since Kutner inexplicably killed himself. I’ve gone days without sleep and I haven’t hallucinated dead people, but then again I’m not the star of a top-rated television show. Well not yet anyway. We open on a high school wrestling match. Seth, a 14-year-old deaf wrestler, begins a match only to start grabbing his ears and screaming. Looks like Princeton-Plainsboro has a new case.

House wakes up. Next to Amber. Dead Amber. The horror…the horror. She says she’s a hallucination. House says it’s because of the insomnia. She thinks his guilt over missing Kutner’s suicide (which I’ve actually come around on and now recognize to be a brave, interesting creative writing choice) has retriggered his guilt over her death. And this back and forth is pretty much what the whole episode is about. The episode is lit in such a way that House and Amber always have this ethereal glow about them that separates them from the ordinariness of everyone else.

Upon arriving at the hospital, House’s first course of action is to barge into Wilson’s office and get him to write out a prescription for sleeping pills. When he gets there, he find Cameron. There is a file on the table and they’re clearly discussing something they don’t want House to know about. Cameron says it’s a case. House procures the file through his trademark sneaky ways and sees that it’s not a case. Actually, Cameron wants Wilson to plan Chase’s bachelor party so that Chase won’t get into too much trouble. Yeah, like House is going to let that happen.

Seth’s mother (played by Clare Carey of Jericho), a single parent, has refused to let her son get cochlear implants that would allow him to hear. Foreman doesn’t understand why she would do this. Thirteen says that it is admirable that Seth likes who he is without hearing and doesn’t want the implants. Foreman says that being deaf is a disability, not an identity. Thirteen points out that deafness is also a culture. House sides with Foreman. He thinks that Seth being handicapped when he doesn’t have to be is “an insult to gimps everywhere.” So in addition to saving Seth’s life, part of House’s agenda becomes improving Seth’s life by adding the cochlear implants-whether Seth or his mother want them or not. This is the interesting strand of the episode: examining the notion of choosing to live with a handicap because it is the only way of life you’ve ever known.

We get the usual formula, with House making diagnoses, the team running tests, the tests failing, House getting eureka moments and trying more things until they finally solve the sucker. Only this time we see Amber solve everything as a figment of House’s imagination. Speaking of figments, does anyone remember Figment, the bitchin’ dragon from Epcot center? Sorry.

As for the bachelor party-which House holds in Wilson’s apartment, unbeknownst to him-it’s everything you would expect from House: strippers, booze, vodka-flavored ice cream, strobe lights, Chase going into anaphylactic shock after licking strawberry body butter off a stripper because House subconsciously wanted to kill him for a reason he doesn’t understand, Wilson getting plastered and walking around on the streets with no pants, etc. Other highlights of the episode include House wearing bling shades and jamming to Public Enemy in front of Seth, and tapping on the glass of Seth’s hospital room incessantly, saying it’s like being at the zoo except here you can tap the glass all you want.

Hugh Laurie continues to execute the role perfectly, but although the Amber hallucination thing is fairly entertaining, it seems a little inane and overused. Didn’t I just read something about how that Gray’s Anatomy show I happily don’t watch had somebody seeing dead people and sleeping with them or something? Personally, I think the only show that gets hallucinations right is Rescue Me.

Season 5, Episode 22: House Divided (originally aired April 27, 2009)

For another take on this episode, check out When in Doubt, Bring Back the Cool Dead Chick by Robin Reed.

For more on House, click here.

House, Tuesdays 8/7c on FOX

Photographs courtesy of NBC Universal, Chris Haston

The Tudors: Yes, Sir, That’s My Baby!

Henry and Cromwell discuss marriage candidates for Lady Mary and the designs for a ship to carry Queen Jane to her coronation–actually it’s a very nice model ship.  He also receives a letter from Cardinal Reginald Pole condemning the king as a heretic.  Cromwell reports that Pole is stirring up trouble in France and encouraging more rebellions.

Aske hears his judgment of guilt for treason, among other things, and is being sent back to York to be hanged.  Charles Brandon is leading the delegation north.  But first he rounds up Aske’s followers who continued to rebel after the king granted mercy.  As his soldiers hang them on makeshift gallows that fill a field, Brandon says the Lord’s Prayer, clearly struggling with the acts the king asks of him.

A priest visits Aske, who is bound in chains in his cell.  He shares his frustrations with Cromwell and that he must beg for Cromwell’s forgiveness to save his family.  Still, he is resigned and accepting of his fate, probably because he considers this to be martyrdom.  And the next day, he is executed as Brandon looks on and hears his confession and asking of forgiveness.  (Nice work with the neck snapping sounds effects, by the way.)

