Gossip Girl: Gabriel Over Manhattan

This is a whirlwind of an episode, but it is a nice follow-up to the excellent work we saw last week.  Let’s keep it up, Gossip Girl.

While lacking in ironic facial hair, Blair got in to NYU and her first lesson from Nate is how to ride the NYC subway full of mole men and middle-class professionals.  That doesn’t last long because  Blair’s keeping the car service to visit Nate at Columbia.

Rufus is on a shopping spree because the gallery is selling for more than he wanted (or rather he’s asking for a lot of money for it).  While out, Dan and Jenny spot Rufus spotting what I guess is an engagement ring for Lily.  I think it’s just an ugly old ring.

Serena and Blair talk about the complications of her new relationship with Gabriel.  Serena still thinks that she got married to Gabriel but she really didn’t.  This is just like how she thought she killed someone last season when she just saw someone overdose.  I’ll chock it up to the fact that she’s only supposed to be 18 years old.  Anyway, while I get off my soapbox, Blair and Serena are going to spy on Gabriel.

Blair is on the case of Serena’s shady Southerner when Chuck slithers by.  They both see Gabriel get into a limo with Poppy.  Before Blair can tell Serena, Gabriel tells Serena that he’s still involved with Poppy because she is the source for his connections with the company he’s developing.  (How old is this guy?!?)  He says he’s going to call it off once the contracts are in place in one week’s time.  Serena is all right with this provided it’s not physical and it will end in a week.  Of course she’s insecure with it all after a chat with Blair, who’s unconvinced of Gabriel’s bona fides.

On the real estate front, Rufus is not having much luck and is thinking about selling his band’s catalog, even though it’s worth less now that, in a twist of irony, he stopped touring to spend more time at home.  Nate is apartment hunting with Chuck (not like that) so Nate can demonstrate to Chuck how serious he is with Blair.  He doesn’t take Chuck’s suggestion to pee on her but he is serious about Blair, who happens to call Chuck as the two are talking.  Blair thinks the North Caro-liar needs to be exposed and she and Chuck are reuniting for one of their classic schemes.

They manufacture a scheme where Poppy can find Gabriel with Serena.  Poppy threatens to call it off with the investors, and he calls her hand.  He’s staying with Serena and she encourages him to find new investors so African children can send posts to Gossip Girl–looks like Lily is going to be one of them.  Across town, Vanessa is drinking alone at the loft when Dan walks in and they play “I Never.” She never slept with Chuck Bass (twice!).

While lonely hearts Chuck looks on, Nate asks Blair to move in with him.  Chuck tells Blair that Gabriel and Serena met the night before the SATs and they were at Butter.  Chuck wants to investigate further while Nate wants to go look at the apartment with Blair.  Blair pulls Serena aside to say that Serena wasn’t really at Butter that night and points to Chuck for support–not the most credible, really.  Serena doesn’t buy it, and Chuck thinks they need to find Georgina Sparks to confirm what happened the night Gabriel supposedly met Serena. And they head off to find the Wicked Witch of the Upper Eastside.

Meanwhile, Gabriel is schmoozing around the cocktail party, racking up investors.  When Rufus asks, Gabriel tries to talk him out of it but Rufus things he’s being patronized and insists on participating.  At this point it should be clear to everyone that Gabriel is trying to pull a fast one.  Speaking of, we next see him in bed (post-coitus, no doubt) with Serena as she’s discovering he doesn’t know the correct color of Georgina’s hair.  It’s very Sydney/Evil Francie and the coffee ice cream from Season Two of Alias.

The next morning Chuck and Blair wake up in the limo outside of Georgina’s place.  Blair has Nancy Pelosi hair and Chuck doesn’t think she should go in to see Georgina.  He notes that Blair still has a thing for him since she chose to leave Nate and spend the night in a limo with him.  We then see our wayward soul, Chuck, get proselytized to and hugged by Georgina.  Chuck won’t participate in the passion play but Georgina has found God and received forgiveness for her wayward ways.  Georgina says that they never went to Butter that night.

We cut to Poppy running in and hugging Gabriel for his brilliant performance, just as Chuck calls Serena with Georgina’s news.  Chuck would be heading back to the city but Blair left with his limo, which makes me wonder why would his limo (and paid driver) leave without him?  Anyway, Serena is heading back to the hotel and Poppy and Gabriel realize she’s on to their plan.  But then there’s a knock . . . it’s Rufus dropping off his check.  Serena arrives but is too late–the place is cleared out, but then Poppy runs in surprised that Gabriel is gone.  She gave him half a million dollars, and it looks like he double-crossed her.  Or not . . . I’m not sure who to believe with this pair of criminals.

Let’s wrap up the rest of the stories:

In other disappointment, Blair visits Nate and his new apartment.  She’s upset that Nate doesn’t trust her with Chuck.

Dan and Jenny buy Rufus that ugly ring for him to give to Lily and Rufus thinks all is looking up now that he has Gabriel’s investment.

Chuck says Blair’s name and you can feel the spirit of evil reawaken inside of Miss Sparks.  Georgina gets in the car with Chuck and heads back into the city.

And here I thought I was going to hate Georgina’s return.  I kind of like this new version.  As for the rest of the cast, great episode but please let’s not over-complicate this story with Gabriel . . . at least no more than has already happened.

Season 2, Episode 22:  Southern Gentlemen Prefer Blondes (originally aired April 27, 2009)

Listen to The J Factor with J.B. and Jaimie here or on iTunes.

For more on Gossip Girl, click here.

Mondays at 8/7C, The CW

Photographs courtesy of The CW, Giovanni Rufino

The Celebrity Apprentice: Suddenly, It’s About Money

I’ve finally figured out the secret to viewing The Celebrity Apprentice. If you watch only the first thirty minutes and the Boardroom, you will actually walk away having enjoyed yourself. And since the Boardrooms on the two hour version are approximately thirty minutes long, you’re really watching the one hour show that God intended when he sent Donald Trump to Mark Burnett’s office and said, “Go make some reality television, Business-man style.” So in honor of my epiphany, allow me to give you The Celebrity Apprentice – the one hour version.

