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America's Next Top Model: Cycle 12 Rewind

America's Next Top ModelIt’s the never before seen footage episode! Are we at the mid-point already? I’m not sure when that happened, probably because I’ve been sleeping through the first half of the season. I should probably encourage you all to watch, but I think Tyra’s already signed on for another three years so who cares about ratings, and also, I don’t hate any of you, so I wouldn’t lie to you like that. So allow me to sum up all the things Tyra thinks you’re going to care that you missed.

First, remember when Allison’s hair was boring brown? She really looks better with Celia’s pre-makeover long blonde locks. We time travel back to Vegas to relive the semi-finals, and the early feud of Sandra versus Angelea. Now that I think about it, with the whole Roman gladiator theme going on, Tyra should have set up a pit and just let them go at each other. I guarantee you Angelea would have scratched Sandra’s eyes out in seconds, with nails like those. If nothing else, Sandra’s Ego might have made a delayed entrance.

Never before seen footage! Angelea picks a fight with the girls because they’re being nice to each other, and further antagonizes Sandra for their scuffle out by the pool. Also, Celia “breaks down” each of the girls fighting for a spot. No wonder she was cast. I don’t see model in her at all, especially in the face (to be fair, I didn’t see it in McKey either), but obviously, she was cast because Tyra knew she’d stir the pot. Sometimes, Tyra’s so smart.

Sandra and Nijah clash early, then Tyra selects her finalists. The girls arrive in New York, and meet Nigel and Paulina on top of the Empire State Building. Now we learn why Celia was positioned perfectly to receive the house key. The girls actually had a challenge, requiring them to answer questions about New York City based on their view atop the Empire State Building. Celia won, and therefore won the right to choose her bed. Which makes Sandra’s refusal to follow the rules even worse, because it wasn’t some random edict that allowed Celia to choose.

While getting to know one another, Aminat’s voted Miss Congeniality, earning likability cred among the girls. Sandra, however, earns bitch points by rehashing the bad blood between her and Nijah and deliberately, and repeatedly, pressing Nijah’s buttons. Lord, I don’t miss Sandra.America's Next Top Model

We remember Isabella and her elimination in the “children’s game” challenge, and we revisit Allison’s obsession with bloody noses. Then it’s makeovers and a runway walk at home, where Aminat and Teyona strip and bare all (or enough to get blurred), shocking and entertaining the girls, while disgusting Sandra. Who then picks her nose in the confessional and says Aminat’s not a lady. Priceless.

We watch the photo shoot that Celia, Sandra and Aminat won during the Walmart/Cover Girl challenge (yawn) and remember Nigel’s self-lighting shoot which eliminated Jessica (who?). Then we’re treated to a montage of narcoleptic Natalie sleeping. Yawn, indeed.

Celia, Allison, and Kortnie make a bird feeder. I can’t believe I’m watching this. Then we’re off around the city as the girls pair off to represent NYC neighborhoods, and we say good-bye to Nijah. Sandra’s Ego does a dance of joy. I’m sure.

Celia, Kortnie, Allison and London have a crying contest (London wins) and then we have a montage of Fo crying for real as often as Natalie sleeps (i.e., constantly). Then the Benny Ninja challenge and pose-off. Why didn’t they show us that Teyona fell off the stage? After the challenge, for Celia’s win she has the option of keeping her dress or choosing someone else’s to keep; she keeps hers. She can also choose a friend to join in the win, and who can also pick a dress to keep, but Celia turns it into: I can choose a friend or I can choose someone else’s dress for me? She picks Allison’s dress, and at home they try on each other’s clothes and marvel at how awesome the other person is. Oh, Allison, I’m so losing respect for you. Teyona’s growing to dislike them both.

After the Immigrant shoot, Tyra eliminates Kortnie and Celia rats out Tahlia for having doubts. Then we revisit the post-elimination fight. What we didn’t see the first time around was Sandra, who just can’t keep her mouth shut, picking a fight with Celia over the Tahlia issue. I think she can’t help herself, and just likes to be right. Sandra goes after Allison, because Allison uses logic and Sandra subscribes to the debate style of Sandra’s Always Right. Neither Allison or Celia are intimidated, and they find Sandra difficult to deal with.America's Next Top Model

Then we have a montage of Sandra saying “I’m here to be America’s Next Top Model,” a thousand times. Actually, this I appreciate, because I thought I was going crazy, but she really did say that so many times. When Toccara visits, Sandra opens up about being picked on in middle school; Aminat interviews that Sandra needs to get over it, because who wasn’t picked on? Plus, Sandra’s the bully in the house, so who is she kidding? But it doesn’t matter, because in the next photo shoot, Sandra goes home and pretends to regret not making friends.

We see evidence of the girls being slobs (really? This needed to be included in never before seen footage?), and then we’re off to acting lessons with Paulina. At the Cover Girl commercial, we see for the first time that McKey brought a large chocolate cake for the girls. Because models eat? Then another look at everyone but Celia failing during their commercials, and Tahlia finally being sent home.

And here we are! Prediction time. Instead of picking the final three, I’ll just pick who I want it to be instead of who I think it will be, because what’s the point? Tyra’s going to eliminate Allison or London next week because I like them so much. So I want it to be Allison, London and Teyona. I suspect it will come down to Teyona and Celia, and it won’t surprise me at all if Celia wins, because Tyra’s like that. In other words: she never listens to me.

Next week: Ciara visits! Let the screaming begin.

Season 12, Episode 8: Cycle 12 Rewind (originally aired April 8, 2009)

For more on America’s Next Top Model, click here.

Wednesdays at 8/7c on The CW

Photographs courtesy of The CW

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