The king receives Sir Bryan the Scumbag and asks him to find out more about Cardinal Pole.  Back at the party, Queen Jane eyes Cromwell accepting bribes to hand over seized church lands.  Her brother explains why it’s all appropriate so long as the king gets his share of the proceeds.  Anyway, we interrupt this lesson in corruption to see Bryan having a quickie in a side room–it’s like the Clinton White House all over again!  As a bonus, Nike gets some free publicity: the woman moans, “Just Do It” as Bryan’s, er, just doing it.

Ambassador Eustache Chapuys, arrives to tell Henry that the Holy Roman Emperor proposes Mary marry the prince of Portugal, Don Luis.  Henry has reservations because Mary is rather unworldly and an “ingenue.”  But Chapuys shares the news to Mary, who is only concerned about Don Luis’s level of attractiveness.  And she’s also refusing to smile since Aske died, or something like that.

Henry meets with his bishops and cardinals over their lack of agreement on certain doctrinal matters.  He commands them to formulate the basic articles of their faith.  But all of this is interrupted because Jane’s baby is kicking and Henry must share in the moment.  Jane’s brother, Edward, is charged with the ceremonial preparations for the birth, but he uses this time with Henry to remind him about the many accusations against Cromwell.

At this point I think we skip a few weeks because Jane is in labor and Henry is sending out heralds.  Mary comforts a laborious Jane and talks about her dead mother, Queen Catherine of Aragon, being present.  This does not bode well for Jane, who has now been in labor for almost a day, and there is concern that neither Jane nor Edward will survive.  At this point I’m going to point out how dangerous childbirth was until the advent of modern medicine.  Let this be a lesson for everyone who’s considering “natural childbirth” outside of a hospital.

In the end, Edward is born alive and celebrated as the future King of England.  That night Mary and Elizabeth sing a duet of “Sisters, Sisters” and talk about how they no longer have any future because there is a male heir to the throne.  Oh and Jane dies.  See, I told you so.

All right, this week was a little more interesting than the last three but I think that’s because I took this episode like all medicine . . . with a gin and tonic.  I suggest you do the same.

Season 3, Episode 4 (originally aired April 26, 2009)

For more on The Tudors, click here.

Sundays at 9pm on Showtime

Photographs courtesy of Showtime, Jonathan Hession

Chuck vs. The Ring

It’s the end of the second season-and probably the end period-for Chuck, which was touted as the next breakout hit by NBC during its inception and quickly developed a loyal fan following, though it never crossed over into mainstream success. I was a fan of the first season, but to be honest, I found most of this season to be a disappointment. Principal stars Zachary Levi, Yvonne Strahovski and Adam Baldwin have remained consistently likable and engaging, but I often felt that the writers pushed the show into a too ridiculous and goofy direction. Major plot points were usually telegraphed and the show really didn’t have a unified trajectory. I know it seems a little asinine to criticize a scripted series as being episodic, but that’s how most of the Chuck episodes felt to me. They didn’t all connect to each other, they didn’t push the show forward toward a goal. There was too much filler, whereas Life-NBC’s other show that looks to not be coming back-always moved toward Charlie Crews solving the conspiracy against him.  Damages also had that unified drive.

The first season of Chuck, while still being lighthearted, never seemed utterly preposterous to me. It never seemed that the writers didn’t care at all about establishing a sense of reality or plausibility for Chuck and his world. This whole second season, the Buy More jokes got stale and too much time was wasted there, and the Fulcrum villains were cardboard cartoons and we still have no clue who they really are or what they’re really about. They’re just evil baddies who wear black. Instead of just having an endless progression of disposable Fulcrum baddies, I think the show would have worked better if we had been given one nemesis at the top of the organization that Chuck & Co. were after.

Mel Gibson has that great line in Payback where he’s trying to penetrate the top of this crime syndicate he’s after and he says, “you go high enough, it always comes down to one man.” The closest thing we got was Chevy Chase in these last few episodes, who I have to say really grew on me. He’s pretty hilarious this week. Why wasn’t he the bad guy the whole time? I’m sure Chase could use the money, it ain’t like he’s doing anything else these days. We should have seen that one man (or woman) who was in charge of Fulcrum, so that it wasn’t just forgettable villains each week.

The strength of Chuck, at least when it started, was that it was a fun popcorn show that took archetypal characters like Nerd, Spy Babe, and No-nonsense Curmudgeon Agent and used the charm of its cast to flesh them out into real people. The will they/won’t they dynamic between Chuck and Sarah really worked for the first season, but recently it just felt that the writers were throwing too many artificially-constructed obstacles at them to keep them apart for the sake of conflict. Obviously they have to stay apart to preserve that tension (Bones writers take note and don’t ruin your show…it’s not too late!), I just wish the writers had found less transparent and more subtle, organic ways to accomplish that.