Picking up where we left off, everyone’s disappointed to see Herschel go, and they marvel over how Clint Black continues to skate by. Me too! Guest judge Jim Cramer joins Trump as he announces the next task at the NBA store on Fifth Avenue (seriously, how do I miss this stuff?!): create a print ad for Right Guard deodorant, featuring basketball player David Lee. Oh, and Jesse has to rejoin his team over on Kotu to balance things out. At first I was all, Why Jesse? Then I realized that this leaves Melissa with Annie and Brande and no intermediary. I wonder how that could possibly play out. And that is also what God intended when he sent Trump to create this show. It’s Clint’s turn to be PM over on Kotu, and Brande volunteers to lead Athena.

Brainstorming sessions, where there will be no judging. Melissa throws out “cockamamie” ideas that, according to the editing, are ignored by Brande and Annie. Brande chooses to go with Annie’s suggestions, and puts her in charge of brand marketing and delivering the presentation. When Annie departs, Melissa accuses Brande of talking behind her back and conspiring against her. Brande decries her innocence, and Melissa rants on about how much she hated high school, and this is so high school! Melissa’s issues are bigger than any of us realized.

Meanwhile, over on Kotu, The Clint Black Show Part Deux continues as Clint listens to ideas and then goes with his own, all the while soliciting opinions, which he will mostly ignore. Joan earns points for rallying behind her leader despite his ego. Jesse, however, disappoints by not accepting Clint’s decisions and, ultimately, working against him. Not that I’ll judge him too harshly; after all, that’s how Joan and the girls handled Clint during his last PM task. Except that Jesse laces into Clint because Clint acts the only way he knows how: to control all elements of the project and negate everyone else’s input. Jesse’s attack is a little harsh, and the smartest thing Clint says is that Jesse should have led the task. But Clint’s kind of a jerk, and his biggest problem is he doesn’t inspire leadership – he just assumes that everyone will follow him because he’s the leader. Plus, Clint’s kind of a jerk. Wait, did I say that already? I think at some point, you have to ask yourself – if you can’t get along with fifteen other people, is it really the fifteen other people? Or is it you? Clint hasn’t asked that yet, but I think we all know the answer.

To the Boardroom! (As if you care how the presentations went.)

Trump pulls out his big pot-stirrer, dips into the pot that is the Boardroom, and stirs. To Kotu first, where Jesse slams Clint for being a megalomaniac, and Clint slams Jesse for not being a team player. Both of them sit there and let the other one speak – no yelling over each other or eye contact or personal attacks or anything. It’s the politest, most monotone conversation about not liking each other that you’ve ever seen. Joan remains diplomatic, because neither man is Annie.

Over to Athena, where Brande thinks they’ve won. She lauds Annie’s efforts, thereby making Annie seem like the genius behind the whole production. Oops. Annie graciously accepts the kudos, but also points out that if they lose, she had too much to do and deferred at all times to Brande. Cunning, isn’t she? Melissa gripes about not being allowed to hang out with the cool kids, and when we’re all done rolling our eyes, it’s time to learn that Kotu wins! I know, I was surprised, too.

I wonder if this was a deliberate choice. I question a lot of the “official” rulings by the judges on this show, but whatever – the result is worth it. Because Trump makes him, Jesse congratulates Clint, since Jesse basically sat this one out. Jesse can be mean, folks! Then Kotu departs for the champagne room, and we get ready to watch Trump fire Brande.

And why shouldn’t he? She was the PM, right? Trump asks why Brande should stay, and she adequately and calmly defends herself, mentioning her past win, accolades, and fundraising capabilities. Annie’s up next, doing the same, and when Brande agrees that Annie’s not at fault for the loss, it’s time for Brande to offer a sacrifice. She very nicely names Melissa. Joan, Jr. has become too emotional a player and her baggage brings down the team. This is a valid reason. Jim Cramer, King of the Yelling over Nothing, condemns Brande’s calm demeanor as a lack of passion, and therefore, hates her. Brande immediately comes to life, defending herself and rather effectively stating that if it’s just about raising her voice, she can do that, too.

Melissa tries to plead her case, and cuts off Trump when he tries to ask a few questions. Ivanka points a finger at Annie and wonders why she’s so secure. And if Melissa thought things were high school before … while Annie defends herself, Trump slips Jim Cramer a note – oh snap! Jim seems surprised, then Trump whispers something to him. When Trump next has the floor, he turns to Cramer for his opinion on who to fire. Cramer now likes the fiery Brande, he accepts that Annie’s in the clear, so that leaves … he turns to Trump and says “Her mother doesn’t know, does she?” Melissa responds that her mother’s actions are irrelevant to his decision. But I don’t think that’s what Cramer was asking. Was he referring to what Trump wrote on the note? Anyway, Cramer says Melissa. She argues back, but it doesn’t matter, because Trump basically fires her for not being a good fundraiser – because that’s what the last task will be about. Not … this task … the one that they should all be held accountable for.

But then! Melissa practically vaults from her seat to get out. She snaps at a producer, runs back to the Champagne room, and curses something at her mother about the bleeping whores. I assume she means the producers. She’s livid. Joan’s too busy nodding her head in agreement, but Melissa doesn’t care. She then jogs back out past a flabbergasted Annie and Brande (who were trying to figure out the bit about Trump’s note), and back into the Boardroom lobby, demanding her things from the producers. She wants her stuff, she wants it now, and she’s not coming back for an interview. Oh, is that how it works? TV is all smoke and mirrors! Melissa continues to accost the bleeping whores until they hand over her stuff, pissing off a production assistant and making enough racket to be overheard by Trump, Ivanka and Cramer in the Boardroom. Tee hee. They’re all slightly shocked, but you know they love it. Just like you did in high school whenever “the crazy bitch” flipped out.

