17 Again: Matthew Perry Got Married

J.B.: Tuesday night we attended an advanced screening of 17 Again, which opens nationwide this Friday. For those who haven’t seen the previews, 17 Again is about an adult (Matthew Perry) who wants to go back and relive the glory days of high school. Thanks to a wise old janitor (Brian Doyle-Murray), his wish comes true and he turns into Zac Efron (hereinafter Zefron). So first of all, what were your impressions?

Robin: First, let’s note that there is absolutely no way Matthew Perry ever looked like the Zefron at any point in his life. I just think it’s important that we establish that the premise is therefore flawed. Once we get past that, and some of the more cringe-worthy scenes laden with shirtlessness and sweat, it was a pretty enjoyable way to spend two hours. You?

J.B.: I agree. I needed to suspend more disbelief that Matthew Perry once looked like Zefron than I did that something like this could ever happen in reality. That being said, it was an entertaining two hours – dragged a bit toward the end and had a few too many sentimental Full House-type moments, but I enjoyed it. In fact, if this film were an apple, it would be a delicious.  Please note that I was overstating a little bit but that was something I wrote in my notes, which yes, I took notes for once.

Robin: Indeed. Plus, it has a surprise cameo by Margaret Cho, which makes any moviegoing experience delish.  And upon reflection, I’ve decided my favorite thing about it is the Chandler impression Zefron was doing throughout.

J.B.: Oh good, I thought I was the only one who saw that.

Robin: The more I thought about it the more obvious it was. Smart acting choice. Although, was he imitating Chandler or was it more MP’s character on Growing Pains? The latter would’ve been more genre-appropriate.

J.B.: Probably but only because who can forget that very special episode where he died after driving drunk. Carol was so sad.

Robin: Well, I managed to forget it. But yes, I’m sure I was distraught at the time.  I was surprised by how little screen time Matthew Perry actually had. I mean, I was happy about it, because he looked terrible and was sleepwalking through the role, but still. The marketing made it look like he was the co-star. How much do you think we actually saw of him?

J.B.: 10 minutes, maybe? I’m including the credits here.

Robin: I’m sure he was paid well nonetheless.

J.B.: Not Friends level money, though.

Robin: But back to this movie. There was an extended subplot involving the adult MP’s best friend, who lived in a nerd palace due to having invented song-stealing software back in the day, and I have to admit I was kind of put off by all the nerd jokes that accompanied his storyline.  The movie couldn’t decide whether to embrace the nerdiness or mock it, and seeing as how it’s staking its entire marketing campaign on the premise that its audience enjoyed High School Musical 3, I don’t think that’s a safe tactic to take.

J.B.: Listen, you need to get your head in the game. I think those jokes were to appeal to the adults in the audience and by “adults,” I mean geeky adults who review movies (i.e., me). I really enjoyed that B storyline. Melora Hardin (The Office) as the Éowyn to Thomas Lennon’s (Reno 911) Aragorn. However, they could at least have used the word “Elfish” rather than “Elf.” Oh and it could have related to the storyline of the film. But comic relief isn’t supposed to do that.

Robin: Yes I too was offended by the inaccurate term for the Elvish language (and by the way, yes, its ElVish with a V, thank you.)

J.B.: I always get that wrong. But speaking of the rest of the cast, what did you think of Michelle Trachtenberg?

Robin: I am a Michelle Trachtenberg fan from my Buffy days, and I will never be able to fairly evaluate her performances in any other role. Just as a disclaimer. I enjoyed her performance, but the character was a major disappointment. We have an opportunity to present an interesting, conflicted teenage girl, and she turns out to be as boy-crazy as every other teenage girl in every other movie ever, with no other definable characteristics to round her out. You know her from Gossip Girl I believe?

J.B.: Yes, as Georgina Sparks. I don’t care for that character and I couldn’t divorce that role from what she did here. There were definite similarities. Leslie Mann, who played the wife/mother, was enjoyable. She was previously in Knocked Up and The 40 Year Old Virgin (among others).

Robin: She was the one who puked on Steve Carell?

J.B.: I think that’s right.

Robin: Yes, she was very good here. Even though – although again there must be some suspension of disbelief with this kind of movie – we should mention that ideally, an adult woman who is being obviously wooed by a guy who appears to be 17 years old should not indulge him by engaging in ballroom dancing, smelling his hair…

J.B.: Rubbing his face…

Robin: Yes. Even if it seems innocent enough at the time. I just think the movie should have carried a PSA or something. “This is not an appropriate way to behave with your children’s friends. Just FYI.” In case there are any impressionable young mothers seeing this movie because they, like so many out there, have a thing for the Zefron.

J.B.: I think that was apparent. But true, I’m sure the “cougar“ crowd will get ideas. It’s like people committing violence after watching cartoons or something.

Robin: Somebody call the American Family Association.

J.B.: They’re still around?

Robin: I still get their e-mails. Apparently the gays are taking over again. Will someone think of the children!

J.B.: It’s true. Read the papers. Anyway, let’s get back to the film.  Do you remember the score at all?

Robin: The music? No. How was it?

J.B.: I liked it in the beginning. The opening scene – where Zefron walks off the basketball court to tend to his newly-discovered pregnant girlfriend – had a very Philip Glass-style orchestration. It was surprising but nicely done.  And now that I think about it more, back to the family issues here. I think there was a pro-family message here.

Robin: I will take your word for it about the score. At that point I was still recovering from having watched Zefron’s choreographed dance with the cheerleaders.

J.B.: That was a fun number. High School Musical 3.5.

