America’s Next Top Model: Why I Hated High School

And we’re back! This week, the girls finally come to life. Nothing like a little backstabbing to perk everyone right up.

So the girls return home from elimination to Tahlia’s photo on display. Tahlia’s all “humiliated” and hurt because Celia “threw her under the bus” at panel. Is that the right term? Or is it just that Celia “tattled”? Tahlia’s so fired up she could explode, and therefore won’t say anything to Celia (because she’d explode! For real! Really!). Sandra rats out the other girls who listened to Celia’s rant against Tahlia, and so Teyona and Aminat, who apparently were absent from that meeting, decide to speak up for Tahlia and confront the other girls in the kitchen. And then they whip out some T & A!

Teyona starts things, immediately and almost accurately calling Celia out for not saying something directly to Tahlia (correct) and calling out the group for listening to Celia and “plotting” (not so correct). She calls the girls untrustworthy “and fake as hell.” And even though it’s unclear what role, if any, the other girls played in that initial discussion (I’m guessing none since the editors didn’t “throw anyone under the bus”), Teyona nails the correct reason to be angry, as opposed to Aminat who resorts to telling the girls that they’re “stupid.” Particularly Natalie. “Stupid, stupid, stupid.” As coherent arguments go, Aminat could use some work. So I’m actually liking Teyona a lot more, because she’s intelligent, if a little quick to judge (aren’t we all? Color me guilty!).

Allison tries to defend herself, but Aminat feels betrayed by Allison and her big, beautiful eyes, and Allison interviews deadpan that T & A came downstairs “and they’re just verbally attacking us, and reminding me of why I hated high school.” Tahlia eventually speaks up for herself, all righteous and attitude-y, speechifying how she has a right to be there or something that’s slightly unrelated to the actual argument. Allison interviews that it was a little too “Chicken Soup for the Teenage Soul for” her. Nice. Natalie interviews that Tahlia’s only happy when she does well, and ready to quit  when she does poorly. And who’s got time for that? Aminat then (verbally) attacks Natalie for talking back, and that’s when the barrage of “stupids” start. Tahlia walks away saying the girls have given “new meaning to bitches and backstabbing.” It’s nice to see everyone finally come to life, but I’m with Allison – just a little too high school for me.

The next day, it’s off to the teach and challenge. The girls meet Jay in a warehouse (is this Boston? Fringe is back next week!) to work on facial expressions. Yeah, this gets too much air time. Beth Stern joins Jay as a judge for the challenge: The girls must insert their faces in large cardboard cutouts of famous Tyra photos, and nail the facial expression to match each picture. Most of them fail, with only London and Natalie coming close. Natalie wins, earning herself additional frames in the next shoot. Her new enemies look pissed.

Later, at home, Tahlia approaches Celia to talk out their differences. I give Tahlia credit for that, but I do agree with the other girls. If you decide to complain, don’t think that other people won’t notice. Celia apologizes for Tahlia’s hurt feelings, but not for what she said (nice). She doesn’t regret speaking up to Tyra, and fully expects that she’ll be eliminated at panel because of what she did. Should she be eliminated? Probably not, but I expect it will be brought up.

Photo shoot! With photographer and guest judge Keith Major. The girls must “embody” a different color, which will be painted and powdered on their faces, for beauty shots.

Allison worries about elimination, as she’s having a rough week; Jay didn’t love her at the challenge the day before. Her color is pink, and despite her intention to emote “girlie,” Jay thinks she’s still holding back, and afraid to give genuine emotion. Aminat thinks earth to represent green, and Tahlia goes all sensual for purple. Jay worries that Tahlia’s developing only one look. Teyona smiles to represent yellow, and ew – stop smiling, Teyona. Fo rocks red, while London seems to do well. Jay likes all of her shots, anyway. Natalie (orange) needs her extra frames, becoming “stiff and awkward.” Sandra (white) aims to be angelic and peaceful, and of course, thinks she’s perfection. Celia (gray) impresses Keith and Jay.

Sandra interviews that she thinks she performed well, and really deserves to be here. Celia picks out a special outfit for panel, because she assumes that she’s going home, and wants to at least look fierce for her exit.

Judging. First up: Aminat, and she nails it. Natalie, though pretty, loses the angles in her face and comes off too round and flat. Tahlia’s face, however, captures all the light and angles. Take that, stupid! Nigel asks Tahlia about last panel and Celia’s outburst, and Tahlia blandly talks about how she’s lacked confidence, but the judges have shown her the way, blah blah blah. Nigel tells her to step it up in person, because despite what she says, she’s not really showing them she wants to be here. Celia’s up next. The judges all like her photo, including Keith who especially enjoyed shooting her. Teyona’s a chameleon, with a beautiful photo (where she’s not smiling). London gives the same expression as last week, and now I’m worried because I like London. I’m even more worried because I like Allison, and the judges, though they love the picture, say again that she, too, uses the same expression.

Tyra chooses a straight on shot for Nigel of Sandra, and it is awful. No one likes it. Tyra says Sandra had good profile shots, but enough is enough of that. Everyone loves Fo’s photo, with Tyra calling it “major.” Aren’t we over “major”? Better than “sour,” I guess.

Deliberation. The judges love Aminat, Tahlia, Teyona and Fo, and are disappointed in Natalie, Allison, Sandra, and London. They like Celia’s photo, but Nigel and Paulina are both turned off by her actions last week. And that’s what this competition is all about, right? Not about the photos!

Called first: Fo! Bottom two: Sandra and Celia. Sandra’s a one-look model, and Celia’s a tattle-tale. Going home: Sandra. What? Tyra got one right? Aminat and Tahlia are clearly disappointed, but whatever! Tyra should have eliminated Sandra ages ago. This girl’s ego is unnaturally out of control, and difficult to watch. Sandra, however, still thinks she’s the best out of everyone remaining, and Tyra’s crazy to send her home. She threatens us all that she won’t stop modeling. All I can say is: thank goodness. Later, you!

Next week: Clay Aiken! Wait, scratch the exclamation point. Clay Aiken = gross.

Season 12, Episode 6: Here’s Your Test (originally aired April 1, 2009)

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Wednesdays at 8/7c on The CW

Photographs courtesy of The CW