I’m not sure what she’s so angry about – it is a game, after all. You have to play in order to win. It’s not about hard work here, has she never watched this show?

In the champagne room, Joan tells Annie she deals in blood money, and Brande’s a dumb blonde. Again, Brande stands up for herself, and Joan tells Annie that poker players are white trash. Then, hilariously, Joan tells Brande it’s not always about the money, and both Brande and myself are all, WTF? Yes it is. This is a game specifically about money, to be raised for charity. To which Joan replies, “I don’t want to hear this charity nonsense.” And that’s when you know the old bag’s off her rocker. They all watch Joan leave in a huff, with no intention of returning to finish the game.

And that, folks, is an ending. I really wish I knew what Melissa’s bleeps were, because I get the feeling I’d enjoy using her particular turn of phrase on plenty of people I know. There’s no reason to dissect this week’s rights and wrongs, because everything was so arbitrary anyway. And much more entertaining!

Clint’s charity: International Rett Syndrome Foundation

Next week: Will Joan return? And it’s time to pick some finalists!

P.S. It looks like Melissa did that interview, after all.

Season 2, Episode 9 (originally aired April 26, 2009)

For more on The Celebrity Apprentice, click here.

Sundays at 9/8C on NBC

Photographs courtesy of NBC Universal and Ali Goldstein

American Idol: Fairwell, Anoop Dawg

Get ready because it’s the dreaded Disco week, and if you’re an American Idol aficionado such as I am , you know that Disco week usually spells disaster for those who are already sucking it up and even for the favorites who usually rock it every week.

Luckily we’re always saved from tight bell bottoms and platform shoes, but not so luckily for our crooning contestants, they have to sing their butts off on one of the toughest weeks because not one, but two, of them will be going home the next night. (If anyone’s forgotten, Matt Giraud (whom I do love but who I still don’t think can win this thing) was saved by our esteemed judges therefore ensuring that two will be sent packing.

Now on with the show!

Lil

This girl’s got a mouth on her, and thankfully I like it because anyone not named Paula or Ryan who can make AI awkward entertains me. For being the frontrunner from the audition rounds, she’s really messed up a big lead.  Singing Chaka Khan’s “I’m Every Woman,”  I cross my fingers just because I know she’s got a family and seems like a sweet lady, and her family screams louder than anyone else in the audience. But it’s a big song, and if she can’t find a way to jazz it up, make it unique, and make it her own, then she WILL be the one of two going home this week, and she should be.  It seems like she’s trying really hard to show that she’s being her self, having a fantastic time and supposedly that will just reflect in the song. Kara has a smart (and I don’t mean in the intelligent way) quip that Lil’s “every other woman but herself.,” which I don’t get because who else could she be? Randy thinks it was just too crazy.  For some reason, Paula brings up the fact that Lil was on vocal rest so the performance impressed her. (By the way, I hate when they bring up this behind the scenes crap!) And for the millionth time, Simon things she copied the performance. Sayonara lil lady!

Kris

Next is my man/future husband/boy toy that I hope my fiancée would forgive me for sexually harassing if he came anywhere near me. She chooses a song sung by a female, and it’s “She Works Hard for the Money!” Whaaaat?! I’m a little scared but why should I be? He’s never let me down thus far, and he’s so damn pretty. He pulls out the acoustic guitar, ready to kick some disco butt, and he does. Though he chose a disco song, there’s nothing disco about it. It reminds me of a Jason Castro performance with a Santana flair. Kara likes the risks that he took, while Paula agreed with my Santana vibe feeling. Simon utters the word fantastic which is a humungo compliment, and Randy likes the fact that Kris knows who he is as an artist.

Danny

I think Danny could sing anything and sound awesome so I’m just fine with his choice of “September”  by Earth, Wind & Fire.  I’m feeling a little bit of the karaoke vibe (You know, Simon’s go-to diss.) But of course he sounds fantastic, and I could only dream that there were people who sang as well at every karaoke bar I went too.  Randy loved it, saying he made the song special. Paula loves his sexy voice. (Creepy much?) Kara thinks he was off pitch, and Simon said though his vocal were strong that he didn’t show star power.

Allison

My girl! Now if only she showed more sass and hipness and youth and personality, she’d be a shoe in cause that growl in her voice shouldn’t belong to a 16-year old! She picks “Hot Stuff” which always reminds me of The Full Monty and is perfect for her crazy range. She puts a crazy, rock arrangement on it, and I wouldn’t say its her best performance. Plus she needs to tone down on the screaming, as she is not Adam, and she doesn’t want to strain her pipes. (Hello! Mariah Carey anyone?) Randy says it was indulgent, possibly my least favorite critique and even worse when it’s coming out of his mouth instead of Simon’s, but I think I sort of understand it and definitely agree.  Kara was put off by the arrangement but though her vocals killed. Paula says something silly of course that’s not worth repeating, and Simon loved it. Really?! I mean I was the first to jump up and down when Simon finally got on the support Allison bandwagon, but this was not one of her best besides that final high note.

Adam

Adam still freaks me out big time. I mean, I get it now. He’s all different and cool and the first of his kind on American Idol. I can appreciate that, but sometimes he gyrates too much and his eyes look like their boring a hole into my soul that will be filled with high pitched notes and squeals! Plus his hair is like a revolving door. One day it’s slicked down, slicked back, product free and then sky high! What’s going on Presto Chango man! Either way, I’m loving the suit. And my fiancées loving it too because he’s all “Look he’s wearing a suit!” (Is that something special? Sure he looks nice but why does everyone think he’s the wild child because he can hit a high E. He sings “If I Can’t Have You,” and it starts all sweet and mellow, only to crescendo at the chorus and get into his killer riffs. I’m a little mesmerized. I won’t lie. Paula’s acting like he’s a Mother Theresa reincarnate with all that blubber. Randy things he’s ready…ready for everything I guess because he’s just ready! Kara loves it of course, and Simon praises him by calling it memorable, the opposite of his other go-to diss. I smell 100% finals.

