Crank: High Voltage – A Spilt Decision

Jaimie calls Crank: High Voltage Implausibility at its Best

Some of you eagle-eyed readers might know that I’m a Jason Statham fan, and as such, I’ll go watch just about anything he’s in. But Crank: High Voltage was such a great, well-done movie, I’d tell you to go see it even if my boy, for some reason, was crazy enough to have turned it down.

If you’ve seen Crank, then you’ve seen most of CHV. Which normally serves as a warning to stay away from a movie – why watch a sequel film that just rehashes everything that happened in the movie before it? Because this time, they do it even better! If you liked the first Crank, then you will absolutely enjoy the second. Gunfights? Check. Sex? Check. Stereotypes and arch villains? Check and Check. Countless F-bombs? F***ing check. Amy Smart shirtless? Check, if that’s your thing. Jason Statham shirtless? Well, that is MY thing, but no, not this time. Open heart surgery doesn’t count. And trust me, I was looking. No movie’s perfect though, I guess.

As for the story, the plot follows closely to the first film, with some minor updates: Man needs to keep his artificial heart beating long enough to find his actual heart and have it implanted back into his body. This means tasering himself and sticking his fingers into cigarette lighters, among other stunts which would kill any real person. Mayhem, naturally, ensues.

The sequel excels at introducing new storytelling elements, from the editing to the Scrubs sequences. Where other sequels take what worked and then push those elements too far (here’s looking at you, The Mummy Returns), CHV borrows the essentials, and introduces some new ones. It would have been easy to go too over the top, especially with a movie based so far from reality, but the directors keep the established believability in check, acknowledge all of the implausibility, and then push us just far enough. The editing and the soundtrack choices suit the film so well, I found myself wondering who directed this (answer: Mark Neveldine and Brian Taylor) and why I haven’t I seen more of their work (answer: I did, and it was Crank)? I look forward to seeing more of what Neveldine and Taylor have to offer.

The acting delivers as it should: the thugs are thugs, the leads are entertaining, and no one’s winning an academy award for this. Statham and Smart are just as likeable with their surprising chemistry as they were the first time around. Jason Statham wears the same expression the whole film, and Amy Smart has fewer inhibitions than I do. The supporting actors, especially Efren Ramirez and Clifton Collins Jr., fill their roles perfectly, riveting to watch without stealing their scenes.

The only real negative I can find is Bai Ling, who I have to admit, I’ve never found enjoyable in anything I’ve seen her in. She’s too over the top here and more irritating than appealing, but her absurdness fits in well with the film. There is one thing you can say about her: she knows how to commit to a part. Her crazy intensity carries through from start to finish.

There’s a lot I want to tell you about CHV, but I don’t want to give away some of the best parts. Like the time Statham fought like a – oh wait. But trust me, it was good.

I know the summer blockbuster season is still a few weeks away, and there are plenty of other movies that are sure to impress us, but for a jump start on another action packed summer, check out Crank: High Voltage. Thank me later.

And did I mention I like Jason Statham? Because. I. Do.

…but Tanya doesn’t feel quite the same…

I’ll cut to the chase and state upfront that this was easily the worst movie I’ve seen all year.  Jason Statham (The Bank Job, Snatch) returns as Chev Chelios, hunted hitman. When we last left him he was hurtling toward the earth after being thrown from a plane.  Guess what? He’s still alive.  That right there should be proof enough that this flick was beyond ridiculous.  This time around some Asian mafioso types replace his heart with an artificial one.  They implant his heart into the local crime boss, an old gangster on his last leg.  Chelios spends the entire movie trying to survive long enough to get his heart back.  The problem is that his artificial heart is not designed to last for more than 48 hours. He’s equipped with some sort of battery pack that measures his heart’s remaining “juice,” kinda like bars on a cell phone. When he gets down to one bar, he better re-charge or he’ll die.  He starts kicking ass all over town and reunites with his old girl from the first movie, Eve (Amy Smart, The Butterfly Effect).   The movie continues to devolve as the pair enjoys a public romp in an effort to keep Chelios’ heart pumping overtime.  This time they knock boots on a racetrack in front of thousands of people.  I’m not sure there was any real point to this scene, other than to be absurd.

Much like its predecessor, Crank: High Voltage is a movie best enjoyed by 12 year old boys.  It was over the top, from start to finish.  Oh sure, it was cool to see Chelios open up a can on people – but eventually the movie just becomes laughable.  From Chelios electrocuting himself repeatedly, to surviving numerous assorted ass-whoopings and mishaps, the movie was a joke. And maybe that’s the point.  I hope they aren’t aiming for a trilogy, though sadly it appeared that the ending left room for the possibility.