Robin: Agreed. But on your point, pro-family in the AFA sense or the children-are-good sense?

J.B.: I’m not familiar with the AFA so I can’t comment on them. I was thinking about the male lead marrying his high school girlfriend after she found out she was pregnant by him. They clearly loved each other but still, it showed maturity that he would give up his basketball scholarship and college prospects to “do the right thing,” as they say. Granted this led to years of built-up resentment that set the stage for the film’s premise, but in the end [SPOILER ALERT] he winds up making the same decision because it’s who he is.

Robin: Okay, but up until his “spirit guide” showed up they were going to get divorced. So perhaps the message of this movie is, it is impossible to resolve family problems without time-traveling, or body-jumping, or reverse-Big-ging, or whatever we call this plot device.

J.B.: Well, it’s impossible without some introspection and remembering why you got together in the first place. Some people get there through marital counseling, some through pastoral care, and some transform into Zefron. Whatever works, I guess.

Robin: But as long as we’re talking about family and the AFA, we might also bring up the abstinence speech. As you noted as we were leaving the theater, it was interesting that Zefron, who impregnated his unwed girlfriend at age 17, turned around and preached abstinence, loudly, for a long time, when he showed up in his daughter’s sex-ed class. And under the watchful eye of Margaret Cho, no less.

J.B.: Indeed. It was ironic, of course, because he was only able to give that speech because he had premarital sex that led to a pregnancy that led him to hate his life. Isn’t that how time travel works on Lost?

Robin: Pretty much, yeah. Also, he was giving the speech to the product of said premarital sex, which is even more confusing. But, I decided I liked the abstinence speech due to the context, even though I am generally wary of the ways in which abstinence is preached to teenagers. Zefron knew whereof he spoke.

J.B.: I was still troubled that they were handing condoms out in school.

Robin: No comment.

J.B.: And the girls all decided to wait, at least until they got to Georgetown and hung out with college boys. By far my favorite line of the movie.

Robin: Yes, like Cher, they’re saving themselves for Luke Perry.

J.B.: Are you saying these characters couldn’t drive?

Robin: Yes. You know how picky they are about their shoes . . . and they only go on their feet.

J.B.: Indeed. So anything else to Cher, I mean share?

Robin: I’m curious about where you see Zefron’s career going after this, actually. Now that he’s said no to the Footloose remake, which by the way my mother will never forgive him for.

J.B.: I think if there’s a film where they need someone who can play basketball, dance, and appeal sexually non-threatening to teen girls, then he’s your guy. But seriously, he should do a drama next to break out of the Disney mold.

Robin: But, but, but, once he does a movie that has no dancing, and no basketball, and no catchphrases, and no Friends stars to imitate, he will be amazing! Well, maybe not amazing, per se, not yet. But, I agree about doing a drama next. I see him following the Will Smith path, and learning how to act for real, and someday getting Oscar nominations and mocking his Disney past.

J.B.: That would be a good path to follow. They both sing, dance, and play basketball (at least Will Smith did in the opening credits of The Fresh Prince of Bel Air). It’s like Daniel Radcliffe doing stage work in the nude for people to take him seriously as an actor.

Robin: Perhaps Zefron could take over that role from DanRad. Wow, that would be even more disturbing.

J.B.: It was disturbing enough when the one you call “DanRad” did it.

Robin: And he wasn’t even 18 yet, but yes.

J.B.: Now, Lost is starting soon so we should wrap this up.  In the adult-child role reversal milieu, where do you think this places?

Robin: Correct. Time to watch slightly-more-believable time travel action.  I’d say this was not as good as Big, or 13 Going on 30, or Peggy Sue Got Married. Which is… pretty much all of them, right? But I would note that none of those had Zefron and so they all lose points for that.  How would you rank it?

J.B.: Well, when I first heard about the story, I immediately thought of Like Father Like Son, 18 Again!, and Vice Versa. But those were all about people switching places with someone of a different generation who just didn’t understand the difficulties of the other generation.  This, as you correctly observe, is in the mold of Big, 13 Going on 30, and Peggy Sue Got Married. In fact, it’s basically Peggy Sue Got Married only with Zefron.  I think 17 Again was respectful enough of the prior films and earned its place in that genre’s hall of fame.

Robin: I would agree with that.

J.B.: If I can interrupt again for a second, I’m watching the American Idol results show and the contestants went to the premiere last night as well. Now don’t we feel cool?

Robin: Very cool.

J.B.: Anyway, the AI kids also liked the film.

Robin: It’s a Fox film, right? They’re contractually obligated. But yes I’m sure they all sincerely thought it was Oscar-worthy.

J.B.: And Adam Lambert said he liked the cheerleaders. Is that part of the conspiracy?

Robin: It is. The homophobes will be comforted in thinking he liked the cheerleaders because those girls showed some skin. The rest of us know he meant the male cheerleaders.

J.B.: I’m mixed on this theory of yours but I agree that they are contractually obligated to like and to promote this movie. So is Zefron, who’s in the crowd tonight wearing a wool knit hat inside. I don’t get it.

Robin: He is??? Okay, forget Lost, let me turn on Fox. Is he going to sing?

J.B.: No, it’s not the Oscars.  Okay, we’ve officially deviated from the purpose of this conversation. Does that mean we’re done?

Robin: Sure, I am definitely distracted. And I would add as a parting note to anyone considering seeing 17 Again: Cover your eyes for the opening scene if you don’t want to see sweaty Zefron six-pack. I think I am scarred for life.

J.B.: All right, that’s our take on 17 Again, which opens in theaters nationwide this Friday, April 17. We liked it and think you will too.