Matt

“Stayin’ Alive” might be a death trap for Matt, especially after last week, but I think I get it. He knows America needs to see more from him to get behind him, and though maybe the vote of confidence from the judges might boost his average vote count, he’s going to have to win over a lot of people to stay in the competition any further. He dances, his sings amazingly and shows great range. AND he made it an R&B flavored song. I would say check, check and check for Matt. The audience really gets into it though the male judges don’t like it. Randy thinks it was a poor choice and arrangement while Simon says he sounded desperate. I mean, come on. Wouldn’t you be desperate?! Kara though he was groovy, and Paula loved it and thinks this performance saved him instead of the judges having to save him.

Anoop

Anoop is my next contestant to go. If I was playing it safe, I’d say Lil and Matt, but I love Matt, and Anoop has consistently been in the bottom as well so his chances are slim too. Why is Anoop all scruffy? Does he want to be more of a man? I don’t get it. Does he think his baby face can’t sell sexy R&B and that’s why people aren’t voting for him? “Dim All The Lights” is an interesting song choice, and one that he doesn’t sing very well unfortunately. For someone who’s been on the ups, though not out of the bottom three, in terms of his performances, I’m disappointed. Kara says she liked it. Huh? Randy thinks it was a corny performance. More like it! Paula says another stupid think that has nothing to do with the fact that this is a SINGING COMPETITION. I mean come on. Am I the only one who’s serious about this!!? And Simon felt like it was his worst performance yet. I smell doom!

THE ELIMINATION

I totally guessed that it was going to be Paula, the famous choreographer, who taught our singers to “dance”  to this week to the horribly lip-synced number. Luckily cutesy-faced David Archuleta was their to sing to us. I totally didn’t really care for his song, but he’s like exactly the SAME person. It’s so adorable.

Oh and there’s a disco medley. I love all of these songs: Freda Payne’s “Band of Gold,” Thelma Houston’s “Don’t Leave Me This Way,” and KC from KC and the Sunshine Band singing “Get Down Tonight.” (The back up dancers all over him totally made me want to gag. Please producers, this is a family show!)

This week wasn’t too painful or nail biting because I’m GOOOOOD at this, and I was almost 100% sure that my two choices would be sent on their merry way. (Has anyone else notice that Ryan’s reveals have been uber mean this year?) It’s almost painful. Though I don’t catch Anoop because of my stupid DVR, Lil sings her butt off on her way out, and at least, she proves that she deserved to be in the competition even if she didn’t do well.

I’m rooting for you two in the real world, though sadly, both me and my friend realized we’d totally forgotten that Syesha Mercado had made it to the top three even though we could remember the other top four, five and six. That’s a sad fate to be met. I hope you won’t meet it as well, Lil and Anoop!

Season 8, Episodes 30 & 31: Top 7: Performances & Top 7: Results (originally aired April 21 and 22, 2009)

For more on American Idol, click here.

Photographs courtesy of Fox Broadcasting Company.

The Office: Selling Out was Never This Much Fun

Well, the Michael Scott Paper Company is no more, but boy was it a fun break-up. This week on The Office, Michael, Pam and Ryan realized their little company would be broke in a month, and the higher-ups in the Scranton Office had no idea and bought out Michael Scott Paper. How could this have happened? Let’s find out …

It started with an early morning paper route in the MSPC “Hallelujah Church of Scranton in Korean” van. It was very early. Since he got clean, morning air made Ryan sick. Pam was disgusted after drinking Michael’s coffee with milk and sugar, minus the coffee. Exhausted, Pam and Ryan wanted to hire a delivery man. So off they went to their accountant who told them their prices were too low. They couldn’t afford a delivery man, they couldn’t even make a profit. Ouch. It was the worst day since Steve Martin died. It was looking like the end of the line for MSPC, except …

Michael and Co. had managed to steal a bunch of Dunder Mifflin’s clients. So much so, in fact, that David Wallace had come down to see what could be done. DW said hi to Jim – because they’re buddies – and then new VP Charles came over to kiss-up big time. Jim – and I – loved this.

Then David went into a meeting with Charles and asked Jim to join them. Now we know Charles doesn’t like Jim, so he asked to bring in Dwight instead. Dwight was his guy. David Wallace found this very surprising as would anyone with more than two brain cells, but allowed both gentlemen in.

Discussing their options it quickly became clear to everyone in the conference room that Dwight is an idiot. Jim suggested they try offering discounts to their clients to try and win them back. Dwight suggested killer bees in Michael’s office. Charles was obviously flabbergasted and embarrassed. He looked like a fool, Jim looked great, and I am not embarrassed to say that I wooed. I may have even woo-hooed. Down with Charles!

Then the Dunder heads realized they only had one option, they’d have to buy out Michael Scott Paper. Jim, who already knew MSPC was going under (including his soul mate Pam), was obviously pulling for this option. He played it cool, real cool, and said he’d see if MSPC would be interested in a buy out.

Jim went down and asked – not allowing Michael to blurt out that they were broke or play guessing games – and then the MSPC crew followed him up to accept the offer. They just had to keep Michael from revealing the true nature of their failing company. So they went into the meeting with David Wallace who tried to low-ball them with a pithy offer. Michael countered with unprecedented intelligence, pointing out that David Wallace had a stock holder meeting coming up, and it wasn’t going to look good for him to have their most profitable branch bleeding clients. The stockholders might even consider switching management. Even Pam was ridiculously impressed. David was too and said he’d buy the company for $60,000. Michael was unable to speak, so Ryan said they’d need to talk about it.

There was nothing to talk about; they were going to take that offer. Except that Dwight just found out that Michael was asking for more money from his clients. He put two and two together and realized that MSPC was going under and ran off to tell Charles. Jim, quick on the uptake, realized what happened and followed Dwight into the kitchen with Charles. After embarrassing him all day, Charles did not buy Dwight’s investigation – the only other mystery he’d solved was the case of the beet bandit (Mose, in socks, in the conservatory) – a card Jim played like a violin. Dwight was right, but Jim knew Charles wouldn’t listen to him after he played the idiot all day. Jim was pulling all the strings this episode in order to get his fiancée back in his office, and it was awesome.

