America’s Next Top Model: Acting Like a Model

Since these girls are all so boring, I can’t figure out who this season’s villain is supposed to be: Natalie, or Aminat? They clash early this week, over … cleaning up the kitchen. No wait, it’s actually about sarcasm. No wait, it’s actually just about two people who look for things to pick at about each other. Will they both make it to the end because without them, this would be more boring than watching McKey air-box?

Wait, we’ll get to that nonsense. First, Allison worries over her critique about lacking variety. I really hope she gets it together, but she’s one of my favorites. Oops – did I just doom Allison? Tyra always sends home my favorites, once I declare them. The girls read Tyra mail about “being molded into a fine piece of Clay.” Then they head to Harlem Stage Theatre, where Paulina meets them for their teach. Paraphrasing Paulina’s little speech: today they receive acting lessons. She runs the ladies through an exercise about expressing themselves: similar line readings with different emotions. This is actually a good lesson. Allison and Tahlia struggle the most, because Allison isn’t a big effuser of personality and emotion, and Tahlia’s too reserved. I guess. Paulina’s more disgusted in Tahlia, which I hope means she’s sent packing this week. I’ve grown tired of the whining about confidence and personal disappointment. And yes, we hear it all again this week when Paulina critiques her.

Next, Paulina hands the girls scripts to memorize for their challenge, and then introduces the Clay in “fine piece of Clay” (which is just gross)…Clay Gayken! I mean, Clay Aiken! Screaming ensues, and I can’t imagine why. Paulina and the girls marvel over Clay’s Broadway experience in Spamalot, and here’s where I have to stop and go off on a tangent. Because I’ve seen Spamalot twice; unfortunately, the second time was with Aiken. I love the show. He was awful in it. I mean, really awful. I know it’s Monty Python and they’re ridiculous, but he was over the top and overcompensating way more than the part called for, and absolutely ruined it. He managed to take a role that was inherently funny and make it completely unfunny. And does this mean he’s officially an actor now? Because it makes me want to swear off seeing anything that he’s in, ever.

But back to the challenge, where the girls act out their parts, sharing the stage with Aiken, who does a much better job here than on Broadway, because he’s supposed to be over the top here. London reveals she comes from an acting family, and gives the most natural reading. Clay thinks Natalie has an attitude, and that Tahlia’s lazy and insecure. Celia delivers an overly dramatic performance, going for laughs, and Paulina wishes she could bring that to her photos. However, it’s London who wins the challenge and $5,000 worth of Joe’s Jeans.

The girls arrive home to London’s prize, but she can’t enjoy it, because she’s put on some weight, and won’t even try the jeans on. Instead, she lets the other girls take what they want. Poor London. I like her, too. Which means she and Allison are probably on the chopping block this week. I hope she loses the weight, only because now that she’s mentioned it, the judges will notice and hold that against her.

The next day’s photo shoot is actually a Cover Girl commercial, introduced by none other than McKey! And that’s just perfect, because who’s better to lead such a boring bunch of models than the queen of boring herself? The girls break up into two teams to shoot their commercials. Like a previous shoot, they will rotate who leads and who supports.

Group 1: Celia, Teyona, Aminat, Allison. Celia seems to nail her commercial in one take. Teyona and Aminat struggle but survive. Jay thinks Allison looked dead, but she smiled the whole time, so that’s a different expression, right? She worries about panel. Group 2: Fo, Natalie, Tahlia, London. Jay calls Natalie average. London, dressed in a completely unflattering outfit, overacts into salesmen mode. Fo tries too hard, and Tahlia struggles through every step of the shoot, blaming confidence issues again.

Going into panel Celia thinks she had the best take of her group. This week, Sandra’s Ego will be played by … Celia! She’s really just too much.

Judging. Guest Judge: Clay Aiken. You know what the worst part is? He gives acting critiques! Shoot me now. Celia’s up first again, absolutely enamored with her commercial. Tyra thinks she came off “old,” while Clay says she’s a natural actor. Barf. Teyona squints too much in her commercial, and Nigel says she’s more photogenic than telegenic. Allison steps forward, wearing a dress she wore during week one, and receives a short lecture on how not to repeat fashion statements. Clay says she did better in the video than in the teach. Tyra says she looked the part, but didn’t deliver. Aminat looked angry and needs to work on diction. Teyona also upstaged her.

London wears unflattering shorts, and Paulina harshly points it out. She slouches through her commercial, coming off hard and not inviting. Natalie looked great, but was unremarkable, and London upstaged Natalie. Tahlia looked great in Fo’s commercial, and Fo needs to also work on diction, and being comfortable. Fo returns the favor by upstaging Tahlia, and Nigel says that they both make good background. But not in a good way, when you’re trying to win a competition about taking center stage. Ms. J says Tahlia looked too old, and she again receives a critique about breaking out of her comfort zone.

Deliberation: The judges like Celia, and don’t really love anyone else. Called first: Naturally, Celia. Expect her ego to double next week. Tyra tells them that the rest sucked. However, bottom two: Allison and Tahlia. Allison is high fashion and editorial, but not versatile. Tahlia has a Cover Girl look, but doesn’t seem to like the modeling process. Allison looks as though she’s completely expecting to go home, but she’s staying! Tahlia goes home! We have to listen to more about her timidity and reserved personality, and now she’s an inspiration and believes in herself. Oh brother.

Next week: The annual recap show! I don’t know why either.

Season 12, Episode 7: Acting Like a Model (originally aired April 8, 2009)

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Wednesdays at 8/7c on The CW

Photographs courtesy of The CW