The shame of it is, thanks largely to the presence of Sam Beckett…er, ah, I mean Scott Bakula, Chuck just started to get decent again. This finale revolves mainly around Ellie’s wedding to her nimrod boyfriend. Chuck of course has just gotten the Intersect removed from his brain, and it looks like he and Sarah might finally get together for good. Chuck follows Morgan’s lead from last week and quits the Buy More. He even gets a juicy check from the government for services rendered (yeah, sure). It looks like Chuck is finally going to get a chance to lead the life he wants.

Except then we learn that Sarah is being assigned to work on the new Intersect with none other than ex-flame Bryce Larkin. And then Ted Roark shows up to crash Ellie’s wedding. He tells Chuck that if he doesn’t bring him the Intersect within the hour, he will kill Ellie at her wedding. So Chuck tells Morgan to stall the wedding-with Jeff and Lester in tow-while he scrambles to go get the Intersect and bring it back. The new Intersect has already been shipped out, but Bryce offers to give himself up to Roark, as Fulcrum still thinks that he has the Intersect in his head.

Sarah scrambles-in a pink bridesmaid dress no less-to find something she can use as a weapon in the wedding presents (she gets some decent cutlery). Sort of like the scene in Under Siege 2 where Steven Seagal-before he ballooned into the elephant man and entered direct-to-DVD hell mind you-tells Morris Chestnut’s porter to look in the luggage for weapons on the train. And from there, we get some pretty solid action. Shootouts, knife throwing, double crosses, agents crashing through skylights. Of course Ellie’s wedding is ruined and she throws a little whiny hissy fit, telling her brother “you ruined the most important day of my life!” Boo hoo. I really wanted to punch her in the face. Who cares about some ostentatious ceremony celebrating an antiquated ritual? She’s alive, isn’t that enough?

Beyond that, there’s some solid pathos courtesy of Scott Bakula and we get satisfying closure to the Bryce Larkin character. We also get a revelation stating rather definitively that it was no accident that Chuck became the Intersect in the beginning of the show, and that Sarah found him. And it turns out that “Fulcrum is only part of the puzzle.” Good, so now the already nondescript, convoluted villains become even more convoluted. The show ends with a cliffhanger involving Chuck not being rid of the Intersect (“Just when I think I’m out…”), and he even has some snazzy upgrades. The show ends optimistically with a “To be continued,” but I think that’s probably just wishful thinking from the creative team.

I think the cast is really talented, and I’ll be sad for them if the show gets cancelled, but to sum up my feelings about Chuck, I view it as the adorable puppy I was so excited to bring home. I fell in love with it and it sure was cute, but it kept crapping on the carpet again and again and again and struggled to redeem itself.

Season 2, Episode 22: Chuck vs. The Ring (originally aired April 27, 2009)

For more on Chuck, click here.

Mondays at 8/7C on NBC

Photographs courtesy of NBC Universal

The Amazing Race: Quit Your Bitching

The 9th leg begins with a flight to Guilin, China.  Luke states early on that he enjoys being somewhere were no one speaks English and I don’t really blame him for wanting everyone else to experience a taste of his handicap. Yet, listening to Jaime state again this episode that she’s not so great with the foreign travel (good thing you’re on a Race around the world, there!), I think that there are a few cab drivers who wouldn’t mind being momentarily a bit more like Luke.  At least, if you could make difficulty hearing person-specific.

So Tammy and Victor think they have a pretty decent advantage over the other teams, as they are Chinese and speak the language fluently.  I don’t doubt that this is an advantage, but I don’t think that said advantage really compensates for their difficulty in communicating with each other.  Like, say when they have to jump off a diving board at the same time.  Oops, spoiler!

At the airport, Margie and Luke and Jaime and Cara and Victor and Tammy all snag flights with connections at 8:30.  Kisha and Jen catch one with a 9:10 connection.  But since flight karma rewards the eternally put-upon this leg, the 8:30 flight is delayed, and Kisha and Jen are off to Guilin first.

(Hey, remember back when, if a team realized their flight was delayed, they’d try to catch the next flight out, so they could get to their destination as soon as possible?  Seriously, have these contestants not seen this show before?)

After landing, Tammy and Victor astutely point out that knowing the language basically just means that they understand what their driver is saying when he tells them that he doesn’t know where to go.   And with that comment, I realize (again) how unfair cab karma really is.  Because here’s Tammy and Victor, being respectful and speaking the language, yet stuck with a driver who doesn’t know where he’s going.  And here’s Jaime and Cara, Ugly Americans Extraordinaire, and they have a driver who knows exactly where to go.   *Sigh*

Jaime and Cara get to the clue box first and promptly drive away.  So they miss the moment where Jen and Luke approach the clue box at the same time, forcing Jen to viciously attack Luke  from behind, full-body slamming him out of the way, causing the innocent deaf boy to be thrown sideways, fracturing his skull, and, more importantly, shattering his self-esteem.  However, he quickly recovers quickly and retaliates, knocking her away from the clue box with a frontal kick sending her flying through the air and into a nearby brick wall.