Back in the conference room, however, Michael refused the 60K. He didn’t want it. He wanted his job back, as well as Pam’s and Ryan’s. But they already had a secretary. Well, said Michael, Pam’s a salesman. David said fine. (Score Pam!) And he wanted Ryan. That one didn’t go over as well. Ryan had committed a crime with company money, so no surprise there. But Michael wouldn’t care if Ryan killed his whole family, he’s like a son to him. Finally, David Wallace agreed.

They left the conference room, Michael calmly closed all the blinds, and then the three of the screamed in happiness. Jim smirked happily from his desk.

Man, I love The Office (read: Jim – call me).

Season 5, Episode 23: Broke (originally aired April 23, 2009)

For more on The Office, click here.

Thursdays, 9/8C on NBC

Photographs courtesy of NBC

Dancing With the Stars: That’s What You Get for Covering Up Edyta

Seven stars remained on Dancing with the Stars this week, and to spice up the competition the stars were asked to design their own and their partner’s costumes, leading to a wardrobe malfunction that would send one star packing.

First up was my favorite yawn, Melissa Rycroft and partner Tony with an Argentine Tango. Melissa hit all the right steps and danced through a broken rib – but the dance felt flat to me, no passion. The judges, however, disagreed, and she danced off with the highest score of the night. As far as wardrobe went, Melissa played it safe with a red and black sequined number – very Argentine indeed. Total: 29

Lawrence Taylor was up next with his unrecognizable partner Edyta, bundled up for a Russian winter in a high collared coat. Dancing a waltz, the heavy coat was eventually removed to reveal a fluid dress with a sleeve that got completely in the way – covering Edyta’s face and getting caught up on Lawrence. It was a disaster. As Len put it, there was some elegance, but a lot of problems. Total: 21

Lil’ Kim was up in a flowing, impressively tame pink dress with Derek (in a bow tie to match) for a non-raunchy rumba. Lil’ Kim was aiming to impress Len by toning down the sexuality, but the dance lost all its pizzazz. Kim looked uncomfortable and the dance lacked spark. Bruno begged her to bring back the raunchy next week. Total: 26

Barbie and Ken (Chuck Wicks) were up next for a mambo wearing all red silk. Really, Chuck? But the red must’ve brought out the devil in Chuck who was shaking his hips and having a grand old time with their samba. It was one of the first times I really enjoyed one of Chuck’s dances. And the judges agreed. Carrie Ann even stood up to high-five the country crooner. Total: 27

Struggling rodeo champ Ty Murray was up next with Chelsie for a waltz that Ty dedicated to his wife, Jewel. It was sweet – and Ty’s certainly much better in the standard ballroom dances than the Latin numbers – but it still wasn’t very impressive. His dress designing skills, however, certainly were. I’d buy Chelsie’s dress tomorrow. Total: 24

After an exhausting week running around the country receiving awards for being generally awesome, Shawn Johnson and Mark pulled off a plucky, fun, and sharp cha cha cha. Shawn was bouncing and smiling and having a great time – and for the first time she outshone Mark. It was by far the best dance of the night, and Shawn received her first ten of the season. (I liked her disco-themed costume and Mark’s tux as well.) Total: 28

Last but certainly never least was Gilles Marini and partner Cheryl. And after pondering last week, I finally found one thing that Gilles is not good at. No, not dancing. His waltz with Cheryl was graceful and lovely. But the dress for Cheryl was horrible. It looked like a cheap costume for a little girl dressing up as Belle for Halloween. Tsk. Tsk. But to make it up to us, during his rehearsal montage, Gilles stripped down to a very tiny little bathing suit and splashed around in the pool for a while. So, thanks for that. Total: 27

After all of that couple dancing it was time for the group number. This year they were taking us back to the sixties. But first we were shown the rehearsals with Lawrence Taylor having a miserable time, thinking the dance was ridiculous. (Uh-oh, LT. A bad dance and you’re complaining? Not a good sign.)

The dance number, however, was fun – but not nearly as good as last year’s hip-hop number which seemed more technically challenging. However the costumes were groovy and no one stood out as bad (like Susan Lucci last year). Standouts included Ty’s signature move, which was to ride Chelsie like a bull – bizarre, but also guaranteeing him a spot hanging around next week. Also particularly awesome was Chuck’s blonde wig. And yes, Tom, Chuck did look like Fred from Scooby-Doo.

Then it was on to Tuesday’s marathon results show in which there was crooning, dancing, more competing, and finally an expected elimination.

First up was an encore performance of the 60′s group number. It was still just OK. The bull-riding thing was still awkward. Then some docs weighed in on the physical strain of dancing – in case all the injuries hadn’t made that clear to us yet – and it made me want to enroll in some serious dance classes to burn off calories like the stars.

Natasha Bedingfield showed up for a pretty rendition of her song “Soulmate” while pros Dmitry and Lacey danced gorgeously. And I must say, nobody moves like Lacey – I was sad I never got to see the leopard print number Steve-O designed for her.

But moving on, some pros from the Broadway show “Burn the Floor” turned up for a number that just seemed like a snore after Dmitry and Lacey. Then it was on to the new pro competition, where America got to vote for a pro to join the cast next season.

The new pros were Afton DelGrosso (lil’ sis to season 1 and 2 pro, Ashley DelGrosso), Brent Borbon (cute but a lackluster dancer), Anna Demidova (a tall, blonde, and impressive Russian), Mayo Alenen (a very tall, blonde all-American boy), Snow Urbin (ick – enough said), and Genya Mazo (pro Alec Mazo’s cocky little brother).

I won’t say much here, because I think they’re overdoing it with all this competing, and honestly I won’t be happy to see any of these guys replace any of the current pros. But if I had to choose I’d go with sweet Mayo who performed a lovely waltz with Anna. However, I’m pretty sure the votes will go to Genya, who besides being impishly devilish, got smacked in the face by Snow (I repeat, ick) and continued to dance on, bloody mouth and all.

Finally before revealing the week’s eliminated couple, Celtic Woman performed quite beautifully (those are some angelic voices) while a pro couple I didn’t recognize performed a lift heavy dance that was insanely impressive.

So who was less than impressive? I think we all know. The couples in the bottom two were Ty & Chelsie and Lawrence & Edyta. Was Ty’s bucking cowboy not enough? No, it was, and Lawrence was sent back to the green to spend the rest of his retirement swinging his clubs rather than his partner.

Season 8, Round 6: Episodes 12 and 13 (originally aired April 20 and 21, 2009)

For more on Dancing with the Stars, click here.

Competition Mondays at 8/7C, ABC

Elimination Tuesdays at 9/8C, ABC

Photographs courtesy of ABC

Dollhouse: Haunted

Although this latest episode of Dollhouse doesn’t advance the plot trajectory of the series like the last episode did spectacularly, it’s still rather well-done. Echo is sent on a personal engagement this week. A rich friend of Adelle Dewitt has just died, seemingly from a heart attack, and Echo has been imprinted with her brain and memories.

Adelle’s friend Margaret (played in only one scene by Brenda Bakke who got thrown from a train in the American classic Under Siege 2: Dark Territory!)-who was recently married to a much younger man-had been coming to the Dollhouse and having her brain scanned for months before her death, planning for this contingency. Her original intent had been just to come back and attend her own funeral, but now she believes that she was murdered and wants to find out who did it. Pretty trippy stuff eh?

But how does Margaret introduce herself at her own funeral as a doll named Echo? She doesn’t. That’s why Margaret had been building an alibi for months, talking about her friend Julia. She even had this Julia written into her well. So Margaret/Echo poses as this Julia and crashes her own funeral. I gotta admit, that does sound perversely fun. But the fun and games don’t last for long, because Margaret doesn’t arrive to find everyone mourning her death and celebrating her life. Nope. Almost everyone, including her son and her daughter, seem perfectly content and describe her as having been icy and domineering. Ouch.

It also turns out that Margaret isn’t the only one who thinks she was murdered. Pretty much everyone has a theory. Her son and daughter are convinced that Margaret’s younger husband did it, you know, doing the whole Black Widow thing. They find it ironic that he was left nothing in the will but Margaret’s prized horses. And initially, there’s not much to suggest that they’re wrong. The husband immediately tries to sell the horses and get the heck out of Dodge. Adelle imprints Victor as a hot shot horse trader and sends him in to investigate this lead.

Meanwhile, Echo/Margaret continues to float around and try to pump people for information. She gets the husband to say that he’s selling the horses because he can’t “stand the constant reminder of the woman [he] loved” and is leaving because while Margaret belonged there, he didn’t. He also tells Echo/Margaret that he has a suspect of his own: Margaret’s long-estranged brother, who arrived just a day before she died. I was immediately tempted to believe that the brother did it too, because the brother is played by Gregg Henry, the wonderful character actor who specializes in sleazeballs and will be forever immortalized to me through his role as loveable scumbag Val Resnick in Brian Helgeland’s underrated crime romp Payback.

The husband thinks the brother asked to borrow money. When Margaret said no, he killed her for the inheritance, of which he received a third. It’s never really mentioned why and how Margaret was rich, but oh well. But Margaret/Echo talks to the brother, who says that the timing was just a coincidence and seems genuine when he said that he wanted to reconcile with his sister. He says that he feels lucky that he got to make up with his sister, because her son-a chronic gambler-did not. Ah yes. Family drama even after death. Oh and did I mention that the son effectively tries to hit on his own mother when he hits on Echo? Yikes.

So did the son do it to pay off his gambling debts? The episode really takes off when he realizes that Echo is his mother. What makes the mystery work well is that it’s an obvious setup, with plenty of archetypal suspects like the trophy husband, the bitter son, the leeching brother. It toggles back and forth between these characters until it finally settles on one, but I can’t really say I saw it coming.

The B storyline involves Topher imprinting Sierra to be his playmate for his birthday. They do all kinds of nerdy things like play laser tag. It’s (bitter)sweet to see Topher be so desperate for a friend that he makes one. Adelle has full knowledge and lets him do it. We also see Langton trying to settle into his promotion as chief of security after Dominic was whisked away to the attic last time. Also, Ballard continues to deal with the fallout of his relationship with Millie after recently discovering that she was a doll.

Like I said, this basically is a filler episode, but it is executed well. It doesn’t appear that Dollhouse will be coming back, and as the thirteen-episode preliminary season winds down, I have mixed feelings. Yes, the show is definitely no Firefly, but it has demonstrated a lot of creativity, and Eliza Dushku has really started to impress me with her poise, physicality, and ability to convince that she is essentially a different person every week.

Season 1, Episode 10: Haunted (originally aired April 24, 2009)

For more on Dollhouse, click here.

Fridays at 9/8C on Fox

Photographs courtesy of Fox and IMDbPro

Grey’s Anatomy: It’s back!

Where did Grey’s Anatomy go and why?  I had to watch this week’s episode online since the show’s been gone so long, I forgot when it was coming back.

Luckily for me, there’s ABC.com because this week’s episode was the perfect mix of smiles, laughter, fighting, friendship, sadness, and good ole surgical expertise. Basically it was the perfect episode, and I welcome the show back with open arms.

The best part is that we got to see a little bit of everyone this week (even George!), yet I didn’t feel like the episode was being rushed. Callie faced her father who’s none to happy about her choice in a female lover, Izzie flung herself into wedding planning to avoid the pain of her illness, George and Karev confronted each other and Owen confronted his inner demons.