Oh, wait, that’s not what happened.  It just seemed that way from everyone’s overreaction.  Instead, from what I can figure through multiple DVR viewings, is that Luke ran up to the clue box (after he and Margie walked past it a truly ridiculous number of times) and Jen spotted it shortly after (after she and Kisha also walk past it a ridiculous number of times) and ran up behind him.  Luke threw an arm out, blocking her access inside the box, probably inadvertently shoving her aside.  So Jen calls Luke a bitch.

I wish I could offer a thorough, detailed analysis of this event, complete with opinions on exactly what side you, dear viewer, should be on. But then I’d have to care about the actions of two individuals who each walked past the clue box, like, 4 times before clocking one another trying to get to it.  I mean, you know how you avoid getting clocked in the face or clocking someone in the face?  By not walking right past the clue box.  Like, four times.  At one point Margie was standing right next to it — in all its red and yellow glory! — and missed it entirely.

Seriously, guys, is this season over yet?  Can we please find some Racers who, you know, race??

Anyway, this episode’s Roadblock involved training cormorants to fish.  As I learned through my viewing, a cormorant is a bird which a fisherman uses to catch fish by sending the bird diving into the water to catch fish with his throat tied so he won’t eat the fish. As one Racer pointed out, this seems really cruel.  Essentially, the fisherman is saying “Here, do all this work for me, but don’t eat it!  Just hold it in your mouth for me.  Actually, I don’t trust you.  Here’s a little string to wrap around your throat in case you get the munchies while you’re down there.  Think of it like a bow tie!”

On the way to the clue box for the Cormorants task, Jen and Luke again find themselves in a foot race, and this time Luke pretty much knocks Jen out of the way to get to the box first.  So they’re even, right?  Are we done now?

Not yet.  Because there’s still a Detour, where the teams must choose choreography or calligraphy.  Jaime and Cara pick choreography and the other three teams pick calligraphy.  (Yes, I realize that at this time there is a fifth team named Michael and Mark. But, really, was their presence during this leg really important enough to bring up?) Essentially, the calligraphy teams just follow Victor and Tammy around, hoping to benefit from following the Chinese team in China. Tammy and Victor manage to make me smile politely from my seat at the couch when they instruct the calligraphy teachers in Chinese to help them out because “our parents will cry themselves to death” if they lose.  Alright, I’ll give them this:  that was a good one.

Think that Jaime’s parents have felt any amount of embarrassment over her behavior during this race?  This time, the two NFL cheerleaders chose choreography because they are, well, cheerleaders.  They learn the instructions well enough, but then get quickly frustrated when they don’t get the next clue after doing the routine correctly, several times.  They are just about to ditch the task for calligraphy when it occurs to one of the redheads that maybe they should keep dancing until the music stopped.  They try it that way and get their clue. Ultimately, they are in fourth place.

In second place was Tammy and Victor, whose parents will probably not have to perform a public shaming ritual.  (Assuming of course, that none was required back when their most valued son led his sister endlessly up a mountain before he broke down in tears when he was forced to realize that he was *gulp* wrong. But perhaps they’ve moved on. . .)  The first place went to Kisha and Jen, who defied my expectations by, well, coming in first at any point during this entire race.  At the pit stop, Luke and Margie had a discussion on whether Luke should bring up the physical altercations at the various clue boxes.  Margie did not think it was a good idea, but I’m sure the producers disagreed, and some not-so-seamless editing quickly leads to Margie translating Luke’s feelings about Jen’s treatment of him – calling him a bitch in particular — during this leg.

Now, at this point I’m thinking Luke just needs to get over it. If you’re going to be aggressive physically, which he was, people may respond verbally.  But then Kisha starts giggling under her breath, and that turned into Margie accusing Kisha of laughing at Luke’s signing.

Again, I’m sure I could provide some point by point analysis over who is more wrong in this argument.  Yet, all I can say is that I believed Kisha when she said her response is to laugh in tense situations.  Yet I also believe Luke when he says that this is the kind of reaction the deaf community gets from the hearing-abled all the time.  Nearest I can tell, what we have here is a failure to communicate.  And as both of them are more concerned with being right rather than being understood, I’m not going to dignify either of them with more review space.

Oh yeah, Mark and Michael were eliminated, as we all knew they would be.  See you next week at the pool!

Season 14, Episode 9: Our Parents Will Cry Themselves to Death (originally aired April 19, 2009)

For another take on this episode, check out B*tch-tastic by Paul Secrest.

For more on The Amazing Race, click here.

Sundays at 8pm ET/PT on CBS

Photographs courtesy of CBS

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