We all know that Meredith isn’t gushy, so Izzie’s request for Mere to try on white, lacy dresses was hilarious. Meredith conceded to Izzie’s request to keep her mind off her illness, while her co-workers variously gawked or agreed to wear a top hat with tails.

The best part was how damn cute Meredith and Derek were. Sure things got a little murky when Mark and Derek’s fight dragged on an on (don’t forget Derek duffed Mark in the face last time we saw the two), but these two are  in love, no matter how “unique” a pair they may be. (Speaking of unique pairs, Lexie and Mark were super sweet, and how cute was Lexie, stuffing her face because she’s caught in the middle of a premier attending and future brother-in-law and her now boyfriend.) Of course the boys make up, and it’s in the OR of all places.

Izzie, on the other hand, is going through some intense chemo, but acting like it’s a piece of cake. Her oncologist tells the Chief that Izzie needs to slow down and rest because she’ll want to feel like she was dead pretty soon. Strangely, she doesn’t seem to be portraying any of the normal symptoms which Karev is all nervous about, and she even seems to be joking more morbidly than normal which irritates Christina.

Of course she can’t pretend forever. After a few flatline tricks too many and some secret booting, she collapses. The truth is Izzie is scared and in pain, which is understandable, but she felt that if she could pretend to be the same person she was, all light-hearted and fun and cheery, that she’d remain that person. But she finally accepts that something has changed.

Our other boys have to deal with some serious issues when a man comes into the emergency room, after having been hit by a car. The driver happens to think that the man actually flung himself in front of his car like Superman. George thinks the guy needs a psych evaluation, but since Owen (with his newfound appreciation for Karev’s work) put Alex in charge, he takes the opportunity to put George down and go on a power trip.

Owen also has a breakthrough after a repeated visit to our fave Seattle Grace psychologist. Instead of feeling numb, he finally puts a name to the feelings he’s had bottled up inside of himself. He states that he feels shame for knowing that he wasn’t ready to be with Christina and that he was bad for her, but not being able to stay away which resulted in him hurting her. Pat on the back for Owen!

Unfortunately the breakthrough comes after George and Alex lose their patient in the hospital and after Owen realizes he’s had enough of Karev’s lax attitude towards his assignment. (What Karev doesn’t know is that Owen is also having his own internal struggle with what happened to him at war and how he hurt and lost Christina.) When the patient attempts suicide out of a second story hospital window and George steps in to take care of it, Owen switches his eye from Alex to George. He even goes so far as to tell George that his specialty should be trauma because he has a real knack and demeanor for it.

Since Alex ultimately failed this episode, we not only  see the old Alex who puts down George and who’s a bit of a douchebag, but also the sweet, caring Alex who’s so genuinely worried about Izzie, that his work is suffering. Though the two will never be friends, they bond at Joe’s with some honesty and a beer.

Bonding doesn’t go so well for Callie, Arizona, and her father. When he finds out his spoiled one is now a lesbian, he’s none too happy. It was easy when he could yell at George and Mark and slam them up against the wall for hurting/touching his daughter, but not so easy when it’s a chick. Callie, because of money sadly, has always felt indebted to her father. He paid for everything and made her life as easy as possible so she could focus on her own personal success. Of course Mark is right when he says that respecting someone is not the same as supporting them.

When he tries to drag her home, even going so far as to try and bribe the Chief to get her transferred to a hospital closer to her parents, she realizes that she has to stand up for herself or lose the one thing that has made her extremely and very really happy. He threatens to cut her off, but instead she does it to him first.

And Bailey deals with some hard family issues when Arizona finds out that Bailey still has yet to tell her husband that she’s specializing in Pedes, which also means that she’ll have less time at home. Things get intense when a terminal child is close to dying and her father can’t let go enough to just hold his daughter and spend time with her. Instead he chooses to chase harebrained possibilities that will likely never pan out, missing precious time with his girl. Being so alone, the young girl grows an attachment to the maternal Bailey, who stays with her and forces her father to understand the situation.

Though you’d think Bailey would leave happy that she achieved something for this dying girl, she realizes that she passed up medical opportunities to hold a child who’s not hers, and in that case, she could have been home with her own son. However Arizona assures her that there’s more to the job than coddling and that what she did was great. She also convinces her that its time to clue Tucker in.

Overall a lot happened emotionally, though storylines weren’t moved very far. I felt like I was watching an old Grey episode, and I giggled out loud repeatedly which hasn’t happened as often as it used to recently. Hopefully they’ll end as strongly as this.

Season 5, Episode 20: Sweet Surrender (originally aired April 23, 2009)

For another take on this episode, read Tanya Lane’s review here.

For more Grey’s Anatomy, click here.

Thursdays 9/8c on ABC
Photographs courtesy of ABC

Grey’s Anatomy: Cry, Cry, Baby

Grey’s has always been capable of exercising viewers’ tear ducts, but this week they took it to another level. Oh sure, we’ve seen terminal teenagers, fathers, mothers, brothers, daughters – the whole sha-bang. But last week was probably the most heart-wrenching storyline ever.

Arizona and Miranda are attending to a terminal pediatric patient whose father is having difficulty coming to grips with her inevitable death.  He frantically tries to find last-minute solutions to her medical condition, to no avail. Finally he accepts her impending death and resigns himself to spend her final moments comforting her.  Bailey shows she’s more than capable of handling pediatrics by comforting the child in the absence of her father.  She has a soothing touch that comes with parenting, not medical school.

Meanwhile, Izzie’s condition is grave but stable.  She tries to keep her spirits up, but the reality of the situation begins to sink in.

George and Alex have the rare chance to work together, with dire results.  When a car accident victim is admitted, George is concerned that the man may have intentionally harmed himself.  Alex, always trying to one-up his peers, is initially dismissive of George’s warning to keep an eye on the patient.  He reluctantly allows George to order the eval, but when the nurse arrives the patient is gone.  Alex doesn’t seem to grasp the severity of the situation until Major Hunt chews him out about leaving the patient unattended.  In gruesome fashion reminiscent of M. Night Shymalan’s last movie, the patient hurls himself against a glass window repeatedly until he shatters through it, falling to his death.  This one is on Alex, as George tried to get him to show more concern for the patient.

While all this chaos swirls around Seattle Grace, Meredith calmly begins to plan her wedding.  She and Derek have come a long way, and it’s nice to see their evolution.  It was also nice to see O’Malley receive rare kudos.  Both Hunt and Alex acknowledge that he is calm under pressure, an invaluable trait for a doctor.  All is not well with the entire gang though, as Callie and Arizona’s relationship is tested when she discloses it to her father.  He tries to “take her home,” a move that I didn’t quite understand.  She’s a grown woman and ultimately decides to live her life as she sees fit, despite her father’s wishes.  He seems to love Callie but does not accept her lifestyle, and this only serves to bring her and Arizona even closer.

This was a good episode that advanced all of the relevant plots while keeping it interesting with new patient storylines.  Grey’s always keeps me on my toes, so I fully expect a last-minute snafu to potentially derail the McDreamy/Meredith nuptials.  Stay tuned.

Season 5, Episode 20: Sweet Surrender(originally aired April 23, 2009)

For another take on this episode, read Inisia Lewis’s review.

For more Grey’s Anatomy, click here.

Thursdays 9/8c on ABC
Photographs courtesy of ABC

The Jone Dome Ep. 11

Episode #11 – April 27, 2009 - The fellas broadcast live from one of DC’s most happening bars, My Brother’s Place.  Listen as they skewer The Amazing Race, American Idol, and Monsters v. Aliens.  Also, they welcome movie critic Surly Sebastian to the show. Read more

30 Rock: That is one gay lion

Salma is back this week on 30 Rock! But, sadly, not for long.

As you’ll recall, Salma ran off to Puerto Rico two months ago after Jack proposed to her in a fit of recession-fueled madness. Now, she’s returned, and Jack is just as ready to go through with it as ever – she’s the One, after all (that’s a new term the very creative Jack just made up). But Salma is having doubts about his proposings of marriage, and she doesn’t have the strength to tell it to his head. So she tells Liz she has a terrible secret. And it’s not, as Liz suspects, that she’s the mother of those Michael Jackson kids.

Via Google, and an indiscreet member of the housekeeping staff, they find a website (which is very worth reading by the way, despite the disturbing animation) that identifies Salma as La Viuda Negra – the Black Widow. Then Salma confesses her dark tale while wearing a What the Frak T-shirt (and thanks to J.B. Perlow for telling me what that means): she killed her first husband. (He cheated on her, and she killed him in a fit of passion. She’s a Catholic; she takes the bonds of marriage very seriously.) But Jack already put his wedding announcement in Cigar Aficionado, and anyway he figures things could be worse – after all, somewhere, some man is on a JDate with Monica Lewinsky – and he’s ready to forgive Salma her sins and go through with the wedding. But he isn’t sure he’ll be able to stay faithful, and thus stay alive.

So he gets Tracy to take him out clubbing, to see whether he can resist the temptation inherent in Tracy’s lifestyle, seeing as how Tracy’s life is like Enron circa 1999. But Tracy reveals a secret of his own: despite the show he puts on and his fully-functioning alcoholism, he’s never cheated on his wife in their 20 years of marriage. He gives out Brian Williams’ phone number to all the interested ladies he comes across. (Mr. Williams does not appear to have a problem with this.) This prompts an epiphany for Jack, but when he goes to tell Liz about it (because Liz doesn’t have much to do this week for once, other than working on her night cheese and cuddling up with her Slanket), he discovers that Salma has followed him, and has already worked herself into an unjustified jealous rage over Liz. So obviously, engagement-wise, Jack and Salma are not going to forge ahead. Bye, Salma. See you in that vampire movie.

Our subplot of the week, in a welcome break from the Tracy-Kenneth antics that have dominated this season, revolves around the epic question of whether Jenna is a sociopath. Thanks to the show’s pranksmen (Frank, Toofer, etc.) almost getting Lutz killed, Jenna meets a hot EMT who has always liked her and yet isn’t gay, or even bicurious. When he has to leave before they can exchange contact information (apparently hot EMTs don’t know how to dial 411), Jenna is distraught – until Pete unwittingly suggests that she arrange another medical emergency so the hot EMT will have to come back. Jenna slips some strawberries to the allergic Kenneth, but the wrong EMTs show up. After the pranksmen teach her a lesson and Jenna admits to feeling genuine remorse for having tried to kill her co-worker (she’s just a girl, standing in front of a boy she poisoned, so this other boy would go to town on her), she’s downgraded from sociopath to extreme narcissist. But then Kenneth the martyr chooses to eat some more strawberries, so that Jenna might have a chance at true love. Kenneth winds up legally dead for five minutes, but the hot EMT turns out to have a kid, and therefore, Jenna is no longer interested. Sucks to be you, Kenneth.

Other things we learned this week:

• Liz’s grandpa killed some folks at Kent State.
• We’ll never get to try out WigGo.com – Sheinhardt Wigs’ user-generated video content site. Sadly, all anybody posted on it were penises.
• Liz is very spirited, like a show horse.
• Kenneth’s real name is Dick Whitman!

Lines I resolve to use ASAP:

• You’re wise. Like a genetically manipulated shark.
• No judgment in brainstorming!
• How are you so quiet when your parades are so loud?
• This hurts more than my foot Botox.

Also, there’s still no Jonathan. Did Maulik Pancholy get another job or something? What could possibly be better than being on 30 Rock? (Maulik Pancholy’s IMDB profile is amusing, by the way. He’s played two characters named Samir, two named Sanjay, and one named Flirtatious Waiter. And now that I see it listed there I totally remember him as a T.A. on Felicity.)

Season 3, Episode 19: The Ones (originally aired April 23, 2009)

For more on 30 Rock, click here.

Thursdays at 9:30/8:30C on NBC

Photographs courtesy of NBC Universal and Jessica